Why Doesn't God Change Me Like I Need Him To?

HannahElizaW

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I don't think I'm saved.

Yes, I know, all I need is to have faith and repentance or a loud saying "Jesus is Lord" and believe in my heart but...I have a few issues that feel like multiple roadblocks in these situations.
I have OCD and of course I've worried over every tiny little aspect of salvation to the point where I'm worn out.

Conviction is probably the first thing of my issues. When I sin, i.e. lying...after that happens I could walk to my seat thinking "Okay that was a sin but...why didn't I feel bad?" Isn't some sort of godly sorrow supposed to make me feel ashamed? I'm not by any means saying I'm proud to sin but when I do sin, and don't feel bad, I some times think it is pride...can you relate to this?

One thing that usually brings me down is stories or testimonies that were swept and brought down to their knees crying out with tear stained faces praying that God forgive them for their wrongdoings and that they are just....miserable...with the fact that their sin put Jesus on the cross. I sometimes hear of people who live with hatred towards sin. But when it comes to me...all I know is my 'uh-oh's' qualified me to go to a bad place but a man named Jesus died for me so I won't have to go to that bad place....basically. How I wish I was like the people were swept and moved by their wrongdoings...at least their emotions are in the right place.

I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish I had no want or desire to sin. Temptation is one thing but desiring and wanting is another. It is so hard to repent when there's a part of you deep deep down that craves and still wants to sin or a voice in your head that's so much like you're own when you pray saying "Oh you know this isn't true. You don't mean this prayer. You're not wholehearted. You want to go out and do it again. You don't mean what you say to God." every time you ask Him to help you turn away from sin or take the desire away.

There are times where I wish God would chastise me every time I sinned. Strong conviction, strong repentance. But I often feel like I'm left to my own devices.

As far as faith...to me...it's mainly hope. I hope God changes me today. I hope God gives me faith today. I know God can. I hope He will. I hope someday soon I can be the best Christian I've wanted to be for so long. I hope God gives me guidance. I hope God gives me that overwhelming desire to read. I hope He does this. I hope He does that. I hope He makes me learn to completely surrender my life to Him. I hope He teaches me to trust Jesus with all my heart today.

But...Scripture says otherwise. Forgive me for not entirely knowing the verse...but the verse where it states "When you pray, believe you have already received it [...]" or...similar, leaves me upset. I broke down in tears yesterday for similar but other reasons. And...to me...it kind of sounds, though it's THE BIBLE, like an attempt to take advantage of Him. Like saying "No; you ARE going to give this to me. I want it. Give it. Now." That's what the verse sounds like to me. But if God is in control why would there be a verse like that? He's in control......

When it comes to faith and Jesus, my mind will do anything it can to separate me from either of the two. "Wanna follow Jesus, Hannah? Well here's a mush of terrible nasty scrupulous vile horrendous thoughts of Jesus to make you think otherwise. Want faith? Well here's a reason to believe you don't need it." And with what I mentioned earlier....it is so hard to put my foot down and say "I. Have. Faith." My mind does merry go rounds trying to figure out the difference between Head Knowledge and Heart Knowledge. I cannot tell you how many times i have googled "What is faith?" "Signs I have faith" "Do I have faith?" "What does believe in your heart mean?" "What does Hebrews 11:1 mean?" "Do i believe in my heart?" ...all these questions I ask so much and there's always a different answer or exemption.... and it's not a fear that has blinded me and swarmed me away from the truth...without OCD in the picture...I seriously do not think I have faith/belief in my heart...unless wishful thinking or hope qualifies (I'm pretty sure it doesn't)

As you would think...praying or reading the Word would help.....BUT there's even more complications...

A long time ago...I had the impulse to always listen to..well.....non Christian music...but I asked God if He would give me the desire to only listen to Christian music...and He did...

...but when I ask for things like faith...or guidance...or wisdom...or biblical desire..... He seems rather reserved...

That was what brought me to overwhelming tears last night. I prayed for faith but felt and had thoughts like I just KNEW that He would not answer me. So of course while I cried...I whispered out "Why won't you just help me in this?!" But felt no difference since I knew that was something I shouldn't be saying to Him...

