Young Christian Male Struggling with Faith In todays world

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chrisxxcc

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Ok. :oldthumbsup: I'm glad we're good here! I didn't know how you took it, so I wanted to make sure we're communicating right.

So, it's like this. I understand that you have a dark and horrendous feeling of isolation and loneliness and a need for companionship with a special woman. I know this really is tough to deal with; in fact, I experienced long term depression during my teens and twenties because I often struck out with the ladies, even the Christian ladies. I was dealing with all of that at the time, it didn't help that society offered some 'substitute' ventures. So, when guys like us finds ourselves in an otherwise disadvantageous social climate, we easily get tempted to fill in our needs with what the world has to offer.

When I say there are social lessons to learn, I mean that there is a lot to get in place in our minds about the reality in which we are living, and by that I don't merely mean that it's just 'you' who is failing. You're going to have to understand that part of the reason you are failing is because a large chunk of the rest of people in our society are also failing in sexual matters, of this kind, that kind, and the other kind. Understand?

Then, in finding a woman, you're going to have first come to a realization, however long that takes, that when you dive into this stuff, you are doing yourself a disfavor by tearing down any social learning and progress God intends for us to make as Christian men. Understand? (I have more to say if you want to hear it, but I what to know if you're following me with what I'm saying so far...) :cool:

2PhiloVoid
Im following you so far..so your saying maybe god wants me to learn more about women and how dating is before i get married?
 
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2PhiloVoid

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Im following you so far..so your saying maybe god wants me to learn more about women and how dating is before i get married?

There is that, yes. But there is also what God wants us to get firmed up in our male heads so we come to learn what it takes to be a man in today's society. You see, I have to say this part because even if and when you get married, these urges will still be besetting you and you'll still be tempted. Understand? Just getting married isn't going to lay these things to rest. And the reason won't simply be because you're a bad guy; no, the reason will be because the world is self congratulating in the Pandora's Box of sexual sin it has unleashed...and it will still be flying around even as you try to move on month by month with your wife yet to be.

So, this is one truth you need to realize now in becoming the kind of Christian man who will be fitting for a Christian woman. And there's a whole bunch of other stuff to learn, too. Unfortunately, we can't cover everything in a short time in a forum exchange. But know this for the moment, you're not alone. Most Christian men are struggling with temptation in one way or another. The practical thing for you at the moment is to realize that what you're feeling is normal, but what you're doing about it is where the enemy wants you to think there is relief. The trick is that the relief can never be permanent...for any of us.

Peace,
2PhiloVoid
 
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2PhiloVoid

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d

That is extremely degrading..oh my how did the marriage turn out?

In some ways, 'mail order' isn't a whole lot different that what people are doing locally now with their I-phones through e-harmony, match.com, or other dating apps. As you know, there's all kinds of ways to meet people, and I would tend to think that meeting someone at a bar is a somewhat foolish way to meet someone worthwhile for a long-term (Life-Term) relationship.
 
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Kit Sigmon

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d

That is extremely degrading..oh my how did the marriage turn out?

There's nothing degrading about christians marrying other christians
even if they do come from different countries.
Their marriages are going along fine and they are active in church and have
children. I'm friends with one of the wives since she teaches ladies bible studies
on Thursday mornings and we are also neighbors.

My own marriage is similar to that of a mail order one as well...I met the man I'm
married to at an online christian dating site, we met each others families, attended each others churches, got engaged and did marriage counseling.
He and I sat down and went over each others credit ratings, went over our debt loads, medical history etc...we were transparent with each other. My credit rating was awful and my huge debts(scary!) and I was pretty sure it would send him running but it didn't.
We got married and I packed up and moved across the country far from my former
home state...my family and friends thought I was crazy!
Now here it is over a decade later and we're still together and faithfully serving
the Lord and being about His business.


 
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chrisxxcc

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In some ways, 'mail order' isn't a whole lot different that what people are doing locally now with their I-phones through e-harmony, match.com, or other dating apps. As you know, there's all kinds of ways to meet people, and I would tend to think that meeting someone at a bar is a somewhat foolish way to meet someone worthwhile for a long-term (Life-Term) relationship.
Hey man you know i really appretiate the solid and from the heart advice your giving me and it is good advice. What do you think needs to be firmed up if you could take a guess ?
 
