• The General Mental Health Forum is now a Read Only Forum. As we had two large areas making it difficult for many to find, we decided to combine the Mental Health & the Recovery sections of the forum into Mental Health & Recovery as a whole. Physical Health still remains as it's own area within the entire Recovery area.

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Really need God's help

aangel

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I'm planning on taking a general transcription course and I really need this to work out. My mom keeps telling me that she needs my help financially so I'm feeling the pressure. I'm hoping I can stay motivated and this will something I'm actually good at. It is a home job but there a good number of legit companies around. I was hoping this would be a nice starter job until my anxiety gets under control. I do want a regular job. I'd even work at Mcdonald or Wendy but I don't feel comfortable around people I don't know. I feel inadequate and stupid. I don't even like talking to strangers on the phone. I don't have any friends. One of my cousins calls me every once in a while but I've really isolated myself from people (my cousins who I'm close in age with). I never call anyone. I just sit around the house all day. The last time I left the house was for a doctor's appointment early last month.

I don't know what I'm going to if this doesn't work out. I'm really trying. Even if it doesn't look like it to other people (my mom especially). I miss days but I try to listen to sermons (I do zone out at times), meditate on scripture, and pray. I've kind of abandoned daily bible reading and for some reason, I struggle to be consistent with even small daily devotionals. I don't know what else to do. I need God's help. I can't fix myself. Somedays I feel like don't know which way is up. It's been hard. I feel like the biggest disappointment.

I was talking to my mom earlier and she mentioned how I'm not cleaning the house like I'm supposed and how she has to tell me to do everything. I thought I was doing good with cooking dinner regularly but I guess I've failed there too. It's true. I am painfully aware of my shortcomings. My focus isn't there and I don't have any energy. I barely comb my hair most days. It's also getting really hard to get out of bed in the morning. I wake up at 9:00 most mornings but I've been lying in bed until 11:00 am even though I wide awake.

She's talked to some of her co-workers about my anxiety and depression issues. I wish she wouldn't do that because I already feel like a colossal loser. Some of them even said, "If that was my child I would kick them out." This made me feel so bad about myself. She dismissed them and said that they don't understand mental illness like she does. If I'm being honest sometimes I feel like she doesn't understand mental illness either (and she's dealt with mental illness too). Comparing me to relatives who have issues who are doing more than I am I think about that and it makes me feel like something's wrong with me. A few weeks ago she got frustrated with me. She asked me about goals and stuff. I clam up during these conversations because honestly I just don't know. I keep praying to God for wisdom because I really don't know what to do or what steps to take or how to take them. She asks about what I want for my future and I clam up with this too because I don't see anything when I try to imagine the future. I can't think about a husband and kids or anything like that there's no room in my head. All I want right now is to not be scared and to be able to work a simple job. Anyway, I ended up crying after this conversation and she got mad and said that I'm making her mean and asked me if I was taking advantage of her.

It hurts so much that nobody seems to understand my heart. I want to be different so much. I'm frustrated with myself. I supposed to be an adult but I'm just failing at every corner. I even told God that he should have made somebody else instead of me. My mom said she was disappointed and I thought 'well that makes two of us'. She also mentioned that she had talked to a counselor about me while ago that suggested that she should give me a three month period to find a job and move out. My mom didn't say she was doing that but I can't stop thinking about it and what some of her co-workers said. I guess people throw you away when you're weak. (Is tough love really love?) Honestly, I don't know what I'd do if that I happened. I feel like I would fall apart like a two-dollar suitcase. I'm barely functioning now. Sometimes the world feels like's too much. I'm too sensitive. Sometimes I just want to curl into a ball, I just want this all to be over.


 

Far Side Of the Moon

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I feel like i used to be you some months ago. Before school and work... I wouldn't really do anything and my aunt would say the same thing to my mom like," oh , I woulda been kicked them out,"... But I had to push myself. Even though I have a job, I still get so nervous that it takes me a day to recover but I HAD to do something. We all do.We all have to face our fears and do something we don't want...but the more you do it the easier it becomes hopefully. And even if it doesn't become easier ..just keep doing it

Just continue with that transcription job and if that doesn't fall through just try fast-food or retail..but don't give up.. I worked at fast food and even though I sucked..,at least I tried . Just keep trying until something sticks :)
 
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Far Side Of the Moon

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But I can relate to you alot..my mom also needs financial help and it feels so good to be able to help her when she needs it. And when you get your job you will feel the same way...
Andbi also felt useless bc I'm supposed to be 25,driving,doing this and that...but I'm not its easy to look at others and feel like a failure but you have to remember what's unique about you and just run with that..while also build qualities you want within yourself.
 