There's a story of a pastor's son who wasn't saved but knew Scripture better than any of his friends. So when people called him out telling him he wasn't a good Christian, he'd use multiple memorized verses to "prove them wrong". There's that story and the time I watched a Family Guy episode where Stewie humorously read the Bible from cover to cover laughing at how people are religious to this when all there is is murder and so forth and both stories to this day make me hesitant to jump right in to the Bible...."what if I end up like the pastor's son who took nothing to heart?" "What if I'm like that cartoon who reads the Bible like any other book?"

When I read the book of John, I probably read a chapter a month....that's how distant I was from reading it....but around the time I got to chapter 18...I pretty much read it till the end with only the feeling that I just sped read to "get it out of the way".

People say the only way I can achieve faith is to read the Bible.... But when I read I feel like I'm missing something...like I should be feeling a certain way or thinking a certain way and i tense and tense up and then become mad at myself when nothing ...jumps out...at me. Maybe I wasn't focused enough? Maybe God didn't want to talk to me through that? Maybe I shouldn't have read that verse. There are even moments where my Scrupulousity kicks in and I have to physically put the Book down or away or close it because I can NOT go on with a certain mentality...or times where I feel the Bible may be veiled since 1) nothing jumps out tremendously at me that I could tell God was speaking to me and 2) my mind wanders and i could possibly forget I was reading The Bible if it wasn't for the mentioning of Jesus more than once in a non offensive manner.

Somehow I just know, no matter what, there's going to be someone that tells me I just need to read the Bible, after I've said all this.

I wish He would renew my mind or change my heart...I'm a lier...I'm quick to anger...I'm hard at forgiving others...and I just wish He would help me with these things. It seems no matter how many times i pray...He just won't answer...and i don't mean not answering the way i want Him to i mean answering as in i don't feel like I'm just talking to a wall....

I don't want to be angry with Him...I don't want to give up on Him....I don't want to feel like I'm entirely divided...half wanting Him the other half wanting absolutely nothing to do with Him....I don't want to feel like this.....I just want Him to help me...

....Why won't He? What am I doing wrong?
 

topcare

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Salvation is not a one time deal and them boom we are changed. Salvation is a life long process and we are not finally saved until we go home, God works through us to change us. At times you look back and realize that you have indeed changed in ways and still need work in other ways.

St. Paul says this:

I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.

Romans 7:19

So we all go through it. Even at my age I still sin and because I am in a wheelchair I get frustrated and lash out at those I love, now I don't want to and fell bad all the time now. There was a time on my Salvation journey that I didn't feel bad but through time and the HS I have begun to change in that area. Though the change seems very slow I know God is changing me in His time and He will change you in His time as well.

Yes sometimes change happens instantly but many times God changes us what we perceived to be very slowly. God calls us all to our own path and journey where He helps us even though we can't sometimes see it.
 
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agamemnonoftroy

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If you are a bus driver then being a Christian should make you a better bus driver.

The Holy Spirit improves us over many years.

You cannot be a sinner one day and a Church Bishop the next day.

In the meantime we must all do the best we can.

Whatever we do we must concentrate 100% on it and do our best.

We can all only achieve our best by concentrating 100% on the job at hand.

Jesus wants us to achieve the best that we can.

Therefore Jesus wants us to concentrate 100% on what we are doing.
 
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paul1149

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Hannah, I've been in the Lord for almost 35 years, and I am impressed that one of the most important dynamics is to learn how to turn the reins over to Him. That was very hard for me constitutionally, but it has become easier.

The carnal mind cannot please God, Paul writes. All the mental debates and striving are not going to do much for you.

The 18" from head to heart can be one the hardest journeys to traverse.

The bottom line is that Jesus knows our frame. And knowing that we could never earn our way back to God, He opened the way Himself through His death and resurrection on our behalf. "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us".

I have come to value the peace and rest that are in Christ very dearly. They are worth guarding.

The best I can tell you is to continue to speak to God from your heart, just as if He were your best friend. Because He is. Be patient and persistent. Do not give up, but know that He is the one drawing you in love.

