Is it the parents' fault if the children reject Christ?

LovebirdsFlying · Oct 2, 2015

I am now non-denominational by belief, but a member of a church that happens to be Southern Baptist. I don't believe it's the name of the church that's important. It's whether or not they point to Jesus Christ as the way of salvation. With that information for background, I was once a staunch Seventh-day Adventist. I remember reading in the works of Ellen G. White that when time has finished, and we are standing before the Lord, if our children aren't with us, He's going to ask us what happened. "But where are the children I entrusted to your care? Why aren't they here also? Didn't you do the job I gave you to do?" (Paraphrased, but that's the sentiment.) It isn't stated, but it's implied, that if our children don't make it in, we won't either, because we were supposed to see to it that they make it in.

One of my children wavers between identifying as a militant atheist and a satanist, and constantly posts anti-Christian messages on Facebook. My stepson, an avowed atheist, continues to send his father e-mail after e-mail trying to disprove Christianity, despite the fact that my husband has asked him repeatedly to stop sending him that stuff. I know it isn't for lack of effort on my husband's part, and I also tried to teach my children about the Lord. But to our children's way of thinking, parents so much as taking a child to church with them is considered an act of child abuse. "Brainwashing," you know. "Forcing" an ideology on them.

Well, if Mrs. White is correct, I failed at my life's work, being a mother, because my child has rejected Christ.

Has anyone else ever heard or dealt with the notion that if the children don't accept the message of salvation, it is the failure of the parents who should have taught them?

Reformed Lutheran · Oct 2, 2015

God gave Jesus 12 disciples to love and take care of. One of the twelve fell away from the faith (judas). God does not blame or find fault with Jesus for this.

Neither are the parents judged for the sins of the children nor the children judged for the sins of the parents,, but each will stand alone judged for our own sin

Radicchio · Oct 2, 2015

I have never heard of this before.

You can expose your children to the Christian faith, provide guidance, etc., but you cannot force belief on someone. Further, your salvation would not be dependent on the faith or lack thereof of another.

brinny · Oct 2, 2015

We pray, pray, and pray for our children, and just continue to lift each up to God. It isn't the parents "fault" that their children reject Christ. There is, however, i believe HUGE spiritual warfare raging with children, and that prayer is most crucial when children deliberately go the opposite direction. We keep praying.

Reminds me of the Prodigal son. Remember how utterly heartbroken when his son wanted his inheritance and departed with it? Did the father stop him? No. He "let him go". But he was on his knees praying for his son. And his son, after being beat up, chewed up, and spit out by the world came home.

We just keep praying that God does what only HE can do...

and that is, work in the hearts of our children, and remember this promise:

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." ~Proverbs 22:6

Even if a child departs from it as a teen or an adult, it's a reminder that God is not finished with them yet, and He will surely do what we cannot, and that is work in their hearts and minds.

We trust that He will complete what He started and any seeds that have been planted will come to fruition.

Gordon Wright · Oct 3, 2015

This is the sort of thinking that arises from an overemphasis on family in the church, and/or an underemphasis of individual responsibility.

We're supposed to go out and make disciples, not stay home and try to breed them.

WolfGate · Oct 4, 2015

LoveBirdsFlying - I've not heard what you have specifically. I have, however, heard lots of things that when looked at in the totality of scripture and of grace don't make sense. This is one of those.

So, if what you heard were true, then your salvation would not be based on Christ taking your sins to the cross, but rather on your ability to "sell" Christianity to another person. So your salvation now becomes about works, and not about grace - because accepting Christ's sacrifice and believing in him as Lord is not enough.

Purge187 · Oct 14, 2015

Reformed Lutheran said:
God gave Jesus 12 disciples to love and take care of. One of the twelve fell away from the faith (judas). God does not blame or find fault with Jesus for this.

Neither are the parents judged for the sins of the children nor the children judged for the sins of the parents,, but each will stand alone judged for our own sin

I agree, to a point.

If the parents were rigid Fundamentalists who raised their kids in such a way that makes God out to be a cosmic bully or absentee landlord, then I believe the parents will be held accountable.

LovebirdsFlying · Oct 15, 2015

Thank everyone for the advice. It has been comforting.

Crowns&Laurels · Oct 26, 2015

The Bible teaches, albeit a bit indirectly, for parents to raise their children to be Christians. I suppose it's only the parents fault if they didn't try in all thoroughness and the child grows to reject God.

Until a child becomes an adult and is independent, there should be a gentle, but firm hand.

This guy I know had to move back in with his parents for a while when he was 28 years old, and when Sunday came around they would bust down his bedroom door before he ever laid around and not gone to church ^_^

LovebirdsFlying · Oct 26, 2015

I had the opposite problem when I moved back in with my mother, in my mid-30's. She lives in the middle of nowhere, and I had no car. At the time (it's complicated) I wasn't licensed to drive. I couldn't go anywhere she didn't want to take me, and she didn't go to church. Nor would she allow anyone to come and get me, because she was afraid the neighbors would see and think she was "needy." So I couldn't go. I was stuck.

I have my daughter (30), nephew (21), and honorary granddaughter (18) living here. Only my granddaughter goes to church with us, and we don't have to make her do it. My daughter believes but doesn't like that particular church. My nephew doesn't know what to think, but he doesn't like that particular church either. They have their reasons, which I understand. I don't drag anybody unwilling. I just make sure I set the example.

