Advice, or any tips appreciated. (long post)

Okay, so let's start out from the top.

I am a 19 (almost 20) year old female who never grew up with anyone who was religious. Actually, most of my family & friends didn't like the thought of religion. I never really had given it much thought until a few years back when I was probably around, 17/18. I began to wonder a lot of things, like why do things happen for a reason; or what am I living this life for.

Now, I will be honest. I was a bad child/teen. Thinking about it now, I understand why my parents didn't let me do much. I was spoiled, and I never did as I was told. Keep in mind, though... I do have a few mental illnesses, which I know doesn't make up for the fact that I could have behaved better, but it was a little more difficult. Almost my whole life, I wasn't happy. I wanted that to change, but I was lazy and just sat by and watched everyone and everything change.

I grew apart from my best friends, I eventually dropped out of school, (and a whole lot of other bad things that I regret and wish I could take back). Now, my best friends have new best friends, and they all graduated, have jobs, and are doing so great in life. I am happy for them, more than anything. I do realize that at that time, I was a drag and I held them back from doing what they wanted. I hope that one day we will someday become friends again.

Here's the thing that really bothers me. My mom and I have had a terrible relationship for years. Until recently, I never realized how much of a trouble I was. One day, she decided to kick me out and I didn't say no, I didn't try to stop her. I didn't do anything because I knew that she and I both needed a break from each other. I am living at my dad's house currently, and I still wish I could take back all that I did and said to my mom. That is my biggest regret. I said so many horrible things to her and I just really hope that she will someday we start to become close one day.

That is where religion comes into place. Remember how I said that a few years back, I was curious about it? Well, now I know that I need it in my life. I need to believe and to change and do everything to be the better person I know I can be. Sure, I have wasted almost 20 years of my life, but I want to take it back and live right.

I mean, I have a wonderful boyfriend of 1 year and 4 months, and even to him, I am sometimes rude, and I feel so guilty about it. I need to stop thinking such mean thoughts and be positive.

Please excuse me if I seem a little clueless about anything.

but on a positive note:

I have my GED
I am taking a class to become a CNA (Nurses Assistant)
I've been happier than I have been in a long time!
I still stress, but at least I know that I can pull through it...


I would just appreciate any thought that anyone has.

paul1149 said:

It's really great that you've come to this turning point in your life. Many people never do, or avoid it until much later. You can resolve all the past issues and begin building positively.

The best thing, though, is your interest in the Lord. Study Him, what He said, how He acted and what He accomplished for you. You will find the best friend you have ever had, and more than a friend, a divine Savior who loves you at a level no one else can. Jesus' love is beyond-words awesome, and satisfies our deepest needs. The more you trust Him, the more you will have His power to live in a manner pleasing to Him, and to bear fruit that remains. And as life goes on, you will find that this is the only thing that really matters.

As for your mother, I would pray about apologizing for whatever part you played in the relationship breakdown. Do it in the right spirit, where you don't require anything in return, where you don't demand an immediate reconciliation. The best way to prepare for that is to talk to God about it for as long as necessary before talking to your mother. Seek His forgiveness first. Jesus clearly demonstrated during His time on earth that He has the authority to forgive sins. Then your going to your mother won't be a fruitless act of self-flagellation. Also pray about how to word it and how to present it. If she responds well, great. But if not, you still have unburdened yourself of this weight, so you will be free to move on. And in time the Lord may work on her heart and things may change.

Change is never easy, but if you give your life to the Lord He will see you through to the victory side.

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Thank you for replying. This post has actually helped me feel a bit better about the situation.