You Can't Touch This

Yes, we are naturally what we are --and God loves us, everyone. Those of us you are ancient need to be thankful for our years. If we are not real believers on the Lord Jesus, then we need John 14. If we sin, then we should confess it (see 1 Jn. 1:9 -God's safety net for Christians from disasters). If we are lonely or troubled we can tell it to Jesus and trust Him always. It will lift the spirit to rejoice in Him.

BFine said:

The time is fast approaching when I will celebrate
another birthday-- I'll be 50 on November 30th!
(Cue the theme from Hawaii 50 LOL!)

In another thread...
I was reading over what someone else posted about
aging and not hiding behind make-up, hair dyes or
avoiding people who are showing their age etc.

As a "all natural" black woman I found the person's comments refreshing
and they made me smile.
However, I do know from personal experience that walking
through the mall can be tricky for me because I will be the one targeted by the cosmetic sales people with their: Let me help you "enhance" your looks speeches.

Those nails...
I had a man (who was selling a nail kit) to actually take me by the hand
and immediately start trying to do a manicure! I made him stop and he
started in with his verbal attack-- "Don't you want a free nail make-over? Seriously hon, why would you want your nails to look so "boring" and unattractive?
I told him that if he was trying to sell me anything he was doing a miserable
job of it and I walked away quickly!

Then there's the girls selling flat irons... I get targeted by them too!
If being "natural" is my choice, why does it bother folks so much?
My hair is naturally curly...to flat iron it isn't what I want at this time.
With comments like: "Why the big hair, it's not the in style?
Get with it girlfriend!" "Men don't like nappy" or "Can't you afford a relaxer?" etc.

I hear many such comments not only from sales people but from people I know
and it's not uncommon for strangers to make comments as well...doesn't matter
if I'm in the USA or Canada...no make-up, no nail job, supporting my curly fro
isn't "acceptable" to many people.
Women seem to find it odd or unnatural to go without make-up, no hair dye or
getting their nails done etc.

I asked my husband what he thought and he said: "I love you for you, whether
you wear your hair relaxed (you look good) if you wear your hair natural (you look good.)
Make-up or no make-up? He said he prefers no make-up but was
fine with me wearing it whenever I choose to wear it... which isn't too often.

I've been "natural" for a long time, it's not a new trend with me... so, I would
ask what you all think of about a woman being "natural" -- no make-up,
no trendy nail job, no hair dye...just aging gracefully?

If you are also "aging gracefully"...share your story too if you like.

Click to expand...

This is really interesting. As someone who is *cough*quite a few years older *cough* than you....

I think that your choice is a great one for you. It is not a great choice for me. Let me explain...

My mother divorced my violent alcoholic father when I was 7, and moved me to another country to live with her parents. Once she turned 50, my once beautiful mother completely let herself go. She gained 100lbs, dressed like an old lady (she was once very fashionable) and neglected self care.

More importantly, with her lazy attitude about her appearance came a lazy attitude about everything in her life. If she had nowhere to go, she would stay in her pajamas for days.."they are comfortable." Her hair was dirty and smelly. She laid in bed and watched television when ever she could.

Her mother, my grandmother, was the opposite. Though she was 25 years older than my mother, she was impeccable with grooming. Every morning at 5am, she was in the bathroom fixing her hair and putting on her makeup. She was very lovely, and continued to do this into her 90s, when, due to cataracts, her makeup got a little wonky! But I admired her so much for continuing to take good care of herself. My grandfather liked it too. My mother, by contrast, looked awful. And she started acting awful too.

I chose to follow my grandmother's example. There is vanity involved...absolutely. But more than that, I feel better, more confident when I am put together. I do so even when I am home alone all day and no one else sees me. It's about how I feel. If I feel dowdy and lazy, I act that way. And the thought of following in my mother's footsteps horrifies me.

My husband loves that I take care of myself. He adores me and would love me even if I didn't, but he is thrilled that I do. As a professional woman, I go out before clientele with confidence. And, by the way, on those days that I do not do my best, I find that I am very self conscious. I don't like the way I feel. When I have done my best to put myself together, I don't think about myself at all during the day, and I focus on the people I am working with. It is the best choice for me.

I would love to be completely natural. It was save me a lot of time, money and energy. But I look awful when I don't do hair, makeup, nails and decent clothing. And if I look awful, I feel awful.

