It's been a little over two months since that awful appointment where I got diagnosed with OCD, I'm still experiencing intrusive thoughts but with less anxiety though (it's called a backdoor spike). I still feel stuck in some ways and I haven't the slightest idea of what kind of therapist I should see so that's all up in the air right. I've been trying focus on God's love me for me but sometimes that stumbles me. I've heard people say that God loves you no matter e.g. even if the intrusive thoughts were true. This does not comfort me at all. The intrusive thoughts are so awful, so vile spirit crushing, and heartbreaking I'd rather I'd never been born than act on these thoughts. I hope I'm not being self-righteous (I know I need Jesus that same as everybody) but sometimes I stress to God (which is silly) that these thoughts are not mine. When my OCD was really bad (I used to get triggered by news reports about awful crimes) I'd say out loud that's not who I am and that has nothing to do with me. I keep praying for assurance. I'm tired of living in my head. I want to focus on important things and actually enjoy life. I'm hoping to have a decent career. I used to want to be a wife and a mother but I feel guilty and sad when I think about that. I'm barely functioning as it is so...I've told God I've committed those things to him.