Waiting for Someone or Waiting for Nothing at All.

If you don't meet his criteria, then it's best to move on. That's really what it comes down to.

You should wait just long enough to determine if it'd work out for both of you. If you realize it's not going to work out, it's time to go separate ways. Otherwise it's just wasted time.

So you're not good enough to marry but you're good enough to pay. Sounds like you'll never be good enough.

I'm not a girl but I'm single, and I care so hopefully I'm not chased out here..

I'd keep him as a friend, but you might want some space.
I've got a friend in Taiwan (focused, more serious, etc) and she thought she was more spiritual.. She sounds a little like this guy you're talking about in some ways...
As of now she knows me better, and also I've changed so this isn't a concern like before. But it's still there, that she thinks she is a little better, and I hope that time will change it.
The best thing to probably do is to move on, keep him as a friend, and maybe he'll change then you can sort of come back to him. However, if you just wait and it never happens then you've given up other chances you might have had plus you're going to be hurt

In the end, he doesn't sound like somebody I'd consider since he seems too focused on his current efforts, and probably won't consider anything until later.. Which doesn't mean he is bad, but if he is that driven then this entire situation might not be best to consider for a long time, and meanwhile you best see if a better guy might be brought to you.

The one thing to remember is any pastor or etc can have serious faults.
We had a church we went to which really messed me up mentally for a while and I can ensure you although the pastor along with his family seemed nice they have some serious issues. The pastor's wife always brought her daughter up to me over maybe 2 years, and I knew how they were so absolutely not!
So he might think he needs a girl that's better than "pastor's daughter grade" but maybe he picked the wrong one and that's it?

That draws into a few more things.
Like my friend's aunt married an American, after several years they had two kids, and then he cheated on her. So her niece (sister's daughter) and family are very careful with people like me.
However, she remarried to a man she knew from church years later, and he also had a divorce so he brought a kid into the mix too! I believe it was her fault also, she didn't possibly need a "better" man to make it work but she needed to make a better choice for the right one, and perhaps that very sad experience is what it took. As of today my friend is just waiting, watching, and see how things are since she can't do anything...
With enough time maybe he'll see you're worth it.. But maybe in all that time you'll find a guy who lives right across the street, is more handsome, fits your personality better, and is otherwise a better choice?


He is probably still feeling pain from this, and is being careful.
Now, one thing to think about is this, not that he isn't a good guy.
But he chose that former girl, and when they were engaged she cheated on him. I could be totally wrong here. But usually if you're that close you should know where your other half is at! His ex knew somebody that well, and then compromised. Why didn't he see that? Why would she give it all up for a night or a few nights? She probably had some warning signs I'm guessing.
I could be wrong, but I just see what happened to show maybe his choice, and decisions weren't best.


I just see this since I have a good friend, we are close, and when I see your situation I just feel like whatever relationship he had might have not been right for a while. If you're not actually close or the relationship isn't proper then I guess he wouldn't know it until it hit him. Accidents, and other bad things happened unexpected, so who knows?

Ah and finally. Just pray to God about your feelings. Give him your heart, and everything. Tell him to do with it as he pleases
Might be hard to accept, but being at peace is usually better than going on a crazy ride of being hopeful, not hopeful, sad, happy, depressed, and other things. Letting it go for a while could really help you out, and so perhaps God will allow you to do so soon if it's best.

And you're older than me. So I'm just trying to encourage and stuff. But really I'm the usual clueless guy in some respects, but I'm trying to help and encourage if I can.

pilgrimsong said:

To all the Single Adult woman out there. (I need to repost again coz' my post before was not loaded)

How long should you wait for the one, or how long should you wait for the one or not... how long will you keep on praying.

I am really in a not so good mood now.. a bit depressed (pls. see my post Help! in the Thirties section) The guy that I like has set his own standards first I know God should be the first, he wants a spiritually matured woman and a godly woman. And for him I still doesn't meet the criteria if ever that I'll meet those criteria then he will consider me as a potential future partner.

I don't know if I can meet that criteria, coz' I dont want to be focused on God, if thats the reason... what if like he told me I'm not meant for married life, that God wills for me to be single (so its not good that I dwell on love and praying for the one). What's hard is because I already invested a lot on him, helping him financially like w/ his studies. Sometimes I also think if Im really stupid. I posted this problem in another Christian forum and the same advice they told me to 'run away' from this.

Just want someone to listen to me...

Click to expand...

I just want to know why you don't want to focus on God?

Once upon a time
I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart

being married to the wrong guy is much worse than being alone and lonely...because it becomes a permanent situation with the shadow of divorce....

I'd never marry someone who did not think I was a gift to his life...to live your whole life worried about "measuring up" would be horrible. I would never marry someone who I didn't think was a gift to me...that brought something to me that made me a better person.

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

There are a lot of Christian men who have unreasonably high standards. If his standards are too high, find someone else.

Also, don't let him mooch off of you. What are you getting out of this? If you can't quickly name 5 ways that he makes your life a lot better, you shouldn't be paying for his housing/studies. You need to do what's best for you, not what's best for him.

My intuition is telling me that you're putting a lot into this relationship and not getting much out of it. That's a bad thing. You need to quit putting so much into this.

Don't build your life around a hope that this guy will want to marry you some day. My intuition says that day will never come and you are better off focusing on other people.

graciesings said:

My intuition is telling me that you're putting a lot into this relationship and not getting much out of it. That's a bad thing.

Click to expand...

^ this

Yeah.

What I'm saying is this: don't volunteer to help someone unless it's good for you. Yes,it's nice to help people. But you could spend your entire life helping people who take you for granted, and then never be satisfied yourself. It's tough, but you have to put your happiness and well being first. You help other people moving out from there.

I'm a sensitive soul and I wish I could help everyone, but I have made some really bad decisions because I empathized with other people and then did what they wanted to do instead of what was best for me. Don't help someone unless it somehow helps you in the process.