I started believing in God and the Bible in full 2 years ago; I was raised atheist. I am a philosophy major and I have had a lot of issues with the Bible previously, especially regarding the old testament, but I have found all the answers I was looking for. The problem is, I hated God when I first started believing, and I still hate Him 2 years later. I really hope I'm wrong and there is no God, because it's comforting to me to think that God isn't real and that there is no afterlife.
Why I hate God? Because He created this. This world, the people, this disgusting world! And I do believe God and evil can coexist, and I also believe this is the best possible world we could have with the very narrow sense of free will we have been given (perhaps better than no free will at all). So the issue is not evil...the issue is that He didn't have to create this in the first place. The world didn't have to be here at all. It just seems so stupid...God...to me...seems stupid for making this (as wrong as it is to call God stupid).
Jesus died for us? In the context of a pre-existing world, this shows a love beyond comprehension, His sacrificial love and humility is astounding.. But hey, the world didn't have to exist at all, so what Jesus did actually isn't that great. God gave us all life against our will, threw us into messed up situations we didn't choose...we were born into generations of sin. We were socialized into sinners, we were shaped to act the way we do, as messed up as sin is it's expected that humanity would be in the state it is given the circumstances. So great, Jesus died for people He didn't have to create? Creating the world/humanity was a disservice to all of us, a selfish act. I don't know. I have no peace over this, I don't see God as good and I hate how He has control and I don't...I didn't get to choose my birth, I don't get to choose my death, I can't even commit suicide because then I can't kill myself in the afterlife and i"m assuming the afterlife sucks more than this life does. Help please this is torture.
This isn't an issue of suffering and evil, again, as that is not what is torturing me. What does torture me is that I have no control. I didn't choose whether or not I was born, I don't get to choose when I die (unless I commit suicide), and when I do die I have no control over the afterlife (I'm assuming one cannot commit suicide in heaven or hell, or opt out of the afterlife entirely!). All I want is to cease to exist at some point, that is all I ask! I don't want to be part of this system.
Basically, I hate God because He is in control and I think His plan is stupid (and I'm terribly wrong for saying it but I did:/) I have no peace, because I exist, and existence is so stupid. It's not the suffering of having to exist, like I said. It's the fact that I was born against my will, and am trapped in a system I never agreed to being a part of
Why I hate God? Because He created this. This world, the people, this disgusting world! And I do believe God and evil can coexist, and I also believe this is the best possible world we could have with the very narrow sense of free will we have been given (perhaps better than no free will at all). So the issue is not evil...the issue is that He didn't have to create this in the first place. The world didn't have to be here at all. It just seems so stupid...God...to me...seems stupid for making this (as wrong as it is to call God stupid).
Jesus died for us? In the context of a pre-existing world, this shows a love beyond comprehension, His sacrificial love and humility is astounding.. But hey, the world didn't have to exist at all, so what Jesus did actually isn't that great. God gave us all life against our will, threw us into messed up situations we didn't choose...we were born into generations of sin. We were socialized into sinners, we were shaped to act the way we do, as messed up as sin is it's expected that humanity would be in the state it is given the circumstances. So great, Jesus died for people He didn't have to create? Creating the world/humanity was a disservice to all of us, a selfish act. I don't know. I have no peace over this, I don't see God as good and I hate how He has control and I don't...I didn't get to choose my birth, I don't get to choose my death, I can't even commit suicide because then I can't kill myself in the afterlife and i"m assuming the afterlife sucks more than this life does. Help please this is torture.
This isn't an issue of suffering and evil, again, as that is not what is torturing me. What does torture me is that I have no control. I didn't choose whether or not I was born, I don't get to choose when I die (unless I commit suicide), and when I do die I have no control over the afterlife (I'm assuming one cannot commit suicide in heaven or hell, or opt out of the afterlife entirely!). All I want is to cease to exist at some point, that is all I ask! I don't want to be part of this system.
Basically, I hate God because He is in control and I think His plan is stupid (and I'm terribly wrong for saying it but I did:/) I have no peace, because I exist, and existence is so stupid. It's not the suffering of having to exist, like I said. It's the fact that I was born against my will, and am trapped in a system I never agreed to being a part of