Don't Really Trust Him Any More

Questioning Brother

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I don't know how to say it really, but the truth is I just don't Trust God for much any more.

I am tired of the painful times and the rough spots. In addition, for a while now(several years), about 99% of the things I pray for not only are answered with ,"No.", but with a worsening of the situation. It really is as if God is taking the lists of thing I am praying to have happen in my life and the things I am praying to not happen, and then He is scratching out the titles and writing "Not going to happen" over the things I am praying for, and "My Plan is to double these" over the list I am praying against.

Before the, "He will restore" crowd gets going, I have NEVER been interested in a restoration. I wanted, and continue to want, protection from this stuff, not insurance against it (Insurance doesn't prevent the problem, it restores afterwards). I am not a "destination" person. To me, a hard, painful journey to an awesome destination isn't worth it. I would rather have a nice easy journey to a lesser destination.

Also, don't start with the "it's part of His plan". That just makes things worse. That means this pain is His doing, and I have NO HOPE of getting it taken care of. If it is the Devil, I can have hope that God can, and presumably will, fix the situation. If it is HIS plan than that is gone, because God wants me in this pain for His purpose(which by this point I have ZERO desire for).

One more group to address: the "He is forming you" crowd. To use the analogies from the Bible, my faith is made from gasoline-soaked balsa wood that is thinly cut. In other words, the "fire of affliction" will burn it to useless ashes, and any attempt at molding through pressure with break it. If he wanted me a certain way, why not save me the trouble and MAKE ME THAT WAY TO BEGIN WITH? If He actually wanted me, He would know that no amount of painful experience will draw me to Him. It will only act like a cattle prod and drive me away. If he is trying to get me to reach a certain group, He really is WAY off track. I grew up poor and had an abusive parent. I am LESS sympathetic to people who let those things mess with them. I don't care anymore what the purpose of it is, I just want it to stop. If there is good on the other side of this pain, I would give it up in LESS THAN a heartbeat to avoid the pain. A painful experience poisons a blessing for me.

So I don't know how to handle this, and I am losing even having "warm thoughts" for Him, much less love. I guess I need some advice on how to handle a god who is either: A) Not omniscient(He'd know that this is driving me away from Him) B) Not Omnipotent(I don't really believe this which makes it WORSE), C) Uncaring, or who I don't trust enough for D) has things in store for later(ESPECIALLY if he's waiting until after I die).
 
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singpraise

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Hi, it sounds like you might be dealing with clinical depression? Have you seen a doctor? It's ok to allow your mind to rest a while, without trying to figure out everything about God. You don't have to have all the answers. It's ok to be mad at God, we all go through that. He can take it. He's not expecting anything from you.

Something that is very simple and that has worked for me, when I get into a bad state of mind sometimes, is to remind myself to just be in the moment. Breathe. Take a step. Survive. Don't think, don't even pray. Pay attention.

If something good comes to my attention, even a very small thing like a bird song or a ray of sunshine filtering through the bedroom window, or my husband brings me something nice to eat - little things - I just pray/say, "Thank You." That's all. I've noticed, over the years, the more I recognize the good things, even when they are sometimes being overwhelmingly drowned out by the bad things, and praise and thank God for whatever little good thing it is, tends to increase the good things.

What we pay attention to the most grows. Let your mind relax and rest. Stop ruminating on the past, the past is dead and gone and over. You're safe now. Just breathe.
 
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John Hyperspace

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If he wanted me a certain way, why not save me the trouble and MAKE ME THAT WAY TO BEGIN WITH?

Because then you wouldn't comprehend the value of what you were given. The only way to comprehend the value of something, is to not have it. That's why you're crying about it; because you're comprehending the value of the things you don't have. Thus when they're given to you, you'll understand what it means to not have them, and cherish them with full comprehension of value.

Now, God understands time, but, you don't. This is why He's fine with your condition (even being the cause of it) because he knows non-relative time, and how perception really works; while you only know relative linear time, and not how perception works. What I mean is, a man who is very ill in his illness and misery may shout "I wish I were dead! I cannot go on it's too much!" because he is in the moment, and without real comprehension of non-relative time. But, once he is better, he says "That was not that bad, and I was foolish to think it so difficult that I wanted death; I meant none of what I said in my misery."

So God knows, you don't; everything is going, and will go, precisely as He intends.
 
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PrettyboyAndy

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I don't know how to say it really, but the truth is I just don't Trust God for much any more.

I am tired of the painful times and the rough spots. In addition, for a while now(several years), about 99% of the things I pray for not only are answered with ,"No.", but with a worsening of the situation. It really is as if God is taking the lists of thing I am praying to have happen in my life and the things I am praying to not happen, and then He is scratching out the titles and writing "Not going to happen" over the things I am praying for, and "My Plan is to double these" over the list I am praying against.