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Hidden In Him

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Angel, I will be praying for you. Although we are all different, I can at least give you some advice from my perspective, and what I believe are some things from Scripture that will help you. What you need is confidence, in yourself and before people, and that will start by gaining more confidence in your relationship with God. Once you know with absolute assurance that He is for you, it ceases to matter who or what is against you. He will provide no matter what man says, and no matter what man does or doesn't do.

That having been said, make spending time with Him your TOP priority. I can understand zoning off on devotionals and stuff, because they don't always contain a lot of life in them. They often mean more to the writer than to the reader because they express teachings that are important to them. What you need is the Holy Spirit becoming your Teacher, on things that are most important and relevant to YOU. Every day, and repeatedly throughout the day, pray to God that HE begin teaching you through the Holy Spirit, and revealing to you things that bring life to your spirit. This will assure you that you are joining in true communion and fellowship with Him. Don't limit what sources He will use to speak to you. Leave yourself open to be led to find a book, or turn on the TV or radio, or maybe start visiting a local church. Better yet, pray that He teaches you and just begin opening up the Bible for yourself.

If you want a recommendation, I can offer you my Bible Study site. You may hear some things you haven't heard before, but I can promise you there is a lot of life in my studies. I wait to be led by the Holy Spirit before I write:
www.spiritualwarbiblestudies.com (that's Spiritual War Bible Studies.com. Be careful how you type it, or you'll never find me). The site will soon be open to membership as well if you need to ask questions.

But the main thing is to ask HIM to be your Teacher. The intimacy that will develop if you pray this prayer and KEEP praying this prayer until it becomes a reality in your life will change everything. You will know He will provide for you no matter what, because He has promised that those who seek first His kingdom will have their needs met (Matthew 6:24-24). Of note, this passage ends with the command to not be anxious about tomorrow. Put seeking daily intimacy with Him above all else and He will take care of you, even if you do have to move out and find your own place. You need to trust God, and to do so will require building greater intimacy with Him. Even if you don't have many worldly friends, you will have the best, wisest, and most powerful friend on planet earth. :holy:

About your words, "Sometimes I just want to curl into a ball, I just want this all to be over." DON'T say that to yourself. Hell is real, and would be much, much worse than the torments you are experiencing now. And don't expect this to be without a fight either. Be certain the Devil will try to use people to tell you that your devotion to God first is just another sign of being irresponsible. Don't listen. I sometimes struggle with not having enough energy to fulfill earthly responsibilities as well, but I pray for the Holy Spirit's help, and when I stay at it He always eventually empowers me to get up, get going, and do what's necessary to fulfill all my earthly responsibilities.

You can do this, but you need more than human encouragement now. You need the One who loves you the most, and you need the empowerment, encouragement and confidence in yourself that comes only from being close to Him.

Thanks for sharing your troubles with us.



 
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Braydeno

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What they said^^^^^ also I'm 17, and just like you, I have no idea where I'm going in life, no job either, social anxiety, No friends where I live, a bit isolated in my room too... You're not alone on this one. A lot of us are in the same boat. There's No reason to feel like a loser or disappointment. I think a good portion of this generation(millennials)are in the same boat considering where I live a lot of my peers self medicate themselves with drugs like weed(most of the time)or worst, coke or, whatever,... going nowhere in life. It seems like this generation is falling apart. Depression is very common(too common...) your not alone.. God cured my depression and he can/will cure yours too, easily. Just have faith that he has a plan for your life and face your fears, find a job. he'll be right beside you helping you, so there's nothing to worry about. It'll work out in the end.
 
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Tempura

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Good people advising you here, nice to see.

About anxiety and work. When you're full of anxiety and back yourself into a corner, making a comfort zone for yourself, it starts to feel like a prison, like you already know. But one is still not comfortable leaving it. I think I know how you feel. I'm not that different. Eventually you will come to this conclusion: it's not the things you're afraid of that are keeping you down, it's the fear itself.

But I hope this helps you: a "normal" person without anxiety issues, looking for work, going to training, having new people around in a new working environment...they get very nervous too. They get anxious. It's just the way we're built. We want to succeed right away, we feel the social and economical pressure. People who just go through that stuff without complications, fears and stress are very, very rare. These fears feel bigger for people like us, because in a way we wallow in those fears, but everyone has them. And in the end, it's not about anyone being either a winner or a loser. Even though it's easy for us to deem ourselves us failures and not even try, because we already reached that twisted conclusion. That's a mindset we can try to get rid of, piece by piece.

