How many of you struggle with feeling brokenness because of singleness?

Rev_DC

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Caveat: I know it's not a healthy place to be, but it's where I am. Let's be honest, this world isn't always about sunshine and rainbows. It's a battle between light and dark, and right now it just feels like dark is winning in this state of my life.

Caveat 2: New account, this isn't my first post, I just don't remember the info to access my old account. Probably had 1k posts across the board.

About me: I'm one of those people who otherwise seems to have things together. Moved to North Carolina, at one of the top seminaries in the country, which is a *total* God thing, been excelling, I try to be the best I can. Serving in music ministries / etc, making friends, blahblahblah, I swear everything else is together and 95% of my life is sunshine and rainbows, but then there's the 5%...

For example, I go out with friends tonight, someone whom I went on a few dates with happened to show up with her BF. And of course they're at my table, I talked to the guy, he's genuinely an OK guy, I liked him, but he basically *was* me. Like, we could pass for brothers. So, I try to figure out what the heck kind of curse I'm living with.

Stuff like this happens all the time, and it's just wearing and wearing on me, I know I'm not some sort of relationship Tobit/Job, but man it gets tough to keep putting myself out there to constantly get crushed.

Anyone else feel this sort of brokenness?
 

Wolfe

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Aye, all the time.

Not just romantically, but with friends as well.
No matter what I try or do, it's impossible, it really is like a curse.

I have no advice, because it isn't something that is logically fixed.
But just know you aren't alone.
 
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I was only ever bothered by my singlness while i was in my latter teens and very early 20's .. Thats when i first read the Bible and became a Christian.. After that it became a far lesser isue and has faded into nothing.. The only thing that ever comes up for me is when i see a dad having a good time with his little kids. I think to myself, hey i could have been a good dad too.. But thats a rare happening and it does not last long..

I love being single now it gives me so much freedom and i do not have to face the stress and preassure that modern realtionships in western society have burdened men with.. So i experiance a lot of Freedom and peace of mind now about it..
 
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Rev_DC

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Aye, all the time.

Not just romantically, but with friends as well.
No matter what I try or do, it's impossible, it really is like a curse.

I have no advice, because it isn't something that is logically fixed.
But just know you aren't alone.
I definitely have this with most friends. I have a few close friends, and those relationships are deep, and great, but I'm not one for acquaintances.

There's just such a disconnect in my life though, I can jump in a pulpit, and with the help of the Holy Spirit, I can rile up an entire congregation, I can lead like it's going out of style, but then I get home, hang up the 'work' hat, and I just think 'what the h*ll is wrong with me?'
 
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timewerx

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I swear everything else is together and 95% of my life is sunshine and rainbows, but then there's the 5%...

I also felt broke being single when my life *was* 95%.

And then I lost my career, went broke financially, and now I'm only making little with a very difficult job. So now I don't even think about my singleness anymore. Like I don't care at all!

This seems to be a common problem with those who has it all but that. Count your blessings man! If I could make a deal with God to get me out of my situation but remain single forever, I might take Him up on that deal and I won't have a problem with it! Well, after all I've been through, it would be a great relief in spite of remaining single forever :) In my difficulties I've finally learned to be content being single.
 
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Rev_DC

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I also felt broke being single when my life *was* 95%.

And then I lost my career, went broke financially, and now I'm only making little with a very difficult job. So now I don't even think about my singleness anymore. Like I don't care at all!

This seems to be a common problem with those who has it all but that. Count your blessings man! If I could make a deal with God to get me out of my situation but remain single forever, I might take Him up on that deal and I won't have a problem with it! Well, after all I've been through, it would be a great relief in spite of remaining single forever :) In my difficulties I've finally learned to be content being single.
Thanks for the perspective! And sorry to hear about everything going on. Granted, my change was voluntary I went from 60k+ to no income (sans odd jobs I can find) to get to where I need to be. I understand broke, but acknowledge the situation is different. I'm looking forward to this weekend when I go home to the family for two weeks and actually eat and drink normal food

I should also add that everything is by no means perfect in my life, but I can take *everything* else in stride. This is just the most painful thing by far.
 
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timewerx

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Granted, my change was voluntary I went from 60k+ to no income (sans odd jobs I can find) to get to where I need to be. I understand broke, but acknowledge the situation is different.

Yup it is very different from from what I'm experiencing. It actually left me with very little opportunity to have a relationship.

Maybe in a few years time if God-Willing I'm able to make a lot more money (a lot more is relative because what I make now is miserably small), I should be able to have a relationship without worrying too much about other things.

It's probably one reason why I don't care about having a relationship right now because it doesn't seem possible even if the woman likes me and I had a GF last 2012. I broke off the relationship due to my situation, it's just unfair to her.

But you seem to have a good deal going that makes having someone ideal. So I could understand why you feel that way.