Before the, "He will restore" crowd gets going, I have NEVER been interested in a restoration. I wanted, and continue to want, protection from this stuff, not insurance against it (Insurance doesn't prevent the problem, it restores afterwards). I am not a "destination" person. To me, a hard, painful journey to an awesome destination isn't worth it. I would rather have a nice easy journey to a lesser destination.

Also, don't start with the "it's part of His plan". That just makes things worse. That means this pain is His doing, and I have NO HOPE of getting it taken care of. If it is the Devil, I can have hope that God can, and presumably will, fix the situation. If it is HIS plan than that is gone, because God wants me in this pain for His purpose(which by this point I have ZERO desire for).

One more group to address: the "He is forming you" crowd. To use the analogies from the Bible, my faith is made from gasoline-soaked balsa wood that is thinly cut. In other words, the "fire of affliction" will burn it to useless ashes, and any attempt at molding through pressure with break it. If he wanted me a certain way, why not save me the trouble and MAKE ME THAT WAY TO BEGIN WITH? If He actually wanted me, He would know that no amount of painful experience will draw me to Him. It will only act like a cattle prod and drive me away. If he is trying to get me to reach a certain group, He really is WAY off track. I grew up poor and had an abusive parent. I am LESS sympathetic to people who let those things mess with them. I don't care anymore what the purpose of it is, I just want it to stop. If there is good on the other side of this pain, I would give it up in LESS THAN a heartbeat to avoid the pain. A painful experience poisons a blessing for me.

So I don't know how to handle this, and I am losing even having "warm thoughts" for Him, much less love. I guess I need some advice on how to handle a god who is either: A) Not omniscient(He'd know that this is driving me away from Him) B) Not Omnipotent(I don't really believe this which makes it WORSE), C) Uncaring, or who I don't trust enough for D) has things in store for later(ESPECIALLY if he's waiting until after I die).

God is in control of all things, and is sovereign over all.

Proverbs 16:33, the lot is cast but the results are up to the Lord.

Why you are suffering, and having difficult times, I can not say, but he is in control. Why? only He knows.

Job and Joseph suffered much, but there was a purpose.
 
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PrettyboyAndy

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I don't know how to say it really, but the truth is I just don't Trust God for much any more.

I am tired of the painful times and the rough spots. In addition, for a while now(several years), about 99% of the things I pray for not only are answered with ,"No.", but with a worsening of the situation. It really is as if God is taking the lists of thing I am praying to have happen in my life and the things I am praying to not happen, and then He is scratching out the titles and writing "Not going to happen" over the things I am praying for, and "My Plan is to double these" over the list I am praying against.

Before the, "He will restore" crowd gets going, I have NEVER been interested in a restoration. I wanted, and continue to want, protection from this stuff, not insurance against it (Insurance doesn't prevent the problem, it restores afterwards). I am not a "destination" person. To me, a hard, painful journey to an awesome destination isn't worth it. I would rather have a nice easy journey to a lesser destination.

Also, don't start with the "it's part of His plan". That just makes things worse. That means this pain is His doing, and I have NO HOPE of getting it taken care of. If it is the Devil, I can have hope that God can, and presumably will, fix the situation. If it is HIS plan than that is gone, because God wants me in this pain for His purpose(which by this point I have ZERO desire for).

One more group to address: the "He is forming you" crowd. To use the analogies from the Bible, my faith is made from gasoline-soaked balsa wood that is thinly cut. In other words, the "fire of affliction" will burn it to useless ashes, and any attempt at molding through pressure with break it. If he wanted me a certain way, why not save me the trouble and MAKE ME THAT WAY TO BEGIN WITH? If He actually wanted me, He would know that no amount of painful experience will draw me to Him. It will only act like a cattle prod and drive me away. If he is trying to get me to reach a certain group, He really is WAY off track. I grew up poor and had an abusive parent. I am LESS sympathetic to people who let those things mess with them. I don't care anymore what the purpose of it is, I just want it to stop. If there is good on the other side of this pain, I would give it up in LESS THAN a heartbeat to avoid the pain. A painful experience poisons a blessing for me.

So I don't know how to handle this, and I am losing even having "warm thoughts" for Him, much less love. I guess I need some advice on how to handle a god who is either: A) Not omniscient(He'd know that this is driving me away from Him) B) Not Omnipotent(I don't really believe this which makes it WORSE), C) Uncaring, or who I don't trust enough for D) has things in store for later(ESPECIALLY if he's waiting until after I die).


What did daniel do when he was distraught?

Prayer and Fasting works brother, I can attest to this.


