what are you feeling right now? (23)

Jeshu · Oct 10, 2016

feeling crap, still some rage but not as bad as yesterday yet. I was still hallucinating this morning but at the moment all is quiet.

W2L · Oct 10, 2016

Jeshu said:
feeling crap, still some rage but not as bad as yesterday yet. I was still hallucinating this morning but at the moment all is quiet.

Sometimes I feel bad. I was feeling that way yesterday.

W2L · Oct 10, 2016

Its easy to be joyful when things are going well. Its harder when they are not. Sometimes perseverance is needed to get us through. I can be joyful when things are good but then when its gone I wonder if my faith is real, because I head the lies spoken against me by other people who have no right to judge me. I'm tired of the anxiety they sow. Faith is mine and belongs to me. Its mine and no one can take it away.

When I'm weak I'm strong, and Gods grace is sufficient amen

W2L · Oct 10, 2016

Sometimes we must put fear and anxiety to death by submitting to God, in trust. No matter what happens I choose to trust God. After all, we cannot fight God, and he will do what He's going to do regardless. If my lot is to live or to die, it is well with my soul. No one can speak a curse against me because all things work good, because when I'm weak I'm strong. Amen. Sometimes we must say it is well.

Press On · Oct 10, 2016

Jeshu said:
Don't know about being a prophet Loyal, I suppose anyone in Christ is prophet, priest and king, at the moment I feel more like an anti-christ rather than one of Christ's.

The rage kept me awake yesterday so my already sleep deprived state dropped to an all time low, and then I got a flu on top of it, so I was very unwell indeed, but still couldn't sleep, and than the rage came back again, right when I was completely at my ends wits from feelings so unwell.

The rage was horrific. for in my out of control state I lifted my voice on-high as well, it was terrible! I couldn't bear any words of God and turned the music off swearing at my Creator at the same time, racing around like some lunatic. If it hadn't been for my wife grounding me in her loving embrace, I think I might have done something terrible to myself, that is how bad the rage got. The devil was right back that's for sure and I was completely powerless to do anything about it.

We realised defeat and I pumped myself full of all of psych meds and managed to get to sleep all the way till 5am this morning, so that was really good. About 7 hours all up think. It has been a long time ago that I slept for so long in one go. I feel terrible now, low and emotionally dead and so sick physically. These meds are not good for me that is clear as crystal, for feeling like this can't be good for anyone but I feel I had no choice in the matter, I simply had to sleep.

My heart is in mourning now. It has been many, many years ago I have so angry that is for sure and the strange part is that everything I screamed in my rage wasn't true, I didn't feel about it like that at all and haven't for many years, so I feel very confused why such would still come from my lips when I'm out of control.

Hoping you feel better than me.

Jeshu · Oct 10, 2016

W2L said:
Sometimes I feel bad. I was feeling that way yesterday.

The interesting thing with feeling bad is that my feeling towards Jesus changes. When I'm feeling well I'm happy to walk beside Him holding His hand - even letting go at times and running ahead to see what is coming up, but when I'm unwell I cling to Him with all I got, and can really smell the fragrance of His love for us troubled ones, while I hide under the shelter of His wings.

Jeshu · Oct 10, 2016

I took even more anti-psychotics than yesterday but slept less than 4 hours. I tried going back to sleep but it was useless, hopefully I get some more before the day is out.

Feeling much calmer than been though so that is good. Still some hallucinations and also nausea but not as severe as I was afraid it might get. Strange how it seems like I got a thick fog in my head with faces appearing out of nowhere and then disappearing again. Yesterday I had this picture of a compassionate Jesus looking at me all the time, really close up, but He looked like a film star, and had blue eyes and a Western complexion. It was hard not to rage for I dislike such images a lot. I know Jesus didn't look like that for Isaiah teaches us that He was Jewish and uncomely and not some spunky Western looking guy. I don't want to see His face like that but I want to be in His loving truth instead.

Understanding I have to repent in my rage before it will stop. Jesus gave me many chances but so far I have remained stubborn and either let satan slam me into the ground or God's loving truth and in this way I keep missing the boat.

Praying hard that I might relearn the ability to focus my rage on satan, like I used to in the past, instead of the innocent parties.

