Everyone claims God loves me, but why does He allow me to suffer so tremendously?

The Lightworker

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First off, I am far too apologetic if I wrote this in the wrong category. Only I just discovered this forum a few minutes ago and don't know much about it.

It's just, just that I'm dealing with an issue that I have been bravely fighting against for far too many years to count. What I am talking about is my crippling depression and anxiety. Honestly, I can't take it anymore. It's too much to deal with. I try to stay strong, but I can't stay strong anymore.

I just don't understand how God can love me, yet watches me be miserable everyday. I don't understand how God can love me, yet can know that I hate myself more and more each day. I don't understand how God can love me, yet can allow me to want nothing more but to die.

I do love Him, but I don't even pray anymore because I don't see myself getting any better. So, I don't even know if I consider myself a Christian anymore. I do want to be a Christian more than anything, but I feel God hates me because He's not even proving to me that He loves me anymore. I feel I messed up immensely, but I can't remember what I did to hurt Him. And I feel super awful about it.

What I'm asking is... how can I repair my relationship with God? I want to have the strongest relationship with Him again and have Him save me from my deathly issues. How can I do this? Please and thank you!
 

brinny

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:heart: Bless yer heart, i can relate precious. Standing in for you and praying. He LOVES you, dear one. How precious that you posted. May He minister to you and heal you every place that you hurt, dear one. (((hug)))
 
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ImAllLikeOkWaitWat

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What if God isn't just sitting back allowing you to suffer but actively fighting on your behalf to stop your suffering. Because there is suffering in this world does that mean God isn't actively fighting for us no? Does it mean if he is fighting for us that he isn't all powerful? no. What it means is although he you and I all win in the end there is a certain process that must be followed but know that God doesn't want you to suffer and it will end some day. The key is to keep fighting through the pain cause no pain lasts forever.
 
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ADisciple

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I hope this is ok to post (no copyright issues), but I feel it may help our new member find some comfort in his/her situation.

This is January 4th entry in Sarah Young's Jesus Calling devotional. I read it all last year, and have started it over again this year.

I want you to learn a new habit. Try saying, "I trust You, Jesus," in response to whatever happens to you. If there is time, thing about who I am in all My Power and Glory; ponder also the depth and breadth of My Love for you.
This simple practice will help you see Me in every situation, acknowledging My sovereign control over the universe. When you view events from this perspective - through the Light of My universal Presence - fear loses its grip on you. Adverse circumstances become growth opportunities when you affirm your trust in Me no matter what. You receive blessings gratefully, realizing they flow directly from My hand of grace. Your continual assertion of trusting Me will strengthen our relationship and keep you close to Me.

Psalm 63:2; Isaiah 40:10-11; Psalm 139:7-10
 
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newlightseven

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It is a trick of the devil to try to make you think God doesn't care, or love you. When you are attacked thank God that you are on the right Side for if you weren't you would not be getting attacked. Stay praising God. Carrying your cross whatever it may be will get you a reward in heaven.
 
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RC1970

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“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed” ~ 2 Corinthians 4:8–9

“through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God” ~ Acts 14:22

"In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;" ~ 1 Peter 1:6-7
 
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NothingIsImpossible

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Well I can tell you I have major disabilities and yes, at times you can get depressed about it. I used to say the same as you. But your question is how does God love you when your suffering right?

Easy answer. Your loved more then you know! Actually I can prove it. Everything we have is from God. You woke up alive this morning, thats God giving you another day of life. You have a roof over your head, food to eat, internet, clothes to wear....etc. Thats God providing. Heck just waking up alive is a reminder every day that I am loved.

Now what about why does He let the pain happen? The suffering? Well sin is the answer. By that I mean because Eve bit the apple, sin came into the world. So creation was tainted. Now our bodies (our cells) die a little bit each day since the day we are born. We can have health issue. Issues with our brain. Issues with any number of things like anger, violence, jealousy...etc.

But these are not things God gave us. Adam and Eve sadly chose it for us because of that apple. Now why doesn't God change things though? Free will. Nothing is impossible for Him of course. But He gave us free will. This way we were not just robots that did everything He said. And because of free will he cannot just do whatever He likes. Again not because he isn't able to, but because if He did decide to lets say remove anxiety from all humans, it would be interfering with our "choice", our "free will" to do as we please.

