that's easy.
secular love is that which says: "I am loveable. Therefore everyone must love me."
and "Anyone who doesn't love me is a bad person."
essentially it's a 2 year olds viewpoint of the world that has never grown past that reasoning.
I think pdudgeon is on point with this response. The secular concept of love - which we can say is disordered - is fundamentally based on the concept that love is synonymous with acceptance: acceptance of any and all poor behaviours and life choices, and an affirmation that those behaviours and choices are good or beneficial in some way. And, as pdudgeon said, if someone does not accept these things, this means that someone does not love the person who engages in those behaviours/choices.
It is a very, very basic view of love, and it is very disordered. It is self-centred and based on affirming the bad and immoral as good. In this view, disagreeing with immoral behaviours and choices is un-loving, and it makes you a bad person.
I find this concept incredibly troubling, partly because it is very foreign to my own experience of loving others. I love my family, for example, but they have made poor moral choices and have engaged in harmful behaviours. When I spoke up against this, it was precisely because I love them that I needed to tell them that such behaviour is actually detrimental to their being. And even despite our moral disagreement, I did not stop (have not stopped) loving them.
However, the notion that you have to fully accept and affirm as good poor behaviours in order to love someone is very widespread and I see it every day. I think it is born of a very fundamental desire to be loved, but it finds its expression in a very immature, child-like emotional need that hasn't evolved - and who knows why? Maybe people are not very introspective, maybe they do not make it a priority to work on their interior life, maybe they do not make time for self-reflection and maybe they are just not self-aware.
