things you'll never here in Heaven. (2)

Check your local ads for Black Friday sales

Whew, that dude's high.

God never said this:

"Blessed is the one who does not sit in the company of mockers."

It's a lie. As a matter of fact, He started the Mockers Club, and rewards the best mockers and scoffers.

Hey, I just beat the Rubick's Cube

Wish these shoulders would quit buggin!

My gas bill is overdue

and no, God did not say this either. It is a downright lie:

"Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!" ~Isaiah 5:20

That's just ridiculous. Where do these lies come from, anyway?

God is a benign marshmallow of sentimentality. He's that toothless ol' man in da corner over there, nodding and smiling at ev'rything. Here, throw these tomatoes at him. He'll just nod and smile.....

I'll take a Big Mac...uhm....medium fries...uuuuuhhhh...small soda...that'll be to go...

...and no, he didn't say this either:

"(For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, [that they are] the enemies of the cross of Christ: Whose end [is] destruction, whose God [is their] belly, and [whose] glory [is] in their shame, who mind earthly things.)" ~Philippians 3:18-19

Good grief! Where Do you get this stuff?!!

I need 2 enchiladas at Table 5..

I wonder if animals will be in heaven? I sure hope so, I want my kitty there!

Sheeeesh!!!!! God didn't say this:

"He that walketh uprightly walketh surely: but he that perverteth his ways shall be known." ~Proverbs 10:9

God didn't say THIS!!!!!

"And whosoever shall offend (be a stumbling block) to one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea." ~mark 9:42

...and He never said THIS either:

"Ye are of [your] father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it." ~John 8:44

Quit yer lyin', mon!!!

Sup pumpkinhead? Where do you keep the TUMS?

That's not spelled correctly!

Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop?

Who wants to watch TWD?

Thatsa one spiceyia meataballa