Now one might ask "But still, how does God love us then???". Easy. Jesus. If you think about it, if God really did not care about us, He could have never sent Jesus to die for our sins. He could have just skipped it and ALL of us would be hell bound. With no hope to change it. But because of His great love He sent Jesus to experience what we go through then die for our sins so that we could choose to become saved and go to heaven.

He basically sent a life raft. Its still our free will of course to chose that lift raft or to drown. None the less God loves is so loving that is beyond what we can understand. When you suffer, He cries with you. When you go through a super hard trial, He suffers watching and is hugging you. You may not see it or feel it. But Hes always there. Even earlier as you typed, He was holding you.

For me I also grew up with your issues to, not counting my other disabilities. And yes for years I was mad at God over it. I wasted SOOO much time being angry. I didn't realize His love for me and I regret that wasted time. But I learned from it. And one thing that makes me happy is knowing even when I have trials and pain here, eventually I will pass away and have a new body that no longer has pain and suffering. I will be perfect. And I will live forever free from this worlds pains. Thats an amazing gift from Him!
 
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dhh712

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First off, I am far too apologetic if I wrote this in the wrong category. Only I just discovered this forum a few minutes ago and don't know much about it.

It's just, just that I'm dealing with an issue that I have been bravely fighting against for far too many years to count. What I am talking about is my crippling depression and anxiety. Honestly, I can't take it anymore. It's too much to deal with. I try to stay strong, but I can't stay strong anymore.

I just don't understand how God can love me, yet watches me be miserable everyday. I don't understand how God can love me, yet can know that I hate myself more and more each day. I don't understand how God can love me, yet can allow me to want nothing more but to die.

I do love Him, but I don't even pray anymore because I don't see myself getting any better. So, I don't even know if I consider myself a Christian anymore. I do want to be a Christian more than anything, but I feel God hates me because He's not even proving to me that He loves me anymore. I feel I messed up immensely, but I can't remember what I did to hurt Him. And I feel super awful about it.

What I'm asking is... how can I repair my relationship with God? I want to have the strongest relationship with Him again and have Him save me from my deathly issues. How can I do this? Please and thank you!

Well, what makes you think you deserve to be treated any differently than what you are by God? What does he owe you?

Many, if not most, Christians do not have an easy life here on this earth. Look for instance at Job: even through all his trials, he still maintained that, "Though he slay me, yet I will trust him." (13:15). Job had many grievances he could lay upon God, yet he did not--he continued to trust him.

Here is another saint's life you can take a look at: Horatio Spafford penned "All is well with my Soul" after his four daughters died in a shipwreck; not too long before that, his son died of illness and his livelihood was destroyed in a fire. This is what he had to say after this tragedy:

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to His cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Is that not worth all the trials in this world, to know that your sins are covered by the Lord Jesus and that after we perish from this earth we can be with our Heavenly Father for eternity? If this is just the one blessing our Father has given us and has taken away all temporal ones, this should be enough for us. God doesn't owe us that, even; yet he did, out of his great love for his fallen creation, send his only son to be a blood sacrifice for us, to cover all our transgressions which would otherwise keep us apart from him.

I know that to our flesh this sounds very disappointing. That is why we must trust the Lord and spend what time we can utilizing the means of grace so that God can open our hearts and give us this understanding.

I pray that the Lord will take this affliction from you, that he will lift his heavy hand of judgment from you and rather look upon you with a kind Providence.
 
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Mathew 16;26

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First off, I am far too apologetic if I wrote this in the wrong category. Only I just discovered this forum a few minutes ago and don't know much about it.

It's just, just that I'm dealing with an issue that I have been bravely fighting against for far too many years to count. What I am talking about is my crippling depression and anxiety. Honestly, I can't take it anymore. It's too much to deal with. I try to stay strong, but I can't stay strong anymore.

I just don't understand how God can love me, yet watches me be miserable everyday. I don't understand how God can love me, yet can know that I hate myself more and more each day. I don't understand how God can love me, yet can allow me to want nothing more but to die.

I do love Him, but I don't even pray anymore because I don't see myself getting any better. So, I don't even know if I consider myself a Christian anymore. I do want to be a Christian more than anything, but I feel God hates me because He's not even proving to me that He loves me anymore. I feel I messed up immensely, but I can't remember what I did to hurt Him. And I feel super awful about it.