The scripture AGTG quoted is one of my faves. It's from David, and God thought it so important it's included twice in the Bible. In addition, consider

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” -mt 11.28-30

For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” -Is 30.15

I'm not saying be passive. Do what you can, but then trust. God is faithful, and the Good Shepherd will find His lost sheep. You should not doubt that.
 
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1watchman

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Dear friend, Hannah. You speak of God, but I wonder if you know His beloved Son --the Lord Jesus (read John 14). One cannot know God and be blessed of Him apart from the Lord Jesus Christ in one's heart, then the Father will enter into the believer for care and leading. We should never speak against God, for any failure is on our part.

To find a relationship with God you might find this paper of some help:

A GREAT MAN NEARBY
A SIMILITUDE - By R.L.DeWitt, 1/05​

Suppose one hears of an outstanding, great and Godly man living nearby in the neighborhood, even on the same street. Suppose someone asks this one if he knows the man and he says: Yes, I walk past his house often, and sometimes I waive to him. Does that mean he knows the great man? Could that be how one also regards the Lord Jesus Christ (see Matt.22-23)?

Some thoughts from another paper: "The writer suggests the following scenario as a picture of a believer (though a feeble comparison): One might say he has heard from several sources about the greatness of his neighbor (knowledge—like the gospel message); and, later he hears more and sees things which stirs interest and desire to know the truth (a picture of quickening--awakening by the Spirit of God). One then gains understanding and is convinced it is so, and takes steps to arrange a meeting (perhaps like re-generation, which seems to be the activity and moving of the soul toward God--see John 9:31-36). Finally he has a meeting with the man and soon becomes personally and happily acquainted (a picture of the new birth and sealing of the Spirit). Going on in fellowship with him (like walking in the Spirit) brings the benefits of the relationship".
- ref. RM3, Christian Counsel Collection

One needs to "know whom I have believed" (II Tim.1:12), not just something about Him. "God hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He that hath the Son hath life, and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life" (I John 5:11-12). Salvation is not just a belief, but receiving the Lord Jesus, the Christ of God. Eternal life and blessing is in Christ, and one must draw near and have Christ in one's heart to have any part in God. There is great peace and joy in knowing Christ, walking and talking with Him, and living in the hope of going to be with Him in heaven one day forever. Does one want Him in their life?

I hope this helps you and I will pray for you.
 
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Emmy

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Dear HannahElizaW. God does not force us to anything, God is Love, and God wants our Love, freely given with all our hearts, with all our souls, and with all our minds, also to love our neighbour as we love ourselves: all we know and all we meet, friends and not friends. Matthew 7: 7-10: tells us:
" ask and you shall receive," we ask God for Love and Joy, then thank God and share all Love and Joy with our neighbour. We keep asking and receiving, then thank God and share all Love and Joy with all around us. ( our neighbour)
God sees our loving efforts, and God approves and blesses us.
The Bible tells us: " Repent and be Born Again," change from being selfish and unloving to be loving and caring, full of kindness and JOY. A Christian`s
weapon is love, with love we overcome all enmity and wrong behaviour, Love is very catching. Soon we will have men and women treat us the same as we treat men and women, we are representatives of our Heavenly Father and
sign-posts to God.
The Holy Spirit will help and guide us, and Jesus our Saviour will lead us all the way: JESUS IS THE WAY. We might stumble and forget at times, but then we ask God to forgive us, and carry on loving and caring, also a helping hand if necessary. We will change gradually and surly, Love covers a multitude of sins. We ask God for Love and Joy, then share it with our neighbour and change into the sons and daughters which our Heavenly Father wants us to be.
In 1) Corinthians 13:13: Paul tells us; " now abides Faith, Hope and Love, these three: but the greatest of these is Love.
I say this with love, HannahEliza. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.
 
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NewEnglandGirl

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Sorry. Did not read your whole post. You mentioned OCD in it and I too have struggled with this. It is a hard battle. Your original question "Why doesn't God change me the way I need him to". God will change you the way HE needs you to be. Which may not be exactly how you want. When you surrender you place your life in HIS hands. All in his time. Patience and prayer. Day by day. Trust and obey.
 