So I envy you in a way. It would be great to free myself up like that. But it is absolutely the wrong choice for me. I am really glad that you are content that way. And because you are, you will have to accept the fact that people will continue to do what you described. Fortunately, it sounds like you have the confidence to take it all in stride and continue to just be yourself. That is wonderful.

I think you are incredibly blessed in having such a sweetie for a husband. I think its refreshing that you are confident enough to ignore peer pressure and just be who YOU want to be.

Praying for you to get less, silly, hassle.

I like wearing make up...but I'm not really a girlie girl. For about 9 months I let my greys grow out and really liked how shiny they were!!

I would have kept them but felt compelled to have a more "put together" look when I went to a job interview. So my greys mostly went bye bye Some still poke through and that's okay! Once my daughter is out of college and the bills are paid I can quit my job and grow out my greys once again!! It will be so freeing!!!!

BFine said:

The time is fast approaching when I will celebrate
another birthday-- I'll be 50 on November 30th!
(Cue the theme from Hawaii 50 LOL!)

In another thread...
I was reading over what someone else posted about
aging and not hiding behind make-up, hair dyes or
avoiding people who are showing their age etc.

As a "all natural" black woman I found the person's comments refreshing
and they made me smile.
However, I do know from personal experience that walking
through the mall can be tricky for me because I will be the one targeted by the cosmetic sales people with their: Let me help you "enhance" your looks speeches.

Those nails...
I had a man (who was selling a nail kit) to actually take me by the hand
and immediately start trying to do a manicure! I made him stop and he
started in with his verbal attack-- "Don't you want a free nail make-over? Seriously hon, why would you want your nails to look so "boring" and unattractive?
I told him that if he was trying to sell me anything he was doing a miserable
job of it and I walked away quickly!

Then there's the girls selling flat irons... I get targeted by them too!
If being "natural" is my choice, why does it bother folks so much?
My hair is naturally curly...to flat iron it isn't what I want at this time.
With comments like: "Why the big hair, it's not the in style?
Get with it girlfriend!" "Men don't like nappy" or "Can't you afford a relaxer?" etc.

I hear many such comments not only from sales people but from people I know
and it's not uncommon for strangers to make comments as well...doesn't matter
if I'm in the USA or Canada...no make-up, no nail job, supporting my curly fro
isn't "acceptable" to many people.
Women seem to find it odd or unnatural to go without make-up, no hair dye or
getting their nails done etc.

I asked my husband what he thought and he said: "I love you for you, whether
you wear your hair relaxed (you look good) if you wear your hair natural (you look good.)
Make-up or no make-up? He said he prefers no make-up but was
fine with me wearing it whenever I choose to wear it... which isn't too often.

I've been "natural" for a long time, it's not a new trend with me... so, I would
ask what you all think of about a woman being "natural" -- no make-up,
no trendy nail job, no hair dye...just aging gracefully?

If you are also "aging gracefully"...share your story too if you like.

Click to expand...

I really hope to age gracefully in the coming years as well. I dress in what's comfortable, not what's trendy (I couldn't even tell you what's "in" at any given moment). I don't "do" my hair, I let it air dry and put a little mousse in it to control frizzies, and that's it. I don't wear makeup aside from a little mascara. I don't have an hour-long, moisture-slathering, wrinkle-battling skin care regimen every night. I'm starting to see the first fine lines on my face. I don't know if I could spot a gray hair if I really looked, but I'm not going to! I'm starting to look more like I remember my mother looking when I was a kid, and less like the 20 something I still feel like, but haven't been for a while.

BF, I hope you can continue to let those insensitive, ignorant comments just slide off your shoulders. I think natural is beautiful, no matter what race or complexion someone is. It's hard to not only accept, but embrace, getting older, when our entire society is constantly raging against it with youth-worship and endless products designed to make us look younger. Screw that, I say.

And I just want to say that Turkle's mother is an extreme example... there's a big difference between being natural and being sloppy. Dressing in PJ's all day and not taking care of even basic hygiene is not what we're referring to when we say "be natural". I feel like I have a good balance of being clean and presentable, but not made-up or primpy. I feel like, I want to present the "real" me to the world. I don't roll out of bed with a full face of makeup, covered in jewelry, etc... that's a facade to me. I just take what's already there and make sure it's clean and tidy and that's that.

You know how things will change? One person at a time. One mother, one grandmother, at a time, teaching their daughters and sisters that getting old is a privilege, an honor, and something to celebrate, not run away from. That includes me... it's definitely something I struggle with.

