I really screwed up, and I'm worried there is no redemption left for me

aiki · Feb 1, 2016

anewman1993 said:
I hate it, why do I have to act like this? Why can't I just act like Christ wants me to? Cause thats what I want most of all, but in the moment, I say "no" to conviction and go ahead and do it.

Sounds familiar. Biblical even:

Romans 7:15
15 For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.

What was Paul's answer to this situation?

Romans 8:4-6
4 ...the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.
6 For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

The simple fact of the matter is that you are carnally-minded, not spiritually-minded. And so you're caught in the grip of carnal desires. You still haven't realized that the fulfillment you're looking for in women and sex, you're never going to find. What you will find, though, is that the sin that gratifies you today starts to get stale and so you go a bit further, and then a bit further still into sexual sin until you're so far gone into wickedness you finally self-destruct (and maybe destroy other people, too). Remember Ted Bundy the serial rapist/murderer? This was his story.

The deepest kind of fulfillment you'll ever find in life - bar none - is the fulfillment you can only find in Christ, in being who God made you to be and doing what He made you to do. When this is how you're living, real, genuine satisfaction will be yours and what you're trying to obtain through the indulgence of your flesh will cease to be attractive. But, clearly, you don't believe this. And this is because you are carnally-minded. So, what can you do? Paul explains:

Romans 8:10-13
10 And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.
11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.
12 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors--not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh.
13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.

How do you by the Spirit put to death the deeds of the body? Read my last post. The answer is there.

A word of warning: I don't think you see it, but you are a very prideful young man. I'm sure my saying so makes your hackles bristle with indignation. But that says something, doesn't it? I've read a number of your posts where, rather than humbly receiving the wisdom and advice of other believers, you've argued with them defensively and worked hard to justify yourself. But this is, I suspect, because you haven't yet come to the end of your Self. I believe it won't be until you really hit the very bottom spiritually and realize just how utterly weak and ignorant concerning the Christian faith you are that you will be humble enough to truly receive the godly wisdom being offered to you. Until then, you're going to go 'round and 'round on a downward spiral into darkness.

I'll be praying for you.

Selah.

Demetrius194 · Feb 1, 2016

Don't worry, there are things in the Bible that say that you still have hope. James 2:13 says that mercy triumphs over judgement, so whatever verse you claim that condemns you, there is a greater mercy in God to release you from it's condemnation. After all, Sabbath (which is a commandment, since it's a commandment to keep it) is for man and not man for the Sabbath. So if it's too much, you can receive the truth of this verse in order to be released from any Scriptural condemnation that tells you that you must so and so or else you shall perish. God wants to can give us salvation and release from condemnation first, and not necessarily as a result of our repentance, since His goodness leads us to repentance. You can mention this with Him too, to then receive the pacification of your conscience by God. Our conscience must always be clear, so you need to work hard to ensure that you separate yourself for good from all temptations that cause it to give you hard-to-remove guilt like that. This is because bad conscience ruins faith (1 Timothy 1:19), which you can amply see in yourself, as there is no more confession in you of confidence in having Christ the Eternal Life and Salvation on the inside of you (2 Cor. 13:5). If your eye tempts you, cut it off,which means that we must separate our temptations away from us. Get jealous for one second, of going to hell over a woman--ask yourself: is she really worth my eternal life? is she really worth my everlasting separation from God in hell? is she really worth exchanging everlasting joy and peace in heaven for the never-ending torment of hell?

Sometimes God withholds giving us faith in the Scripture, and though we may try to believe and confess it, it just doesn't work, like in your case. It is because God is not a marionette, and wants to see our salvation to be more sure, for which we must grow in holiness, that is in abiding in clear conscience and the showing forth of the deeds of the Word so as to keep our faith alive (James 2:17). At such times as yours we may not hear a reply from Him, unless we do enough Beatitudes first, since it is they that get us "blessed", i.e. it is they that move God to take away our sins and to make us saved again. For example, we can start crying before God, seeking to have mercy on us as on sinners, who are so bound by their sin they cannot repent from them. By this we would show two Beatitudes at the same time: humility and tears, and that should move God, such that when you now ask Him to make you forgiven and saved again, and then if you receive it by faith through thanks, He is more likely to listen, and you will feel it: you will again feel relief, deliverance, confidence in salvation, peace, etc. You can also mention some of the above-mentioned things to Him, which will add to your overall case. Never be angry with Him, don't demand, but be meek, because it is the rich who speak harshly (Proverbs 18:23), but God curses the "rich" (Luke 6:24).

As for the root of your problem, it could also be (I have no evidence to accuse you though), that you have some false doctrinal beliefs. It's just that they can, I believe, cause the Spirit of God to be repelled from us, such that it would be hard to remain in Him, and our flesh would also be incited more, because of the already present evil root that's given a free go ahead in our heart, since to whoever has, more is given (Matthew 13:12). For this cause sincerely, in a full-hearted prayer, ask God to change whatever doctrinal errors you may have, if any, and then believe that He will, having given Him thanks by faith in advance.

I want to add a few words about how to keep your conscience clear even when you fall into a sin willfully and don't feel you can avoid it. The Word says: do not judge and you will not be judged. So just don't judge yourself for it, or don't "judge" this guilt. "To judge guilt" I used in the same sense as when a judge in a courtroom, in a certain country, is brought evidence against someone, chooses to not even look at the evidence, being free to do what he pleases.

So we too can say: I'm not going to judge myself for it, or: I'm not going to judge these things. But we must also believe that we will not be judged for these things (the Word says "and you will not be judged").

Some may say this is a tough stretch of the Word, it doesn't work like that. My reply to this is: *you* say this is a tough stretch, to *you* it doesn't work like that. This is the same as when some Christians don't believe or practice things, which other Christians believe and practice, and both are fine: "One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind" (Romans 14:5). Another person may say: this is applicable only when we don't judge other people for their sins, it is meant for others only. In this case my reply is this: we are told to treat others as we treat ourselves, so it is justified.