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k.eliza91

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Dear girl, your story is a sad one. I see alot of my own experiences in your own. So I hope to offer you some advice and maybe even comfort.

When I was your age and older, I went through the same thing. Only, I didn't read the bible or have it memorized as well as you do. I suffered from many things, such as an eating disorder and cutting my self. I was so sad deep in my soul and it was just broken. All this pain got released by starving myself, making myself sick, and mostly by doing many things to get attention from boys. I constantly felt as though I was just born to be bad, because no matter what I did, no matter how much my soul thirst for a divine Savior, my flesh wanted a savior in the flesh. I kept feeling guilty for not being the good girl, yet I would still do all the bad things, which lead to more guilt which lead to more painful expression.

I really did think, that some people were just born wrong, born to be separated from God, to be evil per se. And I was sure I was one. Because I craved sin. Deeply. Then, as I started getting older (And luckily found someone to help me see I had some self worth) I started mellowing out a little. I wanted to be good for him, I started hearing the Holy Spirit calling out to be. But I still ignored it half the time. I cheated on my boyfriend, a few times, even when he was my fiance. Because I still couldn't turn my sinful desire off, and release control of my life.

But one day, something happened to me. I remember it so vividly. I was sitting in the car with my fiance. We were talking about something that had tragically happened to my family. And we(mostly I) was being incredibly selfish. So envious and greedy and hateful. About my own family and friends. And then it felt like the I had been slapped in the face! I released how terrible I was. How terrible my life was. That was the day things changed for me. After that, it took a little pushing past my own self, but I was changed. My heart & soul was changed. I started reading the bible, but I still struggle with not understanding it. So please don't be discouraged. I know it takes time. Once I learned what it was like to be filled with Christs love, I couldn't unlearn it. What I mean by that is this:
I recently had a relapse. I went through a real dark time. I stopped doing all the religious stuff(including abstinence I reinstated in my life after I was changed), my fiance at the time is an unbeliever so it was easy for me to throw away all the physical changes I put myself through. Like listening to Christian music only, because non christian music has a a huge affect on me....but deep in my heart, even during this time, I was changed. I know knew everything I was doing was bad. I felt it deeper than I ever had. And my soul just couldn't let me stay this way. I knew I only went back into that dark place because I was brokenhearted. But I knew how it was to have my heart be healed, so I soon repented and devoted my life again.

So, the moral of the story I guess is, don't give up. Perhaps one day you will get that 'slap in the face' change as I did. But it will still take work to keep your mind and heart focused on Him. Remember to LEAD your heart, don't follow your heart because your heart is only human. But you have the spirit of God in you and the knowledge to lead your heart to follow God. I will pray for you, because I know how you feel. God can't make you have faith for Him, He wants you to come to him with your own free will. But trust, even if you don't hear Him or feel Him around(I still have issues with that myself), know He listens to you. Because that's what He promised.

I just hope I help, even a little!
 
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In the first Epistle of John 3:9 tells us, that the person who is born of God, does not sin, because the seed of God is in him. When we become born again, our dead heart or spirit becomes a new creation. That new creation, has the nature of God in it. And because our born again spirit has the nature of God in it, therefore, it does not desire to sin, but to do the rigbteousness of God.
 
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Praying for You! Please read my post. I too have OCD (actually was diagnosed with schizophrenia in a hospital. It's hard I know I ask those types of questions all the time like "Lord I want to please you but I don't even know if I'm saved" Your way ahead of me for your age (I'm 23) I thought for years that I was unable to repent and I didn't, I lived in sin. This led me down the wrong path and to the hospital. While I didn't repent right after I got out the Lord was faithful to his call. Now I'm dealing with the thought "I can't obey" OCD is horrible but I can't blame it all on that most of it was unwillingness (not saying that's your case) Trust in the LORD! Praying for you!
 
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ALoveDivine

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I'm gonna keep this really simple. You aren't repentant over you sin? You still desire it? First of all, join the club. None of us are perfectly repentant or contrite.

