- Oct 31, 2008
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Alright, I'll try to keep this short and sweet, but I've tried before and I doubt it'll work.
So quick backstory: I think most of you on here know I'm divorced. After all, I've mentioned it far too often even for my own comfort on this forum. Just as a refresher, my ex-wife and I split in August 2013 and filed for divorce two months later in October. When we agreed to split up she asked me to move out since I had more options for places to go than she did, I was okay with this.
Within about 1-2 weeks of my moving out, she had a new boyfriend. I didn't mind much, I knew this was her pattern. She hadn't been single since she was about 13. Moving on... during the month of September a guy whom I considered to my best friend sat me down on three separate occasions and proceeded to ream me for protracted periods of time for "allowing" this divorce to happen. He essentially insisted that I go grab my wife and force her to capitulate with me to restore the marriage - even though she and I were both in agreement that our marriage never worked.
Neither of us cheated on each other, but we got married far too soon. Too soon to realize that we had nothing in common and we bickered, argued and fought constantly about everything from spirituality to family to travel plans and every minute and trivial thing in between.
Well, since I didn't follow my friends urgings, he essentially went on to tell me that I was going to hell for getting an unbiblical divorce. This hurt and angered me but I kept my cool during these situations, since we were in public and he was already making a fool out of himself.
Well, after a mediated meeting, I thought we had agreed to disagree on the matter and our friendship would resume. I had started seeing a girl I met around the month of December, and although my ex-wife had been dating a guy for three months already, my friend took issue with my little dalliance.
The following month he took me aside and told me he couldn't be friends with me anymore, according to 1 Corinthians 5:11 and the "advice" of his mentor (that's another post in and of itself).
I was crushed. My other three best friends lived hundreds or thousands of miles away, so he was really the only friend I had left in my town. I had been struggling in my faith, and all I really knew at that moment was that if he wanted me to circle back to the church, telling me off like that wasn't the way to make it happen.
So it's been over a year and a half since we last spoke or saw each other. My life has turned around 10-fold. I got laid off from my job last October, which was actually a blessing. I've been able to return to going to church, since my job inhibited me from doing so before. I will also be transferring to the local four-year university in the fall, or possibly moving across the country to attend a university back there. I've also plunged back into the church scene, and have been fully engaged in my church for several months now. I'm also living a better lifestyle (regularly hit the gym, eat better... mostly) and am enjoying a happier, albeit less social, life
Here's the hitch, I don't want to resume my friendship with him. Not only is my trust in him shot, but I'm concerned that entering back into a friendship with him would hamstring all the progress I have made and plan to continue making in my life.
However, one of my other best friends is getting married next month, I'm in the wedding and I'm almost certain this guy will be attending. I highly doubt anything will go wrong there, since that would be really inappropriate and selfish, however, I would like to stave off any awkwardness, if possible.
Do you guys think I should reach out to this guy and try to mend fences? Am I under any obligation to do so? Is he? Frankly, I'd just like to forget about the whole thing and move on in life without him, but I can't escape this nagging feeling that I should at least set the record straight and inform him that he really hurt me or something.
Whether I stay where I am to finish my degree or move to the opposite coast, at some point in the next few years I anticipate moving away from here to find a career. I figure that if I'm supposed to clear the air with him and I don't do it now, it'll never happen.
I really don't want to affirm his behavior because I think it was belligerent, hurtful, callous and I dare even say un-Christ-like.
So what do you think? Is the onus on me to fix things with this guy? Or is it on him?
So quick backstory: I think most of you on here know I'm divorced. After all, I've mentioned it far too often even for my own comfort on this forum. Just as a refresher, my ex-wife and I split in August 2013 and filed for divorce two months later in October. When we agreed to split up she asked me to move out since I had more options for places to go than she did, I was okay with this.
Within about 1-2 weeks of my moving out, she had a new boyfriend. I didn't mind much, I knew this was her pattern. She hadn't been single since she was about 13. Moving on... during the month of September a guy whom I considered to my best friend sat me down on three separate occasions and proceeded to ream me for protracted periods of time for "allowing" this divorce to happen. He essentially insisted that I go grab my wife and force her to capitulate with me to restore the marriage - even though she and I were both in agreement that our marriage never worked.
Neither of us cheated on each other, but we got married far too soon. Too soon to realize that we had nothing in common and we bickered, argued and fought constantly about everything from spirituality to family to travel plans and every minute and trivial thing in between.
Well, since I didn't follow my friends urgings, he essentially went on to tell me that I was going to hell for getting an unbiblical divorce. This hurt and angered me but I kept my cool during these situations, since we were in public and he was already making a fool out of himself.
Well, after a mediated meeting, I thought we had agreed to disagree on the matter and our friendship would resume. I had started seeing a girl I met around the month of December, and although my ex-wife had been dating a guy for three months already, my friend took issue with my little dalliance.
The following month he took me aside and told me he couldn't be friends with me anymore, according to 1 Corinthians 5:11 and the "advice" of his mentor (that's another post in and of itself).
I was crushed. My other three best friends lived hundreds or thousands of miles away, so he was really the only friend I had left in my town. I had been struggling in my faith, and all I really knew at that moment was that if he wanted me to circle back to the church, telling me off like that wasn't the way to make it happen.
So it's been over a year and a half since we last spoke or saw each other. My life has turned around 10-fold. I got laid off from my job last October, which was actually a blessing. I've been able to return to going to church, since my job inhibited me from doing so before. I will also be transferring to the local four-year university in the fall, or possibly moving across the country to attend a university back there. I've also plunged back into the church scene, and have been fully engaged in my church for several months now. I'm also living a better lifestyle (regularly hit the gym, eat better... mostly) and am enjoying a happier, albeit less social, life
Here's the hitch, I don't want to resume my friendship with him. Not only is my trust in him shot, but I'm concerned that entering back into a friendship with him would hamstring all the progress I have made and plan to continue making in my life.
However, one of my other best friends is getting married next month, I'm in the wedding and I'm almost certain this guy will be attending. I highly doubt anything will go wrong there, since that would be really inappropriate and selfish, however, I would like to stave off any awkwardness, if possible.
Do you guys think I should reach out to this guy and try to mend fences? Am I under any obligation to do so? Is he? Frankly, I'd just like to forget about the whole thing and move on in life without him, but I can't escape this nagging feeling that I should at least set the record straight and inform him that he really hurt me or something.
Whether I stay where I am to finish my degree or move to the opposite coast, at some point in the next few years I anticipate moving away from here to find a career. I figure that if I'm supposed to clear the air with him and I don't do it now, it'll never happen.
I really don't want to affirm his behavior because I think it was belligerent, hurtful, callous and I dare even say un-Christ-like.
So what do you think? Is the onus on me to fix things with this guy? Or is it on him?