BFine said:

I've been "natural" for a long time, it's not a new trend with me... so, I would
ask what you all think of about a woman being "natural" -- no make-up,
no trendy nail job, no hair dye...just aging gracefully?

If you are also "aging gracefully"...share your story too if you like.

Click to expand...

I do not find makeup appealing, at all, and have never liked it. Especially lipstick or anything gaudy. I found this the case even as a child.

I do like clean, and I do like attention to hair and nails.

Women I have dated have therefore been like that, including my wife.

Almost bizarrely, polished nails can be good, or some nail colors, usually I suppose women I have dated have not used orthodox nail colors, if at all. But, really kind of "bizarrely", I can definitely find stockings and lingerie and such on a woman extremely appealing.

High heels and a dress, as well. Though, typically women I have dated or really liked have not worn dresses very often.

Perhaps TMI, but it is refreshing to hear from others.

My wife usually does something with her hair, but her frizzy is the long, super wild irish kind that you really just do not see outside of the deep areas of Ireland.

I do often like wild hair, even if frizzy or whatever.


Aging gracefully, not sure, haven't yet seen too many signs of aging. I have a kind of baby face. Actually just got carded tonight for buying nyquil and I joked about it to the clerks who looked a little disturbed.

I do have some age spots which bug me, though.

I do not, however, feel that my outward "me" is the real "me" (at all), and look forward strongly to the day when our old bodies are discarded for the new.

I can't say I have experience with aging but I'll post this...

1 Peter‬ 3‬:3-5‬ NLT

Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands.

Personally, i like making-up and dressing flashy because it makes me feel good. There is nothing wrong with being natural if this is what u like. I think for most people, our personalities affect the way we dress and even our choices on make-up. My advice is, just do what makes u feel good. Good thing, your husband likes the natural look too.
One of the best things about being a believer, is that God makes our lives relevant regardless of age. Congrats and God bless!

I think Audrey Hepburn was an example of a woman who aged gracefully. And Grace Kelly.
Both had gray hairs.

I dont do makeup for other reasons, mostly because I was never taught how to, and also because I don't want to poke my eye out when putting on mascara or eyeliner, nail polish fumes make me gag. And also, can't really afford it. Plus a lot of that makeup and cosmetics are tested on animals. What they do is test it till have the animals are killed so they know the concentration of it won't kill a human being. Usually using rabbits, mice or guinea pigs.

I'm into natural beauty using skin care you can actually make yourself from plants/oils/fruits. When you take proper care of yourself, your skin glows.

I only do warpaint I mean makeup for special occasions and mostly someone else does it for me. Although I ended up looking like a hooker with my eyes punched out in green eyeshadow at my pastors daughters wedding thanks to my so-called 'friend'. Also I don't really like people staring at me. It makes me feel like I'm a piece of eye-candy. Maybe for halloween..just kidding.

I'm feeling very indignant on your behalf, BFine at those insensitive and downright rude comments you've had from people out and about! Bloomin' cheek!

I can tell you straight up- and I bet anyone here will agree with me- that we don't need to see your face to know that you're beautiful, hon. It comes out in your posts and your attitude.

As for me....I'm a bit of both (natural/ and 'enhanced') I do wear make up- mostly because I'm very pale and, because of various health reasons, only need to be a little tired or have a touch of a cold or whatever- and I look as though I'm really ill! Sometimes I just prefer to 'brighten' things up a bit- and sometimes it's more professional of me not to look as if I've recovered form bubonic plague! Sometimes I just feel like it.

I'm also perfectly ok walking around au naturelle...and every single person I have regular contact with has seen me without make up many times.

I think it's moderation, really. I like my 'made up' look to be about a touch of enhancement- not making me look as though a box of Crayolas exploded in my face!

I agree with Angel. I can tell that you're a beautiful woman, inside and out, just by the person we see in your posts, BF.

And it's true, that we save a lot of time, energy, and money by skipping the hair dresser, nail salon, and all those other products Woot!

I wonder if any of us are brave enough to post some "au naturale" selfies?

I think you meant to say your turning 20 and you just typed a 5 on accident. lol

Seriously though I'm just a guy but I believe in being yourself. Trying to avoid our body aging is like trying to avoid eating. Its impossible. I tell my wife what your husband tells you. And its true. Although alot of women tend to take it as their husbands being partial, truth is we love you the way you are.

And more importantly God loves you how you are. He would never say you need t color this or buy cream for that...etc. Which might I add if a man doesn't love you the way you are then he doesn't realize in the end what more important is Gods view on it and not his. Not that you can't consider his view of course.