This method doesn't always work for me though. But this is again because God is not a marionette, meaning that if He wants to intervene, He just won't give me faith to use this at that time, and my mind will be filled with doubt, only my mouth will speak, but my heart will not be with it. Unless we do not believe what we speak, our words will have no power.

turkle · Feb 1, 2016

Amen, aiki.

In addition to what aiki said, your posts show a tremendous amount of denial. You say you are not using these women, but you are. You are using them for your carnal pleasure, and when you are done with one, you move on to the next. That is using. You are using somebody's daughter to satisfy a desire that will not be satisfied this way. You are using someone who will someday have to admit to her future husband what you two have done. You are using someone who will possibly become somebody's mother. You are objectifying women in a perverse manner that leads to destruction.

You speak as though you have no control over yourself, but that is not true. You know what 1 Cor 10.13 says. No temptation means no temptation. You are choosing to do what you are doing because you really don't believe there are any consequences. You think you can continue to get away with it and no one will know. You are allowing yourself to be drawn away from Jesus, the lover of your soul, because you prefer a moment of what you want. The pain of shame that you feel is not enough to change your behavior. To continuously engage in sin that the Holy Spirit is clearly convicting you of will reap something that you do not want to sow.

The point is, it is your choice. It is all up to you. You are not helpless and you are not hopeless. You prefer your own will over God's.

You are fully capable of repentance. My guess is that you are not repenting because you want just one more, and deceive yourself into believing that it's okay. If so, you are wrong. We are called to trust the Lord over our own desires. As long as you continue to put yourself above God, you will continue to circle the drain. Is that what you want?

I recommend that you contact your church and ask for a mentor who will hold your feet to the fire and keep you accountable. Then, instead of talking about how scared you are, you can work to do something productive about it, starting with a prayer of repentance, followed by apologies to those you have used. If you want to get out of this cycle of misery, you have to actually choose to do so. I urge you to take immediate action and walk away from depravity and toward repentance. Jesus will wipe the slate clean, though like David, you will most likely have consequences. But the good news is that your conscience will be cleansed and you can face the Lord. I pray that you choose well.

anewman1993 · Feb 1, 2016

thank you guys for your replies. I really appreciate it, I'm trying very hard to apply these things to my life, and live in this truth. I'm going to reply to a few things specifically, because I think there is misunderstanding.

Before I respond to specifics though, several of you have mentioned pride. I want to say something, yes at times I struggle with pride, but keep in mind the medium in which you see me. This is the internet, you only see pieces of me. If I was to say "I'm a exceptionally good painter" you could easily think I'm prideful, because you have not seen me paint, or any of the work Ive done. I could be prideful in that situation, or I could be genuinely good. I don't paint, but I think thats something to keep in mind. You only see what I post, and like most people I don't generally post asking for advice because my situation is a good one. If I spend hours upon hours studying scripture because I want to know the truth , know God better , and show others what his scripture says so they can walk in truth, am I prideful? If so isn't anyone who holds an opinion on scripture at all? Ive spent months examining myself, trying to decide if I am prideful, Ive found that while I have my occasional moments like everyone else I'm not full of pride, thats not my vice, rather I'm full of lust and adultery and I want not to be this way. Maybe this sounds prideful? I hope it doesn't, but like anything posted online it can be easily misread,and is only a small little picture of the whole person.

turkle said:
In addition to what aiki said, your posts show a tremendous amount of denial. You say you are not using these women, but you are. You are using them for your carnal pleasure, and when you are done with one, you move on to the next. That is using. You are using somebody's daughter to satisfy a desire that will not be satisfied this way. You are using someone who will someday have to admit to her future husband what you two have done. You are using someone who will possibly become somebody's mother. You are objectifying women in a perverse manner that leads to destruction.

I'm not just using these women, these are people who I consider friends. Some of the women, if not most, that this has happened with I knew for several months before anything happened and when it did happen I shut it down afterwords and clearly told them I didn't want to do this anymore, and that I thought it wasn't right and I just wasn't going to do it. We would be on the same page, and continue to have a friendship, which in some cases lasted another several months or more, but when I felt weak in that area I would seek out someone else because I knew it could no longer happen with that person. Did I use them? Yes, though I didn't ONLY use them. Did I wrong them? Yes and I apologized to them. Do I understand that one day I will have to tell my future wife about this? Yes and I'm ashamed, I'm ashamed these women will have to carry our deeds with them as well, but more than that they knew I was christian and that I may have been the straw that forever keeps them from Christianity, because they remember me, another reciprocate.

turkle said:
You speak as though you have no control over yourself, but that is not true. You know what 1 Cor 10.13 says. No temptation means no temptation. You are choosing to do what you are doing because you really don't believe there are any consequences. You think you can continue to get away with it and no one will know. You are allowing yourself to be drawn away from Jesus, the lover of your soul, because you prefer a moment of what you want. The pain of shame that you feel is not enough to change your behavior. To continuously engage in sin that the Holy Spirit is clearly convicting you of will reap something that you do not want to sow.

I fully understand this, and thats why I'm so torn up. How can I say I love God when I disobey him? How can I consistently choose this sin? How can I be so weak, how can I not just follow God? Because I choose to sin, I hate that truth but it is the truth, its a choice Ive made. It eats me up, I'm afraid at times I may be destroying any plans God had for me, if not my salvation. Mentally I know that I'm forgiven, I know Ive come back to God and earnestly ask forgiveness. I know he forgives, but emotionally there is this doubt, I try my best to ignore it and seek God with everything, but every time I sin, be it something like what Ive discussed in this thread or something as "small" as a harsh word, lack of patience, or quickness to anger. I ask forgiveness but I still doubt, I choose to believe that christ has forgiven me, but I don't wish to have to keep asking forgiveness fore the same sins. I'm human, I'm going to make mistakes, but I wish my mistakes were honest mistakes, not this purposefully choice to sin.

turkle said:
You are fully capable of repentance. My guess is that you are not repenting because you want just one more, and deceive yourself into believing that it's okay. If so, you are wrong. We are called to trust the Lord over our own desires. As long as you continue to put yourself above God, you will continue to circle the drain. Is that what you want?

