Brother, God knows our hearts. Our works are nothing. Christ was all about the heart, what's on the inside, not how things seem on the outside. Baptism is something we do, but baptism in itself is nothing, it is symbolic. All things come by faith, and our heart matters most. We can have the spirit just by praying and believing, just like Christ taught us how God grants us that gift, because He is not the father who gives us scorpions. Your girlfriend is in good hands, and you will meet her, and everyone you love one day. These are not those days, brother. You will endure, and you will find hope. No matter what you have to do. I would suggest treatment, hospitals if necessary (many hospital trips were necessary for me).
We don't have a tormentor or a trickster, we have a savior. Just think about the criminal on the cross. Was He baptized? No. He was probably a criminal his whole life, and never met Jesus before, and was immediately granted absolution when he asked for mercy. Just like the praying publican and pharisee. The proud pharisee probably did everything "right", every sacrament, every symbolic gesture and upheld all the laws. But it was his heart that failed him, because how things are on the outside mean nothing. Meanwhile, the publican who was ashamed and didn't even know how to pray, got Christ Himself to use this man as an example for us.
We make rules out of what we don't understand. Just like pharisees and teachers of the law (of whom Christ warned us, how they like to tie heavy burdens on people). Christ didn't bring us shackles, He set us free. And the more I believe that sacrifice of His, the more I understand how God's love is perfect. His grace is perfect, and when we let it in, we start to understand it. We stop looking at what we could do to set things right with God (and instead start to understand that His grace is freely given), we stop worshiping our sins and feeding the useless guilt we have, as if they have more power than God's grace. We only take the guilt that we need to grow, not to punish ourselves. We start to even love more. And best of all, at some point, we stop worrying so much. Because Christ did it all, He did what we never could and never can, and in Him we place our hope. He isn't a torturer, He is a saviour and His sacrifice is that of perfect, undeserved love.
Many times when Christ reprimanded people, it is for us to understand how we are all, deep inside, sinners. He gave us the ideal on how to live. But He knew Himself that salvation is impossible to man, like He said, but everything is possible to God. And that's how it is - we need Christ. If I could save myself, how could I need His sacrifice? And God, who gave us His only begotten son - wouldn't He give us everything else, spiritually, as well? Don't worry brother. Just put your faith and hopes in Christ, not on our works and traditions.
And Christ said that whenever two or more gather in His name and ask for anything, He will be there. Not that He wouldn't be there if we were alone, He would and He will. But just to enforce it, let's pray: Dear God, take good care of Sara, this woman Okano loves so much, and let no love go into waste. Guide this man and let comfort and hope make room in his heart. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
God bless you and everyone you love.
