how to deal with sarcasm

Goodbook said:

why are people sarcastic?
It's annoying.
I try to ignore..I notice men do it a lot, women not so much. Is it insecurity, or they want to puff themselves up or what?
What does the Bible say?

something about fresh and salt water do not mix?
why can't people say what they mean and mean what they say?

I'd hate to talk with someone all the while believing and trusting what they say only to have them bite back and say ...just kidding. Does that mean they are goat-talking instead of sheep-talking. I always think that children should never be called kids, it demeans them. But I do realise some people on here get highly offended if I say that..

Jesus said - feed my sheep. Feed my lambs. Not feed my goats and my kids.

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Sarcasm is situational. Some do it as a normal mode of communication; some do it as an attempt at humor; some may use it in an insulting way. Whatever the case, you'll run across it your whole life, so you might as well figure out how you want to deal with it.

As for kids, I think you should relax. Words have various definitions. A baby goat is one definition for a kid; a child is another definition. It's not derogatory. Just a different use for the same word.

Goodbook said:

I'm asking how cos I really don't know.
Not helping sorry.
I actually DO find the term kids derogatory. It's like saying your children are wild and can't control themselves, eating any old thing.

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It's a learning process, like any inter-personal communication. You'll have to practice. If the sarcasm is supposed to be funny, and you agree, then laugh. If it's an insult, and you agree, then nod your head - otherwise disagree. If someone simply uses sarcasm as a method of communication, then learn to get at the underlying meaning of what the person is trying to say (usually it's the opposite of what they did say). I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Goodbook said:

why are people sarcastic?
It's annoying.
I try to ignore..I notice men do it a lot, women not so much. Is it insecurity, or they want to puff themselves up or what?
What does the Bible say?

something about fresh and salt water do not mix?
why can't people say what they mean and mean what they say?

I'd hate to talk with someone all the while believing and trusting what they say only to have them bite back and say ...just kidding. Does that mean they are goat-talking instead of sheep-talking. I always think that children should never be called kids, it demeans them. But I do realise some people on here get highly offended if I say that..

Jesus said - feed my sheep. Feed my lambs. Not feed my goats and my kids.

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I think for most people being sarcastic is habitual. Or they likely learned it from their parents or peers. It may have gotten them attention and so became ingrained as part of their modus operati. But I do agree, it is annoying.

I just finished a ten week bible study on the Epistle of James. In that he deals extensively with the tongue and what it can do. I especially noted this scripture: James 1:19 " My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry..."

I believe sarcasm is a form of anger and is definitely rooted in an insecure personality. It may be a habit and unintentional but it was learned and it can wound others.

It is also counter productive in that it pushes most people away from the sacastic person.

So, how do you deal? I usually listen and then change the subject or gradually withdraw. Also it is best to not get defensive at all knowing that the problem is the other person's more than yours. And definitely begin praying for that person.

When I was in college I could be very sarcastic because I grew up in an atmosphere where this was prevalent and generally part of life. One day a girlfriend took me aside and gave me a booklet all about I Corinthians 13..She never said I was sarcastic but she bravely gave me the answer which, of course, was to examine my own heart and see if I was loving others.

I think they say "just kidding" because they somehow sense what they are saying could hurt sensitive people so they cover it with that remark. I admit that I have done that myself when I thought I had overstepped my comments and may have offended. Better to correct oneself and say, "I shouldn't have said that." Then we would likely say, "that is okay." and the conversation could continue in a positive way. I think that is better than going back later to apologize. But if we are the recipients we must forgive the comment as quickly as we can. Unforgiveness and taking things too personally can be a bigger problem than encountering sarcastic remarks.

I wouldn't necessarily recommend confronting with a scripture chapter or passage but if somehow the time seems right you could do as my college friend did. At first I was under conviction and didn't like her for saying such. But as time went on I did appreciate that moment in my life and never forgot the incident. I think it changed me a lot because someone lovingly told me the truth about my lack of love for others.And before that wake up call I didn't realize that my habit of sarcasm wasn't okay or could harm others.

