Girlfriends

auskid said:

Is the age of 19 too young to start dating?

I have never dated a girl before because I feel as if it isn't right dating now, for dating should be used as a stepping stone to marriage and I'm not ready for marriage. and often, I'll tell myself I'm too young or I'm looking for a perfect christian girl.

Lately, some friends of mine are pressuring me to find a girl. In fact ,They are shocked someone like me is single ( don't mean to be full of myself). Sometimes when I meet a girl who likes me, I often turn her away, not because she is ugly it is just that I don't want to date her or she is not christian.

To be honest, one of the main reasons I have not gotten into a relationship is because I have yet to find a christian girl who I like. all these years, there is not a single christian girl who I am attracted to. I don't know why. Does God not want me to be in relationship and has plans for me?

So my other question is am I missing out on important lessons about relationships if I don't date, and should I be concern about girlfriends at this age?

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I think that it changes from person to person. If you are fine with being single, and are waiting for a christian girl. Then wait, you will not be disappointed. If you rush out and just settle for someone less than God's best for you. Then ya, you are going to be disappointed, and then you will have to live with the regret.
Just wait. You sound like a great kid, and I am certain that the Lord has His eye on someone more than worth the wait.
God bless you Brother.

dating should be used as a stepping stone to marriage...am I missing out on important lessons about relationships if I don't date

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If you learn swordfighting by watching tutorials, then sign up for a tournament, will you handle the sparring well?

People might teach that dating should be limited to pre-marriage, but that is their opinion, not scriptural doctrine. There is no law or rulebook for dating.

You are shaping your life as wisely as you can, planning and preparing for your own future. What you invest into it, hopefully will pay off later. Or at least lessons learned.

I am not saying to date to make sure you've dated, but don't be afraid to start these friendships. It will be awkward at first, so pace yourself.

When I was in high school, there were very few people I wanted to date, and even though there were fun challenges, they weren't serious keepers. And very few Christians. At that age, most people are immature, so they stumble through treating each other poorly. They haven't learned courteous ways to say no.

You've taken time to observe and see what you don't want to do... but it's also important to stay friends with women so you understand what they're interested in, how they respond, and how different each one is.

One perfect Christian will be different from the next perfect Christian woman.

Transition yourself by starting to ask more friends to have coffee or lunch together. Initiate movie nights or mini golf with friends... take more brave steps to initiate, and then it will be easier to ask a woman out.

And remember, a "no" is not rejection or a valuation of your worth -- people want what they want, and that changes.

19 and not interested in females . . . Okay, that can happen. Just run your own race, don't worry about what "people say". If nothing else, you will save a ton of money. Courting girls is expensive, use that money on education instead and I bet you come out ahead.

If you are looking for a christian girl as a potential wife, then i think that is a great thing. I think you are approaching it in a good way, so just trust in God. Also, though I know it can be difficult, don't let peer pressure change your views on this.

mytel said:

don't let peer pressure change your views on this.

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I agree. Just because your friends are dating does not mean you have to. Trust in God and He will guide you.

No, it's not too young.

Sketcher said:

No, it's not too young.

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I agree with this as well.

auskid said:

Is the age of 19 too young to start dating?

So my other question is am I missing out on important lessons about relationships if I don't date, and should I be concern about girlfriends at this age?

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No on both accounts. If you can see yourself getting married within a year, then look for a wife. If not, then enjoy friendships.

Hey Auskid. Welcome to the forums.

Is 19 too young? no. I want to comment on a few points from your OP.

Lately, some friends of mine are pressuring me to find a girl. In fact ,They are shocked someone like me is single

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I hear ya. In highschool my own parents pressured me to start dating. (I resisted) Many at school thought I was gay because I did not date. (not so) I was always hanging out with my guy friends. I had my reasons. God had to talk to me in an audible voice to get me to change my ways.

Sometimes when I meet a girl who likes me, I often turn her away,... it is just that I don't want to date her or she is not christian.