I am repenting, I do want one more, I always do, but the desires of my body will always be for sin, because my flesh is sinful, so instead I go to God and ask forgiveness regardless of what I want. Then I spend my time fighting these desires, in prayer, worship, in knowledge of God, in asking him to give me strength to fight these temptations and deliver me from them. Sometimes I will go months without having issues in this area, and sometimes I seem to choose to give in over and over repetitively. I am fighting, I am, but I don't win every battle and that is my own fault.

Demetrius194 said:
Don't worry, there are things in the Bible that say that you still have hope. James 2:13 says that mercy triumphs over judgement, so whatever verse you claim that condemns you, there is a greater mercy in God to release you from it's condemnation

All my eggs are in this basket. If God isn't merciful I'm screwed, but then again so are all of us. Ive come to a place in my life, and honestly I'm not sure if its a good place or a bad place, where I want to serve God regardless of my salvation. If God was to tell me verbally in this moment right "you are not saved, its gone, there is no chance for you, when you die you will spend eternity in hell" then I would still spend the rest of my life trying to obey his word , serve him, and show him to others that they might find him, because what other point is there to life? I do not believe I could hold that view if I was unsaved, but nonetheless I at times have doubts, when I do I fall back onto that sentiment, I'm going to try to live for God best I can, if I go to hell I'm not getting anything I don't deserve (though obviously I do NOT want to go there).

aiki said:
You still haven't realized that the fulfillment you're looking for in women and sex, you're never going to find.

I understand this on a intellectual level. I know it to be true, but then the desires come, and I rationalize and fool myself into thinking that I need something I don't, because I want it, its wrong. Very wrong.

aiki said:
But this is, I suspect, because you haven't yet come to the end of your Self. I believe it won't be until you really hit the very bottom spiritually and realize just how utterly weak and ignorant concerning the Christian faith you are that you will be humble enough to truly receive the godly wisdom being offered to you. Until then, you're going to go 'round and 'round on a downward spiral into darkness.

I'm not trying to be rude, but you do not know my walk with christ, or how far Ive come in him. I'm a mess yes, but I'm far from rock bottom, I hit that several years ago, and cannot explain how it felt other than I'll die before I go back there, I mean it. I can't go back there, this? This is nothing to the vile cesspool of thoughts and desires I had at that time, when I got before God in that time I was so tired of myself I threw myself at him and told him to do whatever he wants to me, and I was more than slightly convinced that he was going to kill me. But he didn't, every day since then, thats a gift (well every day before that was to technically). Which is why I am so torn up about my sins, or one of the reasons. Every day I live is a day God has been good to me, yet I'm not good to him, he deserves everything I have and so much more, yet instead of giving him everything, I hold this little thing that I want to keep, then I hate myself for keeping it so I throw it as far away from me and run towards God, but eventually I turn to where it was thrown, and inch myself, crying with shame, towards the little thing I want so badly to never think of again. I'm many things, but I'm not ignorant of the christian faith, I spend hours a day in scripture, in study, because I want to know the truth and relate it to others so they can find salvation, so they can draw close with God. Do I know everything? hardly, but I'm committed to finding all the truth I can, and living it the best I can. I fail in this area of my life, but that does not mean every single other area is void of knowledge. Please do not be presumptuous about me and assume this one issue, large as it may be, is indicative of my entire walk with God. You don't know me, don't pretend to.

Demetrius194 · Feb 1, 2016

Bro, honestly, when I was reading you, I thought there was something wrong, it was like I was reading myself, swear to God. Me and you must be the same psychological type or whatever, 'cos I'm telling you, I first freaked right out! Anyway, the reason I am being straight up, is 'cos I have been exactly where you are at right now. At one point I tried to commit suicide when I said: that's it--this world is too much--I am better dead than alive, falling under its wickedness and sin. But my problem was that I didn't have the guts to do it, so I said to myself, after some time just sitting there and waiting for my death to come: I have no guts to do it, so instead, I am just going to go and serve the world who may need me--I am not going to be selfish by just sitting there and taking my life away when some poor hungry man or woman may be dying because I am not around to come and clothe them or to give them something to eat. And I did. For many a day I have relentlessly labored, now "free", in insane asylums, in group homes for ex-Schizophreniacs, on the streets to the perishing homeless during harsh winters, right here in Ontario. And oh boy, did I minister to them (I did what I had to do, I am unprofitable servant)! I guess that God, seeing all these good works of mine decided to save me ("blessed are the merciful"), and once said to me through a friend of mine, as I was sitting in a Tim Hortons cafe with him: why don't you just rest in the Grace? This phrase I will never forget in my entire life. I first laughed, pridefully, as though I was above it, but my laugh quickly subsided, and with it my arrogance and faith that I will be saved by my good works.

I am not saying that you think, or that will think likewise, I am just expressing my perception of you as someone who seems to me to be so close to what I have been going through. Anyways, I ended up getting saved through a Chic trac another person gave me, and over time God changed me to believe what I do now. And, as it relates to you, which is what it is all about in this thread, I am what I am now: full of obedience, of peace, of Holy Ghost and the Living Word. And you can have the same, if you just hear the things I said to you. Good day, bro, and good luck!

aiki · Feb 1, 2016

anewman1993 said:
I'm many things, but I'm not ignorant of the christian faith, I spend hours a day in scripture, in study, because I want to know the truth and relate it to others so they can find salvation, so they can draw close with God. Do I know everything? hardly, but I'm committed to finding all the truth I can, and living it the best I can. I fail in this area of my life, but that does not mean every single other area is void of knowledge. Please do not be presumptuous about me and assume this one issue, large as it may be, is indicative of my entire walk with God. You don't know me, don't pretend to.

But everything you've written in this thread shows you are ignorant of the Christian faith! Even the reason you give for being in Scripture "hours a day" demonstrates a mistaken understanding of your relationship with God. And the terrible failure you're having with sexual lust speaks volumes about the true nature of your walk with God. To be blunt, your walk is a mess. A total mess. But here you are doing just as I said you've been doing: defending yourself, protecting your pride. This, too, reveals a great deal about your walk with the Lord.

