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Paidiske

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Seven ways to instill confidence into your teen daughter

The way it highlighted the importance of mentoring really stood out to me. I know I've really valued my mentors, and there are times I know I struggled when a good mentor could have made a world of difference.

Do you think we need to make more of an effort to build mentoring into church life?
 
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teresa

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teresa

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My home instruction on how to handle life was not a very healthy one, in that I was taught to deny myself and to wait on and serve my husband, as well as to not speak and to let him speak for me. Even when we had our formal photo taken by a professional photographer, the photographer instructed me to stand behind my husband.

Even our photograph showed an intentional inequality.

So, no one at church mentored me or role modeled how to be assertive and stick up for myself that is for sure.
 
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teresa

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What did your husband think of all that, spice? (If I can ask). Did he take it for granted?

Well he strongly believed that this was what the bible taught and it is the way he was brought up in the church.

I think he took it for granted that I was to get married and have children and my job was to keep the home and the children. He seemed stunned when I did not want to stay at home and kept working and went back to college to try at least one course.

I left everything I knew to follow him, including leaving college and all my great jobs and community relationships, as he got a job in his field out of state.

So I was to give up all my dreams and hopes at 21 years of age, while he was to be the bread winner and I was to be a housewife.

Part of the problem was that it was the teachings of the church which informed my mom on how to raise me.

I did not get the life tools I needed at church teen youth groups or bible study or at our bowling league either.

We had activities Paidiski, that only seemed to be about church or recreation, and nothing like the article you posted above.

How would you incorporate mentoring pre-teen and teen girls into church-what could that look like?
 
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Paidiske

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How would you incorporate mentoring pre-teen and teen girls into church-what could that look like?

I think it's probably got to get away from the large-group fun activities and either be one on one or perhaps with a small group (up to maybe three young women?). And a chance for them to talk about what's really going on for them, and help them reflect on that, rather than being directed by the mentor.

That would be a start?
 
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teresa

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That would be a start?

Yes, that is the right way to begin, as you would first have a girls only pow wow session to determine what are the real issues they are dealing with out there in the world and what would they like to see change for themselves.

once you would have their issues, maybe form small groups on the topics?
 
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teresa

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our youth pastor could have led sessions where we talked about being bullied and what would be a Christian way to handle it, as well as how to manage our money, as a lot of us were working quite a lot and making lots of money. We didn't know things like opening checking account or how to buy a new car or how to get a good apartment
 
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Paidiske

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It's funny you should say that; I was saying in my sermon on Sunday (which was on Jesus' saying that you cannot serve both God and wealth) that one of the things which can contribute to poor attitudes to money was ignorance.
 
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ValleyGal

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I really think discipleship in general is lacking in the church. There are programs for this, programs for that, but who is actually being discipled? What is the difference? Programs are so impersonal and general, meant to target specific groups of people, but groups, nonetheless. Discipleship is more, imo, about making the Word real and meaningful in spiritual ways that translate into practical application.

Although I was raised in the church from my teens, I did not know about relationship with Jesus until I was nearly 30. A couple of years later, my pastor took me under his wing, answered my questions about religion, faith, salvation, and all spiritual matters. He walked me through the steps to Freedom in Christ, and then he mentored me in leadership. That was discipleship. He taught me how to study the Bible on my own, to find answers, to pray, etc. Most important, he taught me that women are valued as equals, and his leadership instilled confidence as a valued, cherished co-heir in the Kingdom. This confidence spilled into other areas of my life, such as marriage, work, family and friendships. Made a world of difference!

I know the Bible says that the older should teach the younger. So if more of the older women in our churches would do what my pastor did - take a young woman under wing and instill esteem and confidence into their identity, I think it would only serve to strengthen the church. The thing is, men need to do the same thing with our young men as well.
 
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Paidiske

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I think you're right, ValleyGal. It's easier to put together a programme than to do the painstaking and individualised work of building relationships. So we put together a programme and hope that that will create space for the process of spiritual growth, but often it doesn't.
 
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Dave-W

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Do you think we need to make more of an effort to build mentoring into church life?
Since "Go and make disciples..." was a COMMAND straight from the lips of the Risen Lord, I would say "YES!!!"
what would the classes or teachings be like/look like?
Discipleship is not just classes or teachings. It is one-on-one life formation.

It was lost by the church some 1800 years ago as it looked "too Jewish."

Discipleship is Jewish
 
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Daniel Marsh

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What is your input on Proverbs 32

The Perfect Wife
10 How hard it is to find the perfect wife.
She is worth far more than jewels.
11 Her husband depends on her.
He will never be poor.
12 She does good for her husband all her life.
She never causes him trouble.
13 She is always gathering wool and flax
and enjoys making things with her hands.
14 She is like a ship from a faraway place.
She brings home food from everywhere.
15 She wakes up early in the morning,
cooks food for her family, and gives the servants their share.
16 She looks at land and buys it.
She uses the money she has earned and plants a vineyard.
17 She works very hard.
She is strong and able to do all her work.
18 She works late into the night
to make sure her business earns a profit.
19 She makes her own thread
and weaves her own cloth.
20 She always gives to the poor
and helps those who need it.
21 She does not worry about her family when it snows.
She has given them all good, warm clothes.
22 She makes sheets and spreads for the beds,
and she wears clothes of fine linen.
23 Her husband is a respected member of the city council,
where he meets with the other leaders.
24 She makes clothes and belts
and sells them to the merchants.
25 She is a strong person, and people respect her.
She looks to the future with confidence.
26 She speaks with wisdom
and teaches others to be loving and kind.
27 She oversees the care of her house.
She is never lazy.
28 Her children say good things about her.
Her husband brags about her and says,
29 “There are many good women,
but you are the best.”
30 Grace and beauty can fool you,
but a woman who respects the Lord should be praised.
31 Give her the reward she deserves.
Praise her in public for what she has done.
 
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Dave-W

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What is your input on Proverbs 32
The woman described in Proverbs 31 (there is no chapter 32) does NOT fit the mousy reclusive women that extreme patriarchy seems to promote.
 
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