I don't know if I have faith or not. And it would probably be easier if people gave their own definitions of Hebrews 11:1 because every time I feel the esteem worked up that I may have faith....something comes in and just wrecks it and tears it down. Like a whole new piece and I was wrong the whole time. As if someone asks you for a can of CokeaCola and you come back with a can of Mountain Dew.
Scrolling through a lot of my social media the other day(I follow tons of Christians), there was a post made that had said "Faith isn't believing God can it's knowing God will." and I felt like I just had fallen apart.
The Bible doesn't discuss a whole lot about feelings from what I know/read. So coming to God saying "Please change how I feel about this" seems kind of...ridiculous...like asking Him for a brand spanking new Bugatti with a nice solid gold mansion and a brand new golden Jet with a million bucks hidden in a suit case somewhere....well.....maybe not that exaggerated.
If this is just another attack from the enemy...so be it...but feelings and thoughts are a HUGE issue of mine...sometimes I don't feel like I really wanna be saved and in the back of my mind there's my tiny voice saying "this is wrong." so I go to pray and.....I mean...what Scripture or promise can I pray that will relate so much to what I'm going through?
I mean I have bad thoughts as well...if you can think of the most disgusting inhumane thing a person can do...that's probably been running through my head more than once...but I somehow find it difficult to say "Hey...my faith isn't believing God can it's knowing that He will"....I'm really out of touch...
I often times feel alone, even though I know I'm not....like if this was text messaging...I sent God a message and all I get on that message board is "Read at 11:34 PM" with no reply.... so I look up verses and things shoot up with "NEED FAITH" "FAITH ONLY PLEASES GOD" "IMPOSSIBLE WITHOUT FAITH TO PLEASE GOD" and I'll be sitting in my room thinking I must not have faith since God never truly seems to be answering my prayers the way I'd expect except for the time I prayed that He gave me the desire to only listen to Christian music since I was so hooked on my other music...which..He did....
...but as far as salvation or surrendering my life to Him...or making Him my utmost priority.....He seems rather.....quiet..
Every time I hear people say "Ya just need faith", quote Scripture, then basically say "You're welcome" and leave...I feel no change or difference...
Yes God gave us free will....but in my situation, I really wish He hadn't for me... there are days where I just want to scream for Him to make me...a WAY better Christian because I don't just stumble...I fall on my face...
Faith is the conviction hoped for...the...something..somethin things not seen....okay...well......
here's an example...I wake up and I still feel like I'm missing something...so I pray saying "Dear Heavenly Father, I pray and ask You in the name of Lord Jesus to forgive me of my sins and wrongdoings.... Lord I pray that You give me faith and I pray for Your wisdom and guidance as I go throughout this day [...]" and then I continue on with the prayer....for the rest of the day...I'm guarding my mind keeping it focused on Him;
Should I go talk to Joh- NO Think about Hillsong United.
I want a pet bu- NO What would you do if Jesus were here?
I need to work on my homewo- NO oh man you need to read your Bible more!
I should go apologize to Je- NO..well yeah...but NO you need to pray to God
Then I'll be sitting in class, focusing on a lecture when my mind snaps: "DANGIT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT JESUS WHAT IS THIS?! WHAT AM I DOING?!" and by then I'll be planning out my next prayer on asking Him to keep me focused on Him as my most priority...
...the remaining of the day...I'm walking around hoping and waiting for the change...and when nothing happens by the time it's night time I'll start thinking "Maybe He'll do it tomorrow" or "Maybe I didn't focus on Him enough" or "Maybe tomorrow will be a good day"
Pray. Hope. Anxiety. Move on.
Scripture says not to be anxious...but then I get thoughts like "What if I die right now whilst I still think I don't have faith and I still have this overwhelming desire to sin and not repent?!" What if I die right now? What if today was my last day?! What on earth do I do? Do I have faith? What is faith? Do I have faith? Would I be asking all these questions if I had faith? What if I died right now? Would I be in a bad place? Would Jesus tell me to depart from Him because He never knew me? Faith? What is faith? Mustard seed faith? Do I have any faith? No faith? Maybe I have some faith? Do I have saving faith? What are some signs of saving faith? I feel like my "faith" is very questionable. Do I have faith? What if I died right now? Do I have faith?