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chrisxxcc

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There's nothing degrading about christians marrying other christians
even if they do come from different countries.
Their marriages are going along fine and they are active in church and have
children. I'm friends with one of the wives since she teaches ladies bible studies
on Thursday mornings and we are also neighbors.

My own marriage is similar to that of a mail order one as well...I met the man I'm
married to at an online christian dating site, we met each others families, attended each others churches, got engaged and did marriage counseling.
He and I sat down and went over each others credit ratings, went over our debt loads, medical history etc...we were transparent with each other. My credit rating was awful and my huge debts(scary!) and I was pretty sure it would send him running but it didn't.
We got married and I packed up and moved across the country far from my former
home state...my family and friends thought I was crazy!
Now here it is over a decade later and we're still together and faithfully serving
the Lord and being about His business.

Thats quite the story im very happy that things worked out for you in that way.
 
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2PhiloVoid

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Hey man you know i really appretiate the solid and from the heart advice your giving me and it is good advice. What do you think needs to be firmed up if you could take a guess ?

Since I don't know you personally, I don't like to guess.

But, if I had to guess, and since you're asking me to do so, I'd say that other than doing your best to trust that the Bible is actually shedding some light on the nature of the world we live in, you also work on dealing with the sexual impulses that hit us guys on a regular basis. At the same time, realize that the feeling of these impulses isn't a sin, but it's how we deal with them that becomes problematic.

On a practical level, give yourself an honest evaluation on your general appearance and presentation, as well as on your life skills that allow you to hold a job. If something in your appearance, presentation and/or skills can be 'improved,' then do what you can to gather advice from those you trust who will be helpful and begin to make adjustments. Not all at once, but in decent increments that are manageable.

I know this sounds generic, but without knowing you specifically I can't say, "Dude, get a different hair style and shave off those side-burns, and green isn't your color, go blue!"

Another thing is to try to find some other Christian men who are level headed to hang with or communicate with and who can encourage you on a daily or weekly basis.
 
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2PhiloVoid

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Hey man you know i really appretiate the solid and from the heart advice your giving me and it is good advice. What do you think needs to be firmed up if you could take a guess ?

And you're probably asking yourself, what does he mean by "work on it?" Working on it, for me, isn't simply a matter of struggling with your willpower to not sin. So, resisting the impulses is a small part of your long-term goals for yourself, but what I'm really referring to is that you need to reshape your thought processes by learning why this 'immoral junk' exists in our society and what it's presence does to us psychologically on a daily basis. Since our minds have plasticity to the ways in which our neuronal paths are connected, you want to retrain your mind to see the world in a different way. And that of course, as we've both learned in college, takes time............................:cool:

[...time for me to snooze since I've got church tomorrow. But feel free to ask whatever comes to mind. Good talking to you! Be blessed!]

2PhiloVoid
 
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GandalfTheWise

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That you very much for answering my thread. Perhaps I have to learn to love myself before i can love someone else. Maybe that could be it.

There are sometimes things deep within that we've become so used to, that we don't realize that they are not part of who God made us to be. Some things are lies from the pit of hell meant to keep us from being who God wants us to be. Some things are emotional wounds that we've become used to that cripple us. Some things are expectations of others that we've gotten so used to meeting that we keep putting on masks so often that we forget what our own face looks like. And then, some things are that deep inside part of us that is who God has created us to be.

I'm now in my mid 50s. About 10 years ago, I had hit a point in my life where I'd look in the mirror, look at myself and think "you loser". I was very active in various ministries, had a relatively successful career going, and a reasonable marriage with decent kids. Over 30 years of being a reasonable example of what a Christian should be, no serious spiritual problems (or so I thought), and I had no idea who I really was. I had made achievements and accomplishments and my gifts and talents my identity. God took me on a desert experience for a few years where I had little opportunity to do anything of any importance at work or ministry. He basically forced me in front of a mirror until I started to see what He saw. What I saw was that I had been hiding the person he meant me to be under a cover of activities and hiding behind my gifts, talents, and abilities. Instead of living my life by letting His glory and power flow naturally through me as the person He meant me to be with my natural passions and personality shining forth, I had spent my life hiding behind being an overachiever to get people to like me. I was in my 40s, had been a Christian for over 30 years, and had no clue who I was.