2In those days, I, Daniel, had been mourning for three entire weeks. 3I did not eat any tasty food, nor did meat or wine enter my mouth, nor did I use any ointment at all until the entire three weeks were completed. 4On the twenty-fourth day of the first month, while I was by the bank of the great river, that is, the Tigris, 5I lifted my eyes and looked, and behold, there was a certain man dressed in linen, whose waist was girded with a belt of pure gold of Uphaz. 6His body also was like beryl, his face had the appearance of lightning, his eyes were like flaming torches, his arms and feet like the gleam of polished bronze, and the sound of his words like the sound of a tumult. 7Now I, Daniel, alone saw the vision, while the men who were with me did not see the vision; nevertheless, a great dread fell on them, and they ran away to hide themselves. 8So I was left alone and saw this great vision; yet no strength was left in me, for my natural color turned to a deathly pallor, and I retained no strength. 9But I heard the sound of his words; and as soon as I heard the sound of his words, I fell into a deep sleep on my face, with my face to the ground.



Daniel Comforted

10Then behold, a hand touched me and set me trembling on my hands and knees. 11He said to me, “O Daniel, man of high esteem, understand the words that I am about to tell you and stand upright, for I have now been sent to you.” And when he had spoken this word to me, I stood up trembling. 12Then he said to me, “Do not be afraid, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart on understanding this and on humbling yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to your words. 13“But the prince of the kingdom of Persia was withstanding me for twenty-one days; then behold, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I had been left there with the kings of Persia. 14“Now I have come to give you an understanding of what will happen to your people in the latter days, for the vision pertains to the days yet future.

15When he had spoken to me according to these words, I turned my face toward the ground and became speechless. 16And behold, one who resembled a human being was touching my lips; then I opened my mouth and spoke and said to him who was standing before me, “O my lord, as a result of the vision anguish has come upon me, and I have retained no strength. 17“For how can such a servant of my lord talk with such as my lord? As for me, there remains just now no strength in me, nor has any breath been left in me.”

18Then this one with human appearance touched me again and strengthened me. 19He said, “O man of high esteem, do not be afraid. Peace be with you; take courage and be courageous!” Now as soon as he spoke to me, I received strength and said, “May my lord speak, for you have strengthened me.” 20Then he said, “Do you understand why I came to you? But I shall now return to fight against the prince of Persia; so I am going forth, and behold, the prince of Greece is about to come. 21“However, I will tell you what is inscribed in the writing of truth. Yet there is no one who stands firmly with me against these forces except Michael your prince.
 
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bcbsr

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I don't know how to say it really, but the truth is I just don't Trust God for much any more.

I am tired of the painful times and the rough spots. In addition, for a while now(several years), about 99% of the things I pray for not only are answered with ,"No.", but with a worsening of the situation. It really is as if God is taking the lists of thing I am praying to have happen in my life and the things I am praying to not happen, and then He is scratching out the titles and writing "Not going to happen" over the things I am praying for, and "My Plan is to double these" over the list I am praying against.

Before the, "He will restore" crowd gets going, I have NEVER been interested in a restoration. I wanted, and continue to want, protection from this stuff, not insurance against it (Insurance doesn't prevent the problem, it restores afterwards). I am not a "destination" person. To me, a hard, painful journey to an awesome destination isn't worth it. I would rather have a nice easy journey to a lesser destination.

Also, don't start with the "it's part of His plan". That just makes things worse. That means this pain is His doing, and I have NO HOPE of getting it taken care of. If it is the Devil, I can have hope that God can, and presumably will, fix the situation. If it is HIS plan than that is gone, because God wants me in this pain for His purpose(which by this point I have ZERO desire for).

One more group to address: the "He is forming you" crowd. To use the analogies from the Bible, my faith is made from gasoline-soaked balsa wood that is thinly cut. In other words, the "fire of affliction" will burn it to useless ashes, and any attempt at molding through pressure with break it. If he wanted me a certain way, why not save me the trouble and MAKE ME THAT WAY TO BEGIN WITH? If He actually wanted me, He would know that no amount of painful experience will draw me to Him. It will only act like a cattle prod and drive me away. If he is trying to get me to reach a certain group, He really is WAY off track. I grew up poor and had an abusive parent. I am LESS sympathetic to people who let those things mess with them. I don't care anymore what the purpose of it is, I just want it to stop. If there is good on the other side of this pain, I would give it up in LESS THAN a heartbeat to avoid the pain. A painful experience poisons a blessing for me.

So I don't know how to handle this, and I am losing even having "warm thoughts" for Him, much less love. I guess I need some advice on how to handle a god who is either: A) Not omniscient(He'd know that this is driving me away from Him) B) Not Omnipotent(I don't really believe this which makes it WORSE), C) Uncaring, or who I don't trust enough for D) has things in store for later(ESPECIALLY if he's waiting until after I die).

