I've been going through a pretty bad bout of this scrupulosity stuff for the past few days. I find my anxiety goes through hills and valleys and right now it seems to be peaking. I am really concerned about some scriptures that seem to tie in to each other namely Hebrews 10 and 6 and the story of Esau. I really need help because I have been trying to understand the story of Esau and decided to take a literal approach to his story. Birthrights in the Bible have been likened to salvation, so to look at it as he literally traded his birthright (salvation) for some food (sin). Trying to rethink things in my past I tried to remember if I've ever done this, and I can remember vaguely some times in the past where I was so tempted to commit a sin (probably talking badly about someone) and wanted to commit it so badly I remember telling God to just send me to Hell so I could commit it. So pretty much I did exactly what Esau did, and now I am freaking out. I just came out of a hole feeling hopeless a few months ago and now this is going to sink me right back in. I don't think I can get my salvation back, like Esau and his birthright though he sought for it with tears, and like me who is uncontrollably sobbing as I type this.
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Please help me
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Catherineanne
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You have not lost your birthright, nor your salvation.
The good news for people like you and me is that because we are unwell we are given a greater allowance of understanding from God. He will not hold anything against you that is part of your condition, and he will not hold anything against me that is part of mine.
You do not need to worry. I would suggest you put those verses away and read Psalm 23 instead, and then think of yourself being guided by the Lord through green pastures, and beside a clear stream of water. That is far closer to the way he sees you. Really, you have nothing to fear.
Another thought that may help you; 'tears during prayer are a sign from God that our repentance has been accepted.' St Isaac the Syrian.
You have nothing to fear.
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Thank you for responding to me. I can't help but feel this is it, though, this is the definite proof I have found showing me that I am for sure damned to Hell and it's all because I was foolish.
http://www.bible.ca/ef/expository-genesis-25-29-34.htm
http://www.bible.ca/ef/expository-genesis-25-29-34.htm
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One of the main things about salvation is that we don't need to worry about going to hell for our sins. To me, this sounds like textbook OCD. Looking back to try to remember something bad happening makes me think of my germaphobia ocd.
I used to worry "Wait, did I just touch that contaminated thing a second ago?" I was so paranoid that I would create false memories to worry about.
Even if you did think "send me to hell so I can commit this sin", there's a big difference from actually trying to engage in a thought and just having the thought spontaneously occur in your head (which is something that happens to everyone and does not mean you initiated the thought.)
Personally, I think you're worrying yourself over something silly, but I know how frightening wand real this can all seem. Hope His helps!
I used to worry "Wait, did I just touch that contaminated thing a second ago?" I was so paranoid that I would create false memories to worry about.
Even if you did think "send me to hell so I can commit this sin", there's a big difference from actually trying to engage in a thought and just having the thought spontaneously occur in your head (which is something that happens to everyone and does not mean you initiated the thought.)
Personally, I think you're worrying yourself over something silly, but I know how frightening wand real this can all seem. Hope His helps!
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Catherineanne
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No, you are not certainly damned to hell. Not even satan himself is certainly damned yet; he has time to repent. And if he is not damned, then you are most certainly safe.
Please do not worry.
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Catherineanne
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Nobody will ever be damned for thoughts generated by OCD. These thoughts are involuntary and part of an illness; the person who suffers from an illness is not morally culpable for the symptoms of that illness.
Nobody would blame someone with a broken leg for not being able to run, nor regard that as sin. Intrusive thoughts in OCD are not sin either.
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I wasn't trying to say they were. I was trying to say that her OCD generated thought is very different from someone who is genuinely trying to think bad stuff. Sorry if that was unclear.
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Catherineanne
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