Forgiveness following divorce and remarriage

I have had one marriage, with a woman I did not want to marry, but I was not free, and was under the threats of the pastor (senior pastor, mind me). This woman had been walked out by her husband, who was tired of the way the church worked.

But if you ask me for my position, with respect to the Bible, well in this thread has been posted views that are totally bible-based, but also views that are totally non-bible-based. And they are conflicting, to say the least. Yet people here all claim to be christian, they all want to be on their way to heaven, and so do I. But how can I get anything meaningful from this discussion, I simply want to know my position. Shall I remain single, shall I go back to the woman that was divorced, or shall I marry a 3rd person. Was my divorce from the divorced woman a sin or was it right?

Here is a beautiful movie of the same pastor getting married, walked up the aisle by her first husband, look how happy every one is. Can you also smile at this video?

PeterDona said:

I have had one marriage, with a woman I did not want to marry, but I was not free, and was under the threats of the pastor (senior pastor, mind me).

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A coerced marriage is invalid. If you live in California, you can get a civil annulment. If you are Catholic, you can get a religious annulment. The point is, God doesn't look upon your marriage to her as a real marriage. Thus, if you find another woman to marry, it would be your first marriage.

Open Heart said:

A coerced marriage is invalid. If you live in California, you can get a civil annulment. If you are Catholic, you can get a religious annulment. The point is, God doesn't look upon your marriage to her as a real marriage. Thus, if you find another woman to marry, it would be your first marriage.

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I may come forward as speculative here, but the history of Jacob and Leah, where Jacob was married to Leah "without his consent", but he yet did stick it out with her, seemingly tells me another story about coerced marriages. We have the testimony, that Jacob is in heaven, where we all want to go. So I tend to get from the history of Jacob and Leah, that God considers even a cheated marriage.

Do you think that, after the wedding Jacob had the option to recall the marriage and say, "this is not the one I intended to marry"? What moved Jacob to choose to stay with Leah? Can we learn anything from his dialogue with Laban afterwards? I am not aware that any biblical writer later adds any comment to this story.

PeterDona said:

I may come forward as speculative here, but the history of Jacob and Leah, where Jacob was married to Leah "without his consent", but he yet did stick it out with her, seemingly tells me another story about coerced marriages. We have the testimony, that Jacob is in heaven, where we all want to go. So I tend to get from the history of Jacob and Leah, that God considers even a cheated marriage.

Do you think that, after the wedding Jacob had the option to recall the marriage and say, "this is not the one I intended to marry"? What moved Jacob to choose to stay with Leah? Can we learn anything from his dialogue with Laban afterwards? I am not aware that any biblical writer later adds any comment to this story.

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This was a different situation. There was no law against having more than one wife in those days. This custom was started by Lamech. Genesis 4:19

Laban would not agree to Jacob marrying Rachel under any other circumstances than his marrying Leah first. Jacob wanted to marry Rachel and so he accepted his marriage to Leah.

Laban did trick Jacob into marrying Leah, but then Jacob tricked his father into giving him the first-born blessing which should have gone to Esau.

It seems to me that according to God's law, you are free to marry because your first marriage was coerced and therefore unlawful and your second marriage was to a woman who was not free to marry (her husband was still alive) and therefore was not lawful according to God's law.

As for the necessity of getting an annulment before marrying in the future, unless you are planning to marry a Catholic, I don't see any reason for obtaining one unless you desire one for your own peace of mind. This is just my own understanding though and I am definitely not a theologian. Here are the civil legal grounds for an annulment: http://family-law.lawyers.com/divorce/can-this-marriage-be-annulled.html

PeterDona said:

I may come forward as speculative here, but the history of Jacob and Leah, where Jacob was married to Leah "without his consent", but he yet did stick it out with her, seemingly tells me another story about coerced marriages.

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Actually, Jacob's marriage to Leah would have been invalid on the grounds of a kind of fraud called Error of Person--when you intended to marry a specific person who was not the person with whom the wedding was celebrated.

Jacob could very well have put up a storm the next day when he found out he had been tricked. BUT HE CHOSE NOT TO. He very likely had compassion over the fact that she was no longer a virgin, making her unsuitable for future marriage. By voluntarily accepting Leah and applying his first seven years of work towards her, and agreeing to work another seven years for Rachel, he validated his marriage to Leah.

I'm sure the story would have gone quite differently had polygamy not been allowed, don't you?

mercyfollowsme said:

Is ongoing adultery possible of forgiveness since there is no real repentance

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repentance means .. to rethink and agree with God .
when it is a matter of those who were before Christ .. that is to say were not born again and they had divorced and remarried etc .. in the state that they are(relational state ), when they come to Christ. they should remain in it unless their unbelieving spouse refuses and kicks them out or leaves them .

some one else pointed ut that what god did not want sullied .is already sullied .
now i will speak opinion .. do we think that god then desires to further tear apart families and cause a perpetuation of pain and anguish to children etc ? i think not .
so stay with the one you are with ..they are sanctified (to you) by your faith .(that does not mean they are saved , but they are set apart unto you by your faith )

but o the question of one who claims to be born again .. and then divorces their partner .(other then for perpetual sexual immorality -ie- they keep sleeping with others )- they are violating the nature of Christ within on SO MANY levels .
for one , if they are divorcing so they can remarry .. they are committing adultery in their heart before they do it outwardly . if they are divorcing because they just cant get on with each other .then they are violating the command to forgive one another ..its just a mess .

those who are of the spirit of god are led by the Spirit of god ..obey the holy Spirit and it will never be a dilemma in the first place . if it has already become a dilemma ..then Obey the holy Spirit . don't be hasty . pray and fast and acknowledge hi and HE WILL direct your path .
in life we may Sin , that is we all have the ability to and do . but we do not CONTINUE to do so over and over and over . (ref 1 john 3 )
i have been through this road we speak of .. and i will never ever ever ever go through it again .. that is to say if my wife were to leave me for what ever reason i will NEVER remarry wile she lives .because now i see that this life is so short and it is not anywhere important in the life we live in Christ . our lives are not our own we were purchased with a price ..yet so many live their life as if it is their own to live .. and there in begins the entire problem.

