that, theologically, I'm Orthodox.
Welcome to TAW!!! And I understand the feeling. There is more, btw, in the depths of it that was even more beautiful to me as I am coming to understand.
There's only one problem - my husband. He's a cradle Catholic who will never consider converting, and I don't know if I would actually convert without him. He's agreed to go to a DL with me, so who knows what will happen.
That's something right there.
And a very good thing to ask for prayer about too, and pray yourself.
Can I just ask for prayer support until I know where God wants me?
And this absolutely.
You have my prayers, certainly. My situation is similar to yours in some ways. And the other person I went through the catechumenate with is in your position with his wife.
Patience has never been my strong suit, but I'm not planning to make any changes until a few other things in my life fall into place.
I felt exactly the same way, and that is what both the priests I spoke to had told me to do. I didn't even commit to becoming a catechumen for a while for the sake of my husband, and I didn't attend the Divine Liturgy because I kept going to various churches with him on Sundays, attending only weekday services (presanctified during Lent) and classes.
My main concern, if you can call it that, is what if I attend a Liturgy or two, or an inquirers' class, feel it's where I belong, but my husband (who HATES change) doesn't feel comfortable leaving what he's known his whole life?
And I can really relate to that. That is what happened to me. Only in a way reverse - we were Protestant (he still is) and he had been very strongly taught against anything that looked, sounded like, or reminded him in any way of Catholicism (so Lutheran, Anglican, and any other even slightly traditional Church was out - so we were at complete odds).
I trust I will know the right thing to do when the time comes, but what if I choose to go ahead and it puts distance between my husband and me? What if I choose to remain where I am, even thought I know it's not right? How will God look upon either of these? That's a lot of "what if's", isn't it.
I didn't see anyone answer this. One thing that HAS helped me is the Orthodox understanding of marriage. Marriage is a sacrament, and meant to be sacrificial. The most important focus in marriage for any person is the salvation of their spouse. When I began to understand that, my focus changed and it was much easier for me. It was still hard ... but keeping that in mind made it bearable and even let me use everything in an intentional way to honor God. And I think it has been the attitude that it fostered in me that has made all the difference between my husband and myself.
Of course you and your husband are different people, so what happened with me isn't really relevant, in the details. So I will only add that many people told me that Orthodox practice could make a difference in me that my husband would be able to see (mostly a prayer rule). And that is exactly what happened. He went from considering forbidding me to go to Church at all (which I don't know what I would have done), to deciding that it couldn't be all bad because it was doing something for me.
He even finally did attend a Divine Liturgy with me and enjoyed it! Though he's nowhere near considering conversion.
Living with an Orthodox mindset and the changes it has made in me and in our marriage (for the good!), patience, and much prayer have been the most important things for us. And they were all things that people told me would be the case, so that's why I mention them. I found it to be good advice I received.
It's a bit of a tricky situation. Some spouses convert along with or soon after, some convert years later, and some never do. Intercessory prayer is essential, I would say.
God bless you, you have my prayers. Go slowly, yes.
Oh ... one more thing.
If you find yourself getting excited - be careful. Don't bubble that over on your husband by getting into conversations where you try to show him how right it is or how much better it is, even passively. I was also told not to do this by a few people, and at first I couldn't restrain myself, though I tried, and it did backfire and worsen the situation.
My husband and I talk about theology now, but I don't mention the Church's position unless he asks. And if he insists on an interpretation that I don't agree with, I don't argue with him. But he does ask about the Church sometimes, and I do explain in those cases, and it has often been those things that I am pleased to explain because I know what he's looking for - his theology is more Orthodox than he realizes. It's just getting past the Protestant baggage in his case, which of course has nothing to do with you. Most Catholics seem to struggle most with the feeling that they are abandoning their Church, endangering their souls (since they have been taught this), and what feels like lack of loyalty to the papacy.
My prayers are with you. I hope in all this rambling, something made sense.
God bless you, dear sister! I will be thinking of you and praying for you both!
