I can't accept the explaination for death. I also don't accept being a martyr or leading people to Christ / giving up everything for other people as justification for being stuck on this evil planet with a miserable life only to die and be promised something I can't see.
Is this wrong to feel this way?
One my favorite books is Ecclesiastes and the author basically says what I'm saying. This whole life is meaningless and vain.
Sometimes I also feel like our condition that God left us in is much worse than losing your only son. We are stuck on an evil planet for years doing meaningless labor and work only to lose our loved ones and die and have everything go to nothingness. Not only that he promises us something we cant see. And we live in fear for years just waiting for our time. And then if we don't do what God says we burn for all eternity.
I'm a Christian. I am no stranger to the teachings. I even have the Holy Spirit infilling, but yet I feel so unhappy about this life God gave us that I find it hard to live.
Can feeling this way be a sin?
I have a couple of things to say about what you wrote.
1. first of all feeling like you feel is not only not a sin. but in fact, I think in most cases. maybe all. feeling at some point in your life your life that you want to die is the only thing that can make a person be interested enough in doing the will of God(יהוה).
because, the thing is, that when people have it good in this world. they think and care only about this world.
when people have it bad here. when someone doesn't want his life here anymore. than at least some people start getting serious about doing Gods will.
jesus said about this in Matthew 11:28-30:
"28 Come to Me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light."
so this is what you should use this feeling for.
and you will gradually start feeling better after you do that. as jesus said it gives some type of "rest" to know you God is on your side.
2. Solomon was a sinful person (the king with 1000 wifes). he does not represent God.
maybe you remember, God was saddened by the demand of the Hebrew to have a king. he wanted a prophet chosen by him to be the leader.
like moses was.
I think better not take as the word of God anything that was not said by a prophet.
one that actually succeeded in making some supernatural prophecy. that came true.
without repeating some previous prophecy. or saying something after it happened.
as jesus commanded in matthew:
"
15 Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.
16You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?
17So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit.
18A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit.
19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
20Thus you will recognize them by their fruits."
so not:
kings writings.
man that just wrote stuff. and here and prophesied that the world will end very soon. before some of them will die. but it didn't of course. like paul and the ones after him.
all their prophecies that can be checked failed.
like for example:
2 Thessalonians 2:2. 1 Thessalonians 4:15-18. Revelation 1:1 + revelation 20 + revelation 22:20 (need to compare them).
also not Mohamed, joseph smith, Nostradamus.
3. you wrote "I also don't accept being a martyr or leading people to Christ / giving up everything for other people as justification for being stuck on this evil planet with a miserable life only to die and be promised something I can't see. ".
you are not asked to do that (at least not by God).
he said he put us in this world to see who chooses to do good over evil (in the story of adam and eve).
them he will accept to heaven.
the others will be permanently destroyed. or in some bad cases be tormented and then will be permanently destroyed.