Faith? No Faith? Mustard Seed Faith? Saving Faith? Some Faith? Questionable Faith?

HannahElizaW · Apr 9, 2015

I don't know if I have faith or not. And it would probably be easier if people gave their own definitions of Hebrews 11:1 because every time I feel the esteem worked up that I may have faith....something comes in and just wrecks it and tears it down. Like a whole new piece and I was wrong the whole time. As if someone asks you for a can of CokeaCola and you come back with a can of Mountain Dew.

Scrolling through a lot of my social media the other day(I follow tons of Christians), there was a post made that had said "Faith isn't believing God can it's knowing God will." and I felt like I just had fallen apart.

The Bible doesn't discuss a whole lot about feelings from what I know/read. So coming to God saying "Please change how I feel about this" seems kind of...ridiculous...like asking Him for a brand spanking new Bugatti with a nice solid gold mansion and a brand new golden Jet with a million bucks hidden in a suit case somewhere....well.....maybe not that exaggerated.

If this is just another attack from the enemy...so be it...but feelings and thoughts are a HUGE issue of mine...sometimes I don't feel like I really wanna be saved and in the back of my mind there's my tiny voice saying "this is wrong." so I go to pray and.....I mean...what Scripture or promise can I pray that will relate so much to what I'm going through?

I mean I have bad thoughts as well...if you can think of the most disgusting inhumane thing a person can do...that's probably been running through my head more than once...but I somehow find it difficult to say "Hey...my faith isn't believing God can it's knowing that He will"....I'm really out of touch...

I often times feel alone, even though I know I'm not....like if this was text messaging...I sent God a message and all I get on that message board is "Read at 11:34 PM" with no reply.... so I look up verses and things shoot up with "NEED FAITH" "FAITH ONLY PLEASES GOD" "IMPOSSIBLE WITHOUT FAITH TO PLEASE GOD" and I'll be sitting in my room thinking I must not have faith since God never truly seems to be answering my prayers the way I'd expect except for the time I prayed that He gave me the desire to only listen to Christian music since I was so hooked on my other music...which..He did....

...but as far as salvation or surrendering my life to Him...or making Him my utmost priority.....He seems rather.....quiet..

Every time I hear people say "Ya just need faith", quote Scripture, then basically say "You're welcome" and leave...I feel no change or difference...

Yes God gave us free will....but in my situation, I really wish He hadn't for me... there are days where I just want to scream for Him to make me...a WAY better Christian because I don't just stumble...I fall on my face...

Faith is the conviction hoped for...the...something..somethin things not seen....okay...well......

here's an example...I wake up and I still feel like I'm missing something...so I pray saying "Dear Heavenly Father, I pray and ask You in the name of Lord Jesus to forgive me of my sins and wrongdoings.... Lord I pray that You give me faith and I pray for Your wisdom and guidance as I go throughout this day [...]" and then I continue on with the prayer....for the rest of the day...I'm guarding my mind keeping it focused on Him;

Should I go talk to Joh- NO Think about Hillsong United.
I want a pet bu- NO What would you do if Jesus were here?
I need to work on my homewo- NO oh man you need to read your Bible more!
I should go apologize to Je- NO..well yeah...but NO you need to pray to God

Then I'll be sitting in class, focusing on a lecture when my mind snaps: "DANGIT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT JESUS WHAT IS THIS?! WHAT AM I DOING?!" and by then I'll be planning out my next prayer on asking Him to keep me focused on Him as my most priority...

...the remaining of the day...I'm walking around hoping and waiting for the change...and when nothing happens by the time it's night time I'll start thinking "Maybe He'll do it tomorrow" or "Maybe I didn't focus on Him enough" or "Maybe tomorrow will be a good day"

Pray. Hope. Anxiety. Move on.

Scripture says not to be anxious...but then I get thoughts like "What if I die right now whilst I still think I don't have faith and I still have this overwhelming desire to sin and not repent?!" What if I die right now? What if today was my last day?! What on earth do I do? Do I have faith? What is faith? Do I have faith? Would I be asking all these questions if I had faith? What if I died right now? Would I be in a bad place? Would Jesus tell me to depart from Him because He never knew me? Faith? What is faith? Mustard seed faith? Do I have any faith? No faith? Maybe I have some faith? Do I have saving faith? What are some signs of saving faith? I feel like my "faith" is very questionable. Do I have faith? What if I died right now? Do I have faith?