I'm being really blunt with you because I don't think you'll be helped by sympathetic, coddling responses. You've had lots of those and here you are still as mired in sexual sin as you were many months ago when I recall you posting about similar issues. If I've got your back up, well, that's unfortunate. My goal isn't to rub you the wrong way but to help you see clearly where you're blind and to show you the way to have victory in your life as a child of God. You can let your pride turn you from the help of a brother in Christ who has had to fight the battle you're in at the moment and who has found the route to victory or you can humble yourself and learn.

Selah.

anewman1993 · Feb 1, 2016

Demetrius194 said:
Bro, honestly, when I was reading you, I thought there was something wrong, it was like I was reading myself, swear to God. Me and you must be the same psychological type or whatever, 'cos I'm telling you, I first freaked right out! Anyway, the reason I am being straight up, is 'cos I have been exactly where you are at right now. At one point I tried to commit suicide when I said: that's it--this world is too much--I am better dead than alive, falling under its wickedness and sin. But my problem was that I didn't have the guts to do it, so I said to myself, after some time just sitting there and waiting for my death to come: I have no guts to do it, so instead, I am just going to go and serve the world who may need me--I am not going to be selfish by just sitting there and taking my life away when some poor hungry man or woman may be dying because I am not around to come and clothe them or to give them something to eat. And I did. For many a day I have relentlessly labored, now "free", in insane asylums, in group homes for ex-Schizophreniacs, on the streets to the perishing homeless during harsh winters, right here in Ontario. And oh boy, did I minister to them (I did what I had to do, I am unprofitable servant)! But at one point, God, seeing me lying on the ground in front of Him broken, many a time, He have had mercy on me, and finally said to me through a friend of mine, as I was sitting in Tim Hortons cafe with him: why don't you just rest in the Grace? This phrase I will never forget in my entire life. I first laughed, pridefully, as though I was above it, but my laugh quickly subsided, and with it my arrogance to believe that I can be saved by good works, which I came to believe.

I am not saying that you think, or that will think likewise, I am just expressing my perception of you as someone who seems to me to be so close to what I have been going through. Anyways, I ended up getting saved through a Chic trac another person gave me, and over time God changed me to believe what I do now. And, as it relates to you, which is what it is all about in this thread, I am what I am now: full of obedience, of peace, of Holy Ghost and the Living Word. And you can have the same, if you just hear the things I said to you. Good day, bro, and good luck!

Yeah I'm not trying to save myself by works, I understand that its grace. What I meant was that, when I do get to those moments of doubt, I turn to that thought because it helps me get through it because I know even if I had lost my salvation I wasn't going to let that keep me from trying to help people find God, or keep me from serving God best I can.

aiki said:
But everything you've written in this thread shows you are ignorant of the Christian faith! Even the reason you give for being in Scripture "hours a day" demonstrates a mistaken understanding of your relationship with God. And the terrible failure you're having with sexual lust speaks volumes about the true nature of your walk with God. To be blunt, your walk is a mess. A total mess. But here you are doing just as I said you've been doing: defending yourself, protecting your pride. This, too, reveals a great deal about your walk with the Lord.

I'm being really blunt with you because I don't think you'll be helped by sympathetic, coddling responses. You've had lots of those and here you are still as mired in sexual sin as you were many months ago when I recall you posting about similar issues. If I've got your back up, well, that's unfortunate. My goal isn't to rub you the wrong way but to help you see clearly where you're blind and to show you the way to have victory in your life as a child of God. You can let your pride turn you from the help of a brother in Christ who has had to fight the battle you're in at the moment and who has found the route to victory or you can humble yourself and learn.

Selah.

Sigh, one issue, however large, does not condense the entirety of a persons walk with God. David had some serious issues in his life, including adultery and murder, yet he still loved God and sought to please him. Was that the highpoint of Davids walk with God? Probably not, but his walk was still probably better in those moments than many of us will ever reach. Yes, my problems are just that, problems. But that does not mean my entire faith is a wreck, frankly your being very presumptuous to think you can make that kind of judgment of me based off a couple of post on the internet.

My reasons for being in scripture were hardly all encompassing, I go to the word to learn more about God, to hear him speak to me, to know more about his person, and know more of his truth. These things create in me a better knowledge of who he is as the holy spirit shows me things in scripture. I then wish to show these things to other people because they have bettered my life and caused me to grow closer to God. The more I learn about God, the more I love him and the more I have faith in him. Scripture causes me to worship God and see him in a more correct light, as well as to see myself in a more correct light, and as I see myself as more and more of a sinner I see my need for God more and more. It was only by seeing myself less, and as less, that began to feel peace despite the conditions surrounding my life which are painful and frustrating. It where I found out more about Gods love, his passion, and his heart, that he does not enjoy the act of punishing the wicked.

Your right that several months ago I had these issues, and then I found freedom, I spent over a month not only not looking at inappropriate content or masturbating or talking to women online in a sexual way. I didn't think about those things, those things disgusted me, I cringed at the thought of inappropriate content because it seemed cheep and gross. Yet somewhere along the way I fell, and once I did I felt like I was fighting and losing ground. I will continue to fight till the day I die, but I don't always fight the way I should and as such sometimes I lose. But that by itself does not negate my relationship with God or my knowledge of scripture, rather it signifies that I still have work to do in my life and that I should try all the harder.

I did not come here to have you arrogantly judge my walk with God, I came here for help eradicating these behaviors from my life. Is my walk with God perfect? Far from it, but its certainly not as bad as you speak of it. Instead of sitting here and throwing insult after insult at me to tear me down (which isn't something we should be doing as christian) instead how about you tell me how to fight this issue better, or be quiet in your unhelpful judgment.

aiki · Feb 1, 2016

anewman1993 said:
Sigh, one issue, however large, does not condense the entirety of a persons walk with God. David had some serious issues in his life, including adultery and murder, yet he still loved God and sought to please him. Was that the highpoint of Davids walk with God? Probably not, but his walk was still probably better in those moments than many of us will ever reach. Yes, my problems are just that, problems. But that does not mean my entire faith is a wreck, frankly your being very presumptuous to think you can make that kind of judgment of me based off a couple of post on the internet.

