Please also send me PMs to my inbox so I get them
I have absolutely zero sense of any love from God or anyone else in my real life.
I'm never happy and I can't remember when I last felt any happiness in my real life at all, except for a brief moment or two and then it was gone.
I am dead inside. absolutely dead.
and that's all I can think about all day and night.
I too tired to go on anymore or keep trying at least.
I've got this weariness from life to where I've been knocked down so much, I am on the ground too exhausted to even want to bother getting back up.
I think of boxing and being beaten to a pulp by a bigger and bader boxer and you're trainer telling you to stay down or you're going to get killed.
I admit it.
I'm completely broken.
ding ding ding goes the bell the ref is calling it
who is the champion of the world?
evil.
Miseries Ugly Truth
My truth is sore and ugly,
my truth is I hate my life.
The Truth is, truth is unwanted!
my truth is rotten to the core,
my truth stinks like sewage.
My truth is hard and mean,
My truth is without any good.
The Truth is, my truth burns!
My truth is a walk in darkness,
my truth kills my good life.
My truth lies to me continually
my truth isn't holy or blameless
The Truth is, my truth is the pits!
my truth is utterly godforsaken
my truth is irredeemable.
My truth is utterly rejected,
my truth hands out no mercy.
The Truth is, my truth is loveless!
My truth hotly desires good life,
my truth hurts like Hell.
My truth is not welcome,
my truth is not loved.
The Truth is, My God, my God,
why have I forsaken You?
Is that why I'm down here?
And who suffers your final answer the most my dear friend and suffering brother?
Isn't it true that The Truth suffers your loss deeply - even now - and so do you my friend!
Can you see our crucified God in your life bro? Where you have mercilessly sold out The Truth of your Existence to the lies of your depression? And even though you feel absolutely terrible having done so, and would so love to have it different you are stuck looking at wrong? The truth is the lie and his misery rules supreme in your life at the moment and you are toying with the idea to bite the bullet and so in real life loose your good life forever to your bad life.
Now please don't think I'm judging you, though the evil in charge may claim this is so, the truth is I, and many others here on this forum, have been where you are today and got away from that place of living death and soul destruction. We got away learning to have faith in God's loving truth - Jesus Christ and Him crucified - Jesus who brought us faith in his love and renewed hope for newness of life.
We know that a hundred and eighty degree turn is needed in your life bro! Honest a complete turn around from the direction you are heading before you can be saved from it. A turn around back Home into His truth and out of the lies hurting you so badly even now.
So No you don't have to get back up the way you have always done before, such is a complete waste of time and only milks you of your remaining reserves! Rather your inner wish to die is the way to go! However not a continuation of your physical death but a spiritual death you need to see in your life! Where instead of you serving the lie hurting you so badly, you begin to serve God's love who saved you from hell and has the good life you lost awaiting you in Heaven.
It is because you have heeded the lies of your depression in your ill mind that you have ended-up in the great desolation you are in now.
This is because the abomination who causes desolation - The Lie ruling your heart - brings the great barrenness your are experiencing in your life today.
Both Jesus and Daniel warn us about the abomination who causes desolation - and that when we see the abomination ruling us in the place he doesn't belong - in our hearts instead of true God - then we best run as fast as we can without taking anything along from our old life with us! For the Word warns a terrible time will follow, where the persecution and destruction of our good life is the norm of the day - where sweet is bitter and bitter is sweet.
And isn't this true brother in your life today brother?
So from this perspective instead of despairing the truth of the lies ruling your heart today, you may rejoice The Truth of God with great rejoicing! For if you know The Truth in your life then you will know without a doubt that the bad life ruling you today is going to be utterly destroyed and you suffering this bad life now so badly and profoundly will certainly be rescued from it. For everyone who calls on the Name of The Lord will be saved - and how many times would you not have done that?
The truth is you can escape your pit brother, Jesus paid your price, like He did ours, and certainly has the power to make you stronger than the pain of depression can bring to bear, no matter how bad it is right now.
Faith in God's love bro, that is what you need to gain hope again! Once you have faith in God's love then hope grows and good life will begin to return day by day, even if your depression continues unabated. There are many people here on CF who can testify with me that this is really so.
I so hope you will continue to come around here and seek love ans support from here, as well as dish it out to those in need, and so come along on our journey of letting God's loving truth set us free from our depressive misery and find communion with those who know first hand what it means to suffer evil.
Be of very good courage bro!
Much ability asking our Heavenly Father for faith in his love bro
What Can I Say About Suffering
What can I say, about what have I learned from our Heavenly Father? I can see now that evil lies cause pain to be alive within human existence. I have watched how isolation, forces lies down into suffering souls - as The Wicked cut all ties with truthful love and so let our crushing depression generate its own misery in our agonising hell down there. I know that all lies end up in the Pit - dragging us down living dead. Yet why would I continue to let bad life be dominant in my inner world of awareness and not God's loving truth to rule my every moment instead?
Over time I have learned to see that creeds, values and morals are rules upon rules ruling. Yet still wicked lies spread like maggots through my flesh, killing all goodness within me, because I'm imperfect! To just let such be and move on is best I learned about that. And so The Word of God spoken in love for God, self and neighbour, is The Voice to heed in our hearts and minds at all times.
I have experienced that time brings good and bad, up and down, far and wide for everyone. Yet the power of God's love, as even bad sin and great failings ruled me, couldn't subdue Jesus grace over me as His loving truth set me free to be myself - time and again.
I understand that anguish speaks to those experiencing life truly untrue and lovelessly - and that our Heavenly Father never wanted this to rule His kids! Indeed I know that my wretchedness longs for the demise of all my agony, so that misery may never rule my life again. No more Bad Life overshadowing my here and now, instead complete freedom for me to be me. For in God's loving truth, even through much hurt, I can finally stay on top of things, my loveless lies to hand to Christ as God's Good Life grows within in Return.
I know now that loving truth is the only useful weapon against the forces of evil. Complete freedom for me if I heed God's love in truth to rule my daily life. So why would I foolishly keep letting malefic lies decide my future. Why not forgive, why leave truthful love? While I know that only God's good makes my life a worthwhile experience?
I have seen that life is genuinely worth living in honest loving togetherness. Where everyone who exists is esteemed because they are specially made. For our real value lays not in how much gain we can yield for others, but simply because all existence speaks of life's importance to be loved. The communion of Saints - true love loving people doing the loving - is very important therefore.
So I choose loving truthfulness to steer me through those terrible storms down here. For even through extraordinary agony and times of incredible much suffering God's truth preserves my life. His loving goodness keeping me from falling. As I found that warm-heartedness is truly effective against the deadly chill of devil's breath.