That's what can happen when you "trust" God for things He never promised. What you need is meekness. A person who is meek accepts God's dealing with him as good despite the circumstances.

Consider the apostle Paul, "I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches." 2Cor 11:26-28

Do your "problems" measure up to Paul's?

God even sent Satan against him. "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2Cor 12:7-10

That's meekness.
 
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SeventyOne

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I don't know how to say it really, but the truth is I just don't Trust God for much any more.

I am tired of the painful times and the rough spots. In addition, for a while now(several years), about 99% of the things I pray for not only are answered with ,"No.", but with a worsening of the situation. It really is as if God is taking the lists of thing I am praying to have happen in my life and the things I am praying to not happen, and then He is scratching out the titles and writing "Not going to happen" over the things I am praying for, and "My Plan is to double these" over the list I am praying against.

Before the, "He will restore" crowd gets going, I have NEVER been interested in a restoration. I wanted, and continue to want, protection from this stuff, not insurance against it (Insurance doesn't prevent the problem, it restores afterwards). I am not a "destination" person. To me, a hard, painful journey to an awesome destination isn't worth it. I would rather have a nice easy journey to a lesser destination.

Also, don't start with the "it's part of His plan". That just makes things worse. That means this pain is His doing, and I have NO HOPE of getting it taken care of. If it is the Devil, I can have hope that God can, and presumably will, fix the situation. If it is HIS plan than that is gone, because God wants me in this pain for His purpose(which by this point I have ZERO desire for).

One more group to address: the "He is forming you" crowd. To use the analogies from the Bible, my faith is made from gasoline-soaked balsa wood that is thinly cut. In other words, the "fire of affliction" will burn it to useless ashes, and any attempt at molding through pressure with break it. If he wanted me a certain way, why not save me the trouble and MAKE ME THAT WAY TO BEGIN WITH? If He actually wanted me, He would know that no amount of painful experience will draw me to Him. It will only act like a cattle prod and drive me away. If he is trying to get me to reach a certain group, He really is WAY off track. I grew up poor and had an abusive parent. I am LESS sympathetic to people who let those things mess with them. I don't care anymore what the purpose of it is, I just want it to stop. If there is good on the other side of this pain, I would give it up in LESS THAN a heartbeat to avoid the pain. A painful experience poisons a blessing for me.

So I don't know how to handle this, and I am losing even having "warm thoughts" for Him, much less love. I guess I need some advice on how to handle a god who is either: A) Not omniscient(He'd know that this is driving me away from Him) B) Not Omnipotent(I don't really believe this which makes it WORSE), C) Uncaring, or who I don't trust enough for D) has things in store for later(ESPECIALLY if he's waiting until after I die).

A. Maybe He's not answering because you're not actually His. I'm not saying you aren't, but if He isn't answering your prayers at all, it's time to look at that possibility and not just assume it.

B. He's never promised you or anyone else a pain-free life. He's never promised you fairness, tolerance, rest, health, wellbeing, or justice in this life. He's not the bad guy just because He hasn't given you something that He never promised to give you in the first place. But He has promised trouble in this world (John 16:33), so it sounds to me like a promise kept in your case.

C. I've never met anyone without periods of seemingly unbearable pain and pressure in their lives, including myself. Your issues don't make you unique, they make you normal.
 
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farout

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I wonder how those who live in areas where there is real hell on Earth going on (war) who have not eaten in several days, because they have no food, have had family members killed, not had a bath in maybe a month, and still manage to ask God for protection.

I have had much physical suffering in the past 40 years. I have endured six surgeries in one year, a couple years ago. I am in constant pain. I thank the Lord for allowing me to be able to read my Bible, see my 11 grandchildren, that my wife loves me, and most of all that Jesus Christ Loves me and I am Saved, I am blessed!
 
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roamer_1

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I don't know how to say it really, but the truth is I just don't Trust God for much any more.

Funny how that works differently for different people...
7 years in a wheelchair taught me how very precious is every step I take.
The inactivity of those years also brought pneumonia-like bronchitis - teaching how very precious is every breath I take.

And now each step is glorious.
My return to the woods made me weep with joy.

The first time I battled to the top of the smallish mountain behind my house... What a magnificent moment to have conquered! Standing there at the top, looking across the valley at the Columbia Range.. Seeing something that three years before, I'd have never believed I would ever see again.

To stand at my bench and hold a screwdriver in my hand again... To climb up into my truck, or onto a horse... Chasing down one of my grandkids... Throwing a frisbee for my dog... Sitting on the porch at night with a day of hard won work behind me... All these things that I used to take for granted are now incredibly precious. I am so grateful, and so very joyful.