Hang on and do your best. And if you fail, you tried and faced your fears, and now you have more experience to try again. Trying alone is a big step. We have unlimited tries as long as we're alive. Life isn't about winning or losing, we don't get to take our wins or losses with us when we leave this world. Said a prayer for you.
 
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aangel

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Thanks for the advice guys. I feel a lot better than I did when I wrote this earlier. I'm going to keep praying about work and I'm going to start asking God to teach me through the Holy Spirit. I know I have low self esteem and I lack confidence in God and it's important to cling to his word. But sometimes I get so easily discouraged. I'm going to keep praying and meditating on scripture (even if it's not perfect). I'm going to start praying for His to strength to try to do things.

Good people advising you here, nice to see.

About anxiety and work. When you're full of anxiety and back yourself into a corner, making a comfort zone for yourself, it starts to feel like a prison, like you already know. But one is still not comfortable leaving it. I think I know how you feel. I'm not that different. Eventually you will come to this conclusion: it's not the things you're afraid of that are keeping you down, it's the fear itself.

Yeah, I just finished listening to a sermon where the pastor mentioned how freedom can be so painful to people that they'll go back their prisons. I related to that a lot. I guess I've got to keep praying for hope and that he'll fill me with His perfect love that cast out all fear.
 
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Tempura

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I know I have low self esteem and I lack confidence in God and it's important to cling to his word. But sometimes I get so easily discouraged. I'm going to keep praying and meditating on scripture (even if it's not perfect). I'm going to start praying for His to strength to try to do things.

A good thing to keep in mind is this: "just because I'm afraid and discouraged, doesn't mean I can't do things". A brave person is someone who does (or attempts to do) something while being very afraid, and not someone who is not afraid to begin with!
 
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Jeshu

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Thanks for the advice guys. I feel a lot better than I did when I wrote this earlier. I'm going to keep praying about work and I'm going to start asking God to teach me through the Holy Spirit. I know I have low self esteem and I lack confidence in God and it's important to cling to his word. But sometimes I get so easily discouraged. I'm going to keep praying and meditating on scripture (even if it's not perfect). I'm going to start praying for His to strength to try to do things.



Yeah, I just finished listening to a sermon where the pastor mentioned how freedom can be so painful to people that they'll go back their prisons. I related to that a lot. I guess I've got to keep praying for hope and that he'll fill me with His perfect love that cast out all fear.

Please don't only pray that His love will cast out fear, work at it. AS someone with a murderous past I suffered from terrible anxiety for years, my greatest fear was that my killers would be back and finish the job off as they threatened they would if
I ever told anyone what they did. Anyway Jesus over the years that I prayed and collected more love loving God, neighbour as well as self made me that strong that once in a major panic attack with my hairs standing straight up from fear I walked outside to greet my would be murderer the peace of Christ. That day marked the end of my battle with anxiety, though I still suffer from P.T.S.D and therefore anxiety everyday of my life, yet now fear can't get me anymore for in all of my fearful self I found Jesus to help and support me instead of heeding the lies of satan scaring the wits out of me.

That is what it is about my dear. Finding the Truth that is Jesus in your heart, where things have gone wrong, were you find curse instead of blessing. For it goes wrong because of the lies you have let into your heart and mind and these lies hurt you because they hurt Jesus and that is the truth.

Yet Jesus loves it when we come to Him and find safety from our fears and cleansing from our sins and stop hurting Him heeding the adversary. When we do that then we have faith in God's love and God's love will heal, help, restore, strengthen, comfort, renew and resurrect us into our good life. Faith in God's love brings us hope! (1 Corinthians 13:13)

You check for yourself dear struggling and hurting sister - when you have faith in God's love do you still fear? Let this be a sign to you to see that all of your divided self needs to attain faith in Jesus. In other words in all of our hearts we must have faith in His loving truth and not just in part, or at times.

For those times we are not in Christ's truth, satan will try his utmost to destroy the safe heaven we have with Jesus for he hates our Lord to live in us and with us again in Spirit. The devil trials people who care through our not such nice emotions, like shame, guilt, regret, loneliness, lovelessness, hopelessness, despair and fear, while if you don't care about his wrongs he will make you arrogant, prideful, rude, boastful, deceptive, cruel, hard hearted, loveless, judgmental, envious, full of hatred and discord and emotions/attitudes like that, he is a real mean one that devil let me assure you.

