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MDD and GAD have ruined my life

GameHHH

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I was so blessed. Valedictorian of my high school. Full academic scholarship to college. High undergrad GPA until senior year happened. Out of the blue depression and anxiety. It has been a struggle ever since. I was able to graduate since my problems were only moderate but things became much worse when I went to my medical school. My depression and anxiety became so severe that I barely left my house for 2.5 years(2011-2013). By God's grace I was able to get my MDD under control with transcranial magnetic stimulation. However, I still have severe anxiety and cognitive problems. I can't focus. My memory is horrible. I'm 29 years old and I think the best part of my life is over. I have exhausted every treatment option available with no success. I see no future for me. No job. No wife. No kids. I'm literally praying to God to heal me or end my life. I just don't want to tread water for the rest of my life. It's sink or swim time. I won't kill myself because the Bible is clear about that. I just need God to heal me.
 

Midas

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“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. -Matthew 6:25-33

Nor sure if this will be you're experience but when I suffer the worst anxiety it helps me to tell myself "this is biological, none of this is real, this is just certain parts of my brain firing up uncontrollably." It's hard for me to get out of a panic attack because it is difficult to focus on something real. That is why this verse is helpful. I can tell myself "no matter what irrational fears my brain is kicking up because of this disease, I know that the word of the lord lasts forever," and these verses about anxiety are therefore the truth. And that brings me back!
 
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Steve007

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I was so blessed. Valedictorian of my high school. Full academic scholarship to college. High undergrad GPA until senior year happened. Out of the blue depression and anxiety. It has been a struggle ever since. I was able to graduate since my problems were only moderate but things became much worse when I went to my medical school. My depression and anxiety became so severe that I barely left my house for 2.5 years(2011-2013). By God's grace I was able to get my MDD under control with transcranial magnetic stimulation. However, I still have severe anxiety and cognitive problems. I can't focus. My memory is horrible. I'm 29 years old and I think the best part of my life is over. I have exhausted every treatment option available with no success. I see no future for me. No job. No wife. No kids. I'm literally praying to God to heal me or end my life. I just don't want to tread water for the rest of my life. It's sink or swim time. I won't kill myself because the Bible is clear about that. I just need God to heal me.

Midas, you are not alone, there are so many people with the same problem including me. Remember GOD will not forsake His children. Pray to GOD to give you wisdom and peace. I had it when I was 34 and it was a battle for so many years. I recovered probably for about 10 years and now am 51 yo but lately there was a relapse. I had a bad neck and back pain with palpitations and sweat and short of breath. I visited a doctor and was told there was nothing wrong and was advised to rest and relax. That was the time I realized that I was having panic attack/disorder again. It has been going on for more than a month now. Its all about anxiety no more than that. There are many articles on the internet advising how to overcome this thing. They are all true but remember each individual will experience different set of technique which they feel comfortable and effective for them. I know its difficult but achievable. You have to know how to stop the panic feeling by the doing the right breathing, do exercise to wear off the adrenaline or do yoga stretching. Do meditation and talk to GOD for healing. Be peaceful and calm. If the panic comes again let it be and don't force to avoid it. Do your deep breathing. Then when you are calm again and to flush out the adrenaline residue, exercise or yoga stretching. Pray to GOD to handle all your problems and let go. GOD works miracle. Remember it is just anxiety (subconscious) and learn to handle it. You won't die from this but just uncomfortable. It will take sometime until you get the hang of it and it will be alright. I hope this helps a bit. GOD bless you.
 
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JasonHarless

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Sorry to hear about your struggles. You have many people who are praying for you.

As a medical student I'm sure you are aware of the importance of intracellular co2 and the decrease of which that is associated with anxiety. Have you had your thyroid checked? Since adequate thyroid is responsible for co2 retention and subsequently o2 uptake.

Secondly, since serotonin is associated with behavioral and mood disorders, that may be where it has started since serotonin suppresses thyroid and metabolism.

A few recommendations: try consuming a bit more fructose like OJ throughout the day with adequate protein since sugar and salt suppress adrenalin and cortisol by forming more co2, raw carrot with coconut oil suppresses serotonin formation; consider thyroid supp and pregnenolone supplementation. Pregnenolone tends to suppress the stress hormones and estrogen while promoting steroid synthesis like testosterone, progesterone, DHEA.

Hope this helps!
 
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Steve007

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Dear bros and sis in God. Continuing from what i shared earlier, i would like to share what i have been doing lately. I found a youtube dr moses christian meditation for healing and followed the meditation. During that time i felt God's love and burst into tears. I surrender to God and went to church on sunday which i have not done for sometime. During the service i had attacks but i still sat down and didy breathing. When pastor asked anyone with needs, i raised my hand and later called me to the alter and he prayed for me. I suddenly burst and cried. I could feel God's love and open my heart. I went again for the evening service and worship and seek God. Had a one to one chat with Pastor after service at mcdonald and he prayed for me after that. I felt relieved and night before sleep i did some stretching and christian meditation. I know God is working on me and i feel much better this morning. God works wonderful and amazing. Fill yourself with God who loves us. Amen.
 
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