When you're finally ready to set aside your pride and admit your wickedness and your utter inability to defeat your own fleshly desires, come back and re-read my posts to you in this thread. You write of your sin as a "problem"; it's a problem all right, but that problem isn't some moral disease, some affliction outside of yourself that has been imposed upon you. No, your problem is YOU. And what you're slowly coming to understand through your failure (I hope) is that you can't fix you. What's more, God doesn't want to fix you, either. His solution to your Self is death, not rehabilitation. Read Romans 6. Until you get a handle on what Paul is explaining in this chapter, you will never find persistent and consistent victory over your sin.

anewman1993 said:
The more I learn about God, the more I love him and the more I have faith in him.

And what sort of love for God are you demonstrating when you engage in online sex with women? How does such wickedness demonstrate love for, and faith in, God? Do you not see how far gone your thinking is here?

anewman1993 said:
Your right that several months ago I had these issues, and then I found freedom, I spent over a month not only not looking at inappropriate content or masturbating or talking to women online in a sexual way. I didn't think about those things, those things disgusted me, I cringed at the thought of inappropriate content because it seemed cheep and gross. Yet somewhere along the way I fell, and once I did I felt like I was fighting and losing ground. I will continue to fight till the day I die, but I don't always fight the way I should and as such sometimes I lose. But that by itself does not negate my relationship with God or my knowledge of scripture, rather it signifies that I still have work to do in my life and that I should try all the harder.

A month's abstinence from sexual sin is not victory, it is a temporary cease-fire. The reason you're not entering into victory has a great deal to do with what you wrote at the end of the above paragraph. You can't work hard enough to be the person God calls you to be. You can only produce more of YOU. A holy, righteous life is not something you achieve by dint of your own efforts; it is the work of God's Spirit in you. He changes you as you yield to his will and way in your life. And as He works into you the character of Christ, you work it out in the manner of how you live every day. You are merely a receiver of God's transforming work, not the doer of that work. If you really understood these things, your struggle with sexual sin would be over. But you are yet too full of Self, to full of self-justification and pride. And until God humbles you, my words will be of no benefit to you at all.

I'll keep praying for you.

Selah.

Demetrius194 · Feb 2, 2016

Hi again, anewman1993, I just wanted to say that I have added some more to my first post in this thread, it's in blue color for easy finding, if you would at all be interested. It talks about a Scriptural method you can use in times when you can't avoid a willful sin, it is a way to preserve your conscience clear even at such occasions.

DiscipleHeLovesToo · Feb 2, 2016

no one's qualified for God to use; He has to settle for people who are willing and obedient to lend Him their mouths (or keyboards). relax; the more you focus on your mistakes the more likely you'll be to repeat them - the more you focus on God the less likely you'll be to repeat them. face it; you're gonna make more mistakes; you aren't going to get everything right in this life. none of us can arrive at spiritual perfection while we still live in these flesh bodies - but we can always leave where we are and head farther in that direction

anewman1993 · Feb 23, 2016

DiscipleHeLovesToo said:
no one's qualified for God to use; He has to settle for people who are willing and obedient to lend Him their mouths (or keyboards). relax; the more you focus on your mistakes the more likely you'll be to repeat them - the more you focus on God the less likely you'll be to repeat them. face it; you're gonna make more mistakes; you aren't going to get everything right in this life. none of us can arrive at spiritual perfection while we still live in these flesh bodies - but we can always leave where we are and head farther in that direction

I feel ive done more than just "make mistakes", Ive made bad decisions, bad choices.

Ive decided, however painful it is, to destroy every account Ive used with those women. There are 3 people though who I will stay in contact with, because I either never sinned with them or it was a long time ago and we put up very strong boundaries which have very much been aheared to (and have for many months).

I was reading scripture yesterday after praying abou this, the next chapter I read starteded with

"Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin. 2 As a result, they do not live the rest of their earthly lives for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. 3 For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry."

So maybe its time to just accept that its going to be painful to lose the little bit of a social life, its just hard for me to actually delete them, ive tried in the past and it takes like 24 hours for the delete to process, and I always end up canceling the delete in a moment of weakness.

But the process is started, Pray that I can hold out long enough for the accounts to delete, I'm removing everything that could remotely be connect, every username thats connect with those accounts will go, the emails they were attached to (including this account on this site, uses one of the emails), everything attached to those emails. They all have to burn so when I regret doing this and want to talk to those people again, as I'm sure I will, that I will be unable to , and maybe then I can start healing and walking the life God wants me to, if Ive not already destroyed my chances at being a part of what he wants me to do.

I feel empty, every time I do something with a woman online its like a little peice of me dies. Thats how it feels, it hurts so much afterwords, and then it feels like it never heals, it just stays dead. How much of me is left at this point?

DiscipleHeLovesToo · Feb 23, 2016

your bad decisions and bad choices are mistakes - because you never intended to completely reject God - you just gave in to your flesh, as do we all from time to time in one way or another. the reborn part of you is fully intact, and always will be - the little pieces that die are actually just wrong thinking left over from before your 'old man' died that you have to let 'pass away' as you renew your mind to what God has already done for you - who He's already made you. God's perfect plan for your life either took into account for all of your mistakes, or it wasn't a perfect plan to begin with - God anticipated all of this; you haven't ruined your life in the Kingdom. but the longer you punish yourself, the longer it will be before you can overcome this - God forgave you for this some 2000 years ago; but your own self-condemnation will stop your faith and put God's perfect plan for your life back in a holding pattern. look at this from God's perspective; He gave His Son for you; condemned and punished not only for what you have done, but what you will do - would it bless Him to see you trying to add your own self-punishment to the terrible price He's already paid? that's like Him buying you North America, and you trying to pay a penny toward the total cost - when He made this sacrifice so you wouldn't have to pay at all...

anewman1993 · Feb 23, 2016

DiscipleHeLovesToo said:
God's perfect plan for your life either took into account for all of your mistakes, or it wasn't a perfect plan to begin with - God anticipated all of this; you haven't ruined your life in the Kingdom.\.

