Can't seem to find a comfortable Church home...

derpytia

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My mother and I have gone to the same church for many years and now that I'm an adult and am able to understand what I like to call 'the finer points of human interaction' that I was either oblivious to as a child or shielded from. I have noticed that our congregation treats my mother horribly. Why? Because she is a twice divorced woman and currently single with no intentions of dating or marrying ever again (she's been far too hurt by the last two to even think of that and I understand that completely). I am her only child and the child of the second marriage and therefore, if you think about it, I am technically a bastard child because since she has divorced her first husband and married another she has committed adultery. The married ladies of the congregation constantly exclude her as subtly (but to me it's very obvious) as they possibly can. If she tries to talk to any male member of the congregation (usually asking about something from the sermon or asking for help with something), their wife immediately comes over and interrupts the conversation to get their husband away from her as if she intends to do something inappropriate.

The congregation always treated me well when I was a child and I was held in high esteem by adults and elders alike. But as I got older that started to change. Why? Because I was becoming a woman and I am the girl child of an adulterous marriage and whatever niceness they had for the innocent child I was is apparently null now that I'm older and all their good will goes to my best friend who has two parents who are married because she is somehow more pure than I could ever hope to be. I hold no grudge against or jealousy towards my friend for this for she's done nothing wrong and neither have I and we are like sister to each other.

I actually heard two older ladies talk quietly yet openly about this in the bathroom one Sunday while I was in a bathroom stall so I am not imagining this. You can't imagine how horrible I felt afterwards.

So we have tried a few other churches of our denomination in the area. We introduce ourselves and things go well until people find out about my mother and then its the same story all over again. So we then tried some other churches of other denominations (my county has A LOT of churches) and we have gotten the same treatment.

Is there simply no church that has a congregation that will look at us as fellow Christians instead of outsiders? We're at a loss for what to do.
 

Albion

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Hello, derpytia. I do not want to be unkind to Lutherans who have many great qualities, but Lutheranism does tend to be one of those denominations which produces judgmentalism in matters such as this one or at least among some members. If you are otherwise satisfied with the Lutheran style of worship, liturgy, and all of that, I'd recommend The Episcopal Church as an alternative. It is a strongly "welcoming" church body by its own decision and, although congregations of course differ somewhat from one to another, it may well be the best choice for the kind of church you seek.
 
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BFine

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There's body of believers/churches that do this...

Ezekiel 33:31-32
"My people come to you, as they usually do, and sit before you to listen to your words, but they do not put them into practice.
With their mouths they express devotion, but their hearts are greedy for unjust gain.
Indeed, to them you are nothing more than one who sings love songs with a beautiful voice and plays an instrument well, for they hear your words but do not put them into practice”.

I can say this...

Visit the different churches in your area, find one that is
following/adhering to biblical teachings...I can't recommend
a denomination because not all churches act/or believe the same ... I've found racism and people who cruelly judge in lots of churches didn't matter what the denomination was... I grew up in the bible-belt (originally from the USA, lived there until age 37.)

There were various churches all around us,
you could hardly drive a mile without encountering scores
of churches (different denominations too.)
There was 3 or 4 churches around us that were good... one of them towards the last few years I was there started slipping into the world... it was sad...they allowed racism
to take root.

I know that good churches are treasures, I had been part of
some in my childhood and then again as an adult...I know there are solid Bible teaching churches out there in various places ...pray about this matter and ask the Lord to direct you to the church/body of believers that are following Christ and upholds God's Word.
 
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Goodbook

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Can I ask is this lutheran church that you grew up in...was it the one your mum remarried in?
What about your dad, is he a christian?

Can I also ask...what do you believe about Jesus?
I dont know about your mum as she has her own walk with the Lord, but as for you, whatever your parents did..whether you were a child of adultery or no..that can be forgiven..their sin and curse can be broken off from you with the blood of Jesus. You are then made right with God. When we are born again we are adopted into His family.

Remember how Jesus did not condemn the woman caught in adultery and had compassion on the cannaanite woman who had five husbands.
 
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Goodbook

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Pray and ask God to direct you to a fellowship of believers who will accept you in the beloved. I think some of the older established churches tend to have a watered down gospel and not reach out to anyone..and dont know what it means to be born again.

Always test what they teach by referring to the Bible, if by their actions they contradict what Gods word says, then best to mark those churches and avoid them. Sadly there seem to be a lot of those around these days.
 
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AHH who-stole-my-name

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If you are uncomfortable where you are you are not getting the full benefit of Gods grace. If you're not getting that, then why do you persist in torturing yourself in thinking that it is somehow God's will that you endure such treatment. How do you know that God is sending you and your mother a message that the two of you are needed elsewhere.
 
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derpytia

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Can I ask is this lutheran church that you grew up in...was it the one your mum remarried in?
What about your dad, is he a christian?