Over the period of about a year or so, He took me through a number of steps of healing. For me, one of the big things was that there were a few lies I had been believing about myself that were so deeply embedded in my heart, I had accepted them as who I was. Two of those lies were that I wasn't really a real man, and that I didn't know really know what I was doing. One night I couldn't sleep, so I got up, and was meditating on stuff, and I kept feeling like God wanted me to go back and revisit something that had happened to me in high school. Too long a story for here, but as I went back to that event, it was like God had me rewind it and see it again through His eyes. In an instant, from deep inside of me, the thought and feeling rose up that "I do too know what I'm doing!" It was the first time in about 30 years, that my heart rose up and exerted itself and repudiated and cast away that one lie I'd been believing for decades. In one sense, it was like a ball and chain that I didn't even know was there just dropped away.

Over the next number of months, He took me on a journey to find who I really was. Something that was big for me was revisiting things that had an unexplained emotional impact on me. Throughout my life, there were certain movie scenes and passages in books that would cause me to almost cry when I saw them or read them. These weren't the typical scenes or things that everyone reacted to, but just short snippets here and there that out of the blue had this profound impact on me but I never really thought about why. As I remembered more and more of those things, certain patterns emerged. Finally, one day I realized that those were brief instants in time where my deepest heart was looking into a mirror, seeing itself, and trying to emerge. I started to realize that those times in my life when I had been at my very best were not the times my gifts and talents were in operation but rather when I was fully engaged as the person God meant me to be. It was the times I was not hiding behind gifts and talents, but rather standing out naked and exposed for who I was that I was at my best. By studying those patterns of things in my life, I finally started to have a much better understanding of who I was meant to be. I have since started to arrange my life around being that person.

Enough stuff changed in me that my wife and daughters noticed some big differences in my attitude and behaviors. I found some things that had seemed to cling to me for entire life just vanished away. It's been amazing to me to see how much more spiritual things just seem to flow naturally in and through my life than they used to.

Some of the materials that had a big influence on me during that time were a couple of the John Eldredge books, "Wild at Heart" and "Waking the Dead". Those started me down the road of truly seeing myself as being created as a unique individual being a primary part of Christianity.
 
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Sketcher

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First off I want to thank anyone who responds to this thread in bid to give me some advice on how to tackle my problems. I am a 22 year old single male living in the united states very often i struggle with my faith and keeping the commandments, most notably those of not commiting adultery. I Feel as this problem has caused a great rift between me and god.Let me explain all my life I have never had much luck with women and this has caused my relationship with god to strain. I often get angry and bitter in life becuase I am single. The way the world is I see all of these other people who are good looking and have sex, relationships, love and what not. I struggle with the sin of envy.
I understand. I am years older than you are, and haven't had much luck with women either. I've always been single, and I haven't had a date in years. If anything, I am familiar with keeping faith while in the relational desert.

To top it off i learned its a sin to not touch here is the problem when i dont touch for days my hormones spin out of control and I literally flirt with many women Id go so far as to say at one point I ask out a women once a day. To combat this for years I would for years mastubate to curve this desire. But its like a cycle of pain you fall into sin no matter what you do.
Asking out a woman once a day and not getting any relationships out of that? That does suck.

I am not meant to be single I need a companion, being single and having all of this difficulty has really strained my relaltionship with god and sometimes i get so lonley that i visit prostitute 2 times. I have prayed many times for god to give me a wife to relieve me of all this temptation.
I hear you, if I had a wife I could at least have someone it's OK to sexually fantasize about when we're not able to actually do it. I have friends that are married and have kids. My brother is married and has kids. But I also have friends who have gone through divorce, I have co-workers both older and younger than me who have gone through divorce. Knowing what most of them (with the exception of one friend who got back together with his wife, praise the Lord) say about their exes and how their relationships went, getting married for them clearly was not worth it. It's bad now, but it could be much worse. If I enter marriage rashly or carelessly, it could very easily be much worse.