Some would say a loving God would not make me go through such a trial. Some have even said my healing is torturous - That a loving God would have made me like new, without the battle to recover the use of my body. Some would say, with five years of recovery behind me, that my progress has not brought me prosperity, that I am poor and of small worth - a drag on my family.

But I know the truth of it... Every time I fall down, HE lifts me up. Every step I take, HE is right beside me. A thousand times he has whispered encouragement into my ear.

I guess I could blame him for all of my troubles, were it not for all his help. I don't know that he caused me to walk this path, but I do know, without a doubt, that he has been with me through it all, and I do know that there is no way at all that I would be on the far side of it without him.

Life is hard. You've got your row to hoe. That ain't going to change, and neither is it the point. The point is found in the doing of it. You can listen to the Father, live the way he says is good, and rely on his help to get you through the hard times - Or, you can go it alone, as you see fit.

Personally, I wouldn't trade what I have been through for all the riches in the world. And neither would I deny or discard my trust in him. It is because of my troubles that I was lifted up. It is because of my troubles that I know he is, and that he cares for me in a very personal way. That he touches my life so very evidently brings me strong faith in his promises. . And that is knowledge worth every penny of trial.
 
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Questioning Brother

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Ok to reply to some of these:

Depression: That could be a possibility, but that would be just one more bad thing (painful experience, rough spot) that God could take care of, but doesn't.

Suffering of Biblical people: You think I haven't heard ALL of those before? Someone else's suffering has NO bearing on mine. And again, it just reinforces my point: God WANTS his people to suffer. Can't even really count on restoration. Job proves that one. Did God give him back the children that were taken from him because God had a bet with Satan? No. Personally, if I was Job, my wife wouldn't have needed to say, "Curse God and die." I'd have been there LONG before that point. I might have been able to come back to the faith after the livestock and servants, but losing the kids would've been the end.

Not answering prayers: Reread the original post. He does answer them, with, "No. And it will be twice as bad, because you asked me to keep that out of your life!"

God is beside me: I have never been comforted by a hand on my shoulder. In fact knowing that someone else is feeling sad because I am going through something makes it worse.
 
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singpraise

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Ok to reply to some of these:

Depression: That could be a possibility, but that would be just one more bad thing (painful experience, rough spot) that God could take care of, but doesn't.

Suffering of Biblical people: You think I haven't heard ALL of those before? Someone else's suffering has NO bearing on mine. And again, it just reinforces my point: God WANTS his people to suffer. Can't even really count on restoration. Job proves that one. Did God give him back the children that were taken from him because God had a bet with Satan? No. Personally, if I was Job, my wife wouldn't have needed to say, "Curse God and die." I'd have been there LONG before that point. I might have been able to come back to the faith after the livestock and servants, but losing the kids would've been the end.

Not answering prayers: Reread the original post. He does answer them, with, "No. And it will be twice as bad, because you asked me to keep that out of your life!"

God is beside me: I have never been comforted by a hand on my shoulder. In fact knowing that someone else is feeling sad because I am going through something makes it worse.

You sound very full of self-pity. Until you conquer that you'll continue getting the same results in life. Nobody is special. You're not special. Neither am I. Everyone has suffered, your suffering is no worse or less than others. Pushing God away obviously is not working for you, get a clue, dear.
 
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SeventyOne

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Not answering prayers: Reread the original post. He does answer them, with, "No. And it will be twice as bad, because you asked me to keep that out of your life!"

I'm sorry. I thought we were speaking about the biblical God here. I'm not sure who this particular god is.
 
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Kit Sigmon

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I don't know how to say it really, but the truth is I just don't Trust God for much any more.

I am tired of the painful times and the rough spots.
Questioning Brother: Personally I have felt the same way many many times, it started very early in life. Being born black and surround by bigotry, believe me I know what it's like to suffer and be hindered in life by racist people.

In addition, for a while now(several years), about 99% of the things I pray for not only are answered with ,"No.", but with a worsening of the situation.
No... is death it seems.
Many of my prayers seemed to get "no's) as well...or that's what I believed because I was going by my senses...not walking by faith...I also had around me people who weren't walking by faith.
The bible show that lack of faith hinders not only the prayer but it hinders the person also. They become embittered and tend to focus on themselves and they hurts...God is pushed aside.


I come to realize that I couldn't have patience unless I went through some trials in life...I had like 15 minutes of patience...so it took a long time for me to develop patience that endures.
It also took time for me to develop sincere compassion...I wanted people to feel for me/show me love etc... but I wasn't actually showing them much compassion in return.
Another thing...I will confess, I didn't believe God's promises...I said I believed but deep down, I really didn't.
You see, I was somebody who needed a lot of work done on they heart.
Many people spoke to me, an truthfully I brushed them off...it took a beloved brother in the Lord to take me aside and give me the firm but loving rebuke I needed.
I also had a longsuffering mom who be praying for me to surrender my will to the Lord.