Can I also ask...what do you believe about Jesus?
I dont know about your mum as she has her own walk with the Lord, but as for you, whatever your parents did..whether you were a child of adultery or no..that can be forgiven..their sin and curse can be broken off from you with the blood of Jesus. You are then made right with God. When we are born again we are adopted into His family.

Remember how Jesus did not condemn the woman caught in adultery and had compassion on the cannaanite woman who had five husbands.

My mom became Christian long before she met my father. She joined that particular church years before I was born and I was baptized at that church. My father is not a Christian and never was. I'm not sure if he's changed or not since I haven't seen him since I was very very young and have not had any contact with him.

As for Jesus, He's the only hope that we humans have and through Him our sins are forgiven so long as we believe and have faith in him. The usual "grace through faith" that Lutherans are taught. I also have more on the subject but that's for another thread.

I just wish the members of our church could find it in their hearts to treat us as they would anyone else in that church.
 
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graceandpeace

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My mother and I have gone to the same church for many years and now that I'm an adult and am able to understand what I like to call 'the finer points of human interaction' that I was either oblivious to as a child or shielded from. I have noticed that our congregation treats my mother horribly. Why? Because she is a twice divorced woman and currently single with no intentions of dating or marrying ever again (she's been far too hurt by the last two to even think of that and I understand that completely). I am her only child and the child of the second marriage and therefore, if you think about it, I am technically a bastard child because since she has divorced her first husband and married another she has committed adultery. The married ladies of the congregation constantly exclude her as subtly (but to me it's very obvious) as they possibly can. If she tries to talk to any male member of the congregation (usually asking about something from the sermon or asking for help with something), their wife immediately comes over and interrupts the conversation to get their husband away from her as if she intends to do something inappropriate.

The congregation always treated me well when I was a child and I was held in high esteem by adults and elders alike. But as I got older that started to change. Why? Because I was becoming a woman and I am the girl child of an adulterous marriage and whatever niceness they had for the innocent child I was is apparently null now that I'm older and all their good will goes to my best friend who has two parents who are married because she is somehow more pure than I could ever hope to be. I hold no grudge against or jealousy towards my friend for this for she's done nothing wrong and neither have I and we are like sister to each other.

I actually heard two older ladies talk quietly yet openly about this in the bathroom one Sunday while I was in a bathroom stall so I am not imagining this. You can't imagine how horrible I felt afterwards.

So we have tried a few other churches of our denomination in the area. We introduce ourselves and things go well until people find out about my mother and then its the same story all over again. So we then tried some other churches of other denominations (my county has A LOT of churches) and we have gotten the same treatment.

Is there simply no church that has a congregation that will look at us as fellow Christians instead of outsiders? We're at a loss for what to do.

I agree with the suggestion you received for the Episcopal Church. The worship is similar to what you'd find in a Lutheran church & while congregations in any denomination can vary, Episcopalians have a reputation for seeking to welcome others, regardless of who they are. (Disclosure: I attend an Episcopal Church.)

Good luck.
 
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TheyCallMeDave

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My mother and I have gone to the same church for many years and now that I'm an adult and am able to understand what I like to call 'the finer points of human interaction' that I was either oblivious to as a child or shielded from. I have noticed that our congregation treats my mother horribly. Why? Because she is a twice divorced woman and currently single with no intentions of dating or marrying ever again (she's been far too hurt by the last two to even think of that and I understand that completely). I am her only child and the child of the second marriage and therefore, if you think about it, I am technically a bastard child because since she has divorced her first husband and married another she has committed adultery. The married ladies of the congregation constantly exclude her as subtly (but to me it's very obvious) as they possibly can. If she tries to talk to any male member of the congregation (usually asking about something from the sermon or asking for help with something), their wife immediately comes over and interrupts the conversation to get their husband away from her as if she intends to do something inappropriate.

The congregation always treated me well when I was a child and I was held in high esteem by adults and elders alike. But as I got older that started to change. Why? Because I was becoming a woman and I am the girl child of an adulterous marriage and whatever niceness they had for the innocent child I was is apparently null now that I'm older and all their good will goes to my best friend who has two parents who are married because she is somehow more pure than I could ever hope to be. I hold no grudge against or jealousy towards my friend for this for she's done nothing wrong and neither have I and we are like sister to each other.

I actually heard two older ladies talk quietly yet openly about this in the bathroom one Sunday while I was in a bathroom stall so I am not imagining this. You can't imagine how horrible I felt afterwards.

So we have tried a few other churches of our denomination in the area. We introduce ourselves and things go well until people find out about my mother and then its the same story all over again. So we then tried some other churches of other denominations (my county has A LOT of churches) and we have gotten the same treatment.

Is there simply no church that has a congregation that will look at us as fellow Christians instead of outsiders? We're at a loss for what to do.

If you contact www.equip.org they will provide you with a few local churches that are healthy and well balanced . It is the Christian Research Institute.
 
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