I was raised Catholic, I went to religious eduaction or religious teaching (I don't really know how to translate it), I received First Communion and Confirmation too at ages 8-10 and 14.
I always believed in God, but until ~2013 I was not living a Christian life. I didn't go to church, didn't pray, didn't read the Bible. I was not loving others, I was mean to others. I did what I found "cool" like alcohol, picking on others etc. But I never lost faith, I always believed God, and when someone made fun of God and religion or cursed I felt bad and I never accepted it. Once my friend before Confirmation found out a joke about the Holy Spirit, and I was laughing on it. Yars later I was really, really, really afraid that I committed the unpardonable sin. (And I am still a little afraid about it.) But I think I didn't let God into my life. Later, I had a problem which caused me a lot of depression, and then a lot of panic attacks. In 2013 there was a big turning point in my life. I let God come into my life, but I started to be afraid because I've sinned a lot. I started being afraid of sins. Then a mental illness (Religious OCD / Scrupulosity) accoured in my life. I started to be afraid of sinning, so I saw sin in nearly everything. In entertainment, food, numbers, I was afraid I am sinning nearly everytime. But in the meantime, I started to be closer to closer to God, and all of my panic attacks were gone (Thank God
). I started praying, be kind to others, thank God for things in my life. God and faith became the center of my life. But this illness caused me a lot of problems. ~1 year ago I started reading the Bible (I never did that before) and in November 2015 I started going to Church again.
I was more and more deep in faith, and more and more close to God.
Now, I still have this illness, but I was thinking about Confession. I am really not sure about a lot of things. If God forgets ours sins when we pray about it, why do we need Confession? And what should we confess? How often should we confess? If we confess our sins and sin again a day after, and pray about it, will it be forgiven immediately or it won't be forgiven until we go to confession again? I go to church every week, but I don't go to Mass, because I don't know if I am allowed to. Can I go to mass? Even if I sin again after confession?
I asked these questions, because today I am planning to go to Confession. I have to be honest, I am really afraid, but I know I shouldn't be. Sorry for the lot of "started"