What I'm asking is... how can I repair my relationship with God? I want to have the strongest relationship with Him again and have Him save me from my deathly issues. How can I do this? Please and thank you!
one word : Faith
 
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ToBeLoved

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First off, I am far too apologetic if I wrote this in the wrong category. Only I just discovered this forum a few minutes ago and don't know much about it.

It's just, just that I'm dealing with an issue that I have been bravely fighting against for far too many years to count. What I am talking about is my crippling depression and anxiety. Honestly, I can't take it anymore. It's too much to deal with. I try to stay strong, but I can't stay strong anymore.

I just don't understand how God can love me, yet watches me be miserable everyday. I don't understand how God can love me, yet can know that I hate myself more and more each day. I don't understand how God can love me, yet can allow me to want nothing more but to die.

I do love Him, but I don't even pray anymore because I don't see myself getting any better. So, I don't even know if I consider myself a Christian anymore. I do want to be a Christian more than anything, but I feel God hates me because He's not even proving to me that He loves me anymore. I feel I messed up immensely, but I can't remember what I did to hurt Him. And I feel super awful about it.

What I'm asking is... how can I repair my relationship with God? I want to have the strongest relationship with Him again and have Him save me from my deathly issues. How can I do this? Please and thank you!
I deal with the same crippling clinical depression and anxiety. It is the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with and the word 'crippling' you use is a good word for it. Because you have it every day. It never goes away.

With that said, I am not sure why God does not deliver us from it, but there is a reason. Maybe it is that we have more compassion and mercy upon others because we ourselves have been through such deep hurt or that we who have survived it in faith are to help others survive it. only God truly knows the why's.

I think I can give you some good advice, because I have the same thing you have and I know what has helped me.

1. Concentrate on God.

When everything in this life pulls you down, don't look at life, look at God. Know that there is another place that you will be with Him where you will not have the depression and anxiety. In heaven, there will be no sickness or pain. You have that to look forward to. You will also be with Christ, in His arms forever. When you feel Christ's love you will know that this is the love and big hug that He wanted to give you during your lifetime here, but could not. Christ said to Pilot that this world was not His home. If it had been His home, his disciples would have fought for Him, but they did not and Jesus told them not to. Because Jesus knew He was going home. Heaven is our home also. Not this earth full of pain and sorrow.

2. Love others.

Loving others is really a key to not concentrating on your own problems. It is so, so difficult because our depression and anxiety always points us back to ourselves and these problems because they are huge. But extending love to others, even if it is a smile at a homeless person or another person or listening to someone else who is in pain, takes our minds off of our own pain. The feeling when we love and help another seems to be the one thing that can heal us a little. And each time we do it it does heal us a little. Can we do it a lot? Well that is the hard part, but keep doing it.

3. Love God.

Most people do not understand depression and they think it is a small thing or even a made up thing. It is heart breaking for us that those who we love and are around do not understand, but God understands. He see's our heart and He knows our pain. He is the ONLY ONE who really does understand. So give it to Him. Ask Him to show you how to love and not concentrate on your own problems. Pray, pray and pray. Tell Him it all. You were not meant to carry all your pain by yourself. Christ carries it with us.

I hope this helps you or at least gives you some things to think about.

Be blessed.

P.S. Welcome to CF!!!!
 
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1watchman

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First off, I am far too apologetic if I wrote this in the wrong category. Only I just discovered this forum a few minutes ago and don't know much about it.

It's just, just that I'm dealing with an issue that I have been bravely fighting against for far too many years to count. What I am talking about is my crippling depression and anxiety. Honestly, I can't take it anymore. It's too much to deal with. I try to stay strong, but I can't stay strong anymore.

I just don't understand how God can love me, yet watches me be miserable everyday. I don't understand how God can love me, yet can know that I hate myself more and more each day. I don't understand how God can love me, yet can allow me to want nothing more but to die.

I do love Him, but I don't even pray anymore because I don't see myself getting any better. So, I don't even know if I consider myself a Christian anymore. I do want to be a Christian more than anything, but I feel God hates me because He's not even proving to me that He loves me anymore. I feel I messed up immensely, but I can't remember what I did to hurt Him. And I feel super awful about it.

What I'm asking is... how can I repair my relationship with God? I want to have the strongest relationship with Him again and have Him save me from my deathly issues. How can I do this? Please and thank you!