Part of the reason for that is that marriage adds two people's problems together, but it doesn't fix very many problems in and of itself. Sure, it gives a legitimate sexual outlet and eliminates one out of two rent payments, but it won't cure an addiction or other dysfunctional behavior. If you're visiting prostitutes before marriage, who is to say you won't continue to after marriage if one of the two of you is on the road, or if the two of you are fighting. You need to deal with this now. I have been single longer than you have, and I have never visited a prostitute. I don't say this to brag, I say this to illustrate that avoiding them is possible.

Here is a good analogy none of us can truly comprehend god and his plans. The way i look at it im like a dog and my owner even though he has the food in the cabinet he wont put the food in the bowl and im left here in my non comprehnension and confusion as to why he wont put he food there im lost.
Yes, and the only reason a good owner, and God is good, will not feed the dog is that it is not time for the dog to eat. This doesn't make eating out of the trash any better for the dog. The dog does not waiver in his love or devotion to his owner. He just vocalizes his need to the owner louder and more often.

I just want a wife so I can honor god and have children and raise them to be good people while having my desire for sex to be fullfilled in the chrisitan way.
I know you want sex, but how badly do you really want kids? You've got to deal with dirty diapers, messes that you did not previously think were possible, tantrums, bad attitudes, issues they run into at school, paying for extracurricular activities that they may not wish to stay with, friends that are bad influences, AND a spouse that isn't going to see eye-to-eye with you on how to deal with all of that. And all this is before they become teenagers. Good parents will say that it is all worth it - but do you want kids badly enough to deal with all that and more?

Why is god letting this cycle of pain continue im like a broken record with him i just keep asking to fall in love so I dont have to deal with this sin anymore but he just wont answer he knows this isnt going to work out me being single.
Falling in love doesn't mean you won't deal with this sin anymore. If she returns the favor, it just gives you another context in which you can commit this sin. If she doesn't, well that's a level of pain that has made me question whether or not falling in love in the first place was even worth it.

Also to top it off the way women dress now a days is utterly and completly appalling I appretiate the female form but danm these women dress half naked! I obvioulsy get excited and that leads to further sin its a vicious cycle of uneeded torment for me. What is the point of this how do i deal with this. God gave me all these hormones but its like i have to keep myself down. The way i can do that is to touch but that isnt clean in the eyes of god what is the way out of this. The way out as i see it is a wife i dont see any other way out or i could kill myself but that just leads to hell. Its a cycle of hassle that i just dont want to deal with. once again how can a christian male survive in a world like this and do right by god
If you marry, the women out in the world will still dress the same. And honestly, I'm good enough at lusting that when women are dressed modestly, that's not much of a help. In the context of dealing with my own lust, it makes no sense at all to complain about how women dress.
 
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OzSpen

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First off I want to thank anyone who responds to this thread in bid to give me some advice on how to tackle my problems. I am a 22 year old single male living in the united states very often i struggle with my faith and keeping the commandments, most notably those of not commiting adultery. I Feel as this problem has caused a great rift between me and god.Let me explain all my life I have never had much luck with women and this has caused my relationship with god to strain. I often get angry and bitter in life becuase I am single. The way the world is I see all of these other people who are good looking and have sex, relationships, love and what not. I struggle with the sin of envy. To top it off i learned its a sin to not touch here is the problem when i dont touch for days my hormones spin out of control and I literally flirt with many women Id go so far as to say at one point I ask out a women once a day. To combat this for years I would for years mastubate to curve this desire. But its like a cycle of pain you fall into sin no matter what you do. I am not meant to be single I need a companion, being single and having all of this difficulty has really strained my relaltionship with god and sometimes i get so lonley that i visit prostitute 2 times. I have prayed many times for god to give me a wife to relieve me of all this temptation. Here is a good analogy none of us can truly comprehend god and his plans. The way i look at it im like a dog and my owner even though he has the food in the cabinet he wont put the food in the bowl and im left here in my non comprehnension and confusion as to why he wont put he food there im lost. Im not meant to go through life alone and I think one day god will give me a wife but im telling you I want out of this situation. I just want a wife so I can honor god and have children and raise them to be good people while having my desire for sex to be fullfilled in the chrisitan way. Why is god letting this cycle of pain continue im like a broken record with him i just keep asking to fall in love so I dont have to deal with this sin anymore but he just wont answer he knows this isnt going to work out me being single. Also to top it off the way women dress now a days is utterly and completly appalling I appretiate the female form but danm these women dress half naked! I obvioulsy get excited and that leads to further sin its a vicious cycle of uneeded torment for me. What is the point of this how do i deal with this. God gave me all these hormones but its like i have to keep myself down. The way i can do that is to touch but that isnt clean in the eyes of god what is the way out of this. The way out as i see it is a wife i dont see any other way out or i could kill myself but that just leads to hell. Its a cycle of hassle that i just dont want to deal with. once again how can a christian male survive in a world like this and do right by god