Yes but my actions can disqualify me. For example lets use a hypothetical. God wants me to Lead a church, he wants that church to be solid in his word , he wants that church to grow beleiver who then go on to become leaders in christian and bringing about a new great awakening in america as people in droves all turn to him. He wants this, but I do something in my life that disqualifies me from being a church leader, God may have had a plan that knew I was going to mess up, but he still gives the CHANCE and if I HADN'T made that mistake then I would have gone on to lead that church, if that makes any sense.

I'm not saying I think thats Gods plan for me, because I don't know what it is other than going into some sort of pastoral ministry, and that direction was given to me around a year and a half ago and while Ive tried to follow him in the last 6 months Ive made an absolute mess of it, I use to be able to sit in prayer for with God for more than a few minutes, and I loved it. I would pray for every beleiver I could think of, for the unsaved I knew, for his will to be done, for his spirit to come, for everything I could, i would praise him and worship him, and this gave me a fullfilment thats never been matched in my life. His word energized me on a very basic level, like it was actual substance that I needed to survive. But now? Ever since I started doing this stuff with these women as I have been, every time I do it I feel a part of myself die. I feel like a little bit of that light goes out, I feel more and more unqualified to speak truth. Its a great cosmic Joke, maybe I'm arogant in saying this but I find the bible VERY easy to understand, its crystal clear to me, I think Ive truely been gifted by God with good decerirnment about his will. But for the life of me I have absolutly no self control and feel completly unable to do the things I KNOW to be right, even when doing them I feel as if I'm dying. I get this weird sort of tunnel vision where I no longer thing, but rather I'm almost completly consumed by this desire and at that moment, all I can see myself as is someone dripping evil from head to foot. Utterally disgracing God in every way. The truth is, I'm scared that the call to ministry I received is now invalid, that I was given a chance but blew it, that I gave into temptation and have wrecked my life. Ive got baggage from this, Ive never had a girlfriend, Ive kissed a girl once, but I have had cybersex in some form with so many women that I want to curl under a rock and just die. I broke every line I ever set for myself, EVERY SINGLE ONE in regards to online interaction, I even video chated with a girl, naked, and the camera fell and caught my face for a few seconds. I'm terrifed that will destroy me, if she recorded it I'm destroyed, I don't think she did but there will always be a fear now a deep seated fear that my past will come back to haunt me. Ive done more than lust. I feel as if my virginity is gone, I feel as if it just is, I know techincally its not, and techincally I want a woman who is one as well, but how can I want that with what Ive done? How can I justify that? I don't deserve to be happy, or to have a wife, I'm not even sure I'm capable of loving a woman as I should at this point, and I"m not sure if I'm fixable. On top of it all I'm still unable to leave my house due to health issues, so I sit all day, being tortured by lonliness and falling back into the same problem again and again. I say "I"m done, I'm finished" and then a few days later I'm back where I started, much of the time I'm worse. Ive had bouts where I would go a few months without inappropriate content or lust or anything, every single time witout exception when I feel I was worse off than ever before.

The worst part, is I did all this AS A NEW MAN, I didn't do this as an unsaved person, I did all this AFTER my call to ministry. How can I say that I'm willing to follow God and can lead other people in truth when I can't even walk in truth myself?

DiscipleHeLovesToo · Feb 23, 2016

let's say that you had been active in getting Christians arrested, thrown in prison, and in support of their executions; even held the executioners' coats as they did the devilish deeds - would you still be qualified for ministry? well, the Apostle Paul did exactly that; and he was still qualified for ministry. what if you denied Jesus three times in a public place; betrayed Him and broke your word to Him that you'd always be faithful - would you still be qualified for ministry? well, Peter did exactly that; and he was still qualified for ministry.

maybe you don't realize what effective ministry really is; it isn't you using your talents and abilities and perfect performance to help God out by being an example of perfect behavior to others (that's Jesus' job btw); it's you yielding to God's leading and direction when you don't know the specifics of His plan; it's letting God use you in spite of all your disqualifications.

i think part of your problem is simply that you don't want to face the fact that you aren't the perfect pastoral candidate that you thought you were; Brother, if that's true, then that's pride - ugly, stinking, pride. you need to humble yourself and agree with God:

Rom 7:12-25 KJV
(12) Wherefore the law is holy, and the commandment holy, and just, and good.
(13) Was then that which is good made death unto me? God forbid. But sin, that it might appear sin, working death in me by that which is good; that sin by the commandment might become exceeding sinful.
(14) For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin.
(15) For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
(16) If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.
(17) Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
(18) For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
(19) For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
(20) Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
(21) I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
(22) For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:
(23) But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
(24) O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
(25) I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.
Rom 8:1-2 KJV
(1) There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
(2) For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.

trying to be perfect in your actions (and grieving when you prove to yourself and others you can't) is walking after the flesh - focus on YOUR performance; trying to be led by God and refusing to be condemned when you realize you've missed perfection in your performance is walking after the Spirit - focus on HIS performance - change your focus

anewman1993 · Feb 24, 2016

DiscipleHeLovesToo said:
let's say that you had been active in getting Christians arrested, thrown in prison, and in support of their executions; even held the executioners' coats as they did the devilish deeds - would you still be qualified for ministry? well, the Apostle Paul did exactly that; and he was still qualified for ministry. what if you denied Jesus three times in a public place; betrayed Him and broke your word to Him that you'd always be faithful - would you still be qualified for ministry? well, Peter did exactly that; and he was still qualified for ministry.

The thing is, this isn't a good comparison. Paul did those things BEFORE he was saved, and BEFORE he was called to minister. A more accurate comparison would be if Paul had been in the middle of writting the one of the epistles and took a break to go hook up with a some random woman. Peter did those things before he was filled with the holy spirit. But I'm a beleiver, I have the holy spirit, and Ive still continued to sin. Its not like I dropped something heavy on my foot and cussed, I made a decision to chase after my own desires in a sinful way, DESPITE knowing it was wrong, I choose to not think about if it was right and only think about how it would feel in the moment.

