How to be a moral woman

I'm not a nun; I am happily married and I believe I am a relatively moral person. I think morality has to do with culture in some ways. In Canada, it is seen as confidence and that you are paying attention if you establish and maintain some eye contact with people of the opposite sex. But there are other cultures that consider it disrespectful to have eye contact with anyone at all, and yet others where women have little value and it is "immoral" for them to have eye contact with a man. That is all cultural, so how to be "moral" would partly depend on where you live.

But to be a moral woman apart from culture, I encourage you to look to the Bible. What exactly is immorality according to God? I would encourage you to investigate God's morality based on the qualities to pursue rather than the sins to avoid. For example, rather than saying "don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, and don't have sex outside of marriage, etc" focus your study on character qualities to pursue such as humility, integrity, holiness, love, etc. Imo, the best way to do this is to get to know Jesus, know his qualities and characteristics and work to become like him. Do that within the context of culture, and you will be a moral person.

Proverbs chapter 31 gives advice on the virtuous woman, what she is like. Have a read.

Follower86 said:

I would like that someone give me advice on how to be a moral woman. (Sorry for my bad English) It's not about dressing only, or cheating your partners.. For example, I wasn't aware that I was immoral when I looked in men's eyes much. It wasn't my intention to seduce them, but to give impression that I was self-confident. Many men walk around women on purpose or stare at women they like. Before I sometimes looked at them even though I didn't like them..
I am disgusted with women's behavior today, how they dress, laugh to some vulgar jokes around men, the way they dance and expose their bodies or they let men touch them too much or on parts where they shouldn't etc.
I am interested in details. Is there any nun here who could help me and give me advices? Thank you very much.

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Valley Girl gave a great response. With regards to looking at mens eyes I have heard of that but it was also men should not look at womens eyes. In the culture I am in that is just plain silly. In Australia the amount of eye contact caries. For white Australians it is higher rate (around 85% from memory) while for aboriginal australians that much eye contact would be rude. I think it was around 60% roughly for aboriginal people.

We have a wonderful loving God who forgives. He looks at our heart. God knows you want to please him. Focusing on loving God and loving others to me is the key. As the bible says all other laws hang on those two. If you are focused on loving and caring for others then your not going to be proud or hateful.

I think too often we focus on what we are not supposed to do and it sucks joy out of life and that is not what christianity is about. God wants us to have life and life to the full. Not a joyless existence. So please don't be harsh on yourself. Get involved in a program where you can serve others. It might be a play group where you need to think about how to show God's love to the kids. Or perhaps a mothers group or working with homeless or something similar where you focus on looking after others needs. One of the biggest problems in the church is people come across as judgemental. That is what you need to avoid.

Follower86 said:

Thank you for advice just..I was searching over the internet about those things and some things I can't find in the Bible or somewhere else. I am not sure what I am looking for exactly because there are things I don't know, I don't consider it immoral while they are..just as example I gave with eyes. I want to become very moral woman and correct every detail. There are numerous details in feminine behavior that are considered to be normal because they are accepted among women, society but aren't moral just people aren't aware of it or they like it, they like to be immoral. I am making some kind of research about that and I would like to hear others, religious men or women, what they think about it.

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It is not immoral to look into a man's eyes unless you are looking into them to lust for him. I like what Dag says about love being the motivator. You can look at a man (any man) with love and not lust, for example. But I also agree with the idea of living a joyful life. When you are bound by all the detailed nuances of what is immoral or not, you can get too wound up with legalism and miss out on the relationship Jesus so desires to have with you. That is what will make God happiest; after all, we humans have a sin nature - a natural inclination to sin, no matter if it's big sin or little details like whether or not to look at a man's eyes. Because of this nature, we will never be free of it, even if our behaviour is perfectly godly all the time. Knowing we have this sin nature, it is the very reason Jesus died for us and therefore, strict legalism undermines the work on the cross. No matter how much you correct immorality, it is always going to be part of your (and my) nature, so we need Jesus, we need his work on the cross, and he invites us to rely on his grace which is sufficient to cover over our sin nature. Be in relationship with the Lord Jesus and don't get too wound up about the rest, and when you sin (when, not if), turn to him and thank him for his great sacrifice, and ask him to empower you by the Spirit to sin no more.