OneChristianLight said:

You're forgetting that a previous marriage is in the past. What's done is done. There's no reason to believe that God would hold someone's past sins against them. No harm is done if a remarried person is genuinely repentant and lives a godly life in his or her new marriage. Frankly, I don't see why God would wish for a repentant divorced person to live alone until his or her former spouse dies, which would mean many decades of loneliness for that person. After all, God created Eve precisely because he didn't want Adam to be lonely.

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one who loves the lord ..will do his will - not their own

Alithis said:

one who loves the lord ..will do his will - not their own

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And sometimes that is very difficult to do.

Alithis said:

one who loves the lord ..will do his will - not their own

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So what are you implying? That I'm not following God's will by thinking that divorced people who meaningfully repent of their failed relationship can get remarried? My views on this subject are consistent with the merciful, forgiving nature of Christ.

Explain to me why a repentant divorced person shouldn't be granted God's forgiveness for his or her failed marriage and thus free to remarry.

OneChristianLight said:

So what are you implying? That I'm not following God's will by thinking that divorced people who meaningfully repent of their failed relationship can get remarried? My views on this subject are consistent with the merciful, forgiving nature of Christ.

Explain to me why a repentant divorced person shouldn't be granted God's forgiveness for his or her failed marriage and thus free to remarry.

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I think youve jumped to personal conclusion and missed what i said.
But if you have not remarried and you know the word of God states it is adultary..why do it ?
Since we are born again (if we are)and purchased with a price and our lives are not our own. Where does..i will do my will regardless of what God says .have any place in us.those are not words that coome from the holyspirit within a person.those are terms of rebellion.

We are to acknowledge god in ALL our ways .to not lean on our own understanding and HE not us,will direct our paths.
We are to obey the holy spirit within us (if we have recieved him) and he will never lead us to do actions in direct opposition to the word of God.and it is the word of god by which we will be judged. Not our own standards.

Alithis said:

I think youve jumped to personal conclusion and missed what i said.
But if you have not remarried and you know the word of God states it is adultary..why do it ?
Since we are born again (if we are)and purchased with a price and our lives are not our own. Where does..i will do my will regardless of what God says .have any place in us.those are not words that coome from the holyspirit within a person.those are terms of rebellion.

We are to acknowledge god in ALL our ways .to not lean on our own understanding and HE not us,will direct our paths.
We are to obey the holy spirit within us (if we have recieved him) and he will never lead us to do actions in direct opposition to the word of God.and it is the word of god by which we will be judged. Not our own standards.

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I agree that it is important to follow God's will to the best of our abilities, but I'm still trying to understand why so many people think that a sincerely repentant divorced person cannot earn God's forgiveness if he or she chooses to remarry. Isn't God's mercy available to even the worst of sinners?

OneChristianLight said:

I agree that it is important to follow God's will to the best of our abilities, but I'm still trying to understand why so many people think that a sincerely repentant divorced person cannot earn God's forgiveness if he or she chooses to remarry. Isn't God's mercy available to even the worst of sinners?

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I said early on in this thread that a failed marriage is the other unforgivanle sin and it would appear that it is the only thing in life you don't get a second chance at,add to that the laws regarding marriage these days and its no wonder fewer and fewer are marrying the first time much less the second or third.

Open Heart said:

I'm saying the time will come that Catholics will be sacramentally married, but it will not be licensed by the state, because the Catholic Church will refuse to perform gay marriages.

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I see.

Doesn't the reason for divorce matter?
My belief on this is that we are forgiven.

Alithis said:

We are to acknowledge god in ALL our ways .to not lean on our own understanding and HE not us,will direct our paths.

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Words of gold, in this context

Alithis said:

repentance means .. to rethink and agree with God .

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it includes stopping the sin.

look4hope said:

Doesn't the reason for divorce matter?
My belief on this is that we are forgiven.

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Some women must separate from their husbands because their lives and/or the lives of their children are in danger. If they separate from their husbands because of this, they cannot remarry if their husbands divorce them. The women cannot remarry until their husband dies.

If a husband divorces his wife, he must remain single after the divorce or reconcile with his wife. He cannot remarry until his wife dies. In that culture, it was the husband who initiated divorce.

There is definitely forgiveness for divorce if the person who caused the divorce is repentant, but the forgiven person is still not allowed to remarry. The forgiven person cannot remarry until his/her spouse dies.

Also, the wronged person in a divorce may not remarry until his/her spouse dies.


That is why Jesus taught:


That is why the disciples said:

That is why Paul taught:

Two people who marry become one flesh. Their one flesh can only be separated by the death of one of them.

If a person has sex with someone else while his spouse is still living, this person is an adulterer. This person commits adultery every time he/she has sex with anyone who is not his/her spouse.

If people knew what marriage realy is most would not do it,sex is little compensation and as many know that goes away as well.

Tull said:

If people knew what marriage realy is most would not do it,sex is little compensation and as many know that goes away as well.

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Two sinners bring twice the trouble.. it is a very selfless act to get married.

s3anreilly said:

Two sinners bring twice the trouble.. it is a very selfless act to get married.

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Most people get married to get something....they get something but not usually what they were looking for.