Consistant sarcasm is definintely unloving but it involves more than just speaking such. It involves a necessary change in thinking and thinking patterns. Philippians 5:8-9 can help "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

If you don't ignore the talk or walk away you could counteract the sarcasm with positive remarks about the person or situation. If it is a dart aimed at you..then not responding is good although awkward. Better than reacting in a negative way.

Most of all pray as I am sure my college friend must have done for me especially before she approached me.

This is a very good question which gave me food for though. Thank you for starting this thread. Bless you much!

Sarcasm is an untruth and it does take quite some time to educate oneself what effect it has when receiving it from someone, or broadcasting it to someone, especially gossip as some form of ticklebone humor, just to softly push aside depression - a silent 'hard to get rid of ' killer:.
Where does Jesus fit in all this sarcasm emotion-sphere you wonder? Well, supernaturally Jesus definitely does make you feel much more in the positive zone with his abundance of peace and joy, and as this happens pretty much every second, sarcasm can be replaced with something more positively towards the truth but in a much more organized way of putting the words together, especially in writing, since writing is a much more organized conversation-like piece of self-expression.;'*';.

I suppose a lot of it is cultural and contextual.

In the UK, a lot of our humour can be sarcastic- and in my own family (and with close friends) we use sarcasm and insults.
BUT....
it's the sort of sarcasm/ insult that's a form of teasing- born of affection and of knowing the person well. It's never intended to be hurtful or spiteful.

The form of sarcasm that IS spiteful, nasty and intended to put someone down and demean them is, quite simply inexcusable. As you say, that sort of sarcasm is never called for.

I think you had it at the beginning, Goodbook- in that a lot of people use that form of sarcasm as a way of making themselves feel better at someone else's expense- getting some sort of kick out of feeling 'witty' or 'clever'. It says more about their own insecurity than the person they're demeaning, really.

As for the 'kids' thing..... everone is entitled to theri own preference. I do think it's a tad much going along the lines of linking a word that can be used to refer to both an infant goat and a human child with satanic symoblism, though.

I call my kids...well, kids.

I also call them my children (although not so much now that they're 19 and 21), or I may call up the stairs 'Hey, offspring- ar you two coming down for dinner?'. I may say 'Son of Mine' or 'Daughter of Mine' (that stuck after a Doctor Who episode!) or, if they think they can embarass me, I'll simply smile and say 'Nice try, womb-fruit!'

But generally, I refer to them as my kids. (I've used 'cub' on occasion!)

It's not comparing them to an animal. It's just a legitimate use of the word that also means 'child'. True- Jesus did say to feed his sheep and lambs and not goats and kids- but if calling a child a 'kid' is criticised for being an animal term- so would calling them a 'lamb'. I don't think the context for what Jesus said in any way refers to the definition of a word meaning 'child'.

Words change over time. They do that.
If we're going to insist on not using 'kid' because it originally only meant a baby goat- them I should be able to call pretty much everyone on here gay. I'm pretty sure you've all been happy or cheerful at some point, right? Therefore, we're gay (or certainly have been!).

If we're not accepting that words change and have new meanings- then I hope nobody calls anyone 'nice' on here, either- because the word 'nice' originally meant 'stupid' or 'ignorant'.

Over here the word 'chavi' meant child (in Romany culture in particular)- but if you referred to one of my kids as a chav or being chavvy- I would be very, very offended- because 'chav' has an entirely different meaning- and it isn't complimentary.
Some words that meant 'child' are definitely not the same now. Some words that meant something else-also mean child now.

