Hopeless spiritual crisis

Galnaros said:

I am actually quite sure that I have committed the unforgivable sin.

When I didn't want to continue on the path to become a Pope I started sinning deliberately, against my new Godly given conscience. I started avoiding God and cursing him until I reached a point where He just left me to my own devices. I was warned during my awakening. My efforts to reconcile with God are not heartfelt and genuine. I know that only God can save me but I don't want to return to Him from the bottom of my heart, that's why these 7 months of praying,repenting and reading the Bible haven't done anything for me. I know it's all over and I just have to face my fate now. I refuse to keep living in this horrible hopeless state and will surely end my life as soon as I get the chance to. The only thing I am still confused about is the fact that my sins weren't heavy at all. Like, I started using drugs recreationally,started smoking and avoiding reading the Bible. I can't believe that if I die now I will be sent to hell because there are much much worse people around there that can still be forgiven. This whole situation is unfair..God should've never approached me in the first place, all would've been better..

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Nonsense. You haven't committed any unpardonable sin. The reason you can't get any spiritual sensations or consolation is that your mind/brain/nervous system is a bit off. Your troubles have nothing to do with your entirely forgivable offenses.

Galnaros said:

I am actually quite sure that I have committed the unforgivable sin.

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With respect, it doesn't matter if YOU believe you have committed the unforgivable sin - it's whether God thinks you have.
Have you asked him?

Galnaros said:

When I didn't want to continue on the path to become a Pope I started sinning deliberately, against my new Godly given conscience. I started avoiding God and cursing him until I reached a point where He just left me to my own devices.

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Maybe then - but now?
Why did you choose to post on a Christian forum and ask for help?
It sounds like you are going through hell now - why would you want to die and put yourself through that for all eternity?

Galnaros said:

I know that only God can save me but I don't want to return to Him from the bottom of my heart,

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But do you want to return to him?

Of course there may be things in the past/about your past lifestyle which still appeal, so it may not be simple. And of course the devil does not want you to return to God, so he's doing everything he can to keep you from him and in despair. If you were to kill yourself feeling like this, then there'd be no hope and he would have won.

Galnaros said:

that's why these 7 months of praying,repenting and reading the Bible haven't done anything for me. I know it's all over /QUOTE]

With respect again; is this something that you have decided, or has God told you that there's no point; that he can't forgive you?

Galnaros said:

I refuse to keep living in this horrible hopeless state and will surely end my life as soon as I get the chance to.

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I pray that you won't - or you'll be in a horrible hopeless state forever.

Galnaros said:

The only thing I am still confused about is the fact that my sins weren't heavy at all. Like, I started using drugs recreationally,started smoking and avoiding reading the Bible. I can't believe that if I die now I will be sent to hell because there are much much worse people around there that can still be forgiven..

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YOU can still be forgiven.
It doesn't matter if you think your sins were not so serious, they were still sins against God. But getting to heaven is not dependent on what WE do, but on what Jesus has done - i.e given his life so that you can find God. Actually the only thing we can do which will affect where we spend eternity, is to reject Jesus and God's free gift.

If you are utterly convinced you are going to hell, then you have nothing to lose by saying to God, "I have sinned/messed up. I do not deserve forgiveness, but the Bible says that you can, and want to, forgive me. Please, help and forgive me."
If you are convinced that you are going to hell and that nothing you do will make a difference, why not ask God to show you if you have committed the unforgivable sin, or if he is still there?
If you are convinced that it was God who called you, then why not tell him that you want to respond to that call, and ask for his help? If it is God's will and plan for you to do a certain thing, then he can bring that to pass - unless you turn away and say "no thanks".

Galnaros said:

This whole situation is unfair..God should've never approached me in the first place, all would've been better..

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Would it have been better if you'd never known God at all?
You KNOW that he exists and can save you; you KNOW that you had a beautiful experience from God. You have publicly said that this is the case. So forget how you feel, what has happened and what you think should happen, and ask him to forgive you and help you respond to that call.

Unless, for some reason, you really don't want to at all, but would rather continue to feel the way you do.

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Strong in Him said:

Whoa, hold on a moment!
Firstly, Catholics are Christians - I suppose some of them may not be but what I mean is that they are a Christian denomination,believe the Christian Gospel and are our brothers and sisters in Christ. So implying that it is false and connected with the antichrist, is itself false, and unkind.
Secondly, this young man valued his Catholic faith and was blessed in it. Telling him, when he is feeling low and far from God, that that faith was practically demonic is not at all kind or helpful.