Pray. Hope. Anxiety. Move on. Freak out. Repeat.
Scrolling through a lot of my social media the other day(I follow tons of Christians), there was a post made that had said "Faith isn't believing God can it's knowing God will." and I felt like I just had fallen apart.
The Bible doesn't discuss a whole lot about feelings from what I know/read. So coming to God saying "Please change how I feel about this" seems kind of...ridiculous...like asking Him for a brand spanking new Bugatti with a nice solid gold mansion and a brand new golden Jet with a million bucks hidden in a suit case somewhere....well.....maybe not that exaggerated.
If this is just another attack from the enemy...so be it...but feelings and thoughts are a HUGE issue of mine...sometimes I don't feel like I really wanna be saved and in the back of my mind there's my tiny voice saying "this is wrong." so I go to pray and.....I mean...what Scripture or promise can I pray that will relate so much to what I'm going through?
I mean I have bad thoughts as well...if you can think of the most disgusting inhumane thing a person can do...that's probably been running through my head more than once...but I somehow find it difficult to say "Hey...my faith isn't believing God can it's knowing that He will"....I'm really out of touch...
I often times feel alone, even though I know I'm not....like if this was text messaging...I sent God a message and all I get on that message board is "Read at 11:34 PM" with no reply.... so I look up verses and things shoot up with "NEED FAITH" "FAITH ONLY PLEASES GOD" "IMPOSSIBLE WITHOUT FAITH TO PLEASE GOD" and I'll be sitting in my room thinking I must not have faith since God never truly seems to be answering my prayers the way I'd expect except for the time I prayed that He gave me the desire to only listen to Christian music since I was so hooked on my other music...which..He did....
...but as far as salvation or surrendering my life to Him...or making Him my utmost priority.....He seems rather.....quiet..
Every time I hear people say "Ya just need faith", quote Scripture, then basically say "You're welcome" and leave...I feel no change or difference...
Yes God gave us free will....but in my situation, I really wish He hadn't for me... there are days where I just want to scream for Him to make me...a WAY better Christian because I don't just stumble...I fall on my face...
Faith is the conviction hoped for...the...something..somethin things not seen....okay...well......
here's an example...I wake up and I still feel like I'm missing something...so I pray saying "Dear Heavenly Father, I pray and ask You in the name of Lord Jesus to forgive me of my sins and wrongdoings.... Lord I pray that You give me faith and I pray for Your wisdom and guidance as I go throughout this day [...]" and then I continue on with the prayer....for the rest of the day...I'm guarding my mind keeping it focused on Him;
Should I go talk to Joh- NO Think about Hillsong United.
I want a pet bu- NO What would you do if Jesus were here?
I need to work on my homewo- NO oh man you need to read your Bible more!
I should go apologize to Je- NO..well yeah...but NO you need to pray to God
Then I'll be sitting in class, focusing on a lecture when my mind snaps: "DANGIT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT JESUS WHAT IS THIS?! WHAT AM I DOING?!" and by then I'll be planning out my next prayer on asking Him to keep me focused on Him as my most priority...
...the remaining of the day...I'm walking around hoping and waiting for the change...and when nothing happens by the time it's night time I'll start thinking "Maybe He'll do it tomorrow" or "Maybe I didn't focus on Him enough" or "Maybe tomorrow will be a good day"
Pray. Hope. Anxiety. Move on.
Scripture says not to be anxious...but then I get thoughts like "What if I die right now whilst I still think I don't have faith and I still have this overwhelming desire to sin and not repent?!" What if I die right now? What if today was my last day?! What on earth do I do? Do I have faith? What is faith? Do I have faith? Would I be asking all these questions if I had faith? What if I died right now? Would I be in a bad place? Would Jesus tell me to depart from Him because He never knew me? Faith? What is faith? Mustard seed faith? Do I have any faith? No faith? Maybe I have some faith? Do I have saving faith? What are some signs of saving faith? I feel like my "faith" is very questionable. Do I have faith? What if I died right now? Do I have faith?
Pray. Hope. Anxiety. Move on. Freak out. Repeat.