This is kind of awkward..Starting to come out of denial.

When you start going out and doing things you enjoy, typically friendships will form quite naturally as you meet people and talk with them. I became friends with one woman in particular when a few of us from my care group decided to take a program together in a neighbouring town. When we finished the program there, we brought it to our church and we were both very involved and our friendship grew. Another current friend started out as an attendee at a caregiver support group that I facilitated. I did not last long at that job, and after I stopped working there, we ran into each other and got talking and our friendship started that day. I have another friend I met in one of my social work classes. She took the class locally, but was not in my program. During the course we found we had many shared interests, and we stayed in touch, we support each other and became friends.

What kinds of things do you like to do? Maybe you could join a club, gym, take a class, see what the library offers in terms of programs, or whatever you like to do. Then when you get involved in something, start chatting people up, be interested in them, in what they do, in who they are, in their lives....

Deepening a friendship is a process, but you can only control your side of a relationship. Ask God for help with your side and him to help her with her side. Chat with people to find out if you like them. Share a little personal info. When you find someone that is regularly asking you questions about you, you have found a potential friend. Recognize the difference between caring about you/your life vs. being polite vs. having a dependency need (such as someone who needs constant overt acceptance and affirmation) Most would do well to avoid getting too close to someone who requires more attention in the long-term that they would be able to give. If you're emotionally strong, being careful doesn't matter as much, because you can deal with whatever you need to more easily.

Meeting them in different contexts is essential to become deeper friends. You can't have (long term) satisfying breadth and depth in your friendship if you only ever meet them at church, for example. People tend to move forward slowly because that's usually what is natural, and also so that it is not so painful to stop spending time with them if that's what's needed after getting to know them better. I suggest trying to chat about Jesus, moral issues, and her other relationships early in your relationship.

Accept them as they are, although if they are going to hurt themselves or others, speak up. Put forth a little effort to lighten their life burdens upon occasion. If they never reciprocate, it doesn't mean they dislike you. They may already have too much burden in their life, which being with you doesn't relieve (which is not your fault). Be sure to always be who you really are. Always be honest or be silent. Do for them as you would have them do for you.

Most people only ever have 1 or 2 people as lifelong friends. If you end up finding someone who will be a good friend, spend as much time and effort as you need to to maintain it. For example, if you made a friend while you were both single, and she got married, you can make an effort to maintain the quality of the friendship, but probably not the amount of time. If she had a child, instead of letting it consume her time so you never see her, try to help her with the things she must spend time on.

Spirit Reborn said:

Here's my situation: I've been having these nagging feelings but I've always pushed them back to the back burner of my mind. These thoughts/feelings are: "wow, I actually don't have any legit genuine friends at age 27".

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So who has discipled you? And who have you discipled?

Remember there came a time when Our Lord said to His disciples "I no longer call you servants but friends." Jn 15.15

If you have truly been discipled you should have your discipler as a true friend.

Spirit Reborn said:

Hey guys,

So this is kind of awkward for me because.. I don't usually post my problems on here. I'm more of a 'encourage and pray for others' type of person on this site.

Here's my situation: I've been having these nagging feelings but I've always pushed them back to the back burner of my mind. These thoughts/feelings are: "wow, I actually don't have any legit genuine friends at age 27". I have a few close online friends whom I consider legit genuine friends..but what I mean is..I don't have friends who live close to me that I can hang out with. I've been helping 2 close classmates in College with homework and studying for tests.. but I feel kind of..used. See because there's a 'close-inner circle of friends [whether that consists of one or more] and then there's not so close friends, school friends, coworker friends..acquaintances..etc. But it's not the intimate type of friendship that I long for. Anyway, I think this is more of a vent and a mini pity party..' it just sucks to be honest. I genuinely had thought they were my friends.

But if I were to ask for advice, my question would be..how did you find your close Christian friends that you frequently hang out with/help encourage and build each other up? Did you find them at youth groups? At Church? Through mutual friends? Whatever bit of advice you have for me relating to true genuine friends [in real life] would be helpful. : )

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it's been my experience that there are basically two types of Christian friends - those who seek to help others, and those who seek to be helped. most (if not all) people fall into a mix between these extremes, playing both roles from time to time as crisis and triumphs come and go; but most tend to lean more in the direction of seeking to be helped on average; and there's not necessarily anything wrong with that if they are seeking God's help through others...

i've not yet met any Christian friends that seek to help others as a priority; at least not in person - a few on forums yes, but even those are few and far between. it sounds like you might be in this small group. people in this group tend to be drawn to people in the other group that seeks to be helped; we even look for them - so it's no wonder that we find them most often ('seek and ye shall find'), and therefore don't find those who seek to help others as easily. this group is usually addicted to helping others - they live for that - and again, are likely to overlook others in the same 'seeking to help others' group.

from the Kingdom perspective, it's far more beneficial for those in the seeking to help others group to hang out with people that are seeking to be helped - so maybe it's ok to not have any 'legit' friends to hang out with...that leaves us in the 'seeking to help others' group to hang out with the Head of that group instead: Jesus

Have to admit I don't have a lot of real close friends. So probably can't really offer any advice. However the friends I do have are mainly from church men's groups, or people that had similar interests to me when younger. Getting connected to church people is a good idea.