He MAY be wrong about being called to be a priest, and later the pope - stranger things have happened, even if it probably won't be for many years yet. But even if he is, he clearly received some kind of calling which he is adamant came from God. So implying that he may be called to something Satanic, is actually quite dangerous - for you, that is.

Yes, this man should avoid drugs, getting drunk and any evil or negative influences - but I don't believe that the Catholic church falls into the latter category.

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I was raised Catholic and I agree with everything you've said. It's startling how many people are so disrespectful about the Pope. Being Pope is an honorable calling from God.

@Galnaros

There is no such thing as an unforgivable sin. God still loves you as you are a precious son to him. There is no need to do anything rash that you will regret, and there are plenty of people here who are willing to listen if you just need an ear to vent to.

Galnaros said:

I know that this all is a done deal already judging by the damage that has been done to my mind and my emotions/feelings/personality. The Holy Spirit gave me everything I needed; love,personality,joy, etc and I felt all of it sapping away when I got off the spiritual path that was set out for me. I literally remember the day that I destroyed my connection with God by having certain realisations, which I can't really remember anymore.

All these months of therapy,medication,praying and Bible reading and I'm still in the same messed up state. There is just no reconciliation possible and I'm not going to bother spending time reading the Bible and praying.
I was warned that this was an all or nothing situation and I clearly got nothing out of it. There is nothing I can do to change course now, all is lost. I just wish God has mercy on me when I decide to pull the plug, which is soon. I am confident He will forgive me since the task he assigned to me was very difficult anyways.

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But you are still so young! You have your whole life ahead of you. Please just give it more time. 5 years from now you will be so very happy you gave your life another chance. Just breathe. You don't have to do anything else. Just relax and breathe and survive. Let your mind relax. God is patient, He'll always be there waiting for you, there is no need to despair.

Galnaros said:

Thanks for your concern.
That's what everyone tells me, but no one understands the mental anguish I'm going through. This experience has really made my mind so incredibly worthless, if you could inspect the way I think, the useless thoughts I have all day, you would even advice me to end my life. The gift of introspectivity turned out to be a curse when I dug too deep into myself and basically destroyed myself.

I have no means to survive. There is nothing I enjoy doing, everything I used to do before I had God smack me in the face is not enjoyable anymore. I wake up, lie in bed, scroll through facebook all day long, watch some videos about religious topics/afterlife all day, smoke some cigarettes,eat and then go to sleep for 7 months now. I can't spend quality time with my family, friends or girlfriend. I just sit around, dwelling in the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] my mind produces, and wait for time to pass, because I have nothing to talk about. There is just no interaction because I have totally lost my personality. Hell, I haven't cracked a smile in the last 7 months, not even once. If my mom would die in front of me I wouldn't even shed a single tear. This is not a way to live and I will be glad when it's all over.

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I am so sad for you, that is all so sad to hear. But I have a son close to your age and it would break my heart to see him be so depressed. People love you. You come across as such a good person, intelligent and very nice. Please don't give up on yourself. I am a real person out here and I'm telling you, as one human being to another, life really will be worth living. I know you need a miracle. I know you need healing for your mind. I know you feel like you're caught in a trap. But those are all lies.

You are not insane, you are not worthless, you are not caught in a trap. Just take one very small step in a positive direction. Just one thing. Wash your face. Or go outside and breathe in some fresh air. Give yourself just ten minutes, ten measly minutes out of 24 hours, can you do that? Can you start with just ten minutes of being different, being positive? Take a small step. Trust me. Things will change for the better for you. Don't give up!

If the only thing that can save you is divine intervention then that's what I'm praying for for you.

Also, you may be being tortured but rest assured it's not from God. God does not torment people, He saves people. You are being deceived by the devil.

Galnaros said:

I know that this all is a done deal already judging by the damage that has been done to my mind and my emotions/feelings/personality.

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No, you don't know.
If your mind is, as you say, messed up; are you able to make a rational decision, and do you know that what you're thinking/feeling is the real deal and not messed up too?

Galnaros said:

The Holy Spirit gave me everything I needed; love,personality,joy, etc and I felt all of it sapping away when I got off the spiritual path that was set out for me.

