I've been going through a pretty bad bout of this scrupulosity stuff for the past few days. I find my anxiety goes through hills and valleys and right now it seems to be peaking. I am really concerned about some scriptures that seem to tie in to each other namely Hebrews 10 and 6 and the story of Esau. I really need help because I have been trying to understand the story of Esau and decided to take a literal approach to his story. Birthrights in the Bible have been likened to salvation, so to look at it as he literally traded his birthright (salvation) for some food (sin). Trying to rethink things in my past I tried to remember if I've ever done this, and I can remember vaguely some times in the past where I was so tempted to commit a sin (probably talking badly about someone) and wanted to commit it so badly I remember telling God to just send me to Hell so I could commit it. So pretty much I did exactly what Esau did, and now I am freaking out. I just came out of a hole feeling hopeless a few months ago and now this is going to sink me right back in. I don't think I can get my salvation back, like Esau and his birthright though he sought for it with tears, and like me who is uncontrollably sobbing as I type this.