DiscipleHeLovesToo said:
i think part of your problem is simply that you don't want to face the fact that you aren't the perfect pastoral candidate that you thought you were; Brother, if that's true, then that's pride - ugly, stinking, pride. you need to humble yourself and agree with God:

Ive never considered myself the perfect pastoral candidate. In fact, Ive always considered myself a horrible one, I don't know why God called me into ministry cause it sure doesn't make any sense to me. I don't "fit" with the American church, I never have, Ive always been somewhat of an outside cause I wasn't preppy and obsessed with sports like everyone else on Sunday morning. But when I was called and decided to follow that call I thought that I at least had the heart for it, that I loved God and through him people in a way that was conductive to ministry. But I don't have a fondness for the church at all at this point, half the time I can't help but view it as a form of legitimizing carnality (though its obviously not ACTUALLY legitimized, they just try to make it so), and I see really good people, who love God, so hopelessly entangled in the STUPIDEST stuff, while we arn't doing what the bible tells us, for example in many case their are starving people in the church who receive no help. I didn't WANT anything to do with the church when God called me to ministry, I had NO desire at all to do it but without getting weird the way he called me into ministry meant I more or less had to abandon God completely if I wasn't go into ministry , not if I wanted to keep my sanity intact (and not have my heart ripped out and stomped on by conviction, which is basically whats happening now in my life anyway).

God had done amazing things in my life for about 6 months before/after my call to ministry, I mean even now as messed up as I am I'm NOWHERE near how messed up I was before that. There is only one quality Ive considered myself "special" in having that I won't compromise scripture for anything, I approach it with a borderline suicidal mindset in that I don't care how much it hurts, or how unpopular it is, or how much it means I'm in the wrong and need to change, I just want the truth and to live it, I really do. The probably is I'm so easily distracted buy issues, really this ONE issue, and it so derails me that when I finally am finished and look at myself I see my behavior is nowhere near where it needs to be.

DiscipleHeLovesToo said:
trying to be perfect in your actions (and grieving when you prove to yourself and others you can't) is walking after the flesh - focus on YOUR performance; trying to be led by God and refusing to be condemned when you realize you've missed perfection in your performance is walking after the Spirit - focus on HIS performance - change your focus

1 peter 1

13 Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 14 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, 15 but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16 since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”

I'll never stop trying, and I'll never not regret my sin, or not feel guilt over it, because I was told to act differently and I didn't. I'm not trying to earn my salvation but at the same I'm not going to ignore verses like these (emphasis mine)

Matthew 10:22

22 and you will be hated by all for my name's sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved

Matthew 10:33

32 So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, 33 but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.

Matthew 24:13

13 But the one who endures to the end will be saved.

Luke 12:41-46

41 Peter said, “Lord, are you telling this parable for us or for all?” 42 And the Lord said, “Who then is the faithful and wise manager, whom his master will set over his household, to give them their portion of food at the proper time? 43 Blessed is that servant whom his master will find so doing when he comes. 44 Truly, I say to you, he will set him over all his possessions. 45 But if that servant says to himself, ‘My master is delayed in coming,’ and begins to beat the male and female servants, and to eat and drink and get drunk, 46 the master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he does not know, and will cut him in pieces and put him with the unfaithful.

Colossians 1:22-23

22 he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, 23 if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister.

Hebrews 3

12 Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. 13 But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. 14 For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end. 15 As it is said,

“Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.”

16 For who were those who heard and yet rebelled? Was it not all those who left Egypt led by Moses? 17 And with whom was he provoked for forty years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose bodies fell in the wilderness? 18 And to whom did he swear that they would not enter his rest, but to those who were disobedient? 19 So we see that they were unable to enter because of unbelief.

1 Corinthians 15:1-2

Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, 2 and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you—unless you believed in vain

Then these several passages from the chapters 2 and 3 of revelations so I'm not going to give the chapter/verse of each one of them to same time.

4 But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. 5 Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent. 6 Yet this you have: you hate the works of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate. 7 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers I will grant to eat of the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.’

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11 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. The one who conquers will not be hurt by the second death.’

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16 Therefore repent. If not, I will come to you soon and war against them with the sword of my mouth. 17 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who conquers I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, with a new name written on the stone that no one knows except the one who receives it.’

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23 and I will strike her children dead. And all the churches will know that I am he who searches mind and heart, and I will give to each of you according to your works.

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26 The one who conquers and who keeps my works until the end, to him I will give authority over the nations, 27 and he will rule them with a rod of iron, as when earthen pots are broken in pieces, even as I myself have received authority from my Father. 28 And I will give him the morning star. 29 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’

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“‘I know your works. You have the reputation of being alive, but you are dead. 2 Wake up, and strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your works complete in the sight of my God. 3 Remember, then, what you received and heard. Keep it, and repent. If you will not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what hour I will come against you. 4 Yet you have still a few names in Sardis, people who have not soiled their garments, and they will walk with me in white, for they are worthy. 5 The one who conquers will be clothed thus in white garments, and I will never blot his name out of the book of life. I will confess his name before my Father and before his angels. 6 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’

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10 Because you have kept my word about patient endurance, I will keep you from the hour of trial that is coming on the whole world, to try those who dwell on the earth. 11 I am coming soon. Hold fast what you have, so that no one may seize your crown. 12 The one who conquers, I will make him a pillar in the temple of my God. Never shall he go out of it, and I will write on him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which comes down from my God out of heaven, and my own new name. 13 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’

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21 The one who conquers, I will grant him to sit with me on my throne, as I also conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’”

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We are saved by faith, not works, but works obviously play a huge part in our relationship with God and station in eterinity, or even exlcuding us.

But probably the verse that scares me the most

2 Peter 2:20-22

20 For if, after they have escaped the defilements of the world through the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the last state has become worse for them than the first. 21 For it would have been better for them never to have known the way of righteousness than after knowing it to turn back from the holy commandment delivered to them. 22 What the true proverb says has happened to them: “The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire.”

Because its is worse now, My sins grow and multiple every single time I mess up again, I do good for a while, then I fall, then I'm entangled in stuff even worse and even worse, and as much as I hate it I keep coming back, over and over and over.

DiscipleHeLovesToo said:
(1) There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

But am I walking after the spirit if I keep continuing to sin.

The fact is there are qualifications required of being a leader, let me just mark everything I'm currently failing at. ("Husband of one wife is marked out because I'm not a "one woman man" by any definition at this point in life considering how many women Ive lusted after or done stuff with online) and hey, everying a werid color is stuff I don't even know if I have or not.