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So it was sapping away, not suddenly removed?
Any reason why you can't call out to God for help, repent and then try to get back onto the path?

Galnaros said:

I literally remember the day that I destroyed my connection with God by having certain realisations, which I can't really remember anymore.

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But that was then - what do you want to do about it now?

Galnaros said:

All these months of therapy,medication,praying and Bible reading and I'm still in the same messed up state.

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If you're on medication and it's not working, can you change to another kind?

Galnaros said:

There is just no reconciliation possible and I'm not going to bother spending time reading the Bible and praying.

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Like I said, have you asked God if there is any possible reconciliation?

Galnaros said:

I was warned that this was an all or nothing situation and I clearly got nothing out of it.

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If you heard any kind of voice which said, "you have only one chance; it's this or nothing", that voice was NOT God.
You've read some of the Bible. You must have met people who messed up over and over again - Jonah, who ran away from God; David, who had someone killed, Peter, who denied Jesus and even swore with curses that he didn't know him.
What happened to them? Jonah got a second chance, and there is no indication that he didn't continue to be a prophet; David was called a man after God's own heart and Peter was reinstated, became a leader in the church and preached a sermon which converted 3000 people.
Abraham committed a sin, was forgiven and then went off and did the same thing again. He was forgiven again.

Galnaros said:

There is nothing I can do to change course now, all is lost.

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Yes there is - and I think that you must feel that there is, otherwise, as I said; why come on this forum, ask a question and ask for help?

Galnaros said:

I am confident He will forgive me since the task he assigned to me was very difficult anyways.

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If you're confident he WILL forgive you - and you KNOW he is the only one who can save you - why not ask him now? Why wait until after you die - whenever that might be - and then run the risk of finding out that you were wrong?

You are asking for help NOW - and being offered it.
If you are unable to believe that some of the things people are saying are true - that you are loved, that there is hope and have not committed the unforgivable sin; then you are probably depressed and need medical help.
If you are unwilling to believe it - why?
Do you think you need to be worthy of God's love? You can't be.
Do you think you need to be punished by God for your actions? Well you don't, because Jesus died for you. But even if you felt you needed to be punished - aren't you in hell now?
Why can't you ask God to forgive you? You seem to think you have no hope anyway, so you have nothing to lose. Isn't it worth a try? Or are you certain that you have correctly read God's mind?

Goodbook said:

Let this be a lesson to anyone reading this thread...dont get mixed up with RCC.

Honestly, the amount of spiritual confusion the OP is experiencing is due to counterfeit christianity. Please TEST the spirits to see if they are of God.

1 John 4

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I've experienced the holy spirit throughout my life as a Catholic and several times from receiving Catholic sacraments. You don't know what you're talking about.

Galnaros said:

I have asked God to forgive me every single day since I'm in this hell and nothing has changed.

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If you've asked him to forgive you; he's forgiven you. That's what the NT says and that's why Jesus died.

Whether you can forgive yourself, or whether you are waiting until you FEEL forgiven, is another matter.

Galnaros said:

What else could I have been doing other than asking God to help me? I am not expecting Him to help me anymore after letting me rot in this state for such a long time.

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And yet he can, and will.

Galnaros said:

I didn't hear God's voice telling me that it was all or nothing, God communicated to me through music,other people,

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You don't think that God is maybe communicating to you through the people on this forum? All those who have replied to you, are praying for you and say you have not committed the unforgivable sin?

Galnaros said:

and that's how I got to learn that it was indeed all or nothing.

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But it's not.

Galnaros said:

I came to this forum just to find out if anyone here has heard of a story similar to mine.

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Yes - Jonah; called by God, was serving God, deliberately disobeyed God and as a result got swallowed by a big fish. Can you imagine what it might be like to sit in a fish's stomach for 3 days? He didn't know he would get a second chance. But he did, and he went off to do the thing that he was called to do in the first place.
David; loved, served and was anointed by God to be king. Deliberately committed adultery and then murder. Was in agony when he found that he had sinned against God, and that his baby son was very ill - repented, was given a second chance and called a man after God's heart.
Peter; saw and performed miracle, confessed Jesus as the Messiah - then denied, with curses, that he had ever known him. Restored, forgiven and became a great leader.

I'm sure there are books and testimonies about people who have gone through similar things.

Galnaros said:

Also I am not depressed, 3 psychiatrists told me so.