When my kids were little, that was a different story. Now my oldest (32) considers it child abuse for parents to take children to church with them.

terryjohn · Oct 26, 2015

Children look to their parents for examples of faith and love. Too many times we let them down and at such times we give them examples of repentance and forgiveness and love. If they love us they will follow us. Do all you can do to let them know the reality of your love.

fhansen · Oct 30, 2015

LovebirdsFlying said:
I am now non-denominational by belief, but a member of a church that happens to be Southern Baptist. I don't believe it's the name of the church that's important. It's whether or not they point to Jesus Christ as the way of salvation. With that information for background, I was once a staunch Seventh-day Adventist. I remember reading in the works of Ellen G. White that when time has finished, and we are standing before the Lord, if our children aren't with us, He's going to ask us what happened. "But where are the children I entrusted to your care? Why aren't they here also? Didn't you do the job I gave you to do?" (Paraphrased, but that's the sentiment.) It isn't stated, but it's implied, that if our children don't make it in, we won't either, because we were supposed to see to it that they make it in.

One of my children wavers between identifying as a militant atheist and a satanist, and constantly posts anti-Christian messages on Facebook. My stepson, an avowed atheist, continues to send his father e-mail after e-mail trying to disprove Christianity, despite the fact that my husband has asked him repeatedly to stop sending him that stuff. I know it isn't for lack of effort on my husband's part, and I also tried to teach my children about the Lord. But to our children's way of thinking, parents so much as taking a child to church with them is considered an act of child abuse. "Brainwashing," you know. "Forcing" an ideology on them.

Well, if Mrs. White is correct, I failed at my life's work, being a mother, because my child has rejected Christ.

Has anyone else ever heard or dealt with the notion that if the children don't accept the message of salvation, it is the failure of the parents who should have taught them?

It can be normal enough for children to rebel-and to react- especially if salvation is taught mainly as fear of hell for all practical purposes. We're to teach and model the knowledge of God and this primarily involves His goodness, kindness, mercy, and trustworthiness-His lavish love for man. And either way it may not mean so much now, but probably will when the time is ripe. That's how it worked for me.

Job8 · Nov 1, 2015

As long as every Christian parent has taught his or her children the truth about Christ and the Gospel, it is ultimately the child's response to the Gospel which will determine its eternal destiny. God holds every individual accountable for themselves (once they reach the age of accountability). Scripture reveals that godly parents had wicked children, and wicked parents had godly children.

pshun2404 · Nov 1, 2015

Deuteronomy and Ezekiel both teach us that the children are NOT responsible for the sins of the fathers and the fathers are not responsible for the sins of the children...the Soul that sins IT must die....

OrthodoxForever · Nov 8, 2015

It can be, it depends on why the rejected Christ. My best friend turned away from Christ because of how hypocritical and judgmental her family was in the way they practiced their faith

jimmyjimmy · Nov 29, 2015

I had rotten parents who were not Christians, and God saved me.

If you think that you're to blame if she's not a Christian, that implies that you would think it was your doing if she were.

It's God who does the saving. It's God who does the calling, the choosing and the saving.

Tina W · Nov 29, 2015

Of course God won't judge the parents based on the choices of the children. He may question parents who are Christians but who never bring their children to church or teach them about God, but as long as the kids had the opportunity to be taught about God then whatever the kids choose is on them only, not the parents. Children are their own person and will make their own choices. All a parent can do is show them the right way and teach them the right way.

tgg · Dec 8, 2015

LovebirdsFlying said:
I am now non-denominational by belief, but a member of a church that happens to be Southern Baptist. I don't believe it's the name of the church that's important. It's whether or not they point to Jesus Christ as the way of salvation. With that information for background, I was once a staunch Seventh-day Adventist. I remember reading in the works of Ellen G. White that when time has finished, and we are standing before the Lord, if our children aren't with us, He's going to ask us what happened. "But where are the children I entrusted to your care? Why aren't they here also? Didn't you do the job I gave you to do?" (Paraphrased, but that's the sentiment.) It isn't stated, but it's implied, that if our children don't make it in, we won't either, because we were supposed to see to it that they make it in.

One of my children wavers between identifying as a militant atheist and a satanist, and constantly posts anti-Christian messages on Facebook. My stepson, an avowed atheist, continues to send his father e-mail after e-mail trying to disprove Christianity, despite the fact that my husband has asked him repeatedly to stop sending him that stuff. I know it isn't for lack of effort on my husband's part, and I also tried to teach my children about the Lord. But to our children's way of thinking, parents so much as taking a child to church with them is considered an act of child abuse. "Brainwashing," you know. "Forcing" an ideology on them.

Well, if Mrs. White is correct, I failed at my life's work, being a mother, because my child has rejected Christ.

Has anyone else ever heard or dealt with the notion that if the children don't accept the message of salvation, it is the failure of the parents who should have taught them?

Good question. It's the legalists, the hypocrites, and some of the Christian leaders who have abused children that cause them to fall away. Jesus recommended drowning for them with a millstone tied around their necks.

Joyful Mama · Dec 16, 2015

No, I would say it is not your failure at all. We are God's children, and sometimes we go astray too. Because children are their own people with their own free will.

If I were in your situation I would keep praying for them.

Is it the parents' fault if the children reject Christ?

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