Hello everyone! I was a frequent visitor to this thread about a year ago. I don't know why exactly I stopped visiting and checking in. But throughout the year, I can say my OCD has been up and down. Last year, I really struggled with thoughts about sexual desires. It really, really wore me down, but God brought me through it. He opened new doors in my life. Made some new friends, and really life became pretty good. That was until, the friends kind of went away, and I was left alone. My OCD came roaring back fiercer then it was before. I've been dealing with it on and off since March. But as of the last couple of weeks it's just become to much to bear. I was sexually abused when I was four. And I thought that I had overcome it. I was made new, and whole in Jesus. And washed clean in His name. But I'm finding that what happened to me when I was a kid is really starting to wear on me. I'm worried about being attracted to things I know I'm not attracted to. I'm worried feeling things I don't feel. And my biggest fear is that I'm gonna become the monster that hurt me when I was younger. This has honestly become my life. Sitting in my room alone, because I'm terrified of what might happen if I leave my room. This has really stressed me out. I've started to question everything about myself. I really just need to know if this does ever end. And some prayer would really, really help.