Anyway be of very good courage the love of our God is awesome and to overcome the power of fear contains His greatest reward ever - perfect love to beat in your chest keeping you in the palm of Father's hand for you are the apple of His eye. Everyone who has faith in His Son Jesus our heavenly Father keeps and treats like that. Honestly true!!!

Much love your way.

Fear Holds Fast
Fear grabs hold with iron grip
the evil quick confusion sowing
birthing terrorising conditions
harvesting my faithless heart.

My doubt and unbelief peaking
hopes and dreams going up in flames
my goals a catastrophe unfolding
earthquakes shattering my defense.

Feel that loveless grip ramming
cruel enemies rejoicing victory
running through my broken gates
watching the raging fires burning.

A mess in my dwelling place
hair raising shadows casting
fears fueling my insecurities
shamefully exposing weakness.

My Good life plundering
those torches of darkness
roasting me for dinner
serving the wicked feasting.


 
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Far Side Of the Moon

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Please don't only pray that His love will cast out fear, work at it. AS someone with a murderous past I suffered from terrible anxiety for years, my greatest fear was that my killers would be back and finish the job off as they threatened they would if
I ever told anyone what they did. Anyway Jesus over the years that I prayed and collected more love loving God, neighbour as well as self made me that strong that once in a major panic attack with my hairs standing straight up from fear I walked outside to greet my would be murderer the peace of Christ. That day marked the end of my battle with anxiety, though I still suffer from P.T.S.D and therefore anxiety everyday of my life, yet now fear can't get me anymore for in all of my fearful self I found Jesus to help and support me instead of heeding the lies of satan scaring the wits out of me.

That is what it is about my dear. Finding the Truth that is Jesus in your heart, where things have gone wrong, were you find curse instead of blessing. For it goes wrong because of the lies you have let into your heart and mind and these lies hurt you because they hurt Jesus and that is the truth.

Yet Jesus loves it when we come to Him and find safety from our fears and cleansing from our sins and stop hurting Him heeding the adversary. When we do that then we have faith in God's love and God's love will heal, help, restore, strengthen, comfort, renew and resurrect us into our good life. Faith in God's love brings us hope! (1 Corinthians 13:13)

You check for yourself dear struggling and hurting sister - when you have faith in God's love do you still fear? Let this be a sign to you to see that all of your divided self needs to attain faith in Jesus. In other words in all of our hearts we must have faith in His loving truth and not just in part, or at times.

For those times we are not in Christ's truth, satan will try his utmost to destroy the safe heaven we have with Jesus for he hates our Lord to live in us and with us again in Spirit. The devil trials people who care through our not such nice emotions, like shame, guilt, regret, loneliness, lovelessness, hopelessness, despair and fear, while if you don't care about his wrongs he will make you arrogant, prideful, rude, boastful, deceptive, cruel, hard hearted, loveless, judgmental, envious, full of hatred and discord and emotions/attitudes like that, he is a real mean one that devil let me assure you.

Anyway be of very good courage the love of our God is awesome and to overcome the power of fear contains His greatest reward ever - perfect love to beat in your chest keeping you in the palm of Father's hand for you are the apple of His eye. Everyone who has faith in His Son Jesus our heavenly Father keeps and treats like that. Honestly true!!!

Much love your way.

Fear Holds Fast
Fear grabs hold with iron grip
the evil quick confusion sowing
birthing terrorising conditions
harvesting my faithless heart.

My doubt and unbelief peaking
hopes and dreams going up in flames
my goals a catastrophe unfolding
earthquakes shattering my defense.

Feel that loveless grip ramming
cruel enemies rejoicing victory
running through my broken gates
watching the raging fires burning.

A mess in my dwelling place
hair raising shadows casting
fears fueling my insecurities
shamefully exposing weakness.

My Good life plundering
those torches of darkness
roasting me for dinner
serving the wicked feasting.

Beautiful story.
 
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Hidden In Him

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I'm going to start praying for His to strength to try to do things.

One more thing came to mind in praying for you last night: Don't think you're alone in needing to pray for the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. The apostle Paul asked more than once for believers to pray for him so that he might have the boldness to face those he would present the gospel to. (Ephesians 6:18-20, 2 Thessalonians 3:1). Granted, it was in knowing his hearers might persecute him and rail against him, but the principles are all the same. He wasn't a superman who didn't need God's help. Paul needed prayer to receive the empowerment of the Holy Spirit, too.

