For those that waited until marriage to do the you know what

DarthNeo

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This begs another question that another friend has asked me...

How does the new testament define marriage and how is it represented before man...?

I know Jesus's step sister was getting married, that was when he did His first miracle. But it was still probably seen as an OT Jewish tradition at that point.

So can two people, make a vow before God and a witness to be MARRIED and NOT get married by a justice of the peace or a minister of some type?

Should the church recognize that?
 
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Dave-W

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I know Jesus's step sister was getting married, that was when he did His first miracle. But it was still probably seen as an OT Jewish tradition at that point.
"Step sister?" Where did that idea come from?

If that were the case Mary and our Lord would not be showing up "on the third day;" they would have been there from day 1.
 
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DarthNeo

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"Step sister?" Where did that idea come from?

If that were the case Mary and our Lord would not be showing up "on the third day;" they would have been there from day 1.

Sorry if I got that wrong, I thought it was His sister's wedding, my bad...
 
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Dave-W

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Sorry if I got that wrong, I thought it was His sister's wedding, my bad...
Sorry - I did not mean to impugn you - I was wondering if that was a church tradition from Catholic or Orthodox sources.
 
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DarthNeo

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Sorry - I did not mean to impugn you - I was wondering if that was a church tradition from Catholic or Orthodox sources.

I have heard that Jesus didn't start his public ministry until his family was fully taken care of, including the marriage of his sister, I need to look up the scripture...
 
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akmom

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I'm kind of late to the discussion. But my husband and I waited, and there was about 4 years in between our first date and our wedding. Looking back, I think this was unnecessarily long. The rationale for waiting so long was that we wanted to be independent and have our education finished. Prior to that, we were in high school and college and depended at least partly on our parents. We really wanted to get it right. None of us had any desire to rush into marriage and end up divorced. But I think we could have gone ahead and married the minute we turned 18 as long as we didn't have kids that soon. Many of our peers did, and most of them are actually still together. (This was 15 years ago.)

I think the problems with rushing into marriage for the purpose of legitimizing sex are similar to the problems couples experience with premature sex. There is too much emphasis on base pleasures, rather than responsibilities. The ability to wait, I think, is kind of the key. I imagine that premature sex and premature marriage have similar outcomes. But there must be at least some value in recognizing that sex is serious and involves commitment. A person who marries young at least acknowledges that. Or do they? Perhaps the problem is in thinking of marriage as a technicality, rather than a commitment?
 
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Dave-W

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Perhaps the problem is in thinking of marriage as a technicality, rather than a commitment?
That may be the issue right there. This society seems to ignore commitment.
 
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DarthNeo

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Any man who says SEX is not a big part of why he got married is not being honest. Of course there is love AND commitment, BUT sex is a MAJOR reason Christian men get married!

Women NEED to understand this, while NOT condoned, if YOU don't meet your husband's sexual needs, there are PLENTY of women out there willing to..

Men...we need to do our part as well and make sure that we honor, protect, provide, and spiritually lead our wives as well...
 
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Dave-W

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Any man who says SEX is not a big part of why he got married is not being honest. Of course there is love AND commitment, BUT sex is a MAJOR reason Christian men get married!

Women NEED to understand this, while NOT condoned, if YOU don't meet your husband's sexual needs, there are PLENTY of women out there willing to..

Men...we need to do our part as well and make sure that we honor, protect, provide, and spiritually lead our wives as well...
The congregation I attended in college taught that no one should marry for sex, and actually broke up engagements where one or the other admitted having sexual desires for the other.
 
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DarthNeo

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The congregation I attended in college taught that no one should marry for sex, and actually broke up engagements where one or the other admitted having sexual desires for the other.


That is just ridiculous...
 
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Dave-W

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That is just ridiculous...
What is more ridiculous is a sister congregation (which was the home congregation of Phil Keaggy at the time) decided to nullify ALL engagements in their congregation at the time. I never heard of any reason why they did that. But it impacted a good friend of mine who was engaged to a girl in that congregation.
 