1 timothy

2 Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money

Deacons likewise must be dignified, not double-tongued, not addicted to much wine, not greedy for dishonest gain. 9 They must hold the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience.

Titus 1

and appoint elders in every town as I directed you— 6 if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. 7 For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, 8 but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. 9 He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.

DiscipleHeLovesToo · Feb 25, 2016

when Paul wrote Rom 7, he was reborn in Christ - yet he describes his shortcomings in present tense...

what about Peter? was he committed to Jesus when he betrayed Him? did that disqualify him?

when you were an infant, you couldn't talk or walk - but no one said that because you were that way then that you'd always be that way - isn't that what you're saying about yourself now? that because you aren't a mature Christian at the moment, you'll never be that way???

you're 'cherry-picking' scriptures to condemn yourself with and ignoring scriptures that clearly say that you are not condemned - you don't agree with God about the latter - that's pride.

anewman1993 · Feb 25, 2016

DiscipleHeLovesToo said:
when Paul wrote Rom 7, he was reborn in Christ - yet he describes his shortcomings in present tense...

what about Peter? was he committed to Jesus when he betrayed Him? did that disqualify him?

when you were an infant, you couldn't talk or walk - but no one said that because you were that way then that you'd always be that way - isn't that what you're saying about yourself now? that because you aren't a mature Christian at the moment, you'll never be that way???

you're 'cherry-picking' scriptures to condemn yourself with and ignoring scriptures that clearly say that you are not condemned - you don't agree with God about the latter - that's pride.

I'm not cherry picking the scriptures but I am not going to ignore them etiher. You could argue that peter did not have the holy spirit yet, and so we can't really use that as a comparison until after he receives the holy spirt. Though he did fall into racism at one point I think that is lightly difrent as he wouldn't have realized it was sin. Same with paul.

My problem is that, if you looked at me a year ago, I DID meet the requirements of leadership, however I messed up and fell deep into sin, and then I choose to stay there, instead of reading my bible at night I would watch inappropriate content, instead of praying I would talk to women sexually, instead of placing my mind on God I placed it on what was under a woman's cloths. Over and over and over. I would do this. Sure I would make SOME attempt to stop, and I would pray for repentance afterwords, sometimes in tears, sometimes full blown weeping and sobing, but I still within a week was right back where I started. Over and over and over I made the same mistakes, I would do whatever I could to feel like I was having any sort of connection to a woman, regardless of if it was sin or not. I became more and more empty, more and more vain, more and more prone to frustration and anger, and the Godly virtues that I had pursued and obtained (or on whatever level I had attained them) diminished. I had amazing time with God, I had things happen I hardly beleive actually happened, I was bless in countless ways by God and then I turned around and through my actions said "I want sin more", my mind may have hated what I was doing, but its always been easy to rationalize away conviction long enough for desire to take control, and once desire runs the show it doesn't matter what anything says, the ball is rolling and its not stopped till its done. I consistently put myself in that position, willfully. That is why I am stuck, how can a man who says he loves God, and wants to lead people to him, and truly thinks he believes these things are true , how can he do what Ive done?

Faselina · Dec 27, 2016

I've never posted anything on a forum like this before, but I just wanted you to know that I'm going through almost exactly the same thing you are right now, and I can relate tremendously to everything you've said. The only difference is, I'm a girl.

I want you to know that you aren't alone my dear brother in Christ, and I truly do understand how hard it can be to deal with the lusts of the flesh, particularly with cyber sex. Don't ever give up, because I can feel the Holy Spirit shining through your words, and I know God is still with you. Pour out your heart to God brother, tell him everything, even about how good it felt to sin, and keep asking him to give you the strength to resist.
I don't know what the ultimate answer is for either of us, and I wish I did, believe me, but I know God is faithful, and he will never stop loving either of us, even if we willfully sin against him and bring him pain.
I hope at least that I've been able to tell you that you aren't alone, which means you aren't any worse than the rest of us, and that I know how hard it is to withstand this sort of temptation. Maybe we could help each other to get through this? If you'd be comfortable with something like that.

Faselina · Jan 1, 2017

I don't know if you will ever read this, but I wanted to post something just to let you know that I understand what you're going through far more deeply than anyone really knows. I too have struggled with lust my whole life, and I too am currently struggling with wanting intimacy and not having anyone to experience it with. I too am in a cybersex relationship with a man online, and I too feel worthless and destined for Hell. But like you, I too keep going back, even though I know he is married, and not a Christian. (How's that for a guilt inducing situation?)
I didn't want this post to be all about me, I just wanted you to know that I truly understand what you're going through, and I can truly sympathize with how much it tears you apart inside. I also wanted to tell you my story because I am a girl, and I've struggled with lust my entire life, which isn't supposed to be a "girl" thing to struggle with....but yet I do.
You are not alone, my dear brother in Christ. Always remember, you are not alone, and God truly does love you just as much when you sin as he does when you don't. He doesn't want either of us to live in sin of course, and it saddens and hurts him when we do, but his love for us is steadfast. That's why he's our rock.

I don't know whether this was helpful or not, I just felt like I needed to tell someone, and your story touched me very deeply, so I felt like I should tell you that.
My dear brother, "May the Lord bless you and keep you, may he make his face to shine upon you, and give you peace."
Sincerely, A Sister Who's Been There

Nemo · Mar 17, 2017

Faselina said:
I don't know if you will ever read this, but I wanted to post something just to let you know that I understand what you're going through far more deeply than anyone really knows.

I signed up to this site to let you both (anewman1993 and Faselina)know that I too am going through the same thing. I was here searching for people just like me, and I've found you two!
I have been this way for so many years

. It started when I was single and I truly believed once I found companionship that it would be a turning point for me. Life isn't that easy and God doesn't ever promise that it will be. I truly believe this is a struggle I will battle with my whole life, ever wondering if Jesus will stand by my side on judgement day.
This isn't my thread, so it would be wrong to start telling my story, but please let me say, God Bless!

I really screwed up, and I'm worried there is no redemption left for me

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