While watching another episode of A.D. The Bible Continues...when Jesus visited the Apostles and then vanished when Thomas showed up and then returned. I sat with a empathetic expression whilst my father, who is the utmost least emotional human being you can meet, chokes up and questions me on how I can't be...
Leaving for church the next day, sitting then standing then praying then praising, I took note from the back of the church how people were dabbing their eyes and sobbing when the words "He who knew no sin" came onto the screen and continued with praise for Him...
Is the lack of emotions the curse of OCD? How do I change?
When someone tells me or reminds me of the whole works with Adam and Eve sinning and giving the rest of the human race a sinful nature only for God to send down His only begotten Son to die on the cross for us. I understand. Yes, I memorized those verses. Yes, I grew up hearing that. But how can that, to what people call, "amazing" story sink into my hard heart. The Bible talks about people who have hardhearts...but does It say how to remedy it? I'd love to become emotional when talking about a Man who died for me so that I may live...I'd love for that to happen to me...so how do I change?
Over the past few weeks, I've experienced nothing but my feelings and emotions rolled out and dulled down. I literally can't write "i am amazed" "i fear..." "I am scared that.." "I'm worried for..." because I actually don't feel...anything at all.... With the conclusion from the last two points I made...I came up to the question "What if I'm not meant to be saved?" And whilst I don't really feel scared... how do I change? How do you fix a lack of emotion? How do I change?
The constant feeling like I don't care. Why is that? "Jesus died for you" feelings: I don't care. "You're a sinner, you need to repent" feelings: I don't care. "You need to read the Bible" feelings: I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. Why is that? Why do I have to go through this? How do I change?
"Do you think about sitting in a chair when you do it daily? Why question that faith" Because sitting in a chair won't get me into Heaven or save me from Hell. Forgive me for wanting to be sure of my faith in Christ.
What I despise the most is that when I tell people over and over and over again about what I know about Jesus, I always feel like I don't believe it. Like it's true for you, not for me kind of thing. And personally....from what I've seen, read, and heard; there's absolutely nothing wrong with Jesus. All the while I feel stuck...kind of like I'm unable to believe. How can I make that leap? How can I ground my trust/faith/belief? How can I change?
It's not enough to simply know Him, we have to KNOW Him personally, right? I don't feel connected. Yes I know it's cos of sin. But when I ask for a heart of repentance...........how...how do I change?
There's no magic switch I can pull that can make me wake up every morning and in case of fear, calm my spirit with the realization that I still have faith in Him. No magic switch that I can switch that can make me love Jesus. No magic switch that I can switch that can make me repent with remorseful godly sorrow over my sins. No magic switch that can make me instantaneously hate or loathe sin. No magic switch that I can switch that can make me break into tears when talking about what Jesus did for me? So with all this being said...
...How can I change? How can I change from having it all head knowledge...to sinking it into heart knowledge?...
Leaving for church the next day, sitting then standing then praying then praising, I took note from the back of the church how people were dabbing their eyes and sobbing when the words "He who knew no sin" came onto the screen and continued with praise for Him...
Is the lack of emotions the curse of OCD? How do I change?
When someone tells me or reminds me of the whole works with Adam and Eve sinning and giving the rest of the human race a sinful nature only for God to send down His only begotten Son to die on the cross for us. I understand. Yes, I memorized those verses. Yes, I grew up hearing that. But how can that, to what people call, "amazing" story sink into my hard heart. The Bible talks about people who have hardhearts...but does It say how to remedy it? I'd love to become emotional when talking about a Man who died for me so that I may live...I'd love for that to happen to me...so how do I change?
Over the past few weeks, I've experienced nothing but my feelings and emotions rolled out and dulled down. I literally can't write "i am amazed" "i fear..." "I am scared that.." "I'm worried for..." because I actually don't feel...anything at all.... With the conclusion from the last two points I made...I came up to the question "What if I'm not meant to be saved?" And whilst I don't really feel scared... how do I change? How do you fix a lack of emotion? How do I change?
The constant feeling like I don't care. Why is that? "Jesus died for you" feelings: I don't care. "You're a sinner, you need to repent" feelings: I don't care. "You need to read the Bible" feelings: I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. Why is that? Why do I have to go through this? How do I change?
"Do you think about sitting in a chair when you do it daily? Why question that faith" Because sitting in a chair won't get me into Heaven or save me from Hell. Forgive me for wanting to be sure of my faith in Christ.
What I despise the most is that when I tell people over and over and over again about what I know about Jesus, I always feel like I don't believe it. Like it's true for you, not for me kind of thing. And personally....from what I've seen, read, and heard; there's absolutely nothing wrong with Jesus. All the while I feel stuck...kind of like I'm unable to believe. How can I make that leap? How can I ground my trust/faith/belief? How can I change?
It's not enough to simply know Him, we have to KNOW Him personally, right? I don't feel connected. Yes I know it's cos of sin. But when I ask for a heart of repentance...........how...how do I change?
There's no magic switch I can pull that can make me wake up every morning and in case of fear, calm my spirit with the realization that I still have faith in Him. No magic switch that I can switch that can make me love Jesus. No magic switch that I can switch that can make me repent with remorseful godly sorrow over my sins. No magic switch that can make me instantaneously hate or loathe sin. No magic switch that I can switch that can make me break into tears when talking about what Jesus did for me? So with all this being said...
...How can I change? How can I change from having it all head knowledge...to sinking it into heart knowledge?...
