Boyfriend is leaving b/c of his "new" christian views.

DaveW-Ohev said:

#2 is an ok definition: Disbelief in the existence of a God. i.e. the belief that no god exists.

That is different than not knowing one way or the other.

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You are correct, it is different. Which is why the two terms are not mutually exclusive and one can be an agnostic atheist.

essentialsaltes said:

You still haven't said very much about whether you still want him in your life. Do you?

I'm not convinced (as others here have suggested) that he was just using you. But I do think he's too immature and unstable for this to end up successfully. So I think you need to make a clean break and dump him. You don't necessarily have to kick him out the door and throw his clothes after him, but just make it clear that right now you are just roommates that happen to live under the same roof. You are entitled to rent, but that would just slow him down on his way out, so encourage him to get his finances together and find another place to live.

If that sounds too harsh, and your heart and your head tell you 'but I love him and want to be with him forever, and we can make this work, and he's not really a fickle child'... then go down to the courthouse and get married.

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I agree.

DaveW-Ohev said:

#2 is an ok definition: Disbelief in the existence of a God. i.e. the belief that no god exists.

That is different than not knowing one way or the other.

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I do not believe there is a swat team on the other side of the park that backs up to my house.

I do not know that, I have not checked. Even if I went out and checked by the time I got back here and typed in a response I could not be sure that one had not marrived.

Still I do not believe there is a swat team there.

Belief DOES NOT require absolute knowledge. That idea is a construct made by insecure Christians attempting to project their insecurity upon others.

If someone reading this is a secure and reasonable Christian please remember it does not apply to you, only to those who give your faith a bad name.

Don't like "it was his idea" popping up throughout this. All of those things takes two people to act on. You had a choice too.

Hetta said:

Bad pickers - not that the men are the bad pick, right.

And many of us don't desire to be treated as "princesses". We'd rather be out there slaying dragons alongside our men.

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One friend I had was a bad picker. Always falling for the woman he wouldn't like the next month. But then he, had kids with these women. Tragic. This former friend of mine displayed narcissistic qualities, very manipulative, and is very immature and insensitive....

Ofc, he was nice and all when trying to woo the women but when a slight things change, he rejected his former women outright.

Beware of very fast paced relationships - this is how my former friend paced his relationships with women also. Wanting to have sex and eventually, wanting to live together. It gives them the "high" like a drug but quickly fades also.

DaveW-Ohev said:

#2 is an ok definition: Disbelief in the existence of a God. i.e. the belief that no god exists.

That is different than not knowing one way or the other.

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Of course they are different positions - but they are perfectly reconcilable (as opposed to your previous claim).
Also, in order to disbelieve something you needn´t know it´s not true (as opposed to your previous claim).

Hetta said:

Bad pickers - not that the men are the bad pick, right.

And many of us don't desire to be treated as "princesses". We'd rather be out there slaying dragons alongside our men.

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I respect that.

All I'm saying is that biblically if a man treats his wife and loves her the way that Christ loves His church, then women would be treated well by their husbands.

Princesses was not meant to be defaming of women at all. Maybe I should have chosen a better word.

If you want to go slay dragons you go girl!

No. Stop being reasonable and friendly! That's two people who have blown my mind this morning. Stop it. It's Friday the 13th in reverse.

Hi! I have a different response from the first few. I also lived with my husband before marriage and considered myself Christian at the time. I now know 14 years later that I was not an authentic Christian, even less than a lukewarm Christian. I was a believer in my head but not a true follower of Christ. My boyfriend (husband now) was the same. I knew that the Bible said that fornicators would not inherit the Kingdom, but I chose to follow society's example and joked about "living in sin." You may feel rejected now, but you may thank your boyfriend later because the way God sees it, you were both hurting each other by giving your holy bodies to each other free of charge. God sees the body as much more sacred than we see it. Saint Paul explains how many sins occur outside the body, but sexually immoral sins are against our own bodies, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Furthermore, Christ tells us to love Him more than mother, father, etc. and that includes girlfriend and boyfriend. If you want to marry someone who has the courage to follow Christ, someone who is becoming truly born again, I would not let this man go for the reason you are giving. He did you wrong for sure in the beginning, and I am sure he will repent to God and you. On your part, please pray that God will help you forgive him for that. Unforgiveness is not an option for the saints. God bless you and your boyfriend. I pray that you understand how important it is for you to choose God's choice of spouse for you, and that definitely means someone who is Christian, whomever that may be. You will grow in your faith so much more, and if you choose a man who is not, you could end up going to church alone like some of my friends. Best wishes to you on your walk with Jesus!