It is for freedom Christ has set you free. In other words, don't allow yourself to become bogged down by a list of do's and don'ts. In Romans, Paul says everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. Think about what is beneficial, and that is likely what is "moral." The Bible says nothing at all about a woman looking at a man's eyes. But it does talk about immorality when it comes to sexual behaviours (so if you're going to make eye contact with a man, make sure it is not sexual in nature), it is immoral to cheat others, to drink too much, eat too much of the wrong foods, to have too much pride, to be envious, and all kinds of other things. Treat people with love and bear spiritual fruit (grow in kindness, love, patience, joy, etc). Come to think of it, spend some time reading Galatians 5 and meditate on it. It might help.

Follower86 said:

I would like that someone give me advice on how to be a moral woman. (Sorry for my bad English) It's not about dressing only, or cheating your partners.. For example, I wasn't aware that I was immoral when I looked in men's eyes much. It wasn't my intention to seduce them, but to give impression that I was self-confident. Many men walk around women on purpose or stare at women they like. Before I sometimes looked at them even though I didn't like them..
I am disgusted with women's behavior today, how they dress, laugh to some vulgar jokes around men, the way they dance and expose their bodies or they let men touch them too much or on parts where they shouldn't etc.
I am interested in details. Is there any nun here who could help me and give me advices? Thank you very much.

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I am not a nun and everyone, especially you, should read the Bible cause it's extremely important to do it.
First of all there are 2 of the 10 commandments which point at the issue:
(Exodus 20:14) and (Exodus 20:17); so adultery is which when you kiss or make love with the man or boyfriend of someone else; to desire the man of other women that's also another sin, and it was told by Jesus with these words (Matthew 5:27-28).
So they are 2 different sins but one doesn't exclude the other cause when you desire a married man you commit adultery as well in the same moment.
So too look at person without desire is not a sin.
To dress in a provocative way is not convenient, cause all other men than your own man will notice it and sin inside their hearts or when they get home thinking of you, and anyway there is never a reason to dress provocative, cause who dress provocative also do it for to have sex or for to set other men to cheat on their mates; you can be provocative with your man in your private place, and that's a huge bless given by God, but to show to other men your nudity and provocative parts that's a sin. You can dress a skirt, but there are skirts and micro-skirts, etc., you are free to dress the way you want but you should set a limit.
And read (1 Peter 3:1-7) for to see how should be a woman of God.
Here I post you some verses from the book of Proverbs talking about this topic:

(Proverbs 11:22)
(Proverbs 12:4)
(Proverbs 14:1)
(Proverbs 19:14)
(Proverbs 21:9)
(Proverbs 30:20)
(Proverbs 31:10)
(Proverbs 31:30)

While I certainly believe men and women have different roles, I also hold that what ultimately defines a moral women is the same as what ultimately defines a moral man - the greatest commandment - love.

However, as Goodbook stated, I do believe Proverbs 31 is a good place to turn. Also look toward some of the heroines of the Bible. To me, what marks a strong Christian women is an attitude of humility, servitude, and busyness. The moral Christian lets go of her pride and willingly submits to authority. She is busy; as a result, she is able to care for her family and help the needy instead of filling her days with idle gossip. Her focus is not on her appearance, but on how she can glorify God with her works. She is self-controlled in speech and conduct, but not to the point of empty flattery or dishonesty.

In essence, dress modestly, take a stand for purity of language and actions, be chaste, keep busy, and above all - love God and your brothers and sisters. To me, in our culture, where chastity and purity are often ridiculed or considered a thing of the past, it takes courage to be a moral woman. Ask yourself this - will others see you as "different", a "peculiarity" in a sea of compromised behavior? If so, I think you are on the right track.

SeventyTimes7 said:

To dress in a provocative way is not convenient, cause all other men than your own man will notice it and sin inside their hearts or when they get home thinking of you, and anyway there is never a reason to dress provocative, cause who dress provocative also do it for to have sex or for to set other men to cheat on their mates; you can be provocative with your man in your private place, and that's a huge bless given by God, but to show to other men your nudity and provocative parts that's a sin. You can dress a skirt, but there are skirts and micro-skirts, etc., you are free to dress the way you want but you should set a limit.