chris,

I don't find anywhere in Scripture where it states that masturbation is a sin for the believer (perhaps others have found such a verse and can enlighten me).

However, this is what Jesus said we need to quit:

“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matt 5:27-28 NLT).​

The application is that if we touch and lust after a woman while we do it, we are committing the sin of adultery in our hearts. That sin will stunt our Christian growth.

Oz
 
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paul becke

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That you very much for answering my thread. Perhaps I have to learn to love myself before i can love someone else. Maybe that could be it.
That sounds very much the case. Develop yourself, your interests, perhaps an overriding interest/hobby, and the less 'needy' you seem/are, the more confident you will become, and interesting to those of the female persuasion. Well, some. Their tastes are as disparate as ours. Though when you get older and can live more chastely more easily, you will tend to see the whole person, rather than an occasional, wildly attractive, figure of eight, living aggregation of beautifully-proportioned, physical components, and find a whole range of women of different shapes, sizes and types attractive, finding that the way they think is pretty magical, too.
 
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stuart lawrence

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First off I want to thank anyone who responds to this thread in bid to give me some advice on how to tackle my problems. I am a 22 year old single male living in the united states very often i struggle with my faith and keeping the commandments, most notably those of not commiting adultery. I Feel as this problem has caused a great rift between me and god.Let me explain all my life I have never had much luck with women and this has caused my relationship with god to strain. I often get angry and bitter in life becuase I am single. The way the world is I see all of these other people who are good looking and have sex, relationships, love and what not. I struggle with the sin of envy. To top it off i learned its a sin to not touch here is the problem when i dont touch for days my hormones spin out of control and I literally flirt with many women Id go so far as to say at one point I ask out a women once a day. To combat this for years I would for years mastubate to curve this desire. But its like a cycle of pain you fall into sin no matter what you do. I am not meant to be single I need a companion, being single and having all of this difficulty has really strained my relaltionship with god and sometimes i get so lonley that i visit prostitute 2 times. I have prayed many times for god to give me a wife to relieve me of all this temptation. Here is a good analogy none of us can truly comprehend god and his plans. The way i look at it im like a dog and my owner even though he has the food in the cabinet he wont put the food in the bowl and im left here in my non comprehnension and confusion as to why he wont put he food there im lost. Im not meant to go through life alone and I think one day god will give me a wife but im telling you I want out of this situation. I just want a wife so I can honor god and have children and raise them to be good people while having my desire for sex to be fullfilled in the chrisitan way. Why is god letting this cycle of pain continue im like a broken record with him i just keep asking to fall in love so I dont have to deal with this sin anymore but he just wont answer he knows this isnt going to work out me being single. Also to top it off the way women dress now a days is utterly and completly appalling I appretiate the female form but danm these women dress half naked! I obvioulsy get excited and that leads to further sin its a vicious cycle of uneeded torment for me. What is the point of this how do i deal with this. God gave me all these hormones but its like i have to keep myself down. The way i can do that is to touch but that isnt clean in the eyes of god what is the way out of this. The way out as i see it is a wife i dont see any other way out or i could kill myself but that just leads to hell. Its a cycle of hassle that i just dont want to deal with. once again how can a christian male survive in a world like this and do right by god
I think you would get more answers to prayers if you stop ignoring Jesus sacrificeforyou at Calvary. He died for your sins. If you have the mindset God will only accept you if you defeat your sin, you are ignoring the sacrifice Christ made on your behalf at Calvary.
Try believing Christ is your rightstanding before God, not your ability to stop committing sin. I read the thoughts of a guy who believed if you do that, sin won't be your master( rom6:14). You'll get your prayers answered then as well, even marriage.
 