Why not ask HIM to give you strength to shield you from the evil forces whom will use your past hurts and insecurities to close off your heart to open your eyes and heart and ask him "why, what's going on in you, is there anything I've done unintentionally that has hurt or scared you?, if so I am very sorry, but I promise to keep my mouth, insecurities and potential pain and anger out of this, I promise- so help me GOD" and look into his eyes like a small child and try to feel how he feels!!!! Do not get mad, do not get hurt as his reply maybe the truth and you do not have a remote control to allow you to change anything... And neither does he....You are (with HIS help) in total control in regards to your feelings... be it hurt, or better- relief that HE has allowed you to learn a lesson now, instead of when it maybe too late and you have invested years or even the hearts of future children..

Think about this..ask for help..

I will never tell Christians what they should and shouldn't view as sinful within Christian theology, so with that said . . .

The brain does process "love" in three distinct ways.

"According to Dr. Helen Fisher, one of the preeminent researchers in the field of human affections, love can be divided into three major systems of the brain: sex, romance, and attachment."
http://neurology.about.com/od/NervousSystem/a/The-Brain-In-Love.htm

Romance is what we would call having a crush, or puppy love. It is that initial flush of emotion when meeting someone new. Sex and attachment should be self-explanatory.

What I think happens is that we are affected by the emotions of all three. If one of those is taken away and there isn't something else to take its place, then we drift away from someone. If we are initially attracted to someone but aren't in a sexual relationship, then the relationship will fail if there isn't a long term feeling of attachment between the two. If there isn't a solid relationship that can last the long term, then you may feel detachment if sex is taken out of the relationship.

However, I am by no means a psychologist or couple's therapist, so a rather large grain of salt is suggested.

keith99 said:

Even the strictest reading of Christian Scripture leave him another option, marriage.

If he omitted that possibility it is best to be rid of him.

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Unless either have been married before

donfish06 said:

Unless either have been married before

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Even there the most strict readings I am familiar with allow remarriage if the former spouse has died.

keith99 said:

Even there the most strict readings I am familiar with allow remarriage if the former spouse has died.

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Yes, but they seem a little young to be widowed...

And what exactly do you mean by "strict readings"? Does that mean what Jesus said?

donfish06 said:

Yes, but they seem a little young to be widowed...

And what exactly do you mean by "strict readings"? Does that mean what Jesus said?

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In this context I'd say the most Pharisaical and legalistic readings, which in fact differ substantially from what Jesus said and the rest of the Law.

Skaloop said:

Just gonna jump into violating the rules, are you?

● Stating or implying that another Christian member, or group of members, are not Christian is not allowed.

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He didn't violate the rules. He asked a question which is quite acceptable.

keith99 said:

In this context I'd say the most Pharisaical and legalistic readings, which in fact differ substantially from what Jesus said and the rest of the Law.

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This is what Jesus said, sir. I suppose you are claiming he is Pharisaical and a legalist?

Matthew 5:31-32
It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: [32] But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Mark 10:11
And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.

Here is what Paul said:

Galatians 5:19-21
Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these ; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, [20] Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, [21] Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

Is he a legalist too?

donfish06 said:

This is what Jesus said, sir. I suppose you are claiming he is Pharisaical and a legalist?

Matthew 5:31-32
It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: [32] But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Mark 10:11
And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.

Here is what Paul said:

Galatians 5:19-21
Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these ; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, [20] Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, [21] Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

Is he a legalist too?

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Which has nothing to do with people who were never married. And Galatians is Paul speaking.

glamer85 said:

I have spent the weekend in my room feeling rejected

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He didn't reject you so much as he had a sudden shift in values. Take some consolation in that.

It's not your fault. It's not truly even his fault. It's just one of those things.

trying to make sense of why he would wrap me up in this relationship then change his mind after making a life with me.

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I doubt that the change in his life was a choice on his part. It sounds like something that just happened to him.

Also, I doubt that he intended to "wrap you up in the relationship" and then call it off. It doesn't sound like anything premeditated.

It doesn't happen often that people change so dramatically, but sometimes they do. There's nothing you can do about it other than to move on. That's my recommendation.


eudaimonia,

Mark

glamer85 said:

now he is saying that he can no longer be with me and needs to move out once he gets his money together because his religion wont let him.

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He can longer even date you or sleep with you. My guess is he been sleeping with someone else, is using religion to break up with you. Even if he wanted to be religious. He could still be your boyfriend and not sleep with you. I would buy some fish and let it rot ,put it in his clothing and have them packed in a bag and throw him out.