It really is as if God is taking the lists of thing I am praying to have happen in my life and the things I am praying to not happen, and then He is scratching out the titles and writing "Not going to happen" over the things I am praying for, and "My Plan is to double these" over the list I am praying against.
What are you praying for?
Maybe it's time to take a closer look at your list and see if it needs "tweaking"?


Before the, "He will restore" crowd gets going, I have NEVER been interested in a restoration. I wanted, and continue to want, protection from this stuff, not insurance against it (Insurance doesn't prevent the problem, it restores afterwards). I am not a "destination" person. To me, a hard, painful journey to an awesome destination isn't worth it. I would rather have a nice easy journey to a lesser destination.
The biggest thing we will do as a Christian is to die to self...take up our cross and follow after Jesus.
I don't know many people who sincerely enjoy "dying to self"...it isn't something we do that isn't without pain and suffering.
Disciplining ourselves...not something the ol' flesh enjoys or longs for...but it is needed.
Jesus didn't have an easy journey through life here on this earth... don't expect to either.
Jesus said that in this world we will have troubles and sorrows...he had them, so will we.
Take heart, Jesus overcame this world! He will enable his children to overcome as well.


Also, don't start with the "it's part of His plan". That just makes things worse. That means this pain is His doing, and I have NO HOPE of getting it taken care of. If it is the Devil, I can have hope that God can, and presumably will, fix the situation. If it is HIS plan than that is gone, because God wants me in this pain for His purpose(which by this point I have ZERO desire for).

One more group to address: the "He is forming you" crowd. To use the analogies from the Bible, my faith is made from gasoline-soaked balsa wood that is thinly cut. In other words, the "fire of affliction" will burn it to useless ashes, and any attempt at molding through pressure with break it.
Faith is a gift from God...it isn't something you produce all on your own. Ephesians 2:8-9.

Romans 12:3

"For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith."

If he wanted me a certain way, why not save me the trouble and MAKE ME THAT WAY TO BEGIN WITH?
He who began a good work in you will see it through to completion. God's been working on you/us for a long time.
Remember Jesus' first miracle wasn't done when he was a young child.
Jesus was taught/trained up by his earthly parents also.
There be this in scripture...Luke 2:41-52...meditate on verses 51 and 52.


If He actually wanted me, He would know that no amount of painful experience will draw me to Him.
Only the Holy Spirit can "draw" you to God.

It will only act like a cattle prod and drive me away.
Proverbs 3:11- 12
"My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD Or loathe His reproof, For whom the LORD loves He reproves, Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.


If he is trying to get me to reach a certain group, He really is WAY off track. I grew up poor and had an abusive parent. I am LESS sympathetic to people who let those things mess with them. I don't care anymore what the purpose of it is, I just want it to stop.

1 John 4:20-21
We love because He first loved us.

If anyone says, “I love God,” but hates his brother, he is a liar.
For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.
And this commandment we have from Him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

If there is good on the other side of this pain, I would give it up in LESS THAN a heartbeat to avoid the pain. A painful experience poisons a blessing for me.
God knows you very well Questioning Brother...just as he knew: King Nebuchadnezzar who would "never" admit God was ruler over all?
Jonah hated Ninevah's people and wanted them to die...so he'd "never" take them a repentance message?
Moses just knew God made a mistake by calling him? Lord, I'm slow of speech/slow of tongue, can't you send someone else etc.
The king ended up admitting God ruled supreme, Jonah did take the message to Ninevah and Moses did talk to Pharaoh many times etc.



So I don't know how to handle this, and I am losing even having "warm thoughts" for Him, much less love. I guess I need some advice on how to handle a god who is either: A) Not omniscient(He'd know that this is driving me away from Him) B) Not Omnipotent(I don't really believe this which makes it WORSE), C) Uncaring, or who I don't trust enough for D) has things in store for later(ESPECIALLY if he's waiting until after I die).

Anyone who has been abused/wronged by anyone...needs to forgive the person or persons who abused/wronged them.
About unforgiveness..
What does the Bible say about unforgiveness?

About forgiveness...
Does the Bible instruct us to forgive and forget?

In my case... it was a close family member who sexually abused me when I was a child. It's also a family member who preaches and denies he abused me.
I forgive the bigots who worked against me, hindered me from getting better jobs, were abusive to me etc.
forgave landlords who were unscrupulous in they business dealings with me and my family.
forgave co-workers who stole from me, lied on me, tried to set me up for stealing etc.
forgave those at school who'd made fun of me because I had few clothes, didn't have relaxed hair, manicured nails etc.
We lived without electricity a lot of the times, didn't have a car...we walked places when we didn't have money for a taxi etc.
people we went to church with back then were indifferent to our sufferings...an on and on I could go for ages.