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I have in the past but was stupid. And that was when I was forced to get out of the house for work. I never really got much work time with the public due to a handicap and seems that's one huge way of getting out there and meeting people.

Lately, no, I've all but given up but I never say never. But you can't let that happen. How bout Church?
I've been told that when you sstop trying and stop looking that when you meet someone.
Try to relax. In my opinion, for what its worth, when we keep trying to make something happen on our own we just make an awful mess. It is important to try, but when you keep struggling it may be a sign you are trying to push something to happen outside of God's timing.
 
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First off I want to thank anyone who responds to this thread in bid to give me some advice on how to tackle my problems. I am a 22 year old single male living in the united states very often i struggle with my faith and keeping the commandments, most notably those of not commiting adultery. I Feel as this problem has caused a great rift between me and god.Let me explain all my life I have never had much luck with women and this has caused my relationship with god to strain. I often get angry and bitter in life becuase I am single. The way the world is I see all of these other people who are good looking and have sex, relationships, love and what not. I struggle with the sin of envy. To top it off i learned its a sin to not touch here is the problem when i dont touch for days my hormones spin out of control and I literally flirt with many women Id go so far as to say at one point I ask out a women once a day. To combat this for years I would for years mastubate to curve this desire. But its like a cycle of pain you fall into sin no matter what you do. I am not meant to be single I need a companion, being single and having all of this difficulty has really strained my relaltionship with god and sometimes i get so lonley that i visit prostitute 2 times. I have prayed many times for god to give me a wife to relieve me of all this temptation. Here is a good analogy none of us can truly comprehend god and his plans. The way i look at it im like a dog and my owner even though he has the food in the cabinet he wont put the food in the bowl and im left here in my non comprehnension and confusion as to why he wont put he food there im lost. Im not meant to go through life alone and I think one day god will give me a wife but im telling you I want out of this situation. I just want a wife so I can honor god and have children and raise them to be good people while having my desire for sex to be fullfilled in the chrisitan way. Why is god letting this cycle of pain continue im like a broken record with him i just keep asking to fall in love so I dont have to deal with this sin anymore but he just wont answer he knows this isnt going to work out me being single. Also to top it off the way women dress now a days is utterly and completly appalling I appretiate the female form but danm these women dress half naked! I obvioulsy get excited and that leads to further sin its a vicious cycle of uneeded torment for me. What is the point of this how do i deal with this. God gave me all these hormones but its like i have to keep myself down. The way i can do that is to touch but that isnt clean in the eyes of god what is the way out of this. The way out as i see it is a wife i dont see any other way out or i could kill myself but that just leads to hell. Its a cycle of hassle that i just dont want to deal with. once again how can a christian male survive in a world like this and do right by god

Adultery is to have lust or sex outside of marriage. You aren't married. Masturbation isn't a sin, you are imposing guilt on yourself. For prostate health men need regular [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

Visiting a prostitute is disrespect for the women in such slavery. Often they are addicted to drugs and can't escape the bondage of their situation. That's not Gods will for us or for our sister in slavery! You can at least decide not to do that.

We aren't saints! We are trying to grow along spiritual lines. It seems that to give up because controlling our God given instincts is difficult would please the enemy and not God?

Don't take yourself too seriously, forget self, serve others. Who knows, that might be attractive to a women. :oldthumbsup:
 
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WilliamBo

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The way the world is I see all of these other people who are good looking and have sex, relationships, love and what not. I struggle with the sin of envy. To top it off i learned its a sin to not touch here is the problem when i dont touch for days my hormones spin out of control and I literally flirt with many women Id go so far as to say at one point I ask out a women once a day. To combat this for years I would for years mastubate to curve this desire.

Dude this is the story of my teens/early 20s... all the lust, sex, etc that young people are doing is a lie- it's all dark and evil and wrong. I promise you, there is no joy and happiness outside of Jesus Christ. The people of our MTV/Hollywood generation are LOST. And the thing about your "hormones spinning out of control," I used to believe that lie too... it's not your hormones, it's immaturity. Its a spirit of lust and not being disciplined causing that, not your "hormones." When I was your age I had just found Christ and was begging God to give me discipline to overcome those things and I am slowly becoming separate from the world and man it feels AMAZING.
 