Here's what you do. Go to God in prayer and say, "God I don't have a full heart of devotion, I am not repentant as I should be, I still desire sin, and I don't know what to do. I can't help myself. Help me Father, help me. Give me a heart to love and serve you and help me to overcome and forsake my sin".

You just pray like that for as long as it takes, and I am confident that over time God will transform your life more and more.
 
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aiki

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I don't think I'm saved.

Yes, I know, all I need is to have faith and repentance or a loud saying "Jesus is Lord" and believe in my heart but...I have a few issues that feel like multiple roadblocks in these situations.
I have OCD and of course I've worried over every tiny little aspect of salvation to the point where I'm worn out.

If you want to break the power of OCD in your thinking, you're going to have to take the advice I've given you in other threads you've started. OCD is a pattern of thinking, a habit of thought, that you need to interrupt in order to change. I used God's Word to interrupt my OCD thinking and ultimately to dissolve it. So can you. You don't sound, though, like you want to do the necessary work to be free of your OCD. You sound as though you expect God simply to lift your OCD from you forever in a single instant. I very much doubt that will happen. God uses things like OCD to train us - if we'll let Him. The struggle to win free of your OCD thinking has much to teach you about how to walk with God and how to use His Word to good spiritual effect in your life.

Conviction is probably the first thing of my issues. When I sin, i.e. lying...after that happens I could walk to my seat thinking "Okay that was a sin but...why didn't I feel bad?" Isn't some sort of godly sorrow supposed to make me feel ashamed? I'm not by any means saying I'm proud to sin but when I do sin, and don't feel bad, I some times think it is pride...can you relate to this?

You can't convict yourself. Conviction of, and godly sorrow over, sin is something God by His Spirit gives to you. If you don't feel deeply sorrowful over your sin, then ask God to bring you to the place where you do. This may very well involve breaking down your pride. Pride is, you see, often the source of our sin. But you can't break your own pride any more than you could nail yourself to a cross. It's impossible. God must take you into genuine sorrow and repentance from your sin. So, ask Him to do so and wait patiently on Him to answer. He will.

I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish I had no want or desire to sin. Temptation is one thing but desiring and wanting is another. It is so hard to repent when there's a part of you deep deep down that craves and still wants to sin or a voice in your head that's so much like you're own when you pray saying "Oh you know this isn't true. You don't mean this prayer. You're not wholehearted. You want to go out and do it again. You don't mean what you say to God." every time you ask Him to help you turn away from sin or take the desire away.

There are times where I wish God would chastise me every time I sinned. Strong conviction, strong repentance. But I often feel like I'm left to my own devices.

Hannah, the war between your sinful flesh and the Holy Spirit of God within you is characteristic of every Christian believer. Paul the apostle wrote to the Christians of Galatia,

Galatians 5:17
17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.


If you read the end of Romans chapter 7 Paul goes into even greater detail about the terrible struggle a believer must endure between his sinful desires and his desire to walk well with God. So, what you're experiencing is not unique; in fact, it is quite normal. But the answer to the struggle isn't to ask God to take away your sinful desires. The answer to your struggle with sin is to recognize, and then live in accord with, who God says in His Word that you are. Here's what Paul says about this:

Romans 8:5
5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.


It doesn't sound to me, Hannah, like you are setting your mind on the things of the Spirit of God. You are letting your OCD second-guess you into focusing on yourself and your failures and sin. You will never be the person God calls you to be so long as you continue to let this happen. When your OCD starts to make you focus on yourself, interrupt your thinking with the truth of God's Word about who Jesus is and who you are in him.

Romans 8:10-13
10 And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.
11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.
12 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors--not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh.
13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.


Here's the truth about you, Hannah. If you are God's child, you have been made alive spiritually by the Spirit of Christ, God's Holy Spirit coming to live within you and enabling you to "but to death the (sinful) deeds of the body." This isn't something you necessarily feel, but it is nonetheless true. So long as you carry on as though it is not true, you will continue to stew in your endless inward debate over your salvation.