And don't forget: Becoming stronger through growth in the word is most important. Don't fall back into relying predominantly on empowerment through prayer alone, or your walk with God may end up being little more than a hollow experience of continually asking for strength to go on. Consider it as the difference between a 100 lb. teenager continually needing to gather strength in order to chop down trees on his father's property to that same teenager growing and building his body up until he is 200 lbs. and all muscle. He may still need to stop and build up strength from time to time, but not nearly as often now because he has grown to the place of being able to handle a much heavier work load without growing weary.

Glad to hear you're encouraged. Don't be afraid to keep us updated as you go. And get that job you need (i.e. whatever job your Lord has for you). Keep asking for one and believing Him for it every day, all throughout the day. Having a job, becoming good at it, handling responsibilities, and enjoying the independence that comes from being able take home a paycheck all do wonders for your self-esteem as well.

God bless.
 
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Far Side Of the Moon

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. Keep asking for one and believing Him for it every day, all throughout the day. Having a job, becoming good at it, handling responsibilities, and enjoying the independence that comes from being able take home a paycheck all do wonders for your self-esteem as well.

God bless.
Yes. I can testify to this, having a job and being able to help my mom means the world to me. You'll get it aangel :)
 
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Far Side Of the Moon

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A good thing to keep in mind is this: "just because I'm afraid and discouraged, doesn't mean I can't do things". A brave person is someone who does (or attempts to do) something while being very afraid, and not someone who is not afraid to begin with!
That's the definition of Bravery, feeling fear and doing it anyway. :)
 
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Greg J.

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I'm planning on taking a general transcription course and I really need this to work out. My mom keeps telling me that she needs my help financially so I'm feeling the pressure. I'm hoping I can stay motivated and this will something I'm actually good at. It is a home job but there a good number of legit companies around. I was hoping this would be a nice starter job until my anxiety gets under control. I do want a regular job. I'd even work at Mcdonald or Wendy but I don't feel comfortable around people I don't know. I feel inadequate and stupid. I don't even like talking to strangers on the phone. I don't have any friends. One of my cousins calls me every once in a while but I've really isolated myself from people (my cousins who I'm close in age with). I never call anyone. I just sit around the house all day. The last time I left the house was for a doctor's appointment early last month.

I don't know what I'm going to if this doesn't work out. I'm really trying. Even if it doesn't look like it to other people (my mom especially). I miss days but I try to listen to sermons (I do zone out at times), meditate on scripture, and pray. I've kind of abandoned daily bible reading and for some reason, I struggle to be consistent with even small daily devotionals. I don't know what else to do. I need God's help. I can't fix myself. Somedays I feel like don't know which way is up. It's been hard. I feel like the biggest disappointment.

I was talking to my mom earlier and she mentioned how I'm not cleaning the house like I'm supposed and how she has to tell me to do everything. I thought I was doing good with cooking dinner regularly but I guess I've failed there too. It's true. I am painfully aware of my shortcomings. My focus isn't there and I don't have any energy. I barely comb my hair most days. It's also getting really hard to get out of bed in the morning. I wake up at 9:00 most mornings but I've been lying in bed until 11:00 am even though I wide awake.

She's talked to some of her co-workers about my anxiety and depression issues. I wish she wouldn't do that because I already feel like a colossal loser. Some of them even said, "If that was my child I would kick them out." This made me feel so bad about myself. She dismissed them and said that they don't understand mental illness like she does. If I'm being honest sometimes I feel like she doesn't understand mental illness either (and she's dealt with mental illness too). Comparing me to relatives who have issues who are doing more than I am I think about that and it makes me feel like something's wrong with me. A few weeks ago she got frustrated with me. She asked me about goals and stuff. I clam up during these conversations because honestly I just don't know. I keep praying to God for wisdom because I really don't know what to do or what steps to take or how to take them. She asks about what I want for my future and I clam up with this too because I don't see anything when I try to imagine the future. I can't think about a husband and kids or anything like that there's no room in my head. All I want right now is to not be scared and to be able to work a simple job. Anyway, I ended up crying after this conversation and she got mad and said that I'm making her mean and asked me if I was taking advantage of her.

