Tonight, like every other night, I check Facebook before bed. And tonight I get a message from an ex in-law. I don't know who but they somehow found me on Facebook. I even changed my last name to a name they didn't know or was rarely spoken of. They tell me that my ex had surgery and he or she thought I should reach out to him. They don't know why he and I split up or care (their words). They said he still dreams of me, hopes that I'm well and I'm happy.
Every Christian instinct is telling me to reach out to him, but then all the bad starts to filter in...why should I care if he dreams of me? He all but stated that he never loved me, he thought I was just there to take care of him. I had been subjected to so much abuse that to this day I get panic attacks just being in a close proximity to another man outside of family. I dug myself out of the financial ruin, unhealthy lifestyle and have even grown my faith to be stronger than ever. But then I think, this man that I had loved, though he cheated, abused me, I don't wish him harm or ill will. I've prayed to God to give me guidance and to help heal him but is that enough?
I still have the last conversation playing in my head of why couldn't I go see him, spend time with him, even though I had just gotten out of the hospital myself from having my own surgery. That I was inconsiderate for ignoring him while I was trying to sleep off the darn pain meds they gave me.
I've changed my name through Facebook, bought a different car, park in different areas at work, pay attention to who is around me and if I'm being followed, and now I see that, it's not enough.
Should I email back? Should I not acknowledge it? Should I close my Facebook, because "privacy" doesn't mean anything?
Am I just letting past fears control me?
Every Christian instinct is telling me to reach out to him, but then all the bad starts to filter in...why should I care if he dreams of me? He all but stated that he never loved me, he thought I was just there to take care of him. I had been subjected to so much abuse that to this day I get panic attacks just being in a close proximity to another man outside of family. I dug myself out of the financial ruin, unhealthy lifestyle and have even grown my faith to be stronger than ever. But then I think, this man that I had loved, though he cheated, abused me, I don't wish him harm or ill will. I've prayed to God to give me guidance and to help heal him but is that enough?
I still have the last conversation playing in my head of why couldn't I go see him, spend time with him, even though I had just gotten out of the hospital myself from having my own surgery. That I was inconsiderate for ignoring him while I was trying to sleep off the darn pain meds they gave me.
I've changed my name through Facebook, bought a different car, park in different areas at work, pay attention to who is around me and if I'm being followed, and now I see that, it's not enough.
Should I email back? Should I not acknowledge it? Should I close my Facebook, because "privacy" doesn't mean anything?
Am I just letting past fears control me?
