The importance of sex in a Christian marriage

I don't think there are a lot of scriptures on this. The only verse that comes to mind is:

1 Corinthians 7:5
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

tuliplane said:

How important is sex in a Christian marriage and what are some good Bible verses on this topic? What are God's intentions for sex in a marriage (other than for procreation) and how often should a couple engage in it?

Click to expand...

The fact that the Song of Solomon is a part of Scripture should tell you something. Sexual relations are a part of demonstrating genuine love for your spouse, and "marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled". As to frequency, that is entirely between the couple. The expected end result (earlier on) should be children, but that is not the only aspect of sexual relations. As already pointed out, prolonged abstinence within marriage is actually harmful.

As concerning the OP it is good that all Christians read, study, and know 1Cor 7. Most all peoples go through life without knowing these words of God. Or even knowing that they are in the Bible. If all peoples knew and understood this chapter, their lives would be a lot different, and a lot better.

There are some very important things about marriage that the Bible talks about:

Malachi 2:15: "Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth."

God intends for marriage to produce children, which requires sex. The union of the man and woman has a purpose besides mere pleasure, but that does not exclude pleasure. God made sex feel good so that it could be enjoyed as part of the marriage relationship, but ultimately the purpose of sex goes beyond pleasure. I always counsel people that they are not ready for sex if they are not ready for children.

Song of Solomon: The whole book.

This book definitely focuses on the intimacy of the sexual relationship between the man and woman in a marriage relationship. It also, depending on how one understands various passages, talk about things like oral sex, which serve no purpose other than intimacy and pleasure. Like I said earlier, God created this relationship to be enjoyed and to draw two people closer together, but it's not the only purpose. As for the frequency of sex, most married people, based on national averages from anonymous surveys, is about once a week. In my opinion, this is not enough and is the result of people not focusing more on their spouses. Happiness does not come from sex, but happiness leads to sex. A husband and wife who love each other as the Bible instructs in places like Ephesians 5:22-33 will find themselves having more sex, more often because they are enjoying an intimate relationship with one another.

Genesis 2:24-25: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."

The "one flesh" language is accepted by many people as sexual consummation of marriage. In Biblical terminology, a couple isn't married until they have had sexual relations with the definite purpose of uniting together. The apostle Paul talks about how terrible casual sex is in 1 Corinthians 6:15-20 because it destroys the concept of sex being a uniting experience between husband and wife. The act that unites the couple together in marriage is also a cornerstone is keeping the couple united.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5: "Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

Paul is not saying that men and women shouldn't have sex here but is answering a question that was asked of him. There were some who were teaching that a husband and wife shouldn't have sex at all after becoming Christians. This is something that the Shakers taught/teach in modern times.

Paul's answer, and God's answer, is that sex between husband and wife is necessary to avoid temptations. Not only that, but it's necessary because marriage is the giving of oneself to another person. You are no longer in control or possession of your own body, but have given yourself to another person. If you're husband wants to have sex, you should give him your body. Likewise, if you're wife wants sex, you must give her your body. Can you imagine being given a car and then told you aren't allowed to drive it? Sex should never be used as a weapon in marriage, one person withholding it from the other. Sex is something that is owed to the other person in the marriage. You are the only person in the entire world they are allowed to have sex with, so you better supply them with the quantity they desire.

There's some more that we can talk about, but I hope this is at least a good start.

GracetotheHumble said:

I don't think there are a lot of scriptures on this. The only verse that comes to mind is:

1 Corinthians 7:5
Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Click to expand...

That's my personal favorite.

I think it's important, but in the sense that you wish to become one flesh, and provide for one another in all ways. One of those ways would be sexual.

as for how often to have sexual relations .... as often as the two of you want.

I wouldn't know. I don't get any.

tuliplane said:

I'm sorry to hear that. Have you talked to your spouse about it?

Click to expand...

I've tried.

tuliplane said:

How important is sex in a Christian marriage and what are some good Bible verses on this topic? What are God's intentions for sex in a marriage (other than for procreation) and how often should a couple engage in it?

Click to expand...

People like sex. They should engage in it as each is comfortable with some compromise. It's probably the second big issue next to money. You don't need the bible to see that.

tuliplane said:

Did he get angry or just ignore or forget what your requests were?

Have you tried to get a Christian counselor?

Click to expand...

Or a real counselor? Like someone that listens instead of quotes scripture as that's what the online degree mill taught them.

tuliplane said:

A Christian can be a real counselor...

Perhaps there are many shallow Christian counselors that may do what you stated, but that does not mean that there is no such thing as a real Christian counselor. I'm sure there are good ones out there.

The reason why I suggested a Christian counselor is because they can relate to another Christian's viewpoints and be able to direct them on a strong Biblical ground.

Click to expand...

There is a difference between a counselor that is a Christian and a Christian Counselor. Christian Counselors are unlicensed and uneducated and do many people great harm by substituting indoctrination and religion for actual therapy.

Therapy and religion are two separate fields. The bible isn't a therapy book anymore than it is a book on engineering. Inserting religion would only hinder a person's ability in understanding their motivations, finding their goals, and making them happen.

Faith on the other hand, is the practice of finding meaning.

I love sex as much as the next guy - and the norm is that sex should be a part of the marriage. But I think if push came to shove and sex was no longer an option, due to sickness or whatever, the true oneness flows from the hearts of the married couple. Sex isn't mandatory to hold a good marriage. Again, that's not the norm, but I have seen cases.

tuliplane said:

Well, what I really meant was a licensed counselor who was Christian.

And as far as the Bible not being a therapy book any more than it's a book on engineering isn't really a good comparison. The Bible is full of wisdom and can guide us in any spiritual aspect through life.

Click to expand...

That's irrelevant for counseling practices. One goes to counseling for treatment. I don't care if my doctor is a Christian.

For therapy and faith (I say faith, because I'm not really into the whole religion thing), it's not about inserting religion, it's about making biblical truths the foundation for one's life. God offers strength to people facing difficulty and a multitude of truths to guide them in their lives and through the many decisions that need to be made. If a person looks to God in their life as the source of life, truth, and strength, than they most likely will want to go to a therapist that will be able to apply those truths and teachings to their difficulties.

Click to expand...

Therapy is about talking things out, not inserting interpretation of things.