Pray. Hope. Anxiety. Move on. Freak out. Repeat.

aangel · Apr 10, 2015

Faith is a gift from God Ephesians 2:8-9. God has given every believer the measure of faith Romans 12:3. Faith comes from hearing and hearing by the word of God Romans 10:7. The more you read and renew your mind with God's promises the stronger your faith will be. I'm sorry you're struggling.

I know what's it like to want to feel different, to be different. There's not really anybody in my family that I can talk to about God or my struggles. I mean they believe in God but on my mother's side of the family, they grew up in the Jehovah's Witnesses religion. Fortunately, I wasn't raised as one and only my Grandmother and one of my Uncles are Witnesses. Hearing my grandmother go on and on (a few weeks ago) about how the Witnesses have "the truth" after my mother had told her that I found my own religion really sucked. Getting saved and attempting to explain all the inaccuracies of the JWs religion to my mom and it being dismissed as wrong really really really sucked.

So I get feeling alone. I know God is always with me but I kind of feel like on my on little island sometimes. But God has definitely been my strength in this.

I also get the whole not wanting free will thing. There are days I thank God for it but then there have been moments where I silently acknowledge that things we would be so simpler without it. But loves does not insist on its own way. And when I think of it that way it reminds how good God is.

As for the thoughts I just tell myself that I am not the intrusive thoughts I've had nor will I ever be. I acknowledge that God is bigger than any thought I could ever have bigger than any problem. Practicing thanksgiving also helps. Thanking God for the little things like a sunny day, hearing a song you like, seeing a really pretty flower, or just nice moments family can make you feel so much better.

When comes to feelings it's important not to let them dictate everything (easier said then done) feelings are lies sometime. If you're feeling like you don't want to be saved you should know that salvation is all God's idea.
“no one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day John 6:44

I don't really confess my sins because when I did it made my anxiety so much worse. I was constantly questioning everything I did and it wasn't healthy. So now I confess that I'm forgiven and when I apologize to God about something it's not to get forgive it's because I'm already forgiven.

When it comes to prayer it requires that you believe that you have what you're asking. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours Mark 11:24 It's good to thank God for wisdom and thank him for guiding you through out your day etc.

And keeping your mind on Jesus does mean that if your thoughts are not him every minute of that day you're bad. It's okay want to talk to a friend. It's okay to want a pet or to need a moment to focus on your homework. To me keeping your eyes on Jesus is simply acknowledging that he's with me always and taking the time to bring his promises to remembrance. It's if I'm in a certain situation knowing what God says about it.

For example if I'm sad I'll bring up scripture God is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit Psalm 34:18. Nothing can separate me from the love of God in Christ Romans 8:38-39 . Or sometimes I'll see a pretty sunset and I'll mutter to myself the heavens declare the glory of God and the sky above proclaim his handiwork Psalm 19:1 .

I try to stay away from performing for God. Yes it's good to take time to read your bible but God will still love even if you don't read 10 chapters a day. Even if you don't read your bible every day. God loves you as you are right now.

So I recommend taking the time to read about God's love and his goodness (God's love is unconditional and it's not based on what you do or don't do). There's a really good plan on bible.com called Love God Greatly - You Are Loved. Another think that might help you is renewing your mind with who you are in Christ. I'll get you started.

You are a new creation 2 Corinthians 5:17
You are a beloved child of God 1 John 3:2
God is for you Romans 8:11
God will never leave you nor forsake you Hebrews 13:5

I hope this helps.

Dendy · Apr 12, 2015

Hey. I think that if you worry too much about your faith and how much you pray and how good you are you can make yourself sick. Have the faith of a little child. Go along in this life at a comfortable pace and think to yourself - My Father God loves me. Think to yourself - I will try to do good but I know Jesus paid the price for me so if I make mistakes along the way or if I don't pray very much, etc. I'm still ok.

Jean12345 · Apr 25, 2015

HannahElizaW said:
I don't know if I have faith or not. And it would probably be easier if people gave their own definitions of Hebrews 11:1 because every time I feel the esteem worked up that I may have faith....something comes in and just wrecks it and tears it down. Like a whole new piece and I was wrong the whole time. As if someone asks you for a can of CokeaCola and you come back with a can of Mountain Dew.

