Boyfriend is leaving b/c of his "new" christian views.

lisah · Nov 10, 2015

glamer85 said:
Just some back story before I get to the main question. My boyfriend and I live in the same house. We also share the same bedroom and sleep together. and yes we have had premarital sex. All of this was his idea. The house is mine and he asked to move in with me when his lease came up on his apartment. I was a little hesitant about it but it would help us both out financially so I agreed to it after he asked a few times. the sex was also his idea and I was not his first. now he is saying that he can no longer be with me and needs to move out once he gets his money together because his religion wont let him. he has spent the weekend sleeping in the living room even though I have 3 bedroom house. I have spent the weekend in my room feeling rejected and trying to make sense of why he would wrap me up in this relationship then change his mind after making a life with me. im crushed and just don't know what to do. he keeps saying he isn't breaking up with me......im so lost an confused. what should I do?

Especially since none of this was your idea; it sounds to me like you got played. I wouldn't trust anything he says.

But, that's just me.

keith99 · Nov 10, 2015

Jahrooshshalom said:
In numerous verses throughout scripture. Here's one example:
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

Which says no such thing unless one comes in with it already established. Warnings about sexual immorality are the same, they do not refer to any specific action.

Skaloop · Nov 10, 2015

Jahrooshshalom said:
The two words, premarital sex, do not have to be printed in that passage in order to meet the definition of explicit.

Yeah, they do. Otherwise, it's implicit.

Agnostic atheist,

Click to expand...

is an oxymoron .

No, it's not. I'm agnostic in that I don't know if God exists. I am atheist in that I don't believe He does.

Therefore I don't think you should try to take issue with the term, explicit, as pertains to attempting to argue the veracity of Christian scriptures.

Christian scripture is not explicit in terms of what we are talking about.

Jahrooshshalom · Nov 10, 2015

Skaloop said:
No, it's not. I'm agnostic in that I don't know if God exists. I am atheist in that I don't believe He does.

Yes, it is.

Christian scripture is not explicit in terms of what we are talking about.

You'd have to ask the Christian woman that opened the thread and drafted her questions around Christian ethics.

Skaloop · Nov 10, 2015

Jahrooshshalom said:
Yes, it is.

No, it's not. Please explain how I cannot be an agnostic atheist. The two are not mutually exclusive.

timewerx · Nov 11, 2015

glamer85 said:
Just some back story before I get to the main question. My boyfriend and I live in the same house. We also share the same bedroom and sleep together. and yes we have had premarital sex. All of this was his idea. The house is mine and he asked to move in with me when his lease came up on his apartment. I was a little hesitant about it but it would help us both out financially so I agreed to it after he asked a few times. the sex was also his idea and I was not his first. now he is saying that he can no longer be with me and needs to move out once he gets his money together because his religion wont let him. he has spent the weekend sleeping in the living room even though I have 3 bedroom house. I have spent the weekend in my room feeling rejected and trying to make sense of why he would wrap me up in this relationship then change his mind after making a life with me. im crushed and just don't know what to do. he keeps saying he isn't breaking up with me......im so lost an confused. what should I do?

I used to have a friend who turned out to be a cheater and used the "religious card" so deceptively to deceive religious women.

Maybe your BF is not the same and hopefully just going through tough time. Why don't you talk to him?

Don't trust men so easily whatever the case. Watch out for those who are really really good at getting your attention/interest, and seemed very determined on the first date. Chances are, such guy is a player/cheater.

sdowney717 · Nov 11, 2015

St_Worm2 said:
God 'allowing' sinful behavior to occur is not the same thing as Him commanding it or even approving of it. People sin all the time, but the fact that God allows such behaviors to occur never means He approves of them.

As for Exodus 21:10 and Deuteronomy 21:15, God makes no command concerning plural marriage there except to provide for the protection of the powerless within those marriages (both wives and children).

Perhaps I am wrong concerning plural marriage in the OT, but surely the "proof is in the pudding", since plural marriage does not exist within the Jewish community anywhere in the world that I am aware of. Again, perhaps our Jewish members could help us out with this?

Not Jewish but here is my thinking on this thing regarding the ways of our Lord Jesus.
Wife, not wives is taught about the church and Christ and a husband and a wife.
.
Ephesians 5:23
For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.

Ephesians 5:28
So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

Ephesians 5:31
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Ephesians 5:33
Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

If you pluralize the scripture, you will see what I mean.

And Paul tells us the qualifications for ministry in the church, one is they are to only have one wife, as they are to be an example of godly living in an evil age.