Dear friend, Your "relationship with God" is your responsibility, for God has already told us what is needed in our life. I don't see any reference in your letter here about the Son of God, and the Bible is very clear that "He that hath the Son hath life (eternal), and he that hath not the Son of God does not have (that) life" (read 1 Jn. 5:10-12).

I hope and pray you will begin reading the Gospels and the Epistles and hear God speaking to you. Start with John 1; John 3; John 14 to get a good overview, then begin daily readings of the New Testament and keep asking God to teach and lead you. He will not turn from you if you are a sincere seeker. He loves every soul wants all mankind to come to Him and receive His great salvation. You NEED the Lord Jesus in your heart as lord of your life.

Also, friend, you need to see a good physician (probably an Internal Medicine Specialist) about the depression, for it is often a physiological problem which requires meds. If it is just a functional disorder, the Lord can give you a happy and good outlook on things. Look up always!
 
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1watchman

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Just looking back, and wondering if you have taken the good advice given on your post, Lightworker. God seeks your good, but it is only on His terms, not yours. As suggested, you should be reading the Gospels in the Bible and seeking God's "....so great salvation" in His beloved Son. It is our only hope for eternal salvation, and hope, peace, and blessings in this world. I will pray for you!
 
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Melony Martin

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Let me say this. I have had a long history with crippling depression and anxiety, among other things, and I understand, to some extent, your emotions. (No one can actually live or truly know your experience fully.) When suffering with severe depression, as you seem to be, it is important to have a competent mental health team. Clearly, Christianity is important to you on some level, so pastoral counseling, separately is a good way to go. HOWEVER, it is important that you seek the advice of a qualified therapist to deal with your depression. Do not stop with just one therapist. Therapists have all different styles and modalities, and it is important to find someone you resonate with. If you need medication, go on it. Don't be ashamed or feel, somehow less Christian. Still, remember not all medications work for all people. I've been on almost every single antidepressant, and there are only two that work for me, and one of them, I can't afford. The road to recovery is a long process, but don't give up!
 
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ToBeLoved

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Let me say this. I have had a long history with crippling depression and anxiety, among other things, and I understand, to some extent, your emotions. (No one can actually live or truly know your experience fully.) When suffering with severe depression, as you seem to be, it is important to have a competent mental health team. Clearly, Christianity is important to you on some level, so pastoral counseling, separately is a good way to go. HOWEVER, it is important that you seek the advice of a qualified therapist to deal with your depression. Do not stop with just one therapist. Therapists have all different styles and modalities, and it is important to find someone you resonate with. If you need medication, go on it. Don't be ashamed or feel, somehow less Christian. Still, remember not all medications work for all people. I've been on almost every single antidepressant, and there are only two that work for me, and one of them, I can't afford. The road to recovery is a long process, but don't give up!
this is really good advice. I have the same thing and my whole life.

If it is bad, for the OP's own quality of life they should have a good mental health team and even medication. It is like you said, not something to be ashamed of, mental health issues get a very bad rap and it is total b.s. People think treating mental health issues should be optional, but tell that to someone with diabetes or something. Now this is important,and I know you made it a point to

IF YOU ARE MEDICALLY DIAGNOSED, then take care of yourself. Depression is much are than feeling sad, to the OP, it is a problem with our bodies not producing happy endorphins. Don't worry what other people think. WHO CARES. GOD KNOWS.

I hope the OP will see that both of us with long histories with this illness are saying the same thing. No one will ever understand but those with mental illness. So expect the world and CHristians too to put you down. It is coming and they will do it your whole life. Expect it.
 
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ToBeLoved

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First off, I am far too apologetic if I wrote this in the wrong category. Only I just discovered this forum a few minutes ago and don't know much about it.

It's just, just that I'm dealing with an issue that I have been bravely fighting against for far too many years to count. What I am talking about is my crippling depression and anxiety. Honestly, I can't take it anymore. It's too much to deal with. I try to stay strong, but I can't stay strong anymore.

I just don't understand how God can love me, yet watches me be miserable everyday. I don't understand how God can love me, yet can know that I hate myself more and more each day. I don't understand how God can love me, yet can allow me to want nothing more but to die.