If someone doesn't like the idea of calling their children kids- that's cool. They're perfectly entitled not to. That's more than ok. But to criticise others for using a legitimate, harmless and not remotely spritually dodgy word to refer to theri children, isn't ok. It's one of those things that we're free to like or not- but it isn't fair to impose that on others who do use the term.

dysert said:

It's a learning process, like any inter-personal communication. You'll have to practice. If the sarcasm is supposed to be funny, and you agree, then laugh. If it's an insult, and you agree, then nod your head - otherwise disagree. If someone simply uses sarcasm as a method of communication, then learn to get at the underlying meaning of what the person is trying to say (usually it's the opposite of what they did say). I'm sure you'll figure it out.

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Sounds easy

I say children too.

Sarcasm, I believe it's a bad habit, like people who cuss.
...it took me a long time to stop saying a certain cuss word
when I got upset.
It takes prayer, effort and lots of practice to correct one's
foul speech.

Paul used sarcasm a bit.

1Co 4:7-10 KJV For who maketh thee to differ from another? and what hast thou that thou didst not receive? now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou glory, as if thou hadst not received it? (8) Now ye are full, now ye are rich, ye have reigned as kings without us: and I would to God ye did reign, that we also might reign with you. (9) For I think that God hath set forth us the apostles last, as it were appointed to death: for we are made a spectacle unto the world, and to angels, and to men. (10) We are fools for Christ's sake, but ye are wise in Christ; we are weak, but ye are strong; ye are honourable, but we are despised.

Dear Goodbook. You had some good advice, here is one more. (it always works for me) Follow Jesus. In Matthew 22: 35-40: Jesus tells us: "The first and great Commandment is: Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. The second is like it: Love thy neighbour as thyself." Then Jesus states this great fact: " On these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets." Love is a Christian`s great weapon, with love we can overcome all obstacles and anger. When someone tries sarcasm on you, answer with a smile and a fitting reply or question: perhaps " do you think so, or how funny. Do not get angry or upset, regard it as a funny joke. Love is our great help, with love we can overcome all evil and sarcasm and wrong behaviour. Try it, and let your love shine. You will find that love is our greatest weapon, we can overcome all, and Satan and his followers will flee.
I say this with love, Goodbook. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

Goodbook said:

ok. but in my situation, I've been laughing and saying it as funny..and then the person turns around and says to me 'I was being sarcastic!'
so what's that supposed to mean??? They REALLY wanted to hurt me? Or they actually meant what they said? confusing.

Can't they just stop their bad habit?

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*There are people who don't want to change...they do life
their way and if others don't play by their rules, anything
someone else does will not get a pass...remember my situation
with my uncle who died without a will? I offered to help with
settling his estate, other family members didn't want my help...
so nothing will get done...until either certain ones change their
minds or the estate gets seized for non-payment of debts and taxes.

I understand the "kids" issue; interesting the double speak meanings of many English words.

As for sarcasm, it is supposed to be a literary device to somehow add more to a piece. However, it has become a conversational device that spectra between loving terms of endearment, to oratory malice, falling somewhere along "linguistic defense mechanism." Sarcasm has the affect of deflection, reflection and distraction - powerful for getting the heat off of a person.

Goodbook said:

Paul didn't use sarcasm. He told the truth. He really was laid low. There was nothing in Paul, nothing the devil could use against him.

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Yeah the Corinthian Church members were reigning as Kings in their ungodly conduct. ( sarcasm )

1Co 4:8 KJV Now ye are full, now ye are rich, ye have reigned as kings without us: and I would to God ye did reign, that we also might reign with you.

We can maybe call it irony but it's an effective illustrative tool when used in the right spirit. Elijah used it too when he mocked the prophets of Baal.

1Ki 18:27 KJV And it came to pass at noon, that Elijah mocked them, and said, Cry aloud: for he is a god; either he is talking, or he is pursuing, or he is in a journey, or peradventure he sleepeth, and must be awaked.

Don't get too hung up over sdarcasm and only use it yourself in the correct manner. Of course if you don't understand it or it offends you best not use it at all.