Scrolling through a lot of my social media the other day(I follow tons of Christians), there was a post made that had said "Faith isn't believing God can it's knowing God will." and I felt like I just had fallen apart.

The Bible doesn't discuss a whole lot about feelings from what I know/read. So coming to God saying "Please change how I feel about this" seems kind of...ridiculous...like asking Him for a brand spanking new Bugatti with a nice solid gold mansion and a brand new golden Jet with a million bucks hidden in a suit case somewhere....well.....maybe not that exaggerated.

If this is just another attack from the enemy...so be it...but feelings and thoughts are a HUGE issue of mine...sometimes I don't feel like I really wanna be saved and in the back of my mind there's my tiny voice saying "this is wrong." so I go to pray and.....I mean...what Scripture or promise can I pray that will relate so much to what I'm going through?

I mean I have bad thoughts as well...if you can think of the most disgusting inhumane thing a person can do...that's probably been running through my head more than once...but I somehow find it difficult to say "Hey...my faith isn't believing God can it's knowing that He will"....I'm really out of touch...

I often times feel alone, even though I know I'm not....like if this was text messaging...I sent God a message and all I get on that message board is "Read at 11:34 PM" with no reply.... so I look up verses and things shoot up with "NEED FAITH" "FAITH ONLY PLEASES GOD" "IMPOSSIBLE WITHOUT FAITH TO PLEASE GOD" and I'll be sitting in my room thinking I must not have faith since God never truly seems to be answering my prayers the way I'd expect except for the time I prayed that He gave me the desire to only listen to Christian music since I was so hooked on my other music...which..He did....

...but as far as salvation or surrendering my life to Him...or making Him my utmost priority.....He seems rather.....quiet..

Every time I hear people say "Ya just need faith", quote Scripture, then basically say "You're welcome" and leave...I feel no change or difference...

Yes God gave us free will....but in my situation, I really wish He hadn't for me... there are days where I just want to scream for Him to make me...a WAY better Christian because I don't just stumble...I fall on my face...

Faith is the conviction hoped for...the...something..somethin things not seen....okay...well......

here's an example...I wake up and I still feel like I'm missing something...so I pray saying "Dear Heavenly Father, I pray and ask You in the name of Lord Jesus to forgive me of my sins and wrongdoings.... Lord I pray that You give me faith and I pray for Your wisdom and guidance as I go throughout this day [...]" and then I continue on with the prayer....for the rest of the day...I'm guarding my mind keeping it focused on Him;

Should I go talk to Joh- NO Think about Hillsong United.
I want a pet bu- NO What would you do if Jesus were here?
I need to work on my homewo- NO oh man you need to read your Bible more!
I should go apologize to Je- NO..well yeah...but NO you need to pray to God

Then I'll be sitting in class, focusing on a lecture when my mind snaps: "DANGIT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT JESUS WHAT IS THIS?! WHAT AM I DOING?!" and by then I'll be planning out my next prayer on asking Him to keep me focused on Him as my most priority...

...the remaining of the day...I'm walking around hoping and waiting for the change...and when nothing happens by the time it's night time I'll start thinking "Maybe He'll do it tomorrow" or "Maybe I didn't focus on Him enough" or "Maybe tomorrow will be a good day"

Pray. Hope. Anxiety. Move on.

Scripture says not to be anxious...but then I get thoughts like "What if I die right now whilst I still think I don't have faith and I still have this overwhelming desire to sin and not repent?!" What if I die right now? What if today was my last day?! What on earth do I do? Do I have faith? What is faith? Do I have faith? Would I be asking all these questions if I had faith? What if I died right now? Would I be in a bad place? Would Jesus tell me to depart from Him because He never knew me? Faith? What is faith? Mustard seed faith? Do I have any faith? No faith? Maybe I have some faith? Do I have saving faith? What are some signs of saving faith? I feel like my "faith" is very questionable. Do I have faith? What if I died right now? Do I have faith?

Pray. Hope. Anxiety. Move on. Freak out. Repeat.