I could of held onto all that bad stuff and become embittered, shake my fists at God, balk at scripture too... but I couldn't get away from the Holy Spirit of God that be "drawing" me...I couldn't get away from the love/agape that came from the Lord, who'd taken on flesh, come lived amongst us, suffer so much and die on a cross to redeem us.
And read those words in scripture (as he hung on that cross) "Father, forgive them...they know not what they do."
Luke 23:34.

I couldn't get away from the people he sent my way to show me love/agape... they encouraged and helped me etc.
I wasn't always appreciative of that back then... my eyes were on me and my suffering, our lack etc...I wanted it all to stop, right then and there! But it didn't.
I didn't like how God worked out things back then... I came to appreciate it much much later in life.

What the Bible say about love: What does the Bible say about love?

No matter what happened in my life there were good things and some good people who were there for me and a precious mom who kept right on praying through her own life-long of suffering and illnesses.
I never heard my mom go on a rant against God...I never heard my mom say to hate anybody or to avenge the wrong done to me. She did say that God would take care of them...
I didn't believe it back then... I did later on in life when I saw how the Lord did take care of mine enemies. I also learned that you don't gloat when God be dealing with your enemies...
Proverbs 24:17-18
"Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles; Or the LORD will see it and be displeased, And turn His anger away from him.


My widowed mom showed us, her three children how to suffer well and she did it with Bible in hand, prayer on her lips...gospel music playing in the background not to mention walking us to church whether we liked it or not.
She prayed aloud all the time...we heard those prayers and we weren't liking them.
We mocked them, much to our own shame.

It be much later that we come to appreciate our godly mom and all her prayers that kept us going, kept us out of jail, kept us from robbing anybody because we were very poor and had very little material possessions....our neighbors had so much.

Forgiving those who wronged you is a process, it's going to take prayer, time and effort on your part. It's not a one time deal...as you can see here in this scripture...
Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me?
Up to seven times?”


Jesus says to him, "I say to you not up to seven times,
but up to seventy times seven!


You see, God is growing us up to be like Jesus...we're going to be overcomers...now if you be fighting against the Lord, the process going to take longer.
I know about surrendering to God's Will and not mine...
I know it was not high on my list of things I wanted for me.
..but I needed it.
Let me tell you something else... harder times are coming,
you're being prepared to deal with it.
Us Christians going to learn that we ain't going to have an easy journey...no siree! persecution be coming and we need to be ready! You can't handle it if your journey be all easy an stuff. Those who be on the Lord's side are going to start experiencing persecution...it's coming closer and closer each day-- some people experiencing it now, right here in America.

You going to need to put on that full armor of God so you can withstand the fiery arrows of the devil!
Full Armor of God
 
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TurtleAnne

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Try to start with the foundation of knowing that God is loving, perfectly wise and knows us better than anyone (even ourselves) because He created us. Everything gets easier when we are branching out from that starting point.

So as far as surrendering ourselves to God's will, again let's try to do away with the false notion that God is just some angry control freak who likes to mess with us for fun. That is the deception of the devil at work, let's throw it away and start with the truth, just as Jesus explained it through His many teachings, when taken altogether.

God knows that life is full of struggles and suffering, because there is so much evil (both overt and covert) in the world, because God allowed free will so that there would be complexity and depth to our souls.

God knows that if we are constantly worried about our earthly desires and perceived earthly needs, that we are constantly going to be under siege from anger (agitation, irritation, annoyance, bitterness, etc), fear (anxiety, panic, worry, desperation, etc) and hurt (sadness, disappointment, hurt feelings, etc).

God knows all of this, He knows us, and He knows what is best for us and wants what is best for us. He also knows that our earthly lives are just a blip on the timeline of our spiritual existence, the existence of our souls. He doesn't want to see us getting dragged down into suffering, confusion and ultimately condemning ourselves due to earthly matters.

So the message is, surrender yourself to God, surrender your life to God. Focus on His will for you and your life. So that you can grasp, that in each moment and every day of your life, He is guiding you and using you for His purposes, both to grow you spiritually and also to impact others' lives at times. Even if you end up encountering someone who has a very difficult personality, for example, you can know that God brought your paths together for a reason; try to follow the teachings of Jesus so that you can be an influence in the lives of people God brings to you, in one way or another.

And yes God knows it is very hard sometimes. Consider the people who are homeless right now in cold parts of the world, shivering all night long, feeling completely alone in the world as their hands are hurting from the bite of the cold and they can hardly sleep, and are hungry. And so on. God knows it's very hard sometimes, and that it's hard to follow Jesus' teachings and not to get caught up in the matters of the world.