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Good for you in not dating a non-christian. You have to understand that anyone you date you may eventually marry. (dating has a way of wrapping us up in emotion and desire)

To be honest, one of the main reasons I have not gotten into a relationship is because I have yet to find a christian girl who I like. all these years, there is not a single christian girl who I am attracted to.

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That I find somewhat troublesome. Even though I did not date I found several young ladies my age VERY attractive and had some intense crushes. They were cute; They were sweet; They were fairly strong believers, all. But I never approached them. IMO you must be in a place that has a shortage of good christian girls. You probably want to find another congregation or youth group or gathering where you will find young women who are believers and you ARE attracted to.

OR - pray that God shows you why you are NOT attracted to the single christian young women you are already around. Are you looking for the wrong things perhaps?

So my other question is am I missing out on important lessons about relationships if I don't date, and should I be concern about girlfriends at this age?

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I did not date hardly at all. I proposed to my wife (now of 37 years) on our first official date. She often said early on in our marriage that she wished I had dated some at least, I would not have been so clueless about how to relate to a woman romantically. Of course, if i had dated one of those earlier crushes, I probably would have married her instead. My life would have been entirely different and I am quite sure this was the life God had for my and my wife.

So the answer is "yes," you may be missing some relational lessons. But IMO the cycle of close emotional attachments followed by the breakups is not healthy. IT is kinda like learning what "hot" is by placing your hand on a stove burner while it is glowing bright red. There are better (i.e. less painful) ways of learning some lessons.

I started having boyfriends at age 11. (Also ten but I had no clue what was going on.) I got pushed toward doing things I didn't want to do, and was fortunate that the guys respected that and moved on. I survived just fine, despite all the warnings we read about in Christian literature these days. Things could have been worse.

Not much official dating went on, since nobody had cars or money to go out. I had some great guy friends too, so I didn't feel as uncomfortable with men. I never sensed there was a right age -- not even now, looking back. I think you just work with what you have in front of you, and stick to your inner principles. Pray and listen to how God leads you.

And yes of course scriptures... but if we took them too literally, we'd be marrying younger. Dowries of oxen.


1 Kings 9:16
Pharaoh king of Egypt had attacked and captured Gezer. He then burned it down , killed the Canaanites who lived in the city, and gave it a dowry to his daughter, Solomon's wife.

What every girl wants.

Well, if you have yet to find miss right, and you are just concerned what everyone thinks of you for being 19 and not having a girlfriend, HAVE NO FEAR-

When I was 19, I was dating boys and getting into trouble lol.
My mom always shook her head and said she wished I'd focus on school.
She said that you change alot between 18 and 24 or 25. That your feelings, opinions, understanding of things and passions will change alot and that can jeopardize a serious relationship or a marriage. She wanted to see me marry older. I met my husband at 21. He was 22.
We wanted to marry right away, but God closed the door. but not as a "no". as a "wait." We finally got to get married ... 5 years later.
I was almost 27.
It didn't match up with God's timing until I was getting closer to 30... and she somehow knew that.

Everyone's story is different. There is a girl at my church that God gave her a man in the middle of college and they married quickly when she was only 20 and he was 23 and 7 years and 2 babies later, they are still married and don't appear to be on the rocks or anything.

I read that book "I kissed dating goodbye" By joshua Harris during the 8 months I was broken up from my husband, our relationship had to end for awhile for God to work on us and make us right for each other.
That book said "Singlehood is the perfect time to explore, study and tackle the world!" yes, you are free to go wherever God calls you and travel, study abroad (or not), have hobbies and a career, whatever... and not have to worry about someone else depending on you to provide or for attention.
Enjoy it.

You can tell people that. That you want to really see where God calls you and really know yourself and get a career going before you promise to take care of anyone.

I think people shouldn't date until they are older. But if people want to date then I would say don't marry until after 25. Our brains do not mature enough until around that age. We still tend to not really know what we want in life before 25. Our views tend to change every year. And we still tend to think short term instead of long. I've seen far yo many end up in divorce because they date young, get married quickly and so on. They weren't ready for it.

I'm glad I didn't date early on and that I didn't marry early either. I wouldn't have been ready like I thought I was at the time.