I haven't been to church since Easter and I feel so much better.
I feel better because I'm not facing the experience of being a total outsider in my church of two years anymore. The priest and the people were not quite welcoming. But I feel worse because my faith is suffering.
I approached my search for a church intellectually, choosing a church I felt taught the correct things. I wanted it to be about Truth and all these other things... I now see it's the same idealistic bent that led me down other dead end roads in my life, leading me to ignore practical reality. I jumped right in, in love with my ideas, despite a lot of signs I shouldn't. I am absolutely humbled by this experience, and how it seems I continue to repeat this head-in-the-clouds pattern (which I think is prideful in its own way).
I am going to pray that I might find where God wants me, and that I might have the strength to go, regardless. I really don't think I can go back to the church I was a part of anymore. Without bashing my church and priest and the people, I will say that I don't want it to be this way, but this is the way it is.
So. Christian advice? Anyone ever had to leave a church? How about a big, old, traditional church? (I'm leaving a bit out because I don't want any Catholic/Orthodox/Protestant basing. One thing I'm certain of is that Christ isn't found exclusively in any one of these places and that correct doctrine won't get you into heaven--in fact, it comes with its own risks like arrogance and pride.)
I feel better because I'm not facing the experience of being a total outsider in my church of two years anymore. The priest and the people were not quite welcoming. But I feel worse because my faith is suffering.
I approached my search for a church intellectually, choosing a church I felt taught the correct things. I wanted it to be about Truth and all these other things... I now see it's the same idealistic bent that led me down other dead end roads in my life, leading me to ignore practical reality. I jumped right in, in love with my ideas, despite a lot of signs I shouldn't. I am absolutely humbled by this experience, and how it seems I continue to repeat this head-in-the-clouds pattern (which I think is prideful in its own way).
I am going to pray that I might find where God wants me, and that I might have the strength to go, regardless. I really don't think I can go back to the church I was a part of anymore. Without bashing my church and priest and the people, I will say that I don't want it to be this way, but this is the way it is.
So. Christian advice? Anyone ever had to leave a church? How about a big, old, traditional church? (I'm leaving a bit out because I don't want any Catholic/Orthodox/Protestant basing. One thing I'm certain of is that Christ isn't found exclusively in any one of these places and that correct doctrine won't get you into heaven--in fact, it comes with its own risks like arrogance and pride.)