When my life used to be good. Didn't have much problems so the prospect of not having someone is miserable!
 
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ReesePiece23

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Self love is the Holy Grail. Reciprocated love is just the side orders.

Although... the feeling of being in love - or even having a devastatingly severe crush, can be like being on narcotics. ( No, quite literally. The same brain chemicals are involved.) And if abused, it can mess you up in the exact same way.

This is why number 1 must come first. If you don't understand that, then work on it. And keep working on it.
 
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timewerx

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I don't follow.

We are both unemployed at that time. She just graduated from college and I'm still looking for a full time job after many years of just doing odd and temp jobs.

It isn't going to get far. Remember how some people said, that "things are a lot easier if you had money". Tragically, that is true. You wouldn't realize it until you've gone real broke and no one can help you, not even the government and not even Christians.

I'm not trying to bring undue importance to money since the Bible made it clear money is unclean. Most of the money in this world is made through unfair exploitation of the less fortunate which may include you. You want just enough of that dirt to get by in this world but not enough to condemn you as a lover of money.
 
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byhisgrace7

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I totally understand the feeling of brokenness through being single. I could list all the trite things that people parrot out to me, but I am sure you have all heard them before. I am praying and working on my relationship with God. Rev DC and Timewerx, I totally relate to the money issue. Even though I am not in a good place financially, I am on some online dating sites and trying to make friends, albeit not easy.

I have a few good deep relationships also but they are married or have been and can't really relate to what I go through.

God is good and I know it will work out in His time but it just sometimes gets hard being alone. I really don't like going to church where 98% of the population is married and sermons are usually pitched to "your spouse," etc. That kept me from going for a while but I am going back now most of the time, regardless of that.

Something that helps me is knowing that God has a very good plan for me with a good man and everything is not in place yet and then I imagine being with a man that is totally wrong for me and I don't want that. Just would like to know what I need to do so things can hurry along LOL
 
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James of Arc

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It may be 2 months or 40 years but someday you will find who you are meant to be with and when that happens you will understand why you are single now and that reason is because you just have not met them yet but when you do meet them you will thank God that He kept you single until the time in your life that you can understand His wisdom and that you are thankful for them because they are your other half.

What if God has somebody for you but you will not meet them until you are 39 but if you settle for somebody now just to keep you from being lonely then you are robbing yourself of your other half and you will never be truly happy until you meet that person so your relationship will fail and when you do meet miss right you will be numb from past bad relationships and you will not be the man you are meant to be in your future relationship.

I am 48 and only this year have I found my soul mate but yet we knew each other when we were 12 but we were not yet ready for each other and it has taken this long for us to find each other.

God is great and good so be patient and wait for His timing and stop being lonely but be happy that God is allowing you to save up for a future with your future wife.
 
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Beautyinsteadofashes

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Caveat: I know it's not a healthy place to be, but it's where I am. Let's be honest, this world isn't always about sunshine and rainbows. It's a battle between light and dark, and right now it just feels like dark is winning in this state of my life.

Caveat 2: New account, this isn't my first post, I just don't remember the info to access my old account. Probably had 1k posts across the board.

About me: I'm one of those people who otherwise seems to have things together. Moved to North Carolina, at one of the top seminaries in the country, which is a *total* God thing, been excelling, I try to be the best I can. Serving in music ministries / etc, making friends, blahblahblah, I swear everything else is together and 95% of my life is sunshine and rainbows, but then there's the 5%...

For example, I go out with friends tonight, someone whom I went on a few dates with happened to show up with her BF. And of course they're at my table, I talked to the guy, he's genuinely an OK guy, I liked him, but he basically *was* me. Like, we could pass for brothers. So, I try to figure out what the heck kind of curse I'm living with.

Stuff like this happens all the time, and it's just wearing and wearing on me, I know I'm not some sort of relationship Tobit/Job, but man it gets tough to keep putting myself out there to constantly get crushed.

Anyone else feel this sort of brokenness?
I have not experienced that exact type of situation where I see an ex with someone who is similar to myself. But I understand what you mean by brokenness. I have been treated very poorly in past relationships and sometimes I wonder, what was so unlovable about me? One ex is even married now and he treated me terribly. So its tempting to think, ok...why could he love her, but not me? I fall into that temptation sometimes. But as I learn more about god, my mindset starts to change. Im learning to see the value in myself, because I am valued by god. And when others mistreat me its a reflection on them and not me. It is a long process healing from abuse but ill get there.
It sounds like you have yourself pretty well together and you're just having trouble finding someone. Not to sound cliché, but one day you'll find her. In the meantime when things don't work with someone try not to blame yourself or wonder what your doing wrong. If they don't see your value, its their loss.
Mine name is Christina, btw. Probably should have led with that.
Hope I could help
 
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