Faith is not a feeling. Those of us with OCD have feelings that are way out of whack and we can't trust those feelings. You aren't saved by YOUR faith. You are saved by Jesus. It is HIS faithfulness that saves. Stop looking inward at yourself and look AT Jesus. Keep yourself focused on the promises He gives that He will save all who call on Him (Romans 10:13).

MadamImAdaminChrist · Apr 25, 2015

Jean12345 said:
Faith is not a feeling. Those of us with OCD have feelings that are way out of whack and we can't trust those feelings. You aren't saved by YOUR faith. You are saved by Jesus. It is HIS faithfulness that saves. Stop looking inward at yourself and look AT Jesus. Keep yourself focused on the promises He gives that He will save all who call on Him (Romans 10:13).

AMen.

kneeskins · May 2, 2015

Dear Hannah,

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through but unfortunately this is what OCD is like. It's a terrible illness and it can wreak havoc with your emotions if you let it. I know because I also suffer from this illness. Sometimes all kinds of crazy thoughts go through my head but generally I just ignore them. The way I see it, my mind is faulty and so it's going to throw up things like this all the time but you mustn't start believing these thoughts because if you do it'll just get worse.

You asked about what faith really is and what kind of faith you have. It's not as easy a question as it would seem but true saving faith means believing in Jesus Christ; that he died for our sins, was buried, rose again on the third day, and appeared to many witnesses. If you believe this then have confidence in Christ that he's done what he said he'd do, don't continually question it. Just believe that you're in him through faith in him and rest in that. Don't let any doubts destroy that confidence because all this worrying is really getting you nowhere.

You also pointed out a few things that I also suffer from: the first one is the thought that I don't really want to be saved. I often have this even though I've committed by life to Christ and I'm trying my best to live a life that's pleasing to him. To be honest, it really troubles me sometimes but I keep on repenting and having faith in Jesus Christ; for me these realities are more important than some thoughts that pass through my mind every now and again.

The other thing that you mentioned which struck a chord with me is this idea that if I'm not thinking about Jesus every second of the day that there's something wrong with me, again, this is incorrect. Just because your mind focuses on things other than Christ for a part, even a large part of the day, doesn't mean that you lack devotion or sincerity, it just means that you have other things to think about.

Part of having this illness is that your mind blows everything out of proportion which is why common sense is so important when issues like this arise. Next time don't panic. Just calmly reason with yourself as to whether you need to be worried or if it's just your OCD going haywire. If it's just the OCD dismiss it and move on.

I'm sorry if this came across as condescending, I just want to help you. Remember you can take all your problems to our Lord Jesus Christ, 'He ever lives to intercede for us'.

I'll pray that God gives you a sound mind. May God bless you.

OCD=Owie · May 3, 2015

As jean12345 said, faith is not a feeling. It took me a long time to figure this out after my OCD got bad. Faith, for most intents and purposes, is action. You know what you need to do to be saved, and then you just live how God wants you to live. Doing what God wants you to do, even when it's inconvenient or hard is a far better indication of faith than some "feeling" that you have.

IneedJesus1 · May 15, 2015

I love you all. I have all of these thoughts and feelings. The feelings of not wanting to be saved come to me as I don't want to go to heaven or I don't want Gods path. I really thought I was alone with these. They are a pure lie to make you work harder to prove to God that you do want it when we don't have to work for salvation. It was given to us as a gift. I know the truth but that being said I am still trying to run in circles to show God I want this. I even have gotten so bad that I feel like God is nothing to me. It's a lie. The feeling is so strong and my mind tricks me into thinking that it's real because it feels real. The truth is I know God deserves so much more than we will ever be able to give Him and even if I praise Him and I don't feel anything I do it anyway. He deserves all the praise. We were meant to live a life of joy and love and peace with God until we fell. Our sins separated us from God and he could have just sent us all to Hell which is what we deserved but He loved us so much He sent His Son from the throne to die for us so as to build a bridge for us to be able to have a relationship with us again. He loved us that much.

These thoughts have turned into feelings and they feel so real but at the same time I know the truth. God equipped us with knowledge to know right from wrong. I wake up daily and feel like I'm forcing myself to follow God. This is hard. I definitely feel that though it seems like it's gotten harder lately I have seen some walls come down. I am growing but perhaps not as much as I would if I would quit working and just trusting. It is hard to get out of this cycle because I feel if I quit for a second that I am disappointing God. Sometimes I'm so exhausted that I almost feel like I lose desire. The feelings even get this way like I could care less when in truth I do. All I want to do is please God. Sometimes also I feel like I pray for something but even before I get done I feel like I don't believe it will happen.

