What I've Been Through (Life of Rebellion)

I'm a no holds bar line of person so I will plainly tell you that I am disabled. Around the age of 27 I acquired encephalitis. I started losing my cognitive and motor skills little by little. My equilibrium was way off. I would then lose my job and discover that I had HIV. I laid up with lot of men. Living a lie for a long time. Didn't heed God's warning to repent. There was a time my knees kept buckling and I just hit the floor like a ton of bricks and I couldn't get up. There was a table right by me I tried to pull myself up by the leg to no avail. My little Cuz came in and put Me on the couch. There was a day when I was at work, I worked for TSA, and I needed to use the bathroom constantly. Well this particular day let's just say I didn't have to urinate. I couldn't make it to the bathroom and it all came out. I knew something was wrong.

I was diagnosed with HIV. I wanna tell you that when they say that you pick up evil spirits if you sleep with multiple people believe it. I was sitting down while the doctor attended to some things. I said let me hear my heart with the stethoscope. I heard a demon say "get out. Get out now" I said no you get. The way it sound like muffled and yucky.

So then I started seeing spirits. They taunt you. And make hissing sounds. I did not know at the time that I was dying and my life was ending. So then one day I'm laying in the bed and my covers started moving at the foot of the bed coming towards me. I said oh no in the name of Jesus go and I slammed the bed and it growled like a dog.[bless and do not curse] I wasn't scared because I still got authority over them in Jesus name. So I called my aunt and while were on the phone a demon spoke. I don't remember what it[bless and do not curse] said but my aunt dropped the phone. She heard it as well. I'm glad that happened because that let me know it wasn't in my head. I already know but for testimony she can verify that this was no hallucination.

So much more has happened. I'm in a nursing home. I don't know how to get out of it. Thanks for reading. I look for aware to your prayers and your response.

If you have any questions don't be afraid to ask.

a piece of glass
broken and shattered
a beauty of splendor
in need to be mended
wholeness and newness
can the world comprehend this
I know that act boastful
blind to her intelligence
only looks to her appearance
they only see her outwardly
but inside she's reaching for more
desperately
she's a broken glass in a box that says
contents inside fragile handle with care
But they didn't care
not even whe she was scared
they didn't care
not even when she was left her demise
and deep in[bless and do not curse] despair
they only loved her outer layers
but deep within the surface
and what no.one could see behind the curtains
the things that was broken
were the part of her entire person
but yet they refused to see
beyond the quality of her beauty
that she should be treated like
a queen and not just some a thing.

a piece of glass
broken and shattered
a beauty of splendor
in need to be mended
wholeness and newness
can the world comprehend this
I know that act boastful
blind to her intelligence
only looks to her appearance
they only see her outwardly
but inside she's reaching for more
desperately
she's a broken glass in a box that says
contents inside fragile handle with care
But they didn't care
not even whe she was scared
they didn't care
not even when she was left her demise
and deep in[bless and do not curse] despair
they only loved her outer layers
but deep within the surface
and what no.one could see behind the curtains
the things that was broken
were the part of her entire person
but yet they refused to see
beyond the quality of her beauty
that she should be treated like
a queen and not just some a thing.

[10/15/2013

Last Night I Had Several Dreams

The One I Had Last I Remember Vaguely

I Remember Stepping Out Of A Building And I Seen
This Dark Blotch In Midair So I Started Rebuking Cause I Thought It Was A Spirit But It Was Not. It Moved Closer To Me, And As It Moved Closer I Seen A Vision Within It. I Was Engulfed In It.

I Seen A Seaport With Sailboats Piled On One Another, Flood Water Raging. .
.

10/15/2013

Last night I had a disturbing dream. I remember being somewhere where I heard gun fire nearby in my neighborhood where I remember ducking down.

Earlier Today I Was Sleep And U Had A Dream About The End If The World
I'll Try To Remember it Later


But When U Woke I Closed My Eyes And Saw fire And Brimstone Rain On The Earth Just That Quick

M,y Cna Was In My Room I Had Pointed Out To Her On Tv That It Snows 48 Inches In South Dakota.

She Said Man I Been Having Dreams About Earthquakes. She Said I Had Two Dreams About Earthquakes.

She Told Me She Was Somewhere In The House And The Ground Opened Up. She Said She Tried To Get The Other Side Of The Street. That

M,y Cna Was In My Room I Had Pointed Out To Her On Tv That It Snows 48 Inches In South Dakota.

She Said Man I Been Having Dreams About Earthquakes. She Said I Had Two Dreams About Earthquakes.

She Told Me She Was Somewhere In The House And The Ground Opened Up. She Said She Tried To Get The Other Side Of The Street. That

I said to God it's been too long. I told him over again its too long. I said it's too hard. I heard him say " I am carrying you".

I feel like my existence is meager. God does not feel like that about me. It is the enemy. My problem is that I keep believing him. And because of my guilt my repayment is to feel shame.

But I know that this is not the true nature of God, My life is not governed by the devil.

It is unbecoming of God to be like satan. He is more proud of me then I probably would know.

I know that the stakes are high, And that there is a bounty out on my life. Through trials God test us, But he will circumvent you, Keepin you protected.

For this very reason, because I know He protects me, I press on.

I will win No matter how long It takes For me to walk again, I still believe.

I mean I may not have much but I am rich.

I am sharing this with you Because I know That many of you are also feeling disheartened, And it is like you can no longer take it.

But bear in mind, as you bare your soul. That God himself will not put more on you than you can bear

Love ya's