Marriage Therapy Question

princess_ballet said:

Hey guys. I've heard that marriage counseling/therapy with the church takes a minimum of 6 months, or that you have to wait that long prior to the ceremony. Is this, like, mandatory or can it be waived under certain circumstances or something?

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I can't answer your question, but I'm curious why you would want that kind of thing waived?

I think the norm is that you KNOW your future spouse for a minimum of 6 months

most parishes have some kind of pre-wedding counseling, think they are normally called pre-cana classes
probably on a diocese by diocese basis

sorry I can not be more helpful

like, all of these are norms or what is encouraged, I am sure exceptions are made all the time when the situation calls for it

There exists no official requirement for 6 months of counseling.

It is the norm for it to be 6 to 9 months in my parish but I think under certain circumstances it can be shortened.

princess_ballet said:

Hey guys. I've heard that marriage counseling/therapy with the church takes a minimum of 6 months, or that you have to wait that long prior to the ceremony. Is this, like, mandatory or can it be waived under certain circumstances or something?

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Best of luck!

Talk to your priest. Sooner better than later.

princess_ballet said:

Oh good. I thought there was some type of requirement! That makes me feel better.

I want it waived because of medical circumstances. My child-bearing abilities, if they can be saved, will only be available for 3-5 years. Ideally, I want to get married in the church and have my children only after getting married. However, things being what they are, I was concerned that this 6 month waiting period might really be a problem. My SI and I are not yet engaged, though I think that's pretty inevitable, and time is ticking. Once we get to the point that we're sure and we're ready to get married, I don't want to have to wait any longer than necessary.

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princess_ballet said:

Hey guys. I've heard that marriage counseling/therapy with the church takes a minimum of 6 months, or that you have to wait that long prior to the ceremony. Is this, like, mandatory or can it be waived under certain circumstances or something?

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It's very unlikely that it will be waived. One cannot expect to go into a parish and tell the priest that you want to make babies ASAP and get married soon.

People get married for all the wrong reasons and "my biological clock" is one of them.

If your boyfriend wishes to marry you and have children, then you need to have that conversation with him and respect the procedures of the Church. Six months is VERY little time. The priest of your parish spent at least six YEARS thinking about and preparing to be a priest.

I will tell you plainly, you will not go to a Catholic parish and do things on your terms.

stage five said:

It's very unlikely that it will be waived. One cannot expect to go into a parish and tell the priest that you want to make babies ASAP and get married soon.

People get married for all the wrong reasons and "my biological clock" is one of them.

If your boyfriend wishes to marry you and have children, then you need to have that conversation with him and respect the procedures of the Church. Six months is VERY little time. The priest of your parish spent at least six YEARS thinking about and preparing to be a priest.

I will tell you plainly, you will not go to a Catholic parish and do things on your terms.

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It depends.

princess_ballet said:

Hey guys. I've heard that marriage counseling/therapy with the church takes a minimum of 6 months, or that you have to wait that long prior to the ceremony. Is this, like, mandatory or can it be waived under certain circumstances or something?

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let's put it this way.....there may be circumstances where it could be waived, but those persons would be shortchanging themselves if they were
to take that route.
marriage classes are both formation and preparation for a lifetime.

think of it this way....would you want to be under the knife of a surgeon who cut short their medical training?
or flying with an airline pilot who cleped flight school?

you owe it to yourself, to your spouse, and especially to any future children to establish a solid relationship
that is insured and weather-proofed against all that is out there in the world, just waiting to destroy the marriage you are hoping to create.

Our church really takes seriously this responsibility to ensure couples with the best possible chance to have their marriages work for a lifetime---
enough so that our priest won't marry anyone who doesn't go through the classes.

princess_ballet said:

Oh good. I thought there was some type of requirement! That makes me feel better.

I want it waived because of medical circumstances. My child-bearing abilities, if they can be saved, will only be available for 3-5 years. Ideally, I want to get married in the church and have my children only after getting married. However, things being what they are, I was concerned that this 6 month waiting period might really be a problem. My SI and I are not yet engaged, though I think that's pretty inevitable, and time is ticking. Once we get to the point that we're sure and we're ready to get married, I don't want to have to wait any longer than necessary.

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i know that feeling. i felt the same way at my first marriage. biological time was also ticking for me.

the minister who married us had his doubts all the way through the marriage prep classes and counseled me to wait for two years after marriage to have children.
he reluctantly agreed to marry us, and as it turned out he was right.
the marriage failed because my husband wasn't commmitted from the very beginning to a lifelong relationship,
and he bailed on his faithfulness at the urging of his work buddies even before the wedding day.

one more thing to think about--your present medical prognosis could change and improve in the future.
there are people alive today, and fatal diseases being cured, who would not have had that chance years ago.

Take the time necessary to really discern this person that you are wedding--not only for yourself, but also for those future children.
this is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make.
He's not like a new car that you can trade in after 5 years of wear and tear.

princess_ballet said:

Oh good. I thought there was some type of requirement! That makes me feel better.

I want it waived because of medical circumstances. My child-bearing abilities, if they can be saved, will only be available for 3-5 years. Ideally, I want to get married in the church and have my children only after getting married. However, things being what they are, I was concerned that this 6 month waiting period might really be a problem. My SI and I are not yet engaged, though I think that's pretty inevitable, and time is ticking. Once we get to the point that we're sure and we're ready to get married, I don't want to have to wait any longer than necessary.

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Does this mean you're on your way to make a full recovery?
I pray that you are sister.


In Jesus, Mary and Joseph
-AChildOfMary

Well yes there is that! I'd just discuss the situation with your priest and I think he will be completely on board with you. I understand where you are coming from for sure. May God bless and keep you!

princess_ballet said:

I mean, I do have to plan the wedding, so the 6 months might not be THAT big of an issue! Haha.

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princess_ballet said:

No. If the current course of treatment works, then it will buy me some time, that's all. I should have 3-5 years, if that's the Lord blesses me with. At the end of the time I'll have to have the hysterectomy and hopefully then I will be just fine.

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It saddens me to hear that.
Stay strong and trust our Lord and he will redeem you when the time comes.

Your attitude is admirable and if I ever get in your shoes I pray that I cope as good as it seems you do.

If you pm me your name I will pray for you sister.


Your brother in Christ our Lord
- aCoM

princess_ballet said:

This is simply the hand I've been dealt, especially after so many years of doing what I was supposed to, and I'm making decisions based on what I have available. This isn't about my biological clock ticking. This is about cancer and cancer isn't going to wait.

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Something about this just resonates. Playing by the rules does not assure us of anything. I hope the best for you.