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Now we need to define provocative. there is no hard and fast rule about clothing. The only real guide we have is 1 Timothy 2. It does not actually mention clothing but says not to have braided hair or costly pearls or fine array. So not in a way that stands out and shows off ones wealth. Instead women are told to clothe themselves with good works. Good works are not clothes. If we take verse 9 to be about clothing then verse 10 would mean we have to walk around naked! We know that is not what is meant by verse 10 so we can not make the assumption verse 9 talks about certain types of clothes but once again like so many things with God it is about the heart and motives.

Anyone dressed with virtually everything on show is a turn off for me. I am far more likely to get excited over ankle length skirts! It is impossible to dress in a way that will not cause someone to look.
With clothing it can be difficult for some women with larger breasts to get tops that cover all without being tight. If they get a top that is not tight then it tends to show cleavage. It is a no win situation. Some would look and say wow look at that tight top while others would be more excited by cleavage. So don't assume all men are the same. For some men it really isn't an issue at all.

TheDag said:

Now we need to define provocative. there is no hard and fast rule about clothing. The only real guide we have is 1 Timothy 2. It does not actually mention clothing but says not to have braided hair or costly pearls or fine array. So not in a way that stands out and shows off ones wealth. Instead women are told to clothe themselves with good works. Good works are not clothes. If we take verse 9 to be about clothing then verse 10 would mean we have to walk around naked! We know that is not what is meant by verse 10 so we can not make the assumption verse 9 talks about certain types of clothes but once again like so many things with God it is about the heart and motives.

Anyone dressed with virtually everything on show is a turn off for me. I am far more likely to get excited over ankle length skirts! It is impossible to dress in a way that will not cause someone to look.
With clothing it can be difficult for some women with larger breasts to get tops that cover all without being tight. If they get a top that is not tight then it tends to show cleavage. It is a no win situation. Some would look and say wow look at that tight top while others would be more excited by cleavage. So don't assume all men are the same. For some men it really isn't an issue at all.

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A woman of God doesn't go out half naked so I largely disagree with what you said.

SeventyTimes7 said:

A woman of God doesn't go out half naked so I largely disagree with what you said.

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Women of God go to the beach in the summer and even wear bathing suits. So..... yes, we do go out half naked. And yes, women with larger breasts have a very hard time camouflaging her stuff unless she wears a tent. Even when they do manage to find clothes that fit well, larger breasts still attract attention, no matter what. The point of the scripture is "don't call attention to yourself in a way that says 'look at me!'" because our eyes should be on God, and that is where we should aim to direct other's eyes. All that said, a man - every man - is responsible to learn self control no matter what a woman is or isn't wearing.

ValleyGal said:

Women of God go to the beach in the summer and even wear bathing suits. So..... yes, we do go out half naked. And yes, women with larger breasts have a very hard time camouflaging her stuff unless she wears a tent. Even when they do manage to find clothes that fit well, larger breasts still attract attention, no matter what. The point of the scripture is "don't call attention to yourself in a way that says 'look at me!'" because our eyes should be on God, and that is where we should aim to direct other's eyes. All that said, a man - every man - is responsible to learn self control no matter what a woman is or isn't wearing.

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Lol you are right, I didn't think of that

ValleyGal said:

Women of God go to the beach in the summer and even wear bathing suits. So..... yes, we do go out half naked. And yes, women with larger breasts have a very hard time camouflaging her stuff unless she wears a tent. Even when they do manage to find clothes that fit well, larger breasts still attract attention, no matter what. The point of the scripture is "don't call attention to yourself in a way that says 'look at me!'" because our eyes should be on God, and that is where we should aim to direct other's eyes. All that said, a man - every man - is responsible to learn self control no matter what a woman is or isn't wearing.

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But it's also true which some women do it on purpose.
I went in a church in which a member of the choir used long skirts with a very long split in the front part and it was possible to see her intimate parts, and I felt so disgusted which during hymns I used to get out of the church till they had finish.

I think in terms of dress, that we be appropriately clothed but more important than that is to 'wear our good works' that is the clothing we deem important.