1 Timothy 3:2
A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach;

1 Timothy 3:12
Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.

1 Timothy 5:9
Do not let a widow under sixty years old be taken into the number, and not unless she has been the wife of one man,

Gods Gurl · Nov 11, 2015

glamer85 said:
Just some back story before I get to the main question. My boyfriend and I live in the same house. We also share the same bedroom and sleep together. and yes we have had premarital sex. All of this was his idea. The house is mine and he asked to move in with me when his lease came up on his apartment. I was a little hesitant about it but it would help us both out financially so I agreed to it after he asked a few times. the sex was also his idea and I was not his first. now he is saying that he can no longer be with me and needs to move out once he gets his money together because his religion wont let him. he has spent the weekend sleeping in the living room even though I have 3 bedroom house. I have spent the weekend in my room feeling rejected and trying to make sense of why he would wrap me up in this relationship then change his mind after making a life with me. im crushed and just don't know what to do. he keeps saying he isn't breaking up with me......im so lost an confused. what should I do?

danielkibby · Nov 11, 2015

Everything you're doing falls outside of the strong and lasting relationships God wants you to have, that's why he asks you live a life of purity and any relationship you have with the opposite sex start from a place of friendship first and foremost.
1 Timothy 5:2

Everyone wants to be loved but as Christians we must understand that human love is no substitution for God's love.

You made a heart decision that is largely based on physicality which makes it fragile. Every moment you continue to pursue what you're apart of, doing things your way instead of God's way you put yourself at risk of being hurt.

The last thing God wants us to be is hurt, but with all his might and power the one thing he can never do is make decisions for us.

If you're feeling remorseful, regretful, go back to the basics, get into your word check out some scriptures, look at how God wants you to form relationships, see if what you're doing matches up with that and if it doesn't understand you need to change something or you'll continue to fall away.

Loving God and going to church isn't enough, it's about living it not just speaking it or hearing it.

In my church people dating aren't even encouraged to spend time along in each others company, temptation is powerful and Satan will try to corrupt what may seem like the perfect relationship by introducing impurity, as he has in your relationship.

ToBeLoved · Nov 11, 2015

sdowney717 said:
Not Jewish but here is my thinking on this thing regarding the ways of our Lord Jesus.
Wife, not wives is taught about the church and Christ and a husband and a wife.
.
Ephesians 5:23
For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.

Ephesians 5:28
So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

Ephesians 5:31
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Ephesians 5:33
Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

If you pluralize the scripture, you will see what I mean.

And Paul tells us the qualifications for ministry in the church, one is they are to only have one wife, as they are to be an example of godly living in an evil age.

1 Timothy 3:2
A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach;

1 Timothy 3:12
Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.

1 Timothy 5:9
Do not let a widow under sixty years old be taken into the number, and not unless she has been the wife of one man,

This is great scripture on this matter.

What women fail to see is that God wants it this way. Jesus is the Bridegroom and the church is His bride. The marriage relationship is setup in the same way, which is why men are to love their wives as CHRIST loves His church. Men are held to a higher accountability to God because He has made them the head of their families.

I think us women are just many times bad pickers. If (and I've chosen some bad men also) we would choose a man who knew the Word and feared God I think we would not have many of these issues. But we do not choose well. Or most of us do not, myself included.

If a man treats his wife the way the Word demands that he does, she would be a princess held in the highest regard.

glamer85 · Nov 11, 2015

thank you for al the responses. I will try to answer all the questions. I am not troll. I have not responded because I only have internet access while I am at work so I have been unable to catch to time to answer everyone. Essentialsaltes: we have been living together for 6 months now. there is a age difference between us. he is 22 and I am 30 which I know sounds like a major problem in itself. I can address that further if I need to. He pays half of the bills and pays his own as well. Terrancel: what I mean by that I hat I was not the one to bring up the idea of living together or sex. all of theses things where brought up by him and his ideas. so that is why it is a shock to me. I could see if it was my ideas and just agreed or if I pressured him into it but that was not the case. Keith99: he wants to get married and would gladly do it today if I said so. and that was the plan we just never really sat down and came up with a plan or date but know that this has happened i'm worried about marrying someone that can so quickly change his mind. St_worm2: He was a Christian when I met him but was pretty lack in his views and not very educated about the views and values of Christian. in fact out first date turned into a bible study lol. This all happened Friday night when he was flipping threw the channels and found John Hagge (sp). I fell asleep while he was watching it so I don't know what he was preaching on. when I woke up later that night he told me about his decision.
Butteryfly99, Ananda: That is how I seen it exactly and I told him that before he moved in that if a man was going to live with me that I seen myself as if I was bonded to that man as if married. And I would not live or have sex with someone I was not 100% committed to. I myself have only been with two people my current boyfriend being my second. my last relationship I was in for 5 years and he was my first we were engaged and everything went down hill fast I had no choice but to end the relationship he had become an alcoholic and was abusing me. I never seen it coming.

keith99 · Nov 11, 2015

Well I'm glad I said IF he omitted marriage as a choice.

I'm going to stand by the unbalanced part of him coming under the sway of some new teacher. But I'm not going to claim being spot on there. It sounds like he may be taking a single TV sermon out of context.

Are you both attending the same Church? If so a meeting with the pastor seems in order. Your situation sounds more and more complex which means you need something with immediate feedback and hopefully someone who knows both of you. Your BF did blow it, but then Christians are called on to forgive. But that does not say forget or be stupid. As I see it the big question is if he is apt to blow it again.