But...Scripture says otherwise. Forgive me for not entirely knowing the verse...but the verse where it states "When you pray, believe you have already received it [...]" or...similar, leaves me upset. I broke down in tears yesterday for similar but other reasons. And...to me...it kind of sounds, though it's THE BIBLE, like an attempt to take advantage of Him. Like saying "No; you ARE going to give this to me. I want it. Give it. Now." That's what the verse sounds like to me. But if God is in control why would there be a verse like that? He's in control......

Hannah, the promise concerning prayer that you're thinking of has qualifications to it. God does not offer to do for us whatever we demand of Him to do. Far from it. He answers our prayers when they are in accord with His will (1Jn. 5:14), when they are not selfish, flesh-centered requests (Ja. 4:3), and when we make requests of Him when we are abiding in Him spiritually (Jn. 15:7). Also, many Christians ask God for what He has already given to them. You have right now in the Person of the Holy Spirit all that you require to be who God calls you to be. When you center your mind on Christ and submit to the will and way of God's Spirit within you, then it is that the life of Christ will be manifested in you. Right now, though, you're entirely too busy staring hard at yourself and all the weakness and failure of your present existence. And so long as this is your focus, it will continue to shape in you more failure and weakness.

People say the only way I can achieve faith is to read the Bible.... But when I read I feel like I'm missing something...like I should be feeling a certain way or thinking a certain way and i tense and tense up and then become mad at myself when nothing ...jumps out...at me. Maybe I wasn't focused enough? Maybe God didn't want to talk to me through that? Maybe I shouldn't have read that verse. There are even moments where my Scrupulousity kicks in and I have to physically put the Book down or away or close it because I can NOT go on with a certain mentality...or times where I feel the Bible may be veiled since 1) nothing jumps out tremendously at me that I could tell God was speaking to me and 2) my mind wanders and i could possibly forget I was reading The Bible if it wasn't for the mentioning of Jesus more than once in a non offensive manner.
Can you not see how self-focused all of this is? Hannah, Self only produces more Self; it cannot ever produce godliness. You gotta' get your eyes off of you and what you think, and what you feel (or don't feel), and what you should or should not have done. So long as you're preoccupied with you, there's no room for God. Let your mind dwell on Him and His truth. Don't make your reaction to what you read in the Bible the point of your reading. Get out of the way. Let go and let God. Just look at Him and His glory, power, holiness, love and grace. Let Christ fill your view. And when the self-critical thoughts and the second-guessing begin, simply return to looking unto Jesus without the lens of what you think or feel in the way.

2 Corinthians 3:18
18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.


Hebrews 12:1-4
1 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.
4 You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.


Selah.
 
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Eha

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...but when I ask for things like faith...or guidance...or wisdom...or biblical desire..... He seems rather reserved...
so you are looking for love to God and for new you?

And God seems to be quiet - like He doesn't care?

ah - 7 years of tears (even blood-tears) - so i know, what you feel.
I hear Him well, clearly - so i can just ask Him, we talk, He give advises and so on, but... what should do you?

first - dont just read Bible, but DO, what is written (I mean what Jesus teach).
second - be HONEST with God always - in yours thoughts, in your prayers. If you feel sad and disappointment and you like to pray - i just sat down and was quiet.... i had nothing at that moment to thank for (was VERY angry on Him, on world, on myself), was tired to ask for help, because He seemed to not care...

third - even if you feel, like abandoned, well.. you are not. He IS working on you right now - but it takes time. NO God wont change you - He made you perfect, but sin ruined Hes work - He is cleaning you right now, but He is ALMOST ALWAYS doing Hes job so quietly, that you will notice it only after years... You are not alone - God the Father are cleaning you, Jesus is right next to you and Holy Spirit quietly healing yours heart every night, while you are sleeping, that you could have strength to go on next day... do not give up..

yeah i know its hard, but only way to feel better is start doing, what is written and trust me -IT WILL END.
I am renewed. depression, fear, doubts and loosing faith - ALL GONE WITH ONE NIGHT, when Father finished Hes work...
you will feel better, you will find Him, you will be new, you will be not stone-hearten anymore, one day. you will care and love - just , like Jesus say:

John 14:21
Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”

dont give up
and yes it IS very important - DO what Jesus teach.
Grace and peace,
Eha
 
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