Hello everyone. I really need help. I'm 24 and have had OCD since childhood but managed to always control it up until now. This is the worst OCD phase I've ever had- started in 2013 and was triggered after I experienced domestic violence from my dad at home and at the same time found out my bf watches inappropriate content and still looks at one of his ex's pics on facebook (he promised me he didnt do any of that). I've tried medication and hypnotherapy but it didn't work. I feel like suicide is the only way out 
You won't believe this but my OCD is over my bf having kissed another girl before me. That is all. No sex because he is still a virgin. He is my first but im not his first and that kills me. I have images and thoughts about them kissing and him enjoying it. I feel distressed to know that he will always have those memories of kissing her whilst I don't have any experience with anyone else but him. I'm obsessed with asking details about what he did with her..it obviously drove him mad and as soon as I realised I apologised and stopped even though his reassurances helped me. We don't bring up his past anymore and I just keep it inside me.
Also, eveything is a trigger...I can't go past places where I know they kissed, I hate dates and months that remind me of his past etc. I'm obsessed all the time. When a thought enters my head I can't control it and it starts to get worse to the point where I develop paranoia as well, I try seeking any type of reassurance I can to make it go away. That helps but only temporarily. I feel like the only way it will ever go away is if I stop caring about it but that seems impossible. I feel disgusted to know he has been so intimate with someone else especially since I haven't got a past. I love him a lot and I know my OCD is based on irrational fear of his past but it feels so real to me and is making my life hell. I just want to die.
You won't believe this but my OCD is over my bf having kissed another girl before me. That is all. No sex because he is still a virgin. He is my first but im not his first and that kills me. I have images and thoughts about them kissing and him enjoying it. I feel distressed to know that he will always have those memories of kissing her whilst I don't have any experience with anyone else but him. I'm obsessed with asking details about what he did with her..it obviously drove him mad and as soon as I realised I apologised and stopped even though his reassurances helped me. We don't bring up his past anymore and I just keep it inside me.
Also, eveything is a trigger...I can't go past places where I know they kissed, I hate dates and months that remind me of his past etc. I'm obsessed all the time. When a thought enters my head I can't control it and it starts to get worse to the point where I develop paranoia as well, I try seeking any type of reassurance I can to make it go away. That helps but only temporarily. I feel like the only way it will ever go away is if I stop caring about it but that seems impossible. I feel disgusted to know he has been so intimate with someone else especially since I haven't got a past. I love him a lot and I know my OCD is based on irrational fear of his past but it feels so real to me and is making my life hell. I just want to die.