That is why there is this constant message in the Gospels, to hang in there. He will bring you home to Him in the end, and there will be no more suffering. So hang in there. And by surrendering yourself and your life to God, it's so your fears and hurts and anger can be alleviated over time. It's like Jesus and the Holy Spirit surrounding you like a fortress, like they got you. They're not going to let the earth destroy your soul, or drag you down.

But it's gotta be a two-way thing. You've gotta be able to let go, so He can catch you. He can't catch you so long as you are holding on for dear life. Don't be fooled by the devil's lying trying to tell you that God is mad at you and wants you to suffer and so on, that just creates more anxiety and more hurt and more anger and pushes you further way, and it's LIES. God loves you, and doesn't want you to be scared or hurt all the time. He wants to catch you when you fall, but you're holding onto the rail for dear life - earthly life, rather than letting go for eternal life.
 
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NothingIsImpossible

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First thing I will say is you remind me ALOT of myself when I first came to this forum long ago. I posted the same kind of thing. I complained then added the same sort of things f "I don't want to hear this, this and this!". Truth is you know the answers already, they are the ones you don't want to hear about. Until you accept that, you can't expect change. God wants you to change, but is likely waiting on you.

I could write about how horrible my life was, how I was suicidal and what not. But in the end people on here were right. The only one holding me back was myself. God was literally standing in front of me with a stereo at full blast telling me what He wanted. But I had earplugs in and didn't care.

Once I accepted what I was told life become better and I learned ALOT from my past. I wasted so much time stuck in a pit that I kept digging deeper. Am I saying once you accept things your live becomes perfect and easy forever? Nope. Life is going to be bad sometimes. Trials are unavoidable. But they can become easier when you are focused on Him and less on everything else. You may create more of these posts are the years go by as I did. But at some point a light will go on in your brain once you reach rock bottom.... and I mean VERY rock bottom. To levels you probably haven't seen yet and I pray you don't see. And when that light comes on you will be on here so thankful for advice you got that changed your life.

While you won't like this part (I hated it at the time), I'm praying for you!
 
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Questioning Brother

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In the Bible it says if you can't be trusted in the little, how can you be trusted with much? I apply that same standard to God. He says this life is the little(reinforced by multiple people how small a part this life is). So if I can't trust him to provide in this life, how can I trust him with eternity? He has proven that He WILL NOT(not can't he is beyond certainty capable of doing so) provide any of the things I ask Him for. So, yeah, I have lost my trust in him. How do you deal with that?
 
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NothingIsImpossible

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In the Bible it says if you can't be trusted in the little, how can you be trusted with much? I apply that same standard to God. He says this life is the little(reinforced by multiple people how small a part this life is). So if I can't trust him to provide in this life, how can I trust him with eternity? He has proven that He WILL NOT(not can't he is beyond certainty capable of doing so) provide any of the things I ask Him for. So, yeah, I have lost my trust in him. How do you deal with that?
If you don't trust in Him then why would He give you anything? Having faith, trust....etc in Him is what the walk is about. DO you trust your car (not comparing God to a care really)? Because you trust your car will keep you safe if you should get in an accident right? Of course you trust it because you wouldn't be driving it otherwise. So if you can trust in a car that is just a lifeless hunk of metal, why can't you trust in God who is real, has life and knows all, sees all and can do anything (like create everything)?

Also, do you see Him as a genie or as God? If you see Him as a genie then you will be disappointed. One thing you must learn is He knows what is best for us. For example growing up I was mad at God because He would answer my prayer asking for healing. I figured He didn't care because He wouldn't do it. Turns out I was wrong. Years later I realized my purpose in being sick, it was to console others who were going through tough times, especially sickness.

No where in the bible does it says when you pray that He will always say yes like a genie. Sometimes its a yes, sometimes a no and sometimes its a "not yet/wait". Actually what you may not realize is He has been providing you with things every day. Your just use to them but don't realize it. For example are you alive right now? Good, it means God let wake up with another day of life. Do you have money? A job? A car? Food to eat? Shelter? Clothes? Thats all thanks to God. So really you have more then you could ever need.

Also I'd say you really shouldn't compare yourself to who/what God is/does. Hes God, we are just specs of dust. Its like comparing a 50 cent hotdog to a $40 steak.
 
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Questioning Brother

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So, he won't give me the things I want until I trust him, and I won't trust him until he gives me the things I want? Catch-22 much?

Also, if I "have more that I could ever need", I wouldn't have anything to pray about. I f He thinks what I have now is what I need, He needs to re-examine his figures sheet. This is FAR less than I need.

As for the going through it for others thing, I am LESS sensitive and caring about people going through the same things I did. I have zero care about what someone else is going through good or bad. It simply isn't my business.
 
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