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AlexDTX

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First off I want to thank anyone who responds to this thread in bid to give me some advice on how to tackle my problems. I am a 22 year old single male living in the united states very often i struggle with my faith and keeping the commandments, most notably those of not commiting adultery. I Feel as this problem has caused a great rift between me and god.Let me explain all my life I have never had much luck with women and this has caused my relationship with god to strain. I often get angry and bitter in life becuase I am single. The way the world is I see all of these other people who are good looking and have sex, relationships, love and what not. I struggle with the sin of envy. To top it off i learned its a sin to not touch here is the problem when i dont touch for days my hormones spin out of control and I literally flirt with many women Id go so far as to say at one point I ask out a women once a day. To combat this for years I would for years mastubate to curve this desire. But its like a cycle of pain you fall into sin no matter what you do. I am not meant to be single I need a companion, being single and having all of this difficulty has really strained my relaltionship with god and sometimes i get so lonley that i visit prostitute 2 times. I have prayed many times for god to give me a wife to relieve me of all this temptation. Here is a good analogy none of us can truly comprehend god and his plans. The way i look at it im like a dog and my owner even though he has the food in the cabinet he wont put the food in the bowl and im left here in my non comprehnension and confusion as to why he wont put he food there im lost. Im not meant to go through life alone and I think one day god will give me a wife but im telling you I want out of this situation. I just want a wife so I can honor god and have children and raise them to be good people while having my desire for sex to be fullfilled in the chrisitan way. Why is god letting this cycle of pain continue im like a broken record with him i just keep asking to fall in love so I dont have to deal with this sin anymore but he just wont answer he knows this isnt going to work out me being single. Also to top it off the way women dress now a days is utterly and completly appalling I appretiate the female form but danm these women dress half naked! I obvioulsy get excited and that leads to further sin its a vicious cycle of uneeded torment for me. What is the point of this how do i deal with this. God gave me all these hormones but its like i have to keep myself down. The way i can do that is to touch but that isnt clean in the eyes of god what is the way out of this. The way out as i see it is a wife i dont see any other way out or i could kill myself but that just leads to hell. Its a cycle of hassle that i just dont want to deal with. once again how can a christian male survive in a world like this and do right by god

Chris,
I totally understand your frustration. It is the frustration of all men. At your age the hormones are raging. I remember when I was young (I am 63) I had to wear baggy pants to cover the frequent erections I would get simply because of looking at women walking by.

Masturbation does not relieve sexual tension, it increases it. When you itch and you scratch it, you realize how much you itch and you need to scratch more. A married friend of mine used to tell his wife that he had MSB (Massive Sperm Build up) just as she would get PMS (Pre Menstrual Syndrome) and that he needed regular release through intercourse. That is really an excuse to experience [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. If you stop masturbating your sperm will be released while on the toilet.

The hormones and the sperm build up are real, of course, so I am not dismissing that out of hand, but your real problem is lust. Lust is not the same thing as sexual drive. Lust is the increase of thought on sex through your imagination. You need to control your thought life and put those things out of your mind every time you begin to think of those things. Flee youthful lusts.

Your lust is rooted in idolatry. You think that sexual relationships will satisfy your need when your needs are to be met in Christ. You wonder why God has not "given" you a wife. Being a Christian is a process of dying to self. When you die to the desire you will then be ready for God to resurrect the desire and bring fulfillment with a wife.

Right now your idolatry has turned women into sex objects. You are not ready for a relationship because you are superficial and only see the erotica of the woman and do not see the woman. Being married does not mean you will have sex when ever you want it. Nor does it mean you can do anything you want with your wife. She has her own will and feelings which is why Peter tells husbands to live with their wives in an understanding manner.

Love is a relationship of mutual respect and consideration, desiring the welfare of the other over one's self. As long as you see women as sex objects you are blind and unable to love them as people who are amazing benefits to men.

As I said earlier, your first step is to cast out every thought of sexual lust that comes upon you, submit unto God and resist the devil by rebuking him with your mouth. It is useless to rebuke demons with your thoughts. You have to speak to your mountain for it to be moved.

