Lately I have been in a difficult situation. My childhood best friend informed me she is no longer a Christian which came as quite a shock to me considering how she seemed like such a strong Christian who I would go to for Biblical and life advice. She even majored in a Biblical program at college.
She was hiding the fact she no longer wants to follow Christ for quite some time because she was afraid of my reaction and that I would no longer want to be friends with her.
My friend is also dating a nonchristian whom she met online who proclaims to lean towards or agree with Luciferianism. I was very shocked when she shared that with me and of course went on to refute it, and she defended it.
She also had strong values toward purity for many years, but gave her virginity to the man she had only just started dating, arguing that they really knew each other much longer from talking online (they had only seen one another in real life a handful of times). She also defended her decision to give up virginity by saying she intends to marry him.
Of course, I am in no way okay with the lifestyle choices she is making. I communicated with her to not act shocked if we grow apart because we are headed down two different paths and disagree on many important subjects. She failed to see how it would affect our relationship and was upset at the suggestion. She got offended when I told her that we can only talk about unimportant subject matters because the important ones we disagree on, so I asked her why on earth she would want to talk about things like that when I know we'll strongly disagree with one another and so it makes no sense. Her reply was "I guess I'm forgetting myself. To me, religion was an interesting discussion point but honestly, there was a lot more in the world equally as interesting." That is really out there to me...because like I said, this was a person who seemed to genuinely want to follow God and seemed very strong in her faith.
She thinks I am unaccepting of who she really is, not nice to her, that I don't think carefully before I tell her things that I think are necessary, and she seems to think I am judgmental. I told her that I believed we were sisters in Christ and I believed that she believed in purity and that I thought we could agree on a lot of stuff stemming from those basic truths. She wrote, "I guess I am stupid then, to believe you cared for our friendship outside of that." So then I got into that God is my focal point, and He even goes above my marriage and He is what I thought held my friendships together and that He isn't on the back burner for me...I received no reply to that.
How should I handle myself with someone like this? A person I have a lot of history with, and also someone who isn't just a nonchristian, they (at least seemed) Christian almost their whole life and so this seems like a 360 degree turn...
It's like she wants me to accept her choices which I in no way am or intend to. She doesn't expect me to agree with her, though I know she wants me to and she very much seems to want me to accept all of this, acting like I am not accepting her if I don't accept her choices, because it somehow defines her. I can't compromise my values just because of our long friendship; she doesn't come before God. It seems to me that if I try to maintain the same level of friendship with her (which I find impossible to do so anyway because I thought our friendship was based on God, so we can't really discuss matters on that anymore) that I will be compromising values. The last time we hung out, the compromising values kind of happened when she was telling me things about her boyfriend which were sexual in nature and I kind of went along with it; I didn't agree with it, but I chimed in the conversation and didn't speak against it right then because I didn't know if I could. When someone doesn't profess to be Christian, it's not sin to them.
She contradicts herself, it's clear she doesn't know what she's doing, even though she informed me she is not confused and she has made her choice not to be a Christian.
So, I have some questions about the matter. How do I go from here? Do I maintain a superficial relationship? Even that can get hard because it entails her decisions being brought up. She didn't sound content with having a superficial friendship, but I can't see having it any other way because I'm holding onto my values and beliefs. She makes it seem like I want to get rid of her because she doesn't match my exact mold, when it is not like that. It isn't as stupid as she quit the swim team we were both on and now I'm upset. What she bases her life on is very different than what I base mine on, so therefore our goals and beliefs vary to the point where to me it looks like incompatible friends. We'll be raising our families differently, and I don't believe I would want my kids to hang around hers because of being led astray. I do not think it is a sin to be a friend with a nonchristian, though I think caution must be exercised; I don't think we're supposed to be close friends however, because we can start to sway.
I hope I don't sound like some self-righteous person who is "too good" to be friends with a nonchristian; I'm not trying to come across that way. Also, about her claims about me not being nice, being judgmental, unaccepting, or whatnot how do I know if I am that way? It's so hard when Christians are called different things for not accepting the ways of this world...some of her claims sound like that to me, but on the other hand, I am wondering if I am being wrong or like a Pharisee. I find myself angry with the choices she makes and continues to make, is that a righteous anger or a prideful one? Anyway, insight would be appreciated. Thank you so much and sorry for the long post!