I did some math on this years ago and all the make up, beauty stuff, clothes a woman goes through just to look "perfect" came out to them spending crazy amounts of money in their life time. Enough to send one child to college for his whole life in many cases. I don't mind if my wife wears makeup of course or wants to get a new dress. Shes very good with our money.

Yeah I don't wear makeup either. My nails are stubs, and I don't do anything with my hair other than wash it. A couple of years ago I was obsessed with wearing pretty clothing, but when my sister accidentally donated all of my clothes, I just decided to buy some $4 shirts from online. I like that now I can blend in more in public with the clothing more than I used to. I don't get comments though because it's naturally straight and an ash blonde/brunette, with a touch of red highlights in the right lighting, so people just think I dye and straighten my hair anyways.

As one who is pentacostal I guess Im more used to woman who do not wear makeup....but even in the full gospel churches I attend many older ladies have this "style"....truth is a smile is more beautiful than make up on a face and the life of God in a woman makes her eyes pop more than lashes and mascara....there is a differance between letting oneself go and being natural.....
My wife wears make-up when we go out....but she is beautiful when she laughs at my dumb humor or smiles because she is happy to be around me....

Keep in mind that some of the intimidation comes from the salespeople -- many which are right out of high school and trained in an hour... not taught to be tactful and persuasive. And on television, the same thing... but ad agencies usually are experienced enough to know better.

When first trying out different hair salons as an adult, I found that every one of them used a tactic of [Who did such a bad cut last time? ... We'll fix you up.] That sales pitch became my reason to move to another. No reason to support people who insult to boost sales. (I also found other professions do that.)

If we stopped listening to the voices of intimidation -- or at least asked ourselves if they're financially benefiting -- then we would feel better about our natural selves.

You know, a tasteful, minor "touch up" with makeup is not always a bad thing. My wife rarely wears make-up, but when she does it is always in a way that accentuates rather than obscures her features. It is amazing how just a bit of make-up artfully applied can greatly enhance or magnify a woman's natural beauty.

yea a little bit is ok. Just don't overdo it.
I once went to this church event that was an evening do and the theme was 'royalty' and we were meant to dress up. I had on this purple princess type evening gown, very art deco. My sisters but a bit of lippy on me, a bit of powder, and maybe some eyeshadow. I wasn't wearing any mascara, and just one silver necklace (borrowed). Flats. I don't wear earrings as my ears aren't pierced, and I don't think they did anything to my hair, I just washed it and they blowdried it. Actually I was wearing jeans underneath my long gown because it was so cold.

When I turned up the men were going cor..you scrubbed up well. lol. They are used to seeing me in casual outfits with no makeup. Sometimes I actually go to church in trackpants or jeans and sweatshirt. But I do like to be feminine and wear dresses and skirts. I think that pleases God in a way to see women take care of their appearance. I mean Esther spent 12 months on beauty treatments. And didn't she save her people?

BFine said:

The time is fast approaching when I will celebrate
another birthday-- I'll be 50 on November 30th!
(Cue the theme from Hawaii 50 LOL!)

I've been "natural" for a long time, it's not a new trend with me... so, I would
ask what you all think of about a woman being "natural" -- no make-up,
no trendy nail job, no hair dye...just aging gracefully?

If you are also "aging gracefully"...share your story too if you like.

Click to expand...

Dear Sister Bfine,

My wife does use make up at times, but I've told
her, she doesn't need it! (and she doesn't).

(I have also repeatedly told her, I would marry her all over again)
so, I know of this in a little way...

But if I'm hearing this right from the LORD. I think
you already know that HE (GOD/DAD) made you beautiful and
you know that (inside already) and even feel that even as you
age its still true.

You know it!

You know you are blessed, and have a very special and deep
relationship with your hubby that GOD has grown through
many trials…DAD by HIS SPIRIT has given you the ability to
persevere (you are good at that) even to the point where its
flourishing (in some ways getting better) with laughter and grace.
And because of HIM - new found energy is yours (to all the multitasking) you
have to do.

The joy of the LORD is your strength - and you have HIS Joy.

So, what does the world have to offer?
Who accuses or makes us Saints feel we are lacking?
Continue to let your beauty shine from the inside out, which
is something the world can not offer!

I hope you celebrate this 50 as a big time party.
You live forever anyway! So its a small number.

Blessing in Grace to you sis…


-eric