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DarthNeo

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What is more ridiculous is a sister congregation (which was the home congregation of Phil Keaggy at the time) decided to nullify ALL engagements in their congregation at the time. I never heard of any reason why they did that. But it impacted a good friend of mine who was engaged to a girl in that congregation.

Sounds like the church in FOOT LOOSE...
 
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Dave-W

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Sounds like the church in FOOT LOOSE...
Nah - we danced. We rocked.

The Footloose church was just a typical Wesleyan Holiness congregation:

No dancing
No rock music
No alcohol
No movies
No cards
No dice


And in some:

No TV
No sports (participating or watching)
 
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DarthNeo

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For those who say getting married for sex is wrong:

1 Corinthians 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

1 Corinthians 7:7-9
7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. (Unmarried)
But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
 
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Dave-W

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For those who say getting married for sex is wrong:
Indeed. Perhaps it would be better to say "getting married ONLY for sex is wrong."

And I find it interesting that Paul, who advocates self-control in so many places does NOT say it in this chapter or on this subject at all.
 
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DZoolander

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But just imagine this hilarious hypothetical of young adults getting married over 1000 times in their life every time they want to get it on with someone they like. It's like well paul said we should wait so lets get married bink bink, alright time for a divorce.

That's not all that hilarious or hard to conceive of.

In fact I had an uncle that was like that. Of course he wasn't married 1000 times...but he was married to something like 9 different women over his life.

Near as we could all figure - it was because he wouldn't have sex with them without begin married.
 
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OK Jeff

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My wife and I weren't saved until after we'd been married about three years. We did everything wrong and it's worked out anyway. That's why I believe The Lord was at work on us before we were seeking Him. I was such a warped being at the time I saw no parallels between love and sex. She was the stereotype of a woman giving herself to men in hopes of getting love in return (she wasn't a tramp mind you, but no saint either). We had sex weeks after we started dating, got married a few months after. What I wouldn't give for her to have been my first and only. But I won't regret the past as it's what made me who I am. She and I definitely took the hardest road one can, but we're better for it. I don't recommend anyone do it the way we did.
 
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Dave-W

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About 20 years ago I was listening to James Dobson on the radio and he had a guest who was some kind of family and marriage counselor and psychologist. They discussed a list of growing physical intimacy for proper sexual bonding. There were about 10-15 steps. The thing was, the list took several months to complete; and they said that if the steps were rushed or taken out of order, it would have a negative impact on the long term sex life of the couple.

At the time I was wondering how that squared with the Christian idea (across all denominations and faith traditions) that up until the actual wedding ceremony where the couple is declared "Husband and Wife" there is to be absolutely nothing; and 5 minutes later, EVERYTHING is ok.

If anyone is familiar with that list, I would like to see it again.
 
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tampasteve

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About 20 years ago I was listening to James Dobson on the radio and he had a guest who was some kind of family and marriage counselor and psychologist. They discussed a list of growing physical intimacy for proper sexual bonding. There were about 10-15 steps. The thing was, the list took several months to complete; and they said that if the steps were rushed or taken out of order, it would have a negative impact on the long term sex life of the couple.

At the time I was wondering how that squared with the Christian idea (across all denominations and faith traditions) that up until the actual wedding ceremony where the couple is declared "Husband and Wife" there is to be absolutely nothing; and 5 minutes later, EVERYTHING is ok.

If anyone is familiar with that list, I would like to see it again.
I think this might be what you are looking for?
Dr. James Dobson's Twelve Steps of Intimacy - Erich Stauffer
 
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Edo2

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Does this look like the list or a version of it. It doesn't say how long it takes in between each step.

Dr. James Dobson's Twelve Steps of Intimacy - Erich Stauffer

3 states have what is called a covenant marriage. Its an option you can choose to do and it makes it really difficult to get a divorce and pre martial counseling is required before. It stresses that marriage is a commitment and makes couples think about that commitment. Only about one pct from each state choose that option.

From the time my wife and I met to getting married it was a little under 7 months. God put us together and I can just say he knew what he was doing when doing so. Bumps in the road along the way mainly due to me but that doesn't take from he chose for us.
 
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