It hurts so much that nobody seems to understand my heart. I want to be different so much. I'm frustrated with myself. I supposed to be an adult but I'm just failing at every corner. I even told God that he should have made somebody else instead of me. My mom said she was disappointed and I thought 'well that makes two of us'. She also mentioned that she had talked to a counselor about me while ago that suggested that she should give me a three month period to find a job and move out. My mom didn't say she was doing that but I can't stop thinking about it and what some of her co-workers said. I guess people throw you away when you're weak. (Is tough love really love?) Honestly, I don't know what I'd do if that I happened. I feel like I would fall apart like a two-dollar suitcase. I'm barely functioning now. Sometimes the world feels like's too much. I'm too sensitive. Sometimes I just want to curl into a ball, I just want this all to be over.
It sounds to me like you have clinical depression and aren't any sort of loser at all. It also sounds like you partially have depression because of how you've been treated. I wish I could say more, but don't know enough about your situation. If you aren't dealing with your depression as something serious, I would suggest you start doing that (Christian psychiatrist/psychologist). You could end up being powerless to meet your own expectations for years, making your depression worse.
 
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I said a prayer for you. I have been through a similar situation although your situation may be different. I used to not want to talk with other people at all. I would get depressed after people would say negative things to me. Even though doing something I don't want to do can seem difficult sometimes doing that thing is better than staying in a situation that can get worse over time. There were times when I didn't think I could enjoy talking to other people because people would say something negative and I learned that maybe some of the things that I thought people were thinking about me might not be true. It could help to ask someone what they think about you. If what they say is not true, don't believe what they say. I had to learn that even if someone I am getting to know doesn't like me at first they might start to love me over time. I think I may have been able to help some people who do not always think the same way that I think understand that some thoughts that they had about me were wrong. Through the long and painful process of continuing to talk to people even when I didn't want to I was able to finally enjoy talking with people even though they think different than me. I want to encourage you to keep looking for other people who might have been through some of the same pain that you have experienced. I believed for a while that I was the only person who could understand my situation and almost never talked to other people. Then I started talking to people more and I realized how much I think other people seem to hide the pain that they are going through. I find that there are people who I enjoy spending time talking with and I get to have fellowship by talking with them. They are the people who understand my pain better and who listen. I also enjoy talking with people who don't listen because it brings me joy if they can learn something from me. I really do hope that you find people who will listen and who will be a friend. Maybe we could talk about how you are doing if you want. I would enjoy getting to talk with you if we are able to talk. If you have not recently read some of these Scriptures I would read Romans 8, 2 Cor 4 and the book of Job. You might have already read those recently. I want you to know that I want to see things go well for you and that you can consider me a friend. All the love and blessings through Jesus Christ to you. Do not lose strength. Do not stop thinking about the love of Jesus Christ. I have prayed that God will give you the power to endure the situation. Peace to you.
 
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aangel

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It sounds to me like you have clinical depression and aren't any sort of loser at all. It also sounds like you partially have depression because of how you've been treated. I wish I could say more, but don't know enough about your situation. If you aren't dealing with your depression as something serious, I would suggest you start doing that (Christian psychiatrist/psychologist). You could end up being powerless to meet your own expectations for years, making your depression worse.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder last April. Then back in February, I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Depression. I hope this hasn't come across as me depicting my mother as some sort of awful person because she's not. I know she's under a lot of stress because of money problems. She's lost my step dad's income when he died almost two years ago. Then there's my younger sister who has autism (she's not high functioning and has very limited verbal skills) she needs different therapies and there's this private school that specializes helping children and teens with autism but it all costs so much. On top of that, she's dealing with her own health issues (but I pray about these things every night). When I hear about her life starting from childhood it all just seems like one big struggle even now it's still kind of like that.

I think that's what depresses me the most. There are all these problems and I can't seem to rise up and take initiative. I feel stuck. I know a lot of my hurt feelings stem from her possibly thinking I don't care or that I don't want to do anything when I want so much to be different. Doing even little tasks takes so much effort.

I'm not seeing a psychiatrist right now. I've been praying about it but honestly, I don't know where to start. The psychiatrist who diagnosed me back in February made me feel awful. People with OCD have intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are unwelcome involuntary thoughts, images, or unpleasant ideas that may become obsessions, is upsetting or distressing, and can feel difficult to manage or eliminate. I told her that one of the things that comforted me what knowing that people with OCD never act on their thoughts (because I was struggling with an irrational fear of harming others on accident or purpose). She said, "Well, I never say never" and that was how my appointment ended. It was a very soul crushing experience considering that I suffered in silence with these thoughts for years.
 