Anyway I know all that you are going through. I know the truth that I want this path and God is with me. He wants me to learn to trust Him but it's hard to get out of this vicious cycle. I am going in a circle working my way to heaven and that's not how I get there but my mind plays these tricks on me. I need to be out of the circle and on the line with the trust and rest. As I type this and I type heaven my mind says no you don't want heaven. I even had thoughts before that I didn't want others saved. Also thoughts that the Holy Spirit living inside me was creepy. I went for weeks begging Him not to leave no matter my thoughts and feelings. That's absurd. It's all lies from the pits of hell. Just join me in prayer that God opens up our eyes and changes us into his image and gives us knowledge faith and love. Oh and tell satan to go back to Hell. God loves us. I even was almost convinced once that I was evil and not meant to go to Heaven. Hard to do but remember it's all lies.

kneeskins · May 15, 2015

IneedJesus1 said:
I love you all. I have all of these thoughts and feelings. The feelings of not wanting to be saved come to me as I don't want to go to heaven or I don't want Gods path. I really thought I was alone with these. They are a pure lie to make you work harder to prove to God that you do want it when we don't have to work for salvation. It was given to us as a gift. I know the truth but that being said I am still trying to run in circles to show God I want this. I even have gotten so bad that I feel like God is nothing to me. It's a lie. The feeling is so strong and my mind tricks me into thinking that it's real because it feels real. The truth is I know God deserves so much more than we will ever be able to give Him and even if I praise Him and I don't feel anything I do it anyway. He deserves all the praise. We were meant to live a life of joy and love and peace with God until we fell. Our sins separated us from God and he could have just sent us all to Hell which is what we deserved but He loved us so much He sent His Son from the throne to die for us so as to build a bridge for us to be able to have a relationship with us again. He loved us that much.

These thoughts have turned into feelings and they feel so real but at the same time I know the truth. God equipped us with knowledge to know right from wrong. I wake up daily and feel like I'm forcing myself to follow God. This is hard. I definitely feel that though it seems like it's gotten harder lately I have seen some walls come down. I am growing but perhaps not as much as I would if I would quit working and just trusting. It is hard to get out of this cycle because I feel if I quit for a second that I am disappointing God. Sometimes I'm so exhausted that I almost feel like I lose desire. The feelings even get this way like I could care less when in truth I do. All I want to do is please God. Sometimes also I feel like I pray for something but even before I get done I feel like I don't believe it will happen.

Anyway I know all that you are going through. I know the truth that I want this path and God is with me. He wants me to learn to trust Him but it's hard to get out of this vicious cycle. I am going in a circle working my way to heaven and that's not how I get there but my mind plays these tricks on me. I need to be out of the circle and on the line with the trust and rest. As I type this and I type heaven my mind says no you don't want heaven. I even had thoughts before that I didn't want others saved. Also thoughts that the Holy Spirit living inside me was creepy. I went for weeks begging Him not to leave no matter my thoughts and feelings. That's absurd. It's all lies from the pits of hell. Just join me in prayer that God opens up our eyes and changes us into his image and gives us knowledge faith and love. Oh and tell satan to go back to Hell. God loves us. I even was almost convinced once that I was evil and not meant to go to Heaven. Hard to do but remember it's all lies.

Thanks for this post, it really makes me feel better to know that there are others out there who are going through the exact same thing as me.

I'll pray for you, brother, may God be with you.

IneedJesus1 · May 15, 2015

Your so sweet knee. I have been in this battle since December. I wonder how long it lasts. I do know that our flesh wars against the spirit our whole lives and also Satan will battle us like this too.

DeepWater · May 17, 2015

HannahElizaW said:
I don't know if I have faith or not. Do I have faith?

Pray. Hope. Anxiety. Move on. Freak out. Repeat.

Faith is Trust.

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Faith? No Faith? Mustard Seed Faith? Saving Faith? Some Faith? Questionable Faith?

HannahElizaW

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