MissRowy · Oct 10, 2016

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chaoticfirefly · Oct 10, 2016

my bill was sent to a collections agency. i dont know what to do.

W2L · Oct 10, 2016

Jeshu said:
The interesting thing with feeling bad is that my feeling towards Jesus changes. When I'm feeling well I'm happy to walk beside Him holding His hand - even letting go at times and running ahead to see what is coming up, but when I'm unwell I cling to Him with all I got, and can really smell the fragrance of His love for us troubled ones, while I hide under the shelter of His wings.

Gods grace is sufficient.

W2L · Oct 10, 2016

chaoticfirefly said:
my bill was sent to a collections agency. i dont know what to do.

Just pay it or make arrangements.

daughterofthemosthigh7 · Oct 10, 2016

am numb-- no more tears left in me to cry-- Jesus please come-- am ready-- tired of this sick evil world-- have had enough-- can't take it no more.

chaoticfirefly · Oct 10, 2016

W2L said:
Just pay it or make arrangements.

I dont have 3k to just pay it. I'm calling tomorrow.

Jeshu · Oct 10, 2016

Feeling nostalgic when saw these photos of three years ago catching a sturgeon in Canada. We measured it at 183 centimeters (just over 6.1 feet.) Glad we have to let such beauties go after we catch them, such awesome fish to catch. (Got my youngest son's father in law to thank for this trip. I had a ball that day catching two such beauties within a few hours.)

Jeshu · Oct 11, 2016

daughterofthemosthigh7 said:
am numb-- no more tears left in me to cry-- Jesus please come-- am ready-- tired of this sick evil world-- have had enough-- can't take it no more.

So with you on that one.

daughterofthemosthigh7 · Oct 11, 2016

Jesus help me.

Jeshu · Oct 11, 2016

daughterofthemosthigh7 said:
Jesus help me.

Psalms 91:11
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

W2L · Oct 11, 2016

daughterofthemosthigh7 said:
am numb-- no more tears left in me to cry-- Jesus please come-- am ready-- tired of this sick evil world-- have had enough-- can't take it no more.

Try to take it a day at a time. That sounds cliché but its helpful.

Jeshu · Oct 11, 2016

I woke up because of terrible heart burn. I've been using Magnesium roll on and put a double dosage on last night. I think I over did it. I had to take double anti-acid stuff to get rid of it, that is how bad it was, not going to do that again that's for sure.

Otherwise not too bad considering. Just before I was meditating on how all creatures would be so very happy to see The Lord when He comes, but most life within humanity will perish when He Comes. To think that many people thinking animals are lower life then they are, yet how few people realise how low sin drags us image bearers of God? So sad really. Especially for our faithfully loving Triune God in Heaven, dragging Him through the dirt like that. Still He loves us all. Something that makes me still and long after Him with even more longing than ever.

How we need Jesus down here? How we need His loving truth to rule humanity? My heart aches Heaven's need for Jesus to be King of kings and Lord of lords in all people's hearts down here.

Come Lord Jesus, please come quickly there are so many people who need you badly to lift them out of their misery.

:help:

LoyalToGod · Oct 11, 2016

Jeshu said:
I woke up because of terrible heart burn. I've been using Magnesium roll on and put a double dosage on last night. I think I over did it. I had to take double anti-acid stuff to get rid of it, that is how bad it was, not going to do that again that's for sure.

Otherwise not too bad considering. Just before I was meditating on how all creatures would be so very happy to see The Lord when He comes, but most life within humanity will perish when He Comes. To think that many people thinking animals are lower life then they are, yet how few people realise how low sin drags us image bearers of God? So sad really. Especially for our faithfully loving Triune God in Heaven, dragging Him through the dirt like that. Still He loves us all. Something that makes me still and long after Him with even more longing than ever.

How we need Jesus down here? How we need His loving truth to rule humanity? My heart aches Heaven's need for Jesus to be King of kings and Lord of lords in all people's hearts down here.

Come Lord Jesus, please come quickly there are so many people who need you badly to lift them out of their misery.

Hi Jeshu! Sorry about your heartburn. Have you tried drinking milk? It works for me at times. Wishing you the best :hug:

what are you feeling right now? (23)

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