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Maybe you weren't at the time they told you; but now?
You are expressing a desire to die, say you would rather die than do anything, like going to the gym and that you have little interest in anything.
I think if you found a website on depression - like the depression alliance - they'd flag you up as being moderately/severely depressed.

Galnaros said:

I am just suffering from the curse I was warned for prior to my awakening. My introspectivity went too far when I was avoiding God and kept digging into things that were not relevant to the path I had to walk and that's how my mind got all scrambled up in the end.

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I don't believe any such warning or "curse" came from God.

God sent his Son to die for you and WANTS you to belong to him.
The devil is a liar and murderer and wants to destroy your relationship with God so that you can belong to HIM.
Which of these 2 do you think would have an interest in seeing you confused and broken?

Galnaros said:

About my mind.. yes it's really messed up, I can't do anything with it.

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No, YOU can't - other people may be able to offer counselling, prayer, support, and maybe medicines - if you are prepared to give it a go.

Sitting at home doing nothing - if in fact you are - and just waiting for God to make everything clear and wonderful, may not be the way to go. It will take guts to pick up the phone to the Samaritans, or whoever, and say "I feel like hell" - but who knows how you'll feel after you do so?
You've already seen that God can work through other people. Music is an excellent idea too - maybe the Hallelujah chorus, or something rousing. If you can sing the words too; SING about God and his love, that might help you feel a little better.

Or are you saying that you are a case that is too difficult for God to handle?

Galnaros said:

I don't make rational decisions anymore, because I don't find myself in situations where I'd have to anyways.

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Well you're in one now;
believe that you can get some help, go again to a doctor, private counsellor, priest or all 3; or don't, and continue to feel like you do?
believe that God has forgiven you because you asked him to, thank him for hearing you, try to do something, everyday, to make yourself feel a little better - maybe start a journal and get all your feelings down on paper; or don't.

Galnaros said:

I know for sure that the only thing that could help me is another divine intervention but I'm not expecting one anymore.

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Well a) God can work, even through your unbelief and b) he may want you to do one or two small things to help yourself, to show him that you want to and mean business.

Sir,

sometimes I beg God to cause the rain not to fall into my face... but, He gives me what I need.

Galnaros said:

But don't you think that I should really doubt continuing my life after 7 months of this hell.

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We all have needed to end our selfish lives, but stay alive so we can live with Jesus.

One problem is how any of us can be mainly concerned about our own selves, including mainly caring about how we ourselves will answer to God. We need to care about others as much as we care about our own selves

Galnaros said:

How can God leave me in this state for such a long time? Why are all my efforts in vain? I really have committed the unforgivable sin and I should just face hell like a man.

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Well, in our egos we might suppose we can handle the consequences of our sinning, but it is better to trust in Jesus, seek Him for the correction we need. We can self-punish ourselves, in order to avoid real correction.

Galnaros said:

I'm sure I was called to become a Pope.

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Well, if God is really committed to something, He will do it with you. We see in scripture how people have said no to Him, but then He proved Himself with them and had them succeed. But I personally do not believe that you are called to be a pope. Why waste your attention on what God is not committed to? He is not committed to you being a pope, nor to suicide.

You can be greater and more famous than what you now think you know about popes, by personally loving and helping a needy person who not many people know about.

But you need to face Him with trust, not "like a man" of ego, but humbly in trust and prayer. And enjoy doing the impossible of personal loving, learning how to love. What you can now know about a pope is clearly not all He has for you, because He does more and better than we can suppose and fight or seek. God is so better

Galnaros said:

What the hell could it be and why is it that God doesn't show the tiniest bit of interest in me after 7 months of trying to reach Him?

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God can prove Himself to you.

Galnaros said:

I understand that God doesn't punish me but that I punished myself. The question is, how do I undo this , and I'm sure God isn't the answer after these 7 months.

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The way how is how He does things with you, not what you do on your own. Self-produced stuff fails. Many people are in depression and suffering and stress and frustration because of depending on less than God. So, you are not the only one, but depression can trick you into being convinced you are the only one, all by yourself.

But the way out, then, is not suicide, but Jesus is our way. So, there are things you are telling yourself, which are not true. So . . . actually . . . maybe I should say > something you can do is stop telling yourself all the negative and self-hating stuff; do not trust that. Because . . . as long as you are feeding yourself that nasty and negative stuff, you are keeping yourself from being able to sense and communicate with God, and so you can fool yourself into supposing He is not interested in you. So, don't trust that stuff!!

