For so long I have battled intrusive and obsessive thoughts that would cycle around like a whirlwind. I would hear a sermon and be somewhat encouraged, yet not feel safe and secure with God and a real relationship with Him. Then, I would hear a sermon and know that I was not His child and would nosedive into the pit of despair, trying and trying to figure out how to be real with God, how to trust Him, how to "let go and let God", yet also do my part. I always felt as if I was a big mess-up and that I was so far removed from being able to simply trust Him as my Heavenly Father.
Last year, a lot of things happened that were so frightening for me spiritually that I pretty much shut down. I was on the verge of losing my family over it and truly thought that my opportunity to be saved was lost. Thoughts kept coming to my mind about just giving up and ending it all. I even thought God was telling me I had rejected Him and I was going to die lost.
I am so thankful for people who lifted me up in prayer. Some I asked to pray, and one lady said God brought me to her mind twice that week to pray for, even though she didn't know why. Of course, the enemy's lies and my mind turned that statement itself into a negative.
If anything encouraging would happen, I would even get it into my mind that it was Satan trying to trick me into believing that God really did hear me and that there was hope for me.
I am writing this today because I want to encourage others to never give up. God is not this harsh dictator who is indifferent to our sufferings. Last week was a really difficult week for me, but then things began changing. God is revealing Himself to me in such a real way. I'm not saying that I feel what I've heard others talk about experiencing, such as feeling so clean and at such peace. I am saying that Jesus is revealing that He loves me so much and that He has never left me through it all. He is revealing His true character to me. I've been focusing more on His names and what they mean because they tell the true character of God. El Shaddai, my God Who is more than enough; Jehovah-Nissi, my Banner and courage, and on and on it goes. This is the true nature of God.
If you were to have asked me throughout most of my 44 years if I ever thought I could be in this place, and if I had answered truthfully rather than "trying to speak in faith", I would have told you "no."
It has confused me for so long how to "let go and let God", yet "don't give up." They seem like contradictory statements. However, I have described ocd as "obsessive controlling disorder." I would pray to God, yet hold on somehow believing I needed to direct how things happened.
I can't say that I'm through this, but I can say that God understands me. He understand you better than we ever could. His love is unconditional, which is so difficult for us to grasp.
For those in the depths of struggling with this, please don't ever give up. God is for us. He is not against us. Jesus' sacrifice truly is enough. I got to the point to where I was embarrassed about the number of times I'd gone to the altar and what people must be thinking about "that poor woman who is an emotional wreck." But God is a God of hope. He doesn't think as we think and His ways are so much higher than our ways. When I read the Bible now, I look for his character rather than at my shortcomings. My thoughts and heart are to be focused on Who He is rather than on what I'm not. Focusing on me turns my thoughts inward and I can never measure up.
Please know that there is HOPE. God never gives up on us. He is truly a good God Whose love is without limits.
I'm so thankful He never gave up on me, and He's reminding me of that. It didn't happen the way I thought it should or would have chosen, but He knows what is best, and I can trust Him for the outcome.
Many blessings for His peace and joy in your hearts,
Rebecca
Last year, a lot of things happened that were so frightening for me spiritually that I pretty much shut down. I was on the verge of losing my family over it and truly thought that my opportunity to be saved was lost. Thoughts kept coming to my mind about just giving up and ending it all. I even thought God was telling me I had rejected Him and I was going to die lost.
I am so thankful for people who lifted me up in prayer. Some I asked to pray, and one lady said God brought me to her mind twice that week to pray for, even though she didn't know why. Of course, the enemy's lies and my mind turned that statement itself into a negative.
If anything encouraging would happen, I would even get it into my mind that it was Satan trying to trick me into believing that God really did hear me and that there was hope for me.
I am writing this today because I want to encourage others to never give up. God is not this harsh dictator who is indifferent to our sufferings. Last week was a really difficult week for me, but then things began changing. God is revealing Himself to me in such a real way. I'm not saying that I feel what I've heard others talk about experiencing, such as feeling so clean and at such peace. I am saying that Jesus is revealing that He loves me so much and that He has never left me through it all. He is revealing His true character to me. I've been focusing more on His names and what they mean because they tell the true character of God. El Shaddai, my God Who is more than enough; Jehovah-Nissi, my Banner and courage, and on and on it goes. This is the true nature of God.
If you were to have asked me throughout most of my 44 years if I ever thought I could be in this place, and if I had answered truthfully rather than "trying to speak in faith", I would have told you "no."
It has confused me for so long how to "let go and let God", yet "don't give up." They seem like contradictory statements. However, I have described ocd as "obsessive controlling disorder." I would pray to God, yet hold on somehow believing I needed to direct how things happened.
I can't say that I'm through this, but I can say that God understands me. He understand you better than we ever could. His love is unconditional, which is so difficult for us to grasp.
For those in the depths of struggling with this, please don't ever give up. God is for us. He is not against us. Jesus' sacrifice truly is enough. I got to the point to where I was embarrassed about the number of times I'd gone to the altar and what people must be thinking about "that poor woman who is an emotional wreck." But God is a God of hope. He doesn't think as we think and His ways are so much higher than our ways. When I read the Bible now, I look for his character rather than at my shortcomings. My thoughts and heart are to be focused on Who He is rather than on what I'm not. Focusing on me turns my thoughts inward and I can never measure up.
Please know that there is HOPE. God never gives up on us. He is truly a good God Whose love is without limits.
I'm so thankful He never gave up on me, and He's reminding me of that. It didn't happen the way I thought it should or would have chosen, but He knows what is best, and I can trust Him for the outcome.
Many blessings for His peace and joy in your hearts,
Rebecca
