Badmouthing others?

You are right to be on your guard. Too many times prayer requests and "need for counseling" become the vehicles for gossip while maintaining a Christian veneer. Goodbook, good fruit comes from a good heart, so examine your heart before engaging in any discussions with others regarding a third party. If your heart loves the "third person" and is seeking God's pleasure, then with caution you may approach a mature believer with your concerns.

Hope this helps.

1Co 13:4-7 GNB
(4) Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud;
(5) love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs;
(6) love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth.
(7) Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.

this is one of the things i struggle with the most, so i'm not speaking from the standpoint of total victory here; but rather from the standpoint of knowing what is right. when someone does wrong to me, and is not sorry for it, there is a powerful temptation to talk to others about what they have done. but then there's that part in verse 5 about 'love does not keep a record of wrongs' - if i were to obey that, i wouldn't allow myself to remind myself of the wrongs others have done to me by speaking about them. but what if i see someone i know rob another person, where i'm not the victim - do i forget that wrong out of love, or report them so that they can receive help to stop robbing people? the difference is that love's focus is always on what's best for the other person; if the other person's behavior is dangerous to themselves or others, love requires that i do what God leads me to do to get them help to stop this behavior - it might be to report them to the police, or it might be to help them get their needs met without stealing (if they steal for lack of food for example) - but the focus must be on the offender's good rather than mine. God is love, and there's nobody in a flesh body that's not an offender in some way - yet He does not judge and condemn us for our transgressions, and if we judge ourselves and set our desire to change, He chooses to not remember our transgressions. so it's all about motive; if i'm talking about someone's transgressions to a third party in order to get them help (at God's leading), it's not gossip - if i'm talking about someone's transgressions to a third party simply because they hurt me directly, i'm violating the law of love in verse 5. when someone hurts me, i become a victim; when i forgive them, i become a victor - but my flesh and the wrong programming i've received from the world still tries to keep me in the victim role - resisting the urge to talk about how they hurt me is the hard part of forgiveness to be sure

I follow the path of forgiveness, but I do not forget and I keep my guard up around people like that. Remember; if somebody badmouths somebody else to you, what are they saying about you to somebody else?

let us know what you learn; everyone needs some help with this!

Goodbook said:

is it badmouthing others to talk about them if they've hurt you? But not mention their names.

I was thinking that its not nice for me to do this but I try not to talk about friends that have hurt me to other friends who might know them. If they hurt me i deal with it but sometimes I need counsel and then I feel bad for talking about it to someone else.

I.e. I dont want to do something like ruin their reputation and its not gossiping or is it? I mean im the one that got hurt, does that mean im too sensitive. Or...i should not hang around them anymore to avoid those situations where they make me uncomfortable. Cos i cant really be friends with them if they dont treat me well and Im always fearing what they going to say next.

What does the bible say? I was thinking that Jesus did he call Judas out or did he just let him hang around even knowing he was out to betray him. It must have hurt him to know that Judas wasnt really his friend. Yet he was gracious about it. I dont feel im being gracious with the people that hurt me.

Click to expand...

honestly, sometimes it is not healthy to carry things by yourself, and yes, it is healthy sometimes to talk it out with another person, though you have to be careful.

i think most of the time you know whether talking about it will only bring out the poison again, or will it help you unload.

yes, you should take all precaution to make sure you are not ruining people reputation.

so you should really be talking about people to friends that doesn't know them

but it is hard to do sometimes depending on how wide your social circle is.....

as for you the story of Judas, I don't think that is meant for us not to set healthy boundaries with others.

Jesus knew He had a purpose, and Judas was part of it.

glad to see you are not one of those skanks or male version of a skanks in church that destroy other reputation freely!

Yes, responding or replying in an unworthy manner is inappropriate and ungodly. This is one of the methodologies of the devils schemes to ensnare and provide substance to the "error" and failings of believers by showing others they're possible fruit.