Galnaros said:

I have asked God to forgive me every single day since I'm in this hell and nothing has changed. What else could I have been doing other than asking God to help me? I am not expecting Him to help me anymore after letting me rot in this state for such a long time.

I didn't hear God's voice telling me that it was all or nothing, God communicated to me through music,other people,events etc and that's how I got to learn that it was indeed all or nothing.
I came to this forum just to find out if anyone here has heard of a story similar to mine.
Also I am not depressed, 3 psychiatrists told me so. I am just suffering from the curse I was warned for prior to my awakening. My introspectivity went too far when I was avoiding God and kept digging into things that were not relevant to the path I had to walk and that's how my mind got all scrambled up in the end.

About my mind.. yes it's really messed up, I can't do anything with it. I am stuck in this mental cage full of thought patterns/ways of thinking that are not relevant at all. I can't explain how my mind operates now because it digs so deep into myself. I don't make rational decisions anymore, because I don't find myself in situations where I'd have to anyways. I know for sure that the only thing that could help me is another divine intervention but I'm not expecting one anymore.

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Peace be with you.


Let's speak Frankly.


How long have you been taking drugs for?

What kind of drugs do you take?

How often do you use drugs?

Besides believing you ran away from God and your calling and committing unpardonable sins, have you committed any of these sins:

Have you committed incest?

How many women have you slept with?

Have you been a prostitute, a male gigolo, a man-harlot?

Have you murdered anyone?

Have you stolen?

Have you looked at a beggar and laughed at his sorry plight and made fun of him?

Have you ever looked in the mirror and admired your beauty and thought how incredibly gorgeous you look?

Have you ever plotted to steal another person's wife or husband because you wanted her or him for yourself and carried out your plot?

Have you ever plotted someone's destruction because you were envious with what he or she had that you wanted for yourself and carried out your plot?

Have you cursed anyone using blood sacrifices because you hated them so bad and wanted only suffering and misery for him, her or them?

Have you committed adultery?

Have you been gay or homosexual?

Have you committed pedophilia?

Have you had relations with animals?

Have you ever made a pact with the devil to fulfil your sinful desires?

Have you ever loved wealth, possessions and money so much, you were willing to trod and murder people to get them?

Have you ever plotted to murder someone and carried out your plot?

Have you ever plotted against a newborn baby in the womb to destroy it just out of selfishness because you were too young to waste your life providing for him or her or just for convenience sake and carried out the plot together?


Please answer these questions so that the people here can understand your spiritual condition better and render you more assistance.


You see all those sins I listed above, God has to deal with them on a daily basis and save people from their past sins that haunt them and lead them to recover from their past bad life. This takes a Lot of Patience, Perseverance, Mercy, Grace, and Work.


So based on the information you have given, please forgive me when I tell you this, I think you know God like 0.000000000000000000000000000001%. And this number is being kind to you. That's how much I think you know about God. Sorry to say. Some of the things you say about God sounds like Junk.

God bless you.

God will either deliver you from suffering, or if not, will give you the strength and grace, to pass trough it and endure it.

Difficulties make you do or discover some good things which you would not do or discover otherwise.

When you worry about the future, which you do not know, it prevents you to function and enjoy living in the present, which you know.

We all have reasons, to be troubled, but the Word of God, gave us a greater reason, not to be troubled.

The Holy Spirit is called a Helper! Therefore, no Christian can be helpless again!

Psalm119:50,52,92,93,107, Isaiah 61:1-3, Psalm 68:19, 2Corinthians 1:3-11, Psalm 115:3-8, Psalm 107:41, Psalm 116:6-9, Psalm 22:24, Psalm 94:17-19, Psalm 142:2,3, Romans 15:13, Psalm 121:1,3,7, Psalm 50:15, Psalm 34:6,17,18,19, Psalm 69, Psalm 37:24,39, Psalm 46:1, Psalm 30:11, 31:6-10, Psalm 62, Psalm 6, Psalm 147:3, 4:16-18, 7:6, 12:8,9,10, Lamentations 3:1-66, Psalm 138:7, Psalm 43:5, Psalm 118:5, Psalm 12:5, Psalm 22:24, Psalm
18:27,28, Psalm 20:1