Codependency Dilemma

DiscipleEthan said:

I reunited with an old Christian I met on facebook from before I got saved. We were close and his mom liked me too and they came from georgia to california to visit me once. They shared the gospel with me. I cut ties with him for a while because he was nothing but clingy on me 24/7 and had a terrible temper. One of his friends convinced me to be his friend again. but he and his mom have been wanting to come to CA again and take me with them to georgia for a vacation and even offered the chance to live with them if I wanted. they aren't bad people, but I think there are a lot of red flags. I feel like they are taking advantage of my generosity and using my guilt to their advantage too. He has no friends and he lost his dad but it's no excuse to make my life miserable. what should I do?

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Your post raises some questions for me. If you live in CA and he lives in GA, how is he making your life miserable? What "generosity" are you doling out that you think they're taking advantage of? Seems that your ties will remain almost cut as long as you live halfway across the country.

Do you want to move to GA? If you think he's going to be clingy 24/7 and make your life miserable, that doesn't sound like a good reason to move.

DiscipleEthan said:

He makes my life miserable by texting me a lot and getting angry when I'm not texting him and when he doesn't get his way. The generosity I'm doling out is giving up my spare time just to please him. He takes advantage of me by trying to make me feel guilty and I am such a people pleaser. and he takes advantage of the fact that I think I should forgive him and try to be his friend instead of neglecting him

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Personally, it doesn't sound like I'd move to GA just to be closer to all that! You (at least) first have to establish some boundaries that he will honor. Sorry I don't know how to do that.

DiscipleEthan said:

I reunited with an old Christian I met on facebook from before I got saved. We were close and his mom liked me too and they came from georgia to california to visit me once. They shared the gospel with me. I cut ties with him for a while because he was nothing but clingy on me 24/7 and had a terrible temper. One of his friends convinced me to be his friend again. but he and his mom have been wanting to come to CA again and take me with them to georgia for a vacation and even offered the chance to live with them if I wanted. they aren't bad people, but I think there are a lot of red flags. I feel like they are taking advantage of my generosity and using my guilt to their advantage too. He has no friends and he lost his dad but it's no excuse to make my life miserable. what should I do?

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Well, the biggest red flag is that he wants you to come live with him. That isn't how we ought to behave if we call ourselves Christians. I know this first hand because the Lord rebuked me for living with my wife before we got married. We repented and she moved out, but it still was not a good example to anyone around us. We put our flesh above our testimony for Christ. In the end, if the relationship does not have a solid foundation in Christ, I wouldn't even consider it. If he is constantly trying to manipulate you emotionally, run away quickly; if you think it is bad now, you haven't seen anything yet. These kinds of problems never tend to get better the closer you get, they get worse. If the Lord isn't in the center you don't have a chance of making it work.

Codependency is a serious issue; have you ever heard of Celebrate Recovery? They have groups and studies for healing from Codependency. It is a bible based recovery group, highly recommend you check it out. You can find a local group online: www.celebraterecovery.com