Ever since I had a panic/anxiety attack over not sleeping one night (end of November 2016) my life has been near tourture. Or at least, that's how it feels. Full blown GAD and accompanying OCD (of the pure O type, sensorimotor). Meaning I fear that I must manually control breathing and such or that I will be always aware of it and never forget it. It feeds fear, which feeds anxiety and the cycle comes full circle.
It's stuff like this, but 10 x every thing you can think of. This thing is a like a fire that feeds itself. One fear replaced by another and so on and so forth. Old fears brought to light again... rinse and repeat.
I realize this is just GAD with OCD but going to a mental health professional and being diagnosed is a permanent thing, like I wish this would just go away so I could be "normal" again.
It's just so irritating, it can be very difficult to sleep at times which is the main thing since mental wellbeing and health all tie into getting decent sleep. Metaphorically speaking, If I just had an "on/off switch" this entire issue would probably melt away. Half of this whole battle is just getting decent sleep which as many of you know, can be quite fleeting to those afflicted with GAD. I was given an antihistamine (hydroxine), nothing powerful, from my GP and it seems to help on bad nights. But ideally I'd need no help falling asleep.
I don't know, I'm just really worn down I guess. I fervently pray every day for healing and hopefully that I'll just wake up one day and be my "normal" self again. People can say "it's all in your head" or "just stop worrying" but that just doesn't cut it... it's a way of life now for me, seemingly. It's a horrible thing, to live in near constant fear and have this OCD mess. Very difficult to enjoy things, though I do mange it rarely. I will say this has humbled me greatly. I feel so much sympathy for other people now that suffer from mental issues. I never really knew how bad it could be.
I guess the purpose of this post is to get some advice on how I should handle this (and vent) . Sometimes you just gotta get it off your chest you know? It's difficult to be alone in something like this with friends and family that just don't understand mental issues. Its literally just me and me alone dealing with this, which makes it feel a good deal worse. I'm struggling between continuing to pray for healing (and hoping it goes away) and actually going to see a therapist over it. I feel like seeing a therapist regularly would help greatly but I also continue to string myself along and keep putting it off.
I realize this was lengthy and I do apologize, but thanks for reading!
It's stuff like this, but 10 x every thing you can think of. This thing is a like a fire that feeds itself. One fear replaced by another and so on and so forth. Old fears brought to light again... rinse and repeat.
I realize this is just GAD with OCD but going to a mental health professional and being diagnosed is a permanent thing, like I wish this would just go away so I could be "normal" again.
It's just so irritating, it can be very difficult to sleep at times which is the main thing since mental wellbeing and health all tie into getting decent sleep. Metaphorically speaking, If I just had an "on/off switch" this entire issue would probably melt away. Half of this whole battle is just getting decent sleep which as many of you know, can be quite fleeting to those afflicted with GAD. I was given an antihistamine (hydroxine), nothing powerful, from my GP and it seems to help on bad nights. But ideally I'd need no help falling asleep.
I don't know, I'm just really worn down I guess. I fervently pray every day for healing and hopefully that I'll just wake up one day and be my "normal" self again. People can say "it's all in your head" or "just stop worrying" but that just doesn't cut it... it's a way of life now for me, seemingly. It's a horrible thing, to live in near constant fear and have this OCD mess. Very difficult to enjoy things, though I do mange it rarely. I will say this has humbled me greatly. I feel so much sympathy for other people now that suffer from mental issues. I never really knew how bad it could be.
I guess the purpose of this post is to get some advice on how I should handle this (and vent) . Sometimes you just gotta get it off your chest you know? It's difficult to be alone in something like this with friends and family that just don't understand mental issues. Its literally just me and me alone dealing with this, which makes it feel a good deal worse. I'm struggling between continuing to pray for healing (and hoping it goes away) and actually going to see a therapist over it. I feel like seeing a therapist regularly would help greatly but I also continue to string myself along and keep putting it off.
I realize this was lengthy and I do apologize, but thanks for reading!
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