The meek and quiet spirit is one that I am working on myself. Another woman to look at in the bible is Mary. There were two (or some think, three) Marys in the bible, one actually was a sinner and immoral before she met Jesus and then completely changed. He gave her the grace to sin no more. She sat at Jesus feet and adored Him. She anointed him. She was the first person he saw at his resurrection.

I know catholics put a great store by Mary, mother of Jesus and its not a bad thing to follow her example but be careful you don't end up worshipping her over Jesus. its Jesus who inspires us to be more like Him. Mary wasn't perfect, she needed Jesus too.

ValleyGal said:

I would encourage you to investigate God's morality based on the qualities to pursue rather than the sins to avoid. For example, rather than saying "don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, and don't have sex outside of marriage, etc" focus your study on character qualities to pursue such as humility, integrity, holiness, love, etc. Imo, the best way to do this is to get to know Jesus, know his qualities and characteristics and work to become like him. Do that within the context of culture, and you will be a moral person.

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I think that this pretty much hits the nail on the head. It's easy to get bogged down with lists of 'don'ts' or to end up focusing on one aspect to the exclusion of others (look how quickly the focus is turning predominantly on how a Christian woman should dress when there are so many other aspects of 'morality'. That's not meant as a criticism or saying that how one dresses isn't important- but for some reason discussions around morals and women nearly always end up about how she looks/ should look).

Let's face it- (and I'm reminding myself here!)- our goal is to become more like Jesus and the more we do that- the more we find that the 'morals' part is pretty much taking care of itself!

SeventyTimes7 said:

But it's also true which some women do it on purpose.
I went in a church in which a member of the choir used long skirts with a very long split in the front part and it was possible to see her intimate parts, and I felt so disgusted which during hymns I used to get out of the church till they had finish.

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Yes, and this is what the passage was talking about...not to deliberately draw attention to self. If you dress in a way so as not to deliberately show off your parts or draw attention to yourself, you are dressing "morally" or "modestly" so no worries. You only need to be responsible for you... and remember that whatever you do or wear, you will be accountable to God. No need to worry about how others dress - they are accountable for themselves to God.

Angelfrog said:

I think that this pretty much hits the nail on the head. It's easy to get bogged down with lists of 'don'ts' or to end up focusing on one aspect to the exclusion of others (look how quickly the focus is turning predominantly on how a Christian woman should dress when there are so many other aspects of 'morality'. That's not meant as a criticism or saying that how one dresses isn't important- but for some reason discussions around morals and women nearly always end up about how she looks/ should look).

Let's face it- (and I'm reminding myself here!)- our goal is to become more like Jesus and the more we do that- the more we find that the 'morals' part is pretty much taking care of itself!

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I would say that happens because people love to use a particular verse to claim the bible says something it doesn't.

I think we also need to be concerned to not be legalistic. The OP mentioned that she wanted to be perfect in one her subsequent posts. This is simply not possible for us fallible humans. So certainly we should strive to live a moral life according to the scriptures but we also need to give ourselves (and others) grace.

By the way, I'm guessing that lady with the too-high split skirt probably has no idea her hoohah is on display. A kind soul wouldn't judge but would instead let her know gently.

Odetta said:

I think we also need to be concerned to not be legalistic. The OP mentioned that she wanted to be perfect in one her subsequent posts. This is simply not possible for us fallible humans. So certainly we should strive to live a moral life according to the scriptures but we also need to give ourselves (and others) grace.

By the way, I'm guessing that lady with the too-high split skirt probably has no idea her hoohah is on display. A kind soul wouldn't judge but would instead let her know gently.

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oh she knew cause she continuously tried in vain to cover herself everytime the split of her skirt opened wide showing her "grace", and every week she dressed like this even if she is married, but thanks to Lord that was not the community I had to attend for the rest of my life. But even if this split was not totally opened everyone was able to see her lacework panties, but don't misunderstand me, I saw this disgrace only once and after that I always looked in other directions or I didn't attend at the worship but only at the preach.

It still sounds like she was not deliberately trying to show off her stuff. You said she tried to adjust her skirt. Clearly, someone should have told her gently it's not working.

I have to say, you sound quite judgmental of her. I would suggest you do a biblical word study on the concept of grace.