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aangel

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I said a prayer for you. I have been through a similar situation although your situation may be different. I used to not want to talk with other people at all. I would get depressed after people would say negative things to me. Even though doing something I don't want to do can seem difficult sometimes doing that thing is better than staying in a situation that can get worse over time. There were times when I didn't think I could enjoy talking to other people because people would say something negative and I learned that maybe some of the things that I thought people were thinking about me might not be true. It could help to ask someone what they think about you. If what they say is not true, don't believe what they say. I had to learn that even if someone I am getting to know doesn't like me at first they might start to love me over time. I think I may have been able to help some people who do not always think the same way that I think understand that some thoughts that they had about me were wrong. Through the long and painful process of continuing to talk to people even when I didn't want to I was able to finally enjoy talking with people even though they think different than me. I want to encourage you to keep looking for other people who might have been through some of the same pain that you have experienced. I believed for a while that I was the only person who could understand my situation and almost never talked to other people. Then I started talking to people more and I realized how much I think other people seem to hide the pain that they are going through. I find that there are people who I enjoy spending time talking with and I get to have fellowship by talking with them. They are the people who understand my pain better and who listen. I also enjoy talking with people who don't listen because it brings me joy if they can learn something from me. I really do hope that you find people who will listen and who will be a friend. Maybe we could talk about how you are doing if you want. I would enjoy getting to talk with you if we are able to talk. If you have not recently read some of these Scriptures I would read Romans 8, 2 Cor 4 and the book of Job. You might have already read those recently. I want you to know that I want to see things go well for you and that you can consider me a friend. All the love and blessings through Jesus Christ to you. Do not lose strength. Do not stop thinking about the love of Jesus Christ. I have prayed that God will give you the power to endure the situation. Peace to you.

Thanks again you guys for your kind words and advice. God Bless.
 
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Greg J.

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... I think that's what depresses me the most. There are all these problems and I can't seem to rise up and take initiative. I feel stuck. ...I know a lot of my hurt feelings stem from her possibly thinking I don't care or that I don't want to do anything when I want so much to be different. Doing even little tasks takes so much effort.
This is typical of clinical depression, and it is not uncommon that it gets so you can't do anything no matter how much effort you put into it. The (incorrect) sense of failure (it's not your fault) feeds the depression. That's one of a number of reasons why getting treatment is so important. Studying and believing Scripture is important. Read Romans 8:31-39, and perhaps 2 Corinthians 1:18-22. There are many like this (for example). There's also other lists of verses depending on what you are looking for (for example) to help you understand how God sees you.
I'm not seeing a psychiatrist right now. I've been praying about it but honestly, I don't know where to start. The psychiatrist who diagnosed me back in February made me feel awful.
There is no reason to go back to that doctor if you don't want to. I urge people to try at least 3 before deciding on one. If possible, keep trying psychiatrists until you find one you like. I recommend using him or her for meds and finding a psychologist instead of a psychiatrist for therapy. You may find a psychiatrist you want for therapy, which is fine. Just be aware that some of them have gotten too much into relying on meds to help patients without enough therapy. Getting both is the standard recommendation and psychologists' experience has focused only on therapy. Another approach is to find a psychologist you like first and then ask them to recommend a psychiatrist. It is clearer to the psychiatrist that you will be getting therapy from your psychologist.

You can use Google to find directories of Christian doctors, such as "Christian psychologists in <your city>," "Christian psychiatrists near <your city>," or "Christian therapists," etc. Many are willing to adjust their rates according to your ability to pay. There's often free counseling in some areas, too, but I recommend looking for the best doctor first, then working out payment second.
 
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I'm planning on taking a general transcription course and I really need this to work out. My mom keeps telling me that she needs my help financially so I'm feeling the pressure. I'm hoping I can stay motivated and this will something I'm actually good at. It is a home job but there a good number of legit companies around. I was hoping this would be a nice starter job until my anxiety gets under control. I do want a regular job. I'd even work at Mcdonald or Wendy but I don't feel comfortable around people I don't know. I feel inadequate and stupid. I don't even like talking to strangers on the phone. I don't have any friends. One of my cousins calls me every once in a while but I've really isolated myself from people (my cousins who I'm close in age with). I never call anyone. I just sit around the house all day. The last time I left the house was for a doctor's appointment early last month.

I don't know what I'm going to if this doesn't work out. I'm really trying. Even if it doesn't look like it to other people (my mom especially). I miss days but I try to listen to sermons (I do zone out at times), meditate on scripture, and pray. I've kind of abandoned daily bible reading and for some reason, I struggle to be consistent with even small daily devotionals. I don't know what else to do. I need God's help. I can't fix myself. Somedays I feel like don't know which way is up. It's been hard. I feel like the biggest disappointment.