Press into your relationship with God. Seek Him with your whole heart. If you are seeking a woman, then you are not seeking Him with your whole heart.

Lastly, we live in a fallen world. The evil wills of men and demons are working against us, as well as the decay and death of the physical creation. God is not responsible for those things. He does, however, help us through those things. You blame God for your problems and you need to repent of such blaming. Lean not on your own understanding but in all you ways acknowledge God. Trust Him and learn to be content in your current state knowing that God is working for your better good, and that better good is not defined by you.
 
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LoricaLady

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I don't know what is in your heart, but sometimes I have seen that guys who are not especailly good looking - in a way that this culture elevates - only want women who look like models or at least who are significantly above their own level of attractiveness. Thus they miss out on companionship and love.

That may not be you. Just a thought. Look around and look at the heart, not at the "beauty" that will surely fade anyway.

Another thought... I wonder if you need to update your social skills. There are lots of books in the library, lots of things online, to help you improve, if so.

You're not Elephant Man. You can communicate. You have great potential!

And I would disagree with someone above who said that it is YOUR job to control your lust. Nope. Of course you have tried and tried. And failed and failed to do that. Why? Because "those who continue to sin become a slave to sin." You're a slave. To whom? The devil, per the Bible.
How do you get free? Well, trying is spinning your wheels. Our Savior told us he came to set us free and that "Without Me you can do nothing." If your health is up to it, I recommend a weekly 24 hour water only fast and prayer. That can work wonders.
 
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ByTheSpirit

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To the OP, I haven't read every response here but the first one had a very good point that I would like to discuss further.

God did do something to help you 2,000 years ago by dying on the cross. Now you might say well I believe but that hasn't helped me, well that is because you have an incomplete view of the Cross.

The cross not only saves us spiritually from our sins and cleanses us, it delivers us physically from the bondage of sin and delivers us into new life.

Do this... read Romans 6-8 daily for at least a week. Read it so much you can recite it backwards and forwards. In those 3 chapters you will find the answers to your problems.

It all comes down to faith. None of us can do anything in this life that pleases God without faith.

I can empathize with you on a personal level. Honestly, I used to be in the same situation as you, and I can tell you this: marriage will not fix your problems. It might seem like it will, but you will still be faced with half naked women and have access to inappropriate content and all sorts of immorality even as you are married. Your problem is you have yet to die to your sins. You are still holding on to your past life.

You might say but that doesn't make any sense because I clearly said I want to be free from it. Well wanting to be free and actually doing it are two different things. Slaves desire freedom, but when a liberator comes, they still have to go with that liberator. It is not enough to want freedom, you have to walk in it!

It is great you have the desire, but now put it to use. It is not enough to want to find a buried treasure. You need a map and the right tools to dig it up and even then you have to take the journey to get it.

What you do is this... study the scriptures (start with Romans 6-8). Circle/Underline/Highlight the following words:

Righteousness
Sin
Death
Spirit
Free

Then go through and see the connection between them all in context and then pray!

Pray as if your life depends on it!

Pray as though your shovel just broke over the "X" on the map and you are asking a friend to lend you his!

Faith is the door by which you will be delivered. Prayer is the key to open it! The Bible is your map to show you how to live after you exit the door. Your guide is the Holy Spirit.

You can do it! Forgive yourself! Look to Christ! Hebrews 12:1-2
 
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Masturbation does not relieve sexual tension, it increases it.

Your lust is rooted in idolatry. You think that sexual relationships will satisfy your need when your needs are to be met in Christ.

Yep, it's like whatever you focus on keeps increasing... keep on looking at inappropriate content and over time it becomes a gross addiction.

Your right about the idolatry, I never thought about it like that. It's like breaking the first 2 commandments, putting things before God.





Also, God has revealed to me recently that my past of obsessing about sexual/romantic relationships was rooted in insecurity and self-rejection... and i would lie to myself saying i had a "high sex drive" when in reality i was deeply insecure starting in childhood, largely from having an abusive/neglectful father., and I thought a woman and sex would fix that.. my heart and spirit being broken was the REAL problem and Jesus Christ is the solution. No woman or sex will ever fill that void in my soul
 
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