She was hiding the fact she no longer wants to follow Christ for quite some time because she was afraid of my reaction and that I would no longer want to be friends with her.
My friend is also dating a nonchristian whom she met online who proclaims to lean towards or agree with Luciferianism. I was very shocked when she shared that with me and of course went on to refute it, and she defended it.
She also had strong values toward purity for many years, but gave her virginity to the man she had only just started dating, arguing that they really knew each other much longer from talking online (they had only seen one another in real life a handful of times). She also defended her decision to give up virginity by saying she intends to marry him.
Of course, I am in no way okay with the lifestyle choices she is making. I communicated with her to not act shocked if we grow apart because we are headed down two different paths and disagree on many important subjects. She failed to see how it would affect our relationship and was upset at the suggestion. She got offended when I told her that we can only talk about unimportant subject matters because the important ones we disagree on, so I asked her why on earth she would want to talk about things like that when I know we'll strongly disagree with one another and so it makes no sense. Her reply was "I guess I'm forgetting myself. To me, religion was an interesting discussion point but honestly, there was a lot more in the world equally as interesting." That is really out there to me...because like I said, this was a person who seemed to genuinely want to follow God and seemed very strong in her faith.
She thinks I am unaccepting of who she really is, not nice to her, that I don't think carefully before I tell her things that I think are necessary, and she seems to think I am judgmental. I told her that I believed we were sisters in Christ and I believed that she believed in purity and that I thought we could agree on a lot of stuff stemming from those basic truths. She wrote, "I guess I am stupid then, to believe you cared for our friendship outside of that." So then I got into that God is my focal point, and He even goes above my marriage and He is what I thought held my friendships together and that He isn't on the back burner for me...I received no reply to that.
How should I handle myself with someone like this? A person I have a lot of history with, and also someone who isn't just a nonchristian, they (at least seemed) Christian almost their whole life and so this seems like a 360 degree turn...
It's like she wants me to accept her choices which I in no way am or intend to. She doesn't expect me to agree with her, though I know she wants me to and she very much seems to want me to accept all of this, acting like I am not accepting her if I don't accept her choices, because it somehow defines her. I can't compromise my values just because of our long friendship; she doesn't come before God. It seems to me that if I try to maintain the same level of friendship with her (which I find impossible to do so anyway because I thought our friendship was based on God, so we can't really discuss matters on that anymore) that I will be compromising values. The last time we hung out, the compromising values kind of happened when she was telling me things about her boyfriend which were sexual in nature and I kind of went along with it; I didn't agree with it, but I chimed in the conversation and didn't speak against it right then because I didn't know if I could. When someone doesn't profess to be Christian, it's not sin to them.
She contradicts herself, it's clear she doesn't know what she's doing, even though she informed me she is not confused and she has made her choice not to be a Christian.
So, I have some questions about the matter. How do I go from here? Do I maintain a superficial relationship? Even that can get hard because it entails her decisions being brought up. She didn't sound content with having a superficial friendship, but I can't see having it any other way because I'm holding onto my values and beliefs. She makes it seem like I want to get rid of her because she doesn't match my exact mold, when it is not like that. It isn't as stupid as she quit the swim team we were both on and now I'm upset. What she bases her life on is very different than what I base mine on, so therefore our goals and beliefs vary to the point where to me it looks like incompatible friends. We'll be raising our families differently, and I don't believe I would want my kids to hang around hers because of being led astray. I do not think it is a sin to be a friend with a nonchristian, though I think caution must be exercised; I don't think we're supposed to be close friends however, because we can start to sway.
I hope I don't sound like some self-righteous person who is "too good" to be friends with a nonchristian; I'm not trying to come across that way. Also, about her claims about me not being nice, being judgmental, unaccepting, or whatnot how do I know if I am that way? It's so hard when Christians are called different things for not accepting the ways of this world...some of her claims sound like that to me, but on the other hand, I am wondering if I am being wrong or like a Pharisee. I find myself angry with the choices she makes and continues to make, is that a righteous anger or a prideful one? Anyway, insight would be appreciated. Thank you so much and sorry for the long post!