I was talking to my mom earlier and she mentioned how I'm not cleaning the house like I'm supposed and how she has to tell me to do everything. I thought I was doing good with cooking dinner regularly but I guess I've failed there too. It's true. I am painfully aware of my shortcomings. My focus isn't there and I don't have any energy. I barely comb my hair most days. It's also getting really hard to get out of bed in the morning. I wake up at 9:00 most mornings but I've been lying in bed until 11:00 am even though I wide awake.

She's talked to some of her co-workers about my anxiety and depression issues. I wish she wouldn't do that because I already feel like a colossal loser. Some of them even said, "If that was my child I would kick them out." This made me feel so bad about myself. She dismissed them and said that they don't understand mental illness like she does. If I'm being honest sometimes I feel like she doesn't understand mental illness either (and she's dealt with mental illness too). Comparing me to relatives who have issues who are doing more than I am I think about that and it makes me feel like something's wrong with me. A few weeks ago she got frustrated with me. She asked me about goals and stuff. I clam up during these conversations because honestly I just don't know. I keep praying to God for wisdom because I really don't know what to do or what steps to take or how to take them. She asks about what I want for my future and I clam up with this too because I don't see anything when I try to imagine the future. I can't think about a husband and kids or anything like that there's no room in my head. All I want right now is to not be scared and to be able to work a simple job. Anyway, I ended up crying after this conversation and she got mad and said that I'm making her mean and asked me if I was taking advantage of her.

It hurts so much that nobody seems to understand my heart. I want to be different so much. I'm frustrated with myself. I supposed to be an adult but I'm just failing at every corner. I even told God that he should have made somebody else instead of me. My mom said she was disappointed and I thought 'well that makes two of us'. She also mentioned that she had talked to a counselor about me while ago that suggested that she should give me a three month period to find a job and move out. My mom didn't say she was doing that but I can't stop thinking about it and what some of her co-workers said. I guess people throw you away when you're weak. (Is tough love really love?) Honestly, I don't know what I'd do if that I happened. I feel like I would fall apart like a two-dollar suitcase. I'm barely functioning now. Sometimes the world feels like's too much. I'm too sensitive. Sometimes I just want to curl into a ball, I just want this all to be over.

I think the only way I could help you at all here is if I'm brutally honest about my own situation. I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. I keep myself closed off from other people a lot. I'm 35 years old with no job right now, and I have PTSD, sleep apnea, and anxiety. I live with 3 family members, and just to not point the finger at which ones, I'm not going to say who. They do all have mental and physical illnesses themselves.

Honestly I've found myself getting sick to my stomach hearing people saying my situation wasn't that bad or other people have problems too so just deal with it. I've also had people tell me I'm totally fine when in my mind the entire world was crumbling around me. I still believe if I were thrown to the wolves again that they would rip me to shreds in a matter of days, and if that happened there would be no saving me again.

Now these are my problems that I have to somehow find a way to deal with, and I'm going to try and find my way to fixing everything that has happened in my life. But what you have to know is no matter how down I get about everything, none of it matters too much. I've only told you a minor fraction of the bad things that have happened in my life, but most of it is behind me. I gave my life to Jesus for the third time just under 3 months ago and amazing things have been happening for my spirit.

So let me tell you this. Jesus doesn't want you focusing on how rotten you feel you are. Instead focus on this verse from Philippians 4:8. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm stupid, but I'm not stupid enough to believe a few words are the answer to all life's problems. This is just step one to help you with your life problems.

No matter how awful you might think yourself to be, remember Jesus will love you just as much no matter what you do. The love of God and the love of Jesus is the only love in this world that is truly unconditional.

If you need to talk I'll be here. Just remember I'm not that much different than you are. If I didn't want to help you I wouldn't have posted anything at all. If it eases your mind lay your troubles on me and I will be glad. Please just don't give up on yourself because you are worth more than the world could ever know.

The hearts of men in these days have been corrupted with sin. Most everyone is searching after their own ways and looking to their own works to save them. If you do not appease them like Gods they will not listen to your cries for help. Ignore the vain mans cries for attention. Instead focus on what the bible tells you is right. In your heart you will know what is good and evil, but don't trick yourself into thinking things you can't control make you bad.

Please find a way to do well for yourself, and I will pray for you to find what you need to keep going.
 
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