I do love Him, but I don't even pray anymore because I don't see myself getting any better. So, I don't even know if I consider myself a Christian anymore. I do want to be a Christian more than anything, but I feel God hates me because He's not even proving to me that He loves me anymore. I feel I messed up immensely, but I can't remember what I did to hurt Him. And I feel super awful about it.

What I'm asking is... how can I repair my relationship with God? I want to have the strongest relationship with Him again and have Him save me from my deathly issues. How can I do this? Please and thank you!
Under your post, there should be a "Report" url, report it to the mods that ift is in the wrong area and ask them to move it to another category. Other ppl will eat you alive here in the Advice section. Sad but true.
 
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sheamiao

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Try to love God .you can be a miserable believer and make your way to heaven, or you can be a happy believer instead. in John 15,if you look closely, if you want be remain in him and bear fruit, you need to obey his command, that is love each other as he has loved us. If you want to be joyful, peaceful, loving and kind and have all the fruit of spirit , you got to love others . You can start here in this forum, find some people who have problems in mind , body, or emotions, meet their needs, some need comfort, some need encouragement, or advice. So help those people with the way of God, you life will be much happier. You can pray about this.
First off, I am far too apologetic if I wrote this in the wrong category. Only I just discovered this forum a few minutes ago and don't know much about it.

It's just, just that I'm dealing with an issue that I have been bravely fighting against for far too many years to count. What I am talking about is my crippling depression and anxiety. Honestly, I can't take it anymore. It's too much to deal with. I try to stay strong, but I can't stay strong anymore.

I just don't understand how God can love me, yet watches me be miserable everyday. I don't understand how God can love me, yet can know that I hate myself more and more each day. I don't understand how God can love me, yet can allow me to want nothing more but to die.

I do love Him, but I don't even pray anymore because I don't see myself getting any better. So, I don't even know if I consider myself a Christian anymore. I do want to be a Christian more than anything, but I feel God hates me because He's not even proving to me that He loves me anymore. I feel I messed up immensely, but I can't remember what I did to hurt Him. And I feel super awful about it.

What I'm asking is... how can I repair my relationship with God? I want to have the strongest relationship with Him again and have Him save me from my deathly issues. How can I do this? Please and thank you!
y
 
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thispoorman

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I also suffered from crippling anxiety and depression for many years, leading to various addictions to try to ignore the pain, and ultimately to thoughts of despair, suicide, and the belief that even if there were a God, the most likely destiny for me was either a trillion white-hot hells (which I felt that I could handle, because I was suffering worse than that already), or eternal nothingness - which I desired more than Heaven, because in Heaven I would have to deal with people, and I hated and feared people.

Obviously, I was a basket case. The root of the problem turned out to be a toxic combination of bad brain chemicals, sin that I neither could nor did repent of, and Satan's lies, which sounded all-too-true to my diseased spiritual ears. Great medical help has gotten my mind-storms under control, I am seeking talk therapy, and, most importantly, God has touched my heart in a truly miraculous way that I did not anticipate. I have long thought myself to be a garden-variety bad Christian, but it pleased God to give me my own "Damascus Road" experience - one I never thought I would have. So there is always, always hope; wait on the Lord, and He will act. Remember also - at the center of all things is the cross, on which even Christ himself could cry "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" God is not only enthroned in Heaven, "dispassionately watching" your suffering - in the person of his Son he is suffering right there on the cross right next to your own. Turn to him in faith, and he will receive you into his Kingdom.
 
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ToBeLoved

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I also suffered from crippling anxiety and depression for many years, leading to various addictions to try to ignore the pain, and ultimately to thoughts of despair, suicide, and the belief that even if there were a God, the most likely destiny for me was either a trillion white-hot hells (which I felt that I could handle, because I was suffering worse than that already), or eternal nothingness - which I desired more than Heaven, because in Heaven I would have to deal with people, and I hated and feared people.

Obviously, I was a basket case. The root of the problem turned out to be a toxic combination of bad brain chemicals, sin that I neither could nor did repent of, and Satan's lies, which sounded all-too-true to my diseased spiritual ears. Great medical help has gotten my mind-storms under control, I am seeking talk therapy, and, most importantly, God has touched my heart in a truly miraculous way that I did not anticipate.
Me too. And God does not always choose to heal, so we must comes to terms with that God chooses who He will heal.

But God does provide a way. Good words.
 
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