A "cause and effect" scenario that might diminish or attempt to tarnish representation. This is what i like to call the "symptom of regression" rather than progression especially if not repentant. Misrepresentation is liken unto the fields the sower sowed where one was healthily maintained and the other not. The maintained field produced a healthy harvest while the other was choked with weeds and died out and did not produce fruit. The non-productive field was not tended, cared for or nurture and died out because of the lack of care; while the productive one yielded much produce due to care and concern....it is as said when we seek the TRUTH we will find and if we produce much good fruit the representation is at hand for those whom seek it.

Many of us look for quick fixes, but just like the fields it might take time to grow a healthy abundance if at all and we must first seek it; for without seeking it there is no care to maintain or attend to it's proper production.

Praise be to GOD the heavenly father and his son lord JESUS CHRIST forever>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hi GB I'm so sorry to hear that you are having trouble with friends. The weird thing is I am going through the same thing right now. I was also wondering what is the fine line between gossip and seeking counsel? Right now I have a problem with a friend and really feel i need to talk about it with someone from church who knows them so they can help me know how to respond to her. But I don't wanna gossip cause its a sin.:'(

Goodbook said:

is it badmouthing others to talk about them if they've hurt you? But not mention their names.

I was thinking that its not nice for me to do this but I try not to talk about friends that have hurt me to other friends who might know them. If they hurt me i deal with it but sometimes I need counsel and then I feel bad for talking about it to someone else.

I.e. I dont want to do something like ruin their reputation and its not gossiping or is it? I mean im the one that got hurt, does that mean im too sensitive. Or...i should not hang around them anymore to avoid those situations where they make me uncomfortable. Cos i cant really be friends with them if they dont treat me well and Im always fearing what they going to say next.

What does the bible say? I was thinking that Jesus did he call Judas out or did he just let him hang around even knowing he was out to betray him. It must have hurt him to know that Judas wasnt really his friend. Yet he was gracious about it. I dont feel im being gracious with the people that hurt me.

Click to expand...

I think there is no problem is talking about them. Talking about something wrong which other people have done is not necessarily gossiping. If someone has hurt you, pouring your concerns over someone else is the best thing to do — and this, obviously, requires talking about it.

The Oxford Dictionary defines ‘gossip’ as ‘casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details which are not confirmed as true’. Clearly, talking about something hurtful someone else has done to you cannot be included in this definition.

I am not sure if the Bible says anything like this, though. However, the best I can come up is Matthew 18:15-17, where Jesus says: ‘If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that “every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.” If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.’ Now think about this: if, in the case your brother does not listen to you, you are supposed to ‘take one or two others along’, this requires that you initially have to talk to them about the wrong thing your brother has done. This is not gossiping. Talking about the wrong of others is not gossiping — in fact, this may be necessary, for example, in situations like this one.

Jesus "plainly speaking" about Judas Iscariot...
others were listening.

In John chapter 13 ...Jesus told Judas
to do what he was going to do.

Here's another example of Jesus "plainly speaking":
John 6:70
Then Jesus replied, "Have I not chosen you, the Twelve?
Yet one of you is a devil!"

And...
Luke 22:48
And Jesus said to him, "Judas, are you betraying the
Son of Man with a kiss?"

Goodbook said:

is it badmouthing others to talk about them if they've hurt you?
-snip-
I was thinking that its not nice for me to do this but I try not to talk about friends that have hurt me to other friends who might know them.
-snip-
then I feel bad for talking about it to someone else.
-snip-
I dont want to do something like ruin their reputation
-snip-
i should not hang around them anymore to avoid those situations where they make me uncomfortable.
-snip-
Cos i cant really be friends with them if they dont treat me well and Im always fearing what they going to say next.
-snip-
I dont feel im being gracious with the people that hurt me.

Click to expand...

So may questions that truly answer themselves.
You talk of being hurt. It hurts to be hurt, especially by those you trust.
But remember that if you hear your friends speaking poorly of others, how do they speak about you?