Dave-W · Nov 12, 2015

Skaloop said:
No, it's not. Please explain how I cannot be an agnostic atheist. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Agnostic - a gnosis - without knowledge - you do not know if God exists or not.

Atheist - a theos - without God. You know God does not exist.

Not the same thing.

quatona · Nov 12, 2015

DaveW-Ohev said:
Agnostic - a gnosis - without knowledge - you do not know if God exists or not.

Yes.

Atheist - a theos - without God.

No. Atheist = not a theist.

You know God does not exist.

No, doesn´t follow.
No, not required for to be an atheist.
No, not the position of the vast majority of self-professing atheists.

Dave-W · Nov 12, 2015

quatona said:
No, not the position of the vast majority of self-professing atheists.

I would say in that case they are using the wrong definition of atheist.

Interesting that you accepted the Greek root meaning of agnostic but NOT atheist.

From Dictionary.com:

atheism [ey-thee-iz-uh m] noun

1. the doctrine or belief that there is no God.
2. disbelief in the existence of a supreme being or beings.

quatona · Nov 12, 2015

DaveW-Ohev said:
I would say in that case they are using the wrong definition of atheist.

And who, praytell is the arbiter of what is "the right" definition?

Interesting that you accepted the Greek root meaning of agnostic but NOT atheist.

Yeah, etymological roots don´t decide the way a word is being used today.
I didn´t accept it because it was the root meaning, but because that´s how the word is used today.

From Dictionary.com:

atheism [ey-thee-iz-uh m] noun

1. the doctrine or belief that there is no God.
2. disbelief in the existence of a supreme being or beings.

...and #2 is a "wrong definition" exactly why and how?

Dave-W · Nov 12, 2015

quatona said:
...and #2 is a "wrong definition" exactly why and how?

#2 is an ok definition: Disbelief in the existence of a God. i.e. the belief that no god exists.

That is different than not knowing one way or the other.

timewerx · Nov 12, 2015

keith99 said:
Your BF did blow it, but then Christians are called on to forgive. But that does not say forget or be stupid. As I see it the big question is if he is apt to blow it again.

People can still be so immature at 22.

Would have been nice if the BF told exactly what was wrong.... But young people tend to be like that, insensitive, not very open, and not upfront at trying to solve problems and could get bored so easily.

They'd just walk away and shut others off.

Hetta · Nov 12, 2015

ToBeLoved said:
This is great scripture on this matter.

What women fail to see is that God wants it this way. Jesus is the Bridegroom and the church is His bride. The marriage relationship is setup in the same way, which is why men are to love their wives as CHRIST loves His church. Men are held to a higher accountability to God because He has made them the head of their families.

I think us women are just many times bad pickers. If (and I've chosen some bad men also) we would choose a man who knew the Word and feared God I think we would not have many of these issues. But we do not choose well. Or most of us do not, myself included.

If a man treats his wife the way the Word demands that he does, she would be a princess held in the highest regard.

Bad pickers - not that the men are the bad pick, right.

And many of us don't desire to be treated as "princesses". We'd rather be out there slaying dragons alongside our men.

essentialsaltes · Nov 12, 2015

glamer85 said:
thank you for al the responses.

Thanks for the additional information. It makes the picture a little clearer.

there is a age difference between us. he is 22 and I am 30 which I know sounds like a major problem in itself.

It does.

I was not the one to bring up the idea of living together or sex. all of theses things where brought up by him

This all happened Friday night when he was flipping threw the channels and found John Hagge (sp). I fell asleep while he was watching it so I don't know what he was preaching on. when I woke up later that night he told me about his decision.

So the idea to move in was his, and the idea to 'separate' was his, after watching a tv preacher. He may be not only immature, but someone who can change minds like that may not have the kind of stability that you should want in a partner.

he wants to get married and would gladly do it today if I said so. ...
if a man was going to live with me that I seen myself as if I was bonded to that man as if married. And I would not live or have sex with someone I was not 100% committed to.
...
we just never really sat down and came up with a plan or date

You feel 100% committed to him, and he wants to get married. So why have you not "said so"? Maybe you know yourself that he is not Mr. Right. Who didn't have time to come up with a plan to marry? You had time to plan moving in, and talk about having sex. It's like you went straight into marriage while skipping the wedding.

You still haven't said very much about whether you still want him in your life. Do you?

I'm not convinced (as others here have suggested) that he was just using you. But I do think he's too immature and unstable for this to end up successfully. So I think you need to make a clean break and dump him. You don't necessarily have to kick him out the door and throw his clothes after him, but just make it clear that right now you are just roommates that happen to live under the same roof. You are entitled to rent, but that would just slow him down on his way out, so encourage him to get his finances together and find another place to live.

If that sounds too harsh, and your heart and your head tell you 'but I love him and want to be with him forever, and we can make this work, and he's not really a fickle child'... then go down to the courthouse and get married